As a serial crush-haver, I know how much it sucks to like someone and have him “friend-zone” you. It happens all too often and I always wish I had realized it before I got so involved. Trust me, it hurts much less if you notice the signs ahead of time. If you know it’s happening sooner rather than later, you’ll have time to move on to the next guy without heartbreak. Think about it like adding a new guy to your repertoire of guy friends.

Here’s a list of ten indicators that you’ve been friend-zoned. Read it. Memorize it. Use it. Read More »

Hi,

I’m a 20 year old girl and I have never had a boyfriend. That’s not to say people haven’t shown interest before — it’s just that I am never attracted to the type of person who usually likes me. The guys I like, though, all friend-zone me. I’m a little confused about how to approach guys. I get along really well with them and hang out with them a lot. I figure, the more I hang out with them — including the ones I like — the better they’ll get to know me, and then maybe they’ll be interested. But usually, they just see me as a friend, or even as “one of the guys.” The alternative is to spend less time with them so they don’t think of me that way, but then won’t the guy I like just forget about me or move on? What’s the right balance for being present?

I just met the guy I currently like a couple months ago. He’s housemates with four guy friends of mine. So I started hanging out at their place and met him. One night, he got my number (overheard me telling someone else) and told me I was cute. So I started flirting a little, being present more often, etc. But I’m just a friend, and now I think he has a new hookup buddy. What to do??? Read More »

It’s 8 o’clock on a Friday night. While the majority of campus males are chugging beers and pulling dirty t-shirts out of the hamper, most of us girls are raiding our roommates’ wardrobes.  We’re primping in front of the mirror, doing our hair, applying our make-up, choosing that perfect outfit that will make us appear sexy, but in a “I-don’t try too hard” kind of way.

Then comes the finishing touches: the shoes.

We dig through our closets to find the perfect pair that will compliment our outfits. Having to walk across campus to get to the party, you would think that our eyes would lead us straight to the comfy flats.  But of course this is never the case. We want to make a statement, so instead we choose the high-heeled pumps that may leave us blistered and bruised, but hey, they’re cute. So we limp to the party while cursing our footwear choice. Determined to make the night a success, we dance with the guy who sits behind us in bio. Our toes may feel as if we’re two-stepping on glass, but hey, he’s cute.

After 3 ½ years of college, and many nights like this, I have come to the conclusion that guys are like shoes: we always want the cute ones even though we know they will probably end up hurting us in the end.

Think about it…

Ask Tuffy Luv. You know, unless you’re scared or something. TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m a sophomore in college and I’ve recently started, um, “seeing” this guy. I don’t use “seeing” to coyly imply hooking up. What I mean is, we’ve been going on sort-of dates for the last three weeks and I have NO idea where we are.

Let me back up. The guy, who we’ll call Hunter, plays on the same intramural team as me, and I met him riiiight at the very very end of spring semester last year, where we hit it off, but then parted ways for the summer. I’ve had a mild crush on him since then, but never really had an opportunity to spend time with him since then. Then this semester, I started spending more time partying in his suite, because I’m really good buddies with one of his suite-mates. We always end up gravitating toward each other at these parties and spending hours talking one on one – over all the music and everything. We came up with this goofy plan to line up on opposite ends of campus and race to the middle for a running high five and then get coffee on Monday. Which we did, and it was awesome, and we talked for hours.

So I asked him to a movie… and he said no. That he was busy. Enter, my confusion and insecurity. But that weekend, at yet another party, we ended up staying up until 4 AM, long after the party was over, talking. And he asked me to dinner. So last week, we had dinner after practice — like, sober! Again! It wasn’t just drunken happenstance, we had TWO daytime hang outs over food. And he said we should do it again. And then our team had a cabin trip, and I was kind of hoping something would happen there, but the cabin was so small and full of people it would have been awkward, so we just kind of held hands a little bit and talked more, and he gave me his shirt to keep warm.

So now we have another date and I’m totally at a loss. Hunter is a really smart, funny, gorgeous guy who I’m really into, but I also know that he has never had a girlfriend. And that he’s not the type to make moves, ever, which is part of why he hasn’t had a girlfriend. And it’s not because he’s a player, because he doesn’t fool around with girls either. So do I ask him? How do I even broach the subject without sounding like a crazy person? Am I totally crazy and reading into everything way too much right now? I mean, he asked me to dinner, right? How do I go from sitting around a table talking to kissing/watching movies/snuggling/all the good stuff?

-Afraid of the Friend Zone

Read More »

Dear Dude,

I’ve got a bit of a dilemma on my hands.  I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve come close, but no guy ever wanted to be more than a fling or something other than a friend. I have, not unlike a recent post to you, been perpetually pushed into the friend zone. Something of a specialty of mine.  I suppose in compliment to me, most guys I’ve hooked up with (I mean PG level hookup only..I’m not the type to go all the way without a relationship) in the past have always wanted to maintain an active friendship with me and are usually making the bigger effort. All the while making it clear they want nothing else.

This has been fine and it’s nice to have guys as close friends I can rely on, and feel wanted by in a respected way.  What becomes a problem is my position as not only a friend, but I tend to become a pseudo-girlfriend without any of the actual benefits or titles thereof.  Time and time again I will befriend a guy, we’ll be close and I somehow become the one he calls every Friday or Saturday night to chat. At one point, one of my best guy friends and I were around each other so much most people assumed we were dating.  Normally I’m happy to have close friendships like this; after all it gives me company too and I appreciate the friendship that’s there.

But every time without fail, no matter how long we’ve been friends, as soon as another girl enters the picture as a potential love interest or relationship everything drops off the map. A guy friend I talked to every week or for ages, all of a sudden I don’t hear from for months. No explanation, no real responses to my messages/texts, nothing. At least two of these cases it’s only me that the guy seems to be ignoring more, not his guy friends. Read More »

[Got a Dude itch you just can't scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Dearest Dude,

I’ve waited for a second chance with this guy that I’m crazy for. I’d do anything for him and he is amazing. We get along so well. About a year ago, we had a fallout because of my mistake of telling him I love him. I’m back with him, but not romantically. How do I get out of the friend stage the right way this time?

Confusedly,
Crazy Read More »

Got a question for La Tuff?! You bet your bootie she’s got an answer for you!! Email TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for a chance to get those things answered!

Dear Tuffy Luv,
This is such a typical question but one that pops up all the time, so here goes:

So this summer, I worked with a guy. Drooled over his good looks (along with all my other co workers) but didn’t really get to know him all that well until the very last week, where we met up for coffee. We talked nonstop for 3 hours and I found myself having a better time than expected! I go to a school in another city, so we’ve been texting occasionally for about…4 months now. We see each other every time I come home, pretty much once a month and always have lots to catch up on. I, to be totally honest, don’t know how I feel about him. On one hand, we have good chemistry and he’s smart, funny and I love spending time with him. On the other, he’s 5 years older (enough to feel a little bit of an age gap), not so much into the concept of love and relationships, and just seems to be in another league than me. He always picks me up from home when we hang out, and has paid for dinner but we haven’t ventured onto the topic of dating at all.

I’m a huge wuss so I almost always never make the first move, but I feel like maybe I should this time. The fear of rejection or me not actually being into him makes our current friendship seem more valuable, but I kind of feel like I owe it to myself to explore every feeling fully. It’ll be another month before I see him again, and I don’t want to slip into the friend zone without deciding that’s what I want. Am I kidding myself if I think that maybe he’s not making a move because he wants to wait until I’m back for the summer? What do you think?

Love,
Mixed Feelings Read More »

Hey Dude,

How the heck do you get out of the friend zone? It seems like everyone thinks it is only a problem for guys but girls go through the same problem as well. I have a guy friend for a few years now and I would love for it to be something more. He is a definition of a player and basically can get whoever he wants. He hooks up with so many girls – he even hooked up with my twin sister last week!

The thing is, we have a good friendship – he makes me laugh and I feel like I can tell him anything. We are very flirty, but then again, he flirts with everyone. We have been in situations where we could of hooked up, but he never made a move. He is not friends with many girls. Honestly, I think I am the closest girlfriend he
has. I just really would love to see if I can turn this into something more. Help!!

-Sick of the Friend Zone Read More »