Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have a friend (let’s call her D) who is always asking me when I’m going to break up with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I got together senior year of high school, and now it’s junior year of college. He’s really great, and we love each other. He’s not going anywhere.

D and I used to be really close , but she’s always been really jealous of my boyfriend. He’s always nice to her, and when we hang out in a group, we all have a good time. She says it’s nothing personal; she just thinks I’d be happier single. I think she’d just be happier if I were single. She always wants me to come out for “girls’ nights,” and then she tries to get me to hook up with random guys! I don’t know what her deal is. Every single one of my other friends loves my boyfriend. What should I do?

Friend Problems

Dear Friend Problems,

Man, this girl is jealous! D clearly wants you all to herself, and not in that fun sexual way, either. Misery loves company, and singles love wing-friends. Being single can be totally fun. But it sounds like your friend wants you to be her partner in crime, and you’re already spoken for! She’s like, “Gosh, wouldn’t it be fun if Friend Problems broke up with her awesome boyfriend, because I want to go partying in with her?”

NO, YOU SHOOPHEAD D, NO IT WOULD NOT.

Look, you have a boyfriend you obviously care a great deal about, and it sounds like he’s awesome. Your friend, however, sounds crappy. If you’re already going out with her, why does she want you to cheat on your boyfriend?! Why does she want you to break up with him?! Because she’s selfish as floop.

Don’t get caught up in this. Keep hanging out with D if you like her (although she sounds really annoying if you ask lil ol’ Aunt Tuff). But the second she brings up your boyfriend in ANY WAY, I want you to say this exact phrase EVERY SINGLE TIME: “I love him so much. I’m not going to talk about him with you.” And change the goshdarn flooping subject!

Geez. D sucks.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

[lead image via Piotr Marcinski, shutterstock.com] 

Dear Tuffy Luv,

My boyfriend of three years just had a falling out with one of his closest friends. I don’t want to go into it here, but it was over something really stupid, neither of them will apologize and now they’re not speaking.

I want to help him mend it, but it seems like it’s just making us fight. I’ve tried talking about it with him and he says he doesn’t want to talk about it. I even tried getting them together at a party, but they wouldn’t speak to each other and my boyfriend just got upset and asked me not to do that again. He says he doesn’t want to be friends with this guy anymore, but I know it’s hurting him.

What can I do to get them back together?

Worried

Dear Worried,

Back off!!!

Look, it’s sweet and all that you want your guy and his friends to get back to being BFFS. But it’s SO none of your business. You need to be available to him, in CASE he wants to talk. Stop trying to force him to talk. All that is going to do is shut him down completely. I assure you, Worried, boy will talk when he’s ready. In the meantime, be there for him. Don’t mention the friend that he’s all secretly wounded about.

Maybe they are actually done being friends. Maybe there’s something deeper and more secret going on that you don’t know about. Or maybe they’re going to get back together but just need a little time apart. Any which way, it’s not your problem to solve. The more you bug him, the more annoyed he’ll be. The more annoyed he is, the less likely he is to confide in you. The less he confides in you, the less likely he is to find a way to work it out.

Just…leave the guy alone, okay? I mean, not alone. Hang out with him. Be cute with him. Do your usual lovebug things. Just, geez, stop mentioning the thing that’s got him upset!!! Why rub salt in the wound? Let it heal, for garshsakes. And why let that friction find its way into YOUR relationship? You’re just making him feel worse. He’s an adult, you know? Trust him that he can handle it and that he’ll come to you when he’s ready.

Make love, not irritation.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

[Lead image via olly/Shutterstock]

Qvestion?! Ansver: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I kind of hate my best friend.

It’s not her fault. She’s fine. She’s nice to me. She’s nice to our other friends. I’ve been living with her since Freshman year (we’re Juniors now) and she’s good as a roommate. But I just can’t stand her. She’s just always on my nerves. She complains about everything. I used to think it was funny but now it just brings me down. And if you ever say you like something, she always has to tell you why it isn’t worth liking until you can’t stand it either.

The rest of our friends still hang out with her but only in groups. They don’t come to our room anymore to hang out because she’s always complaining. I get stuck with her because I live with her, and I don’t want to sneak out too much or I think it will hurt her feelings. She’s not a bad person. She’s actually really thougthful and smart. She just really brings me down, and I feel terrible about it. What do I do?

Bad Friend

Dear Bad Friend,

That flooping sucks. There are some people (okay, many people) who just suck all the air out of the room. Some people call them psychic vampires. Those people are annoying too. People who are a bummer but who are otherwise great people are that much more of a bummer. You want them to be the cool person you know they are, but here they come again, dragging everyone down to their complainy depths. And it sucks, because it sounds like you totally like her. She is, after all, your “best friend,” and she’s definitely your roommate.

But you’re in luck, because lil’ ol’ Tuffy actually has a really good idea for you: SET HER UP! No, not for a crime. SHOOOOOOOP. Set her up on a DATE. In other words, find her a guy. Or at the very least, set her on the path to finding a guy.

This is good for several reasons:

(1) She’ll have someone else to complain to.

(2) It frees you up to hang out with your friends who aren’t downers. And

(3) She might actually get happier!!

This is win-win for both of you. Otherwise, I suggest, since she’s your best friend, that you sit down and talk to her about it. After all, maybe she just needs a supportive friend. And, as her bff, that should really be you. By the by, if you think she’s depressed, please help her get some help. Find out about the counseling services at your school and take her there yourself. Be a good friend, but don’t get pulled down in the process!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Here’s what’s up. I need you to help me. I NEED you to tell me if I’m being crazy (probable) or right (….also probable *sad face*). So a mere 3 weeks ago, I decided to date one of my best friends. We’ve been close friends for 5 years, best friends for 2 of those years, and he’s liked me for 3. HOWEVER, we never dated because, despite caring about him more than anyone ever, I was never sexually attracted to him. But recently I said, “what the fudge?!” and agreed to date him, and on our first night out as bf/gf, I glanced over, we locked eyes, and WHAM. It hit me. I’ve been in love with this dude for 5 years. This was baaaaaad.

Fast-forward 3 weeks and here I am. Wondering if he likes me. I question every little thing he says, or should I say, DOESN’T say. We never talk anymore!! He always apologizes, saying he just doesn’t have anything interesting in his life (understandable. it’s the summer), but I’m afraid there’s something more going on. We sit there for five minutes without saying anything, and while it’s not awkward, it’s torture on my poor soul! He notices this and tries to make me feel better (he even wants us to do read together so we have something to talk about!), but then we’ll slip back into silence.

Not to say our whole relationship is silence. We’ll have little 20 minute spurts of relationship gold where we make jokes, laugh, delight in our amazing chemistry, we hold hands and he talks about how it’ll be when we’re married, but lo and behold: ANOTHER SILENCE AWAITS just around the river bend…….

So am I crazy or has he really lost hope in trying to date me? Is the fact that we’re still together proof that he still likes me? Is he just nervous/out of things to say? Or do I bore HIM?

Help please : (

Love,
Unluckily Lucky.

Dear Unluckily Lucky,

Girl, you have got to chill out.

I’ma take a leap here and say the weirdness you’re noting in him is actually a reaction to the weirdness you’re giving off.

I mean, you sound totally panicked. Like every time you’re with him, all you can think about is whether or not he loves you.

Girl, you have got to cut that shoop out.

You’re clearly making him uncomfortable, because you’re being weirdly overconcerned with how he sees you/your relationship/EVERYTHING. Then HE acts weird, because you’re acting weird, and then you get worried that he’s weird so you act even WEIRDER and suddenly it’s all silence.

So, okay. Here’s what you should remember.

He likes you for YOU. He’s been in love with you for 3 years as YOU, not as some hyper-worried Stepford Girlfriend who wants her man to be PLEASED WITH HER ALL THE TIME.

Take a deep breath, get your you back on, and go be yourself!!!

I promise if you can do that, your relationship will be the awesome thing it’s meant to be.

Maybe you just need to give yourself a little pep talk. Look yourself in the mirror every time you’re about to see him. Lock eyes with your reflection. And say the following five times, slowly, out loud: He likes me for me.

I swear this works. It’s called a mantra. That’s the power of the mind, kids.

So do the mantra, chill, and be yourself. And go have fun with your guy, for crap’s sake!!!

Tuffy Sez: You can do it. Rah and shoop.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have been hanging out with this guy, Jake,  for the last year, we have gotten intimate, but he hasn’t asked me out.  His crazy ex-girlfriend, Alexis, has been “stalking” me on Facebook and sending me messages about him, which he says are not true.

Recently, I went to a party with Jake,  and Alexis was there.  I figured she’d come up to me (like she did at the last party, where she grabbed my head and told me that Jake was all mine if I wanted him), but she did not.  At the end of the night, I went to go say good bye to Jake and saw him and Alexis making out..I literally ran to the bathroom and started crying.  Jake tells me he likes/loves me all the time, but now he goes and runs off with Alexis.  I don’t understand it!

He knows I have feelings for him, but he keeps jerking me around and not asking me out or telling me that he wants to be with me.  We have, for about the past 5 months, not been with anyone else and were seeing each other exclusively.  At this party he and I were both drunk, but Alexis hadn’t drinken anything…I can see where he would maybe talk to other girls because he was drunk but I can’t justify this in my head why he would make out with her.

That night after the party, he said bye to me and I just shook my head at him (with tears in my eyes, I might add).  The next day he texted me saying thanks for coming and everything, and I never texted back.  It was like nothing had happened..like it was just another day.  I love Jake, I really do, and it hurts me to see him “cheating” on me.  I know he loves me too but I don’t know why he would want to go back to Alexis.  And if he does, why doesn’t he tell me this?

Another thing is that I am 22 and have never had a boyfriend before, just flings, and Jake knows this….he is my first love and  he just treated me like I was nothing that night.  Any advice???

Thanks so much,

–Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken,

Oh, Heartbroken. Ohhhhhhhhh, Heartbroken.

I’m really sorry to tell you this, but he’s probably with Alexis. She’s sending you messages because they’re true. He’s lying because:

HE WANTS TO HAVE HIS CAKE AND EAT YOU TOO.

Jake is a shoophead, okay? He always has been and always will be.

But what the floop are you thinking?! You’re together but he “hasn’t asked [you] out?!”

WHAT DOES THAT MEAAAAAAN?!?!!?!

Honey, baby, sugarhead — he’s using you. One hundred percent. He just wants to hook up.

You really should have known. You know, since he never once said he wanted to be in a relationship with you, or, apparently, even took you out on a date.

Okay, enough. Screw this guy. He wants a crazy ex, let him have a crazy ex.

You are NEVER EVER EVER to speak to this douche again. Yes?

And, PLEASE. Don’t be with someone (or delude yourself into thinking you’re “with” them) when they can’t be bothered to actually be with YOU. Unless you’re out killing baby unicorns or something, you really deserve more. Don’t settle for someone who is going to treat you like this and not care about your feelings at all.

Love and respect yourself, please. Otherwise, how can someone else?

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Goddess of Wisdom, Guardian of Common Sense, Destroyer of BullS***, Tuffy,

Recently my fiance dumped me. Or I dumped him. Or something. I’m not sure. He tried to blackmail me and shame me into doing things I didn’t want to do by threatening to leave me if I didn’t comply so I called his bluff and we went down in flames. And then I found out he cheated on me. But that’s not why I’m emailing you, Tuffy! I’m emailing you about what happened after we broke up.

After the breakup I started toying with the idea of moving 6 hours away to go back to college. I’d quit going because my fiance wanted me to spend more time with him (I know, I know. I was a stupid c**t. But hey. I was barely 19. And stupid. So, sooooooo stupid.) and after 3 years I had the chance to go back. I finally decided to grab a pair and do it when I noticed a startling trend amongst my friends.

I was being ostracized. Excluded. Left out. Sidelined. Even my best friend, who I’ve known since I was 13, had kicked me to the curb. (Self Preservation, I guess. She’s dating my Ex’s BFF.)

So Imagine my surprise when she showed up at my place with another friend of ours who was about to graduate high school. I was kinda surprised, but I took it in stride. We talked a bit and I asked when our friend’s graduation day was and how she was celebrating, but before she could say anything my best friend (who shall henceforth be called Heartless Bitch) interrupted her and said “All of us are going to the beach tomorrow.”

I was excited for about 3 seconds before she said “But you can’t go. [My Ex] is gonna be there.”

Zing! That hurt, but instead of showing it I changed the subject. “How is he? I haven’t spoken to him in a while.”

“Oh, he’s fine. I’m surprised, though. I thought he’d be more of a mess. It was both of you guys first serious relationship. I mean, he lost his virginity to you.”

It was at this point that our mutual friend dropped a bomb on me. “No he didn’t,” she said. “He lost his virginity to a guy.”

I think I must have had a stroke because I couldn’t move or talk. But I could still listen to the two of them argue about it. “No he didn’t. He lost it to her.”

“Dude, he tells everyone like it’s nothing. It’s common knowledge. I thought she knew.” For the record NO, I DID NOT KNOW. Then Heartless Bitch took one look at me and said “Well, we’ve got to go,” and walked out the door.

I didn’t hear from either of them for two weeks. In those two weeks I started packing my crap and prepared to get the hell out of dodge. When she finally did come around, unannounced once again, I politely asked her how her trip to the beach had been. She smiled and said it was great.

“Well I’m glad,” I told her. “I hope you had fun pissing your life away at the beach because my life was flashing before my eyes as I sat in the doctors office waiting to get a God D*** AIDS test.”

Then she had the audacity to ask me why I was mad at her. I’ll cut this part short and just say I ripped her a new one for being a shitty friend but she just kept deflecting, saying I didn’t look surprised and that she was busy with work.

I’m sorry, but if she found out her boyfriend lied to her and slept with another guy I’m pretty effing sure I’d make time to pick up the phone and make sure she was ok.

There are those who say I should forgive them (Heartless Bitch, My Ex, and all those shitty friends who abandoned me because I was too inconvenient for them to deal with) and try to fix things. I think they should get f***ed.

Am I right to keep on stepping and move on or should I forgive them and let bygones be bygones?

Yours,
Blindsided After The Breakup.

Dear Blindsided After The Breakup,

Wow. Your friends blow.

Yeah, go back to college. Do that. That seems wise. Stop wasting your time with these wastes of space.

Not like you even GET to waste your time with them anyway.

So, um, yes. GO BACK TO SCHOOL.

I’d say, knowing you’re moving on and getting your degree (to have a better life, hopefully) and meeting people who don’t suck ash–well, yes. You should forgive them.

But for YOUR sake, NOT for theirs. And don’t even tell them you forgive them.

In fact, don’t tell them you were ever mad at them.

In fact squared, DON’T TELL THEM ANYTHING. Don’t talk to any of these people ever again. Put this flooped up bullshoop behind you and never look back.

Because, honestly, these people don’t deserve any space in your head.

This ex-fiance of yours sounds like just about the biggest tool I can imagine. (Oh wait, no, that’s your “best friend.” But we’ll get to that.) Blackmailing your fiancee?! Manipulate much?!?! And seriously–and this goes for ALL of you all–if anyone tries to force you to choose between them and something that you care about or that will significantly improve your life (like COLLEGE), this person is NOT deserving of your love and is, in fact, deserving of being totally dumped. Controlling individuals like this can also become dangerous so, please, if you spot yourself in this girl’s letter, get out of the relationship, and the sooner the better.

Also: What the hell, supposed best friend?! She KNOWS she’s being a jerk. And then she tries to justify it?! PLEASE. This is one selfish person if I’ve ever seen one. She clearly couldn’t care less about you. Block her on email. Defriend her on Facebook. Don’t get mad–just forgive her in your mind for being a complete waste of a person and then: Never speak to her again. EVER.

These jerks are purposely excluding you and not even trying to be nice about it. Um, they don’t have to invite you to the beach, but it would be nice, if they’re going to mention it, to (1) invite you somewhere ELSE to make up for it, and (2) DON’T TELL YOU CASUALLY THAT YOUR EX MAY HAVE HAD A SIMULTANEOUS RELATIONSHIP.

By the by, I do have to point out one thing. AIDS tests should not come about only when the guy’s had sex with a guy. Please get with the program. AIDS affects everyone who contracts it. It is NOT specific to the gay community. AT ALL. We are ALL at risk if we have unprotected sex. Don’t be a jerk.

But, back to your mostly-sympathetic question: Move on. Don’t bother hating them. Don’t bother anything-ing them. Go back to school and live well.

Besides, karma’s gonna get those mothafloopas. But don’t wait around to see.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

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Confidential to Almost Sexually Active Band Geek: WAIT. He doesn’t mind. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen later–when things work out.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I have been hooking up with a long time friend recently but we have never been anything official. He acts like he likes me, takes me out, says he thinks he is falling in love with me and says how he thinks we should be together. He has quite the playboy/bad boy reputation and for a long time and I couldn’t let myself be anything more than friends with benefits, so I have denied his requests that I be his girlfriend in fear of getting hurt.

I had a change of heart about 2 weeks ago and we had a conversation where we both decided to try and make a relationship work. Nothing really changed, we just gave it a label. However last week, only a few days after we became official, he slept with my best friend. Now things are beyond awkward between said friend and I and my “boyfriend” thinks I am making a big deal about nothing.

I mean floop.
Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

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Dear Tuffy Luv,
I moved for my senior year of high school and at the beginning had a little trouble making friends because it’s a small town, everyone knows everyone, etc. Finally, I did start making some, and one of the first ones was this girl, Peggy. Peggy is one of those people who is overly nice to everyone, so it really wasn’t surprising she was one of the first people to approach me.

So now it’s halfway through the year and I’m still friends with Peggy, except I’ve realized I don’t like her. At all. I found out the reason she’s so nice to everyone is because it’s one of her “Christian Values,” along with being extremely judgmental. She thinks she is a step above everyone else, and it is really getting to me. And now prom is coming up and she’s laid out this whole plan expecting me and whoever I go with to go along with it, and I don’t want to. But at the same time, I don’t want to be completely rude to one of the first friends I had. She isn’t the kind of person I really want in my life, but I put in a lot of time in the friendship earlier on because as a new senior I really wasn’t in a position to turn down friends and she seemed perfectly nice at the time!

So Tuffy, what should I do? Should I confront her or stick it out for the school year? We’re going to different colleges so there wouldn’t be any need to see her again. But if I do stick it out for the year I probably won’t be able to help sending her bad vibes so she might think I’m a jerk either way.

HELP!
Sincerely,
Friends?

Dear Friends?,
Judgmental people are poop, and poop is not to be stepped on.

Look, you’re right. If you don’t do what she wants, she’s gonna think badly of you no matter what. But I like your attitude, girl. You seem like a nice person who wants to clear the toxicity out of her life without hurting anyone’s feelings, and I appreciate that. So let’s get down to the advice.

I wanna say, kiddos, normally we do not run questions about high school. But this is a major problem for us all, yes? Frenemies, after all, has become a really standard part of the popular lexicon. And that’s sad, kiddos. Because we should really only be friends with people we LIKE. At any age, Tuffettes, we must be courteous to others, but REAL and TRUE to ourselves, yes?! STOP BEING FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE YOU DON’T LIKE!! But, if you find yourself in this situation, regardless of your age, here is Tuff’s advice:

First of all, Friends?, you absolutely should NOT do her prom plans. (The rest of you: don’t do her plans, period.) It will totally ruin your time, guaranteed, because you’ll be annoyed at her and resentful that you’re doing things her way and not yours.

Likewise, stop giving her the power to tell you what to do in your everyday life. Next time she tells you what to do (or, as you imply, guilts you into it), explain to her that you totally value your friendship but sometimes you have to do what feels right to you.

If she gives you any of this holier-than-thou shoop, you just tell her you’re sorry but that’s how you feel and she can take it or leave it.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have a friend who is, like, obsessed with me. I don’t know what to do. She calls me all the time and then just wants to talk and talk and I don’t really feel like listening. I mean how many times can I hear about her ex-boyfriend?

Tuffy, to top it all off, she never even asks about me! I mean she calls me all the time you’d think she’d have the common courtesy to at least say hey “what’s going on with you?” It’s really annoying.

I don’t know what to do. This girl has been my friend since elementary school. But now we’re both in college and we live in different cities. But the cities are nearby so I could hang out with her if I wanted to, but the thing is, I don’t want to. It’s really sad because she always calls me (like every week) and I almost never pick up because she bugs the crap out of me. But the thing is, she doesn’t really have any other friends. She makes new friends sometimes, like at school, but she can never keep them very long. Not because she’s mean or anything – just she only talks about herself and I think it gets on people’s nerves.

She’s really nice and she was my friend for years, but she is driving me crazy. If I could, I would just stop being friends with her completely! But I really don’t want to hurt her feelings. What should I do?

– Feeling Like a Bad Friend

Dear FLBD,

You’re not a bad friend. SHE’S a bad friend. She sounds freaking annoying.

Look, usually when people can’t keep friends, there’s a reason for it. Sometimes it’s because they’re jerks. But sometimes, as in the case of your “friend,” it’s because they’re completely self-absorbed.

This girl should get a clue. When EVERYONE has the same reaction to  you no matter where you go, it’s probably not them, it’s probably you. In other words: IT’S HER. But, of course, you have history with this girl. I totally get why you don’t want to leave her hanging.

See, this is the thing about self-absorbed people. They are TAKERS. Takers of your energy and of your good nature. They always, always, always look for givers. Givers are the ones who, in spite of not being able to stand their taker, will still listen, still hang out, still give.

Givers are puppies and takers are the ticks.

So before she wears you the floop out, set rules for yourself. Try distancing yourself by responding to her phone messages via email. That way, you limit the amount of energy she can squeeze from you. When you do talk on the phone, set a time limit for yourself. Don’t let her blab at you endlessly. You are allowed to get off the phone whenever you want.

Tuffy would like to say you should just cut her off if she’s bugging you, but, unfortunately, Tuffy too has a soft spot for old friends.

Just spend as little time dealing with her as you can, and when you do deal with her, make sure you do something nice for yourself afterward: go for a walk or eat some chocolate. You know, cool down. If she’s REALLY pissing you off, you REALLY CAN say something. For instance, say: “Do you want to hear my latest news?” or whatever, or, if you’re feeling particularly ballsy, “It hurts my feelings when you don’t even ask about what I’m up to.”

Conversations shouldn’t be one-sided. You are under no obligation to deal with someone who brings you absolutely no pleasure. But, since she is an old friend, you may find that you just need to limit your dealings with her. Making sure you only talk to her once a month (or however long) may keep you from ripping her eyeballs out.

Just don’t let her get to you, okay? She can’ t bother you any more than you let her.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

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Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have found myself in a tough situation. My best friend of three years recently sent me a Facebook message out of the blue telling me that she no longer wishes to be friends or in contact with me. Her reasoning was that being friends with me causes her “too much stress” and she has been thinking about it “for the last two months.” The two examples she gave of me causing her stress were when I got annoyed at her at a party (when she was being rude to the host) and when I got angry at her for, at the last second, choosing to go to a job over helping me move (she had only told me that if I wanted her help, I would have to pay her $200, a statement which I found childish).

Tuffy, these were two small fights that we had already discussed and (I thought) had resolved. I had thought everything was fine up until a week ago, when she stopped contacting me. My mother had even treated us to see a musical in the city the Sunday before! Until now, she had always discussed when she was getting irritated at me; she’s a very frank and open person who has never hesitated to tell me when I’ve said or done something stupid, so I have been completely blown out of the water at this sudden change.

I’ve been very confused and hurt, and it’s been sending me into a depression. I had a lot of problems with depression, anxiety, and suicidal tendencies when I was younger, and basically had no real friendships until around the time I met her, all of which she has known for years. She told me that I should no longer contact her, and even told our other friends not to tell me about a party she was having (one she had already invited me to, before she stopped contacting me). We had plans to travel abroad over winter vacation and she was going to come to my family’s Thanksgiving (for the 3rd year in a row). Why continue making plans with me if she had been thinking of dropping me as a friend? Why pretend everything was perfectly fine, then drop a bomb on me like this? I’ve never been in such a confusing and hurtful situation like this before, and have no idea where to begin to handle it if she refuses to even speak to me.

-Confused, Hurt, and Betrayed

Dear Confused, Hurt, and Betrayed,

What kind of “BEST FRIEND” sends a FACEBOOK message to end the friendship?! Who she think she is?!

Floop her. Floop her right in the ear. This is a totally ridiculous situation. I mean, I get a lot of emails similar to this one about friendships not working out. But ending things with a best friend via Facebook is a new one for Tuffs.

Okay, let’s back it up.

This girl is a person, right, so she’s allowed to end friendships with whoever she wants. I mean, it’s up to her who she wants to be around. But if you’ve been best friends for years, she owes you more of an explanation. Out of the blue, after making future plans with you, she says, oops, never mind, don’t wanna be near you any more, don’t look at me, don’t contact me, hell, don’t even think about me. That is NOT adult behavior. She should have at least talked it out with you over a coffee or something.

Buuuuut she didn’t. So. There that is.

You know, it’s especially messed up since she knew about your trouble making friends. She knows this will really hurt you, and I bet that’s why she’s doing it this way. For whatever reason, she WANTS to hurt you.

Which, of course, brings us to the part of the answer you DON’T want to hear. I gotta be honest with you, chances are you did something to really piss her off, and it was probably your fault. It’s a pretty major thing to tell your former best friend you don’t even want to have CONTACT. Try to think–is there anything you might have done that offended or upset her?

And, again, you do have trouble making friends. At a certain point, you have to ask yourself: what am I doing wrong and how can I fix it? What keeps you from making friends? Chances are, it’s related to what made this girl throw a Facebook restraining order at you.

Which is not to say this is your fault. Because it’s not. Girl’s a meanybeany. But I think you should let this friendship drop and try to use it as a learning experience to help you meet better friends. Which, by the way, you can only do by being a good friend yourself.

Bottom line: Leave her behind, do a little thinking about what you might have done and what you can do better next time, and move on with your life.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv