Shocking news today: Paula Deen may soon reveal that she has type 2 diabetes. Wait, is anyone actually surprised by that? Every single one of Paula Deen’s recipes is like diabetes and heart disease in a greasy, buttery little package. Click through the gallery to see 10 Paula Deen recipes that probably gave her diabetes.

And if you haven’t already seen it, check out this video of her cooking show slowed down and set to horror movie music.

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It seems as though America’s decided that our cuisine consists of anything sugary, buttery or covered in batter and then thrown into a deep fryer. Whether it be pickles, candy bars or guacamole, our fatty specialties are constantly getting bad reviews from angry nutritionists. Instead of trying to put a stop to these seriously unhealthy treats, I vote we continue this heart-disease-inducing practice and make even bigger discoveries in the culinary art of boiling oil.

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Would you eat any of these ridiculous fried foods? What else do you think would taste yummy battered and fried? What do you think about America’s unhealthy obsession with the deep fryer?

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This is why you’re fat. For real.

As someone that has never been able to look the other way when there are snacks on the table (and feel a constant urge to reach out my hand and grab a few them all), I have come up with some healthier options to help you stay slim and satisfied at the same time.

What not to make/eat: Grandma’s Seven Layer Mexican Chip Dip

Weve all sampled this delicious partner to the trusty Tostito. Made with one layer each of refried beans, sour cream, guacamole, cheese, salsa, olives and lettuce, you’re bound to gobble up hundreds of calories. Add tortilla chips or tacos to the mix and you’ll really be in trouble. Plus, it’s so good that you know you won´t stop eating after just a few bites.

What to make/eat instead: If you can´t kick your craving for something creamy, substitute a low-fat dressing (Ken´s brand Light Caesar and Ranch are two of my personal favorites) for the dip and fill a bowl with veggies instead of chips. If you can´t go the vegetable route (because the guys won’t stop making fun of you), buy low-fat Wheat Thins, Triscuits, or pita chips instead of the greasy Tostitos.

What not to make/eat: Mozzarella sticks, fried chicken wings, mini hot dogs (aka Pigs in a Blanket), French fries, or any other member of the fried ‘n oily family. In addition to being unhealthy, these foods are usually so small that you eat 20 of them before realizing that you have just descended into a pit of fat.

What to make/eat instead: Bruschetta is a great bite-sized substitute for the culprits listed above. Because it´s made with toast, you still get the crunch factor while eliminating tons of fat. The topping can be made in a snap by combining garlic, cucumber, tomatoes, onion, salt, pepper, olive oil, and vinegar. Drizzling your mini toasts with olive oil before baking will also add a lot of flavor. There are also tons of healthy alternatives to the typical Super Bowl fare, like baked buffalo wings or fries.

And for the drinks…

Everyone knows that alcohol is caloric, especially when downing multiple glasses of sugary margaritas, mojitos and Long Island Iced Teas. If you can´t get the party started without something to wet your whistle, however, look for Michelob Ultra: this beer only has 95 calories and 2.5 grams of those dreaded carbohydrates per bottle. And if beer isn’t your thing, mix yourself a little vodka soda for only about 70 calories.

In the end, no one will stop you from adding to your unfortunate holiday weight gain by downing unhealthy snacks during the Big Game. It’s all you. But, if you can’t commit to these healthy alternatives, try eating a handful of roasted almonds, dried fruit, or a few rice cakes before walking out the door. This will ensure that you’re not starving when you arrive at your friend’s house, and hopefully prevent you from gorging on barbecue chicken wings before the first quarter even starts.

I get asked about my diet a whole lot. As my peers are getting older every year (because I am…and you are, too), it’s become progressively more difficult for lots of my lady friends to keep the figures that they want. But, some way or another, it’s become easier for me.

I used to eat whatever I wanted and exercised only when I wanted to. My metabolism was sickly fast and I just figured I was healthy because I was skinny. Over the past few years, I have slowly learned to eat right and to exercise right, too. Now that it’s a part of my routine, it’s easier than ever to be healthy.

BUT I still need to be unhealthy here and there. Some people I know can eat healthy 24-7 without any screw-ups. I am not one of those people. My diet regime that I get asked about so much actually DOES include days where I eat all of the wrong stuff. I have these days maybe once every week or two and nothing sets me back on track for healthy eating faster than a day filled with fried food and chocolate treats.

Are they good for my arteries and liver? Hell no.

Am I being unhealthy by indulging in these days? Hell yes.

But I still feel as though I am better off throwing these days in here and there (and savoring my sweets) than to always wonder what I’m missing, or living a bland life full of carrots and bottled water.

Here is a typical day’s worth of food for me:

BREAKFAST

1 or 2 packets of oatmeal and Iced Coffee with nonfat creamer.

LUNCH

Fruit: 1/2 a cantelope, an apple, a banana, strawberries, or whatever else. Water.

DINNER

Huge Salad: Spinach, hard boiled egg, tomato, cucumber, mushrooms, string beans, reduced fat feta cheese, low fat or nonfat dressing. Water.

SNACKS

If I want snacks, I usually go for carrots and hummus or nuts. Lots of water.

As you can see, I am typically pretty on cue with my health. But every so often, I throw days like the one below in the mix:

BREAKFAST

Turkey Bacon, Eggs, Cheese, Croissant, Coffee with *regular* creamer

LUNCH

Cheeseburger, Fries, LOTS OF KETCHUP, beer/wine spritzer

DINNER

Lots of pizza, wings, tons of beer

SNACKS

Beer. Chocolate. Cupcakes. Cookies. You name it.

Somehow, I feel like adding in these days makes me complete. I feel like I live my life to the fullest and yet I’m still BASICALLY healthy. I feel like if I didn’t have a beer or a burger smothered with cheese every now and then I would die.

What do you guys think?

(Photo from: besthangovercure.com)

Hooters? Depressing? You don’t say. All I’ve ever had to do was take a look at the horrible orange and white paint job adorning the outside of most Hooters restaurants to know those places are a bevy of bad taste and depression.

Oh yeah, and fifteen year olds.

In my town, Hooters was the place adolescent boys with fake IDs and too much cologne spent their Friday nights when no one their own age would date them.

Hooters was the place high school’s biggest assholes went to feel superior to women who would never look at them in real life, as well as the place a friend’s friend once tried to work at but quit after some perv threw a popcorn shrimp at her boobs.

In conclusion: Hooters is drenched in grossness.

On a recent trip to the 56th street Hooters in New York City for their 10 year celebration, the hilarious bloggers at Gawker explained—through quotes and pictures—why this place is never to be visited by healthy, socially content individuals.

After admitting that most of the waitresses “weren’t very good looking”, the team at Gawker interviewed a Hooters Girl named Shanell.

The way her perkiness slips away at the faintest prodding is about as sad as watching a puppy shiver in a rainstorm.

“”How does Shanell like working at Hooters? “it’s fun,” she said. But after a second of consideration, her smile wilted. “It’s all right.” And later in the conversation: “It’s strange.””

Wearing high-waisted short shorts and a tight-shirt while serving fried shrimp to red-faced men in business suits is surely an assigned activity in one of the seven circles of hell.

Not only are you allowing dudes to stare at you like a sex object, you’re asking them to, because hopefully, the more they like your boobs, the bigger your tip will be.

Somewhere in this great United States of America, there are people who will defend Hooters. 89% of those people will be men. Who are overweight. Or wear too much hair gel.

But they will defend it nonetheless; crusading against the sad truth that these restaurants are lame, tacky versions of strip clubs—without the added benefit of nakedness.

Save your soul. Eat your chicken wings somewhere else.