A male friend of mine was talking about how the mailroom guy on campus was so grouchy. “He gives you this glare and doesn’t say a word even when you say hi,” he said.

I was surprised. “I’ve seen him smile and say hi.”

My friend rolled his eyes. “Well of course. You’re a girl.”

I protested, but as I interacted with him again and again I realized that the mailroom guy was just nice to girls. And it was the same with the post office workers, the cafeteria workers, and a handful of other strangers I interact with on a regular basis. Before you think I’m padding my own ego and saying I’m smoking hot, let me assure you, it wasn’t just me. People are just more likely to treat a girl politely, to smile and be more helpful.

At first I thought, What luck! Girls can finally enjoy something about being a girl! But as the overactive-feminist part of my brain worked on this new idea, I liked it less and less.

I don’t want special treatment because I’m looking feminine, and in particular, I don’t want this kind of special treatment. It seems too much like men feel like they have to coddle me, to help me out with things because I’m too weak or stupid to figure it out myself. Hence, the post office worker’s painstakingly slow explanation of how the automatic stamp machine works. I noticed he let a man just work the machine himself, but he felt it necessary to do every step for me. This is killing me with kindness if ever I’ve seen it.

Still, I can’t decide if it’s just one of those things I should enjoy about being a girl, or if I should be getting all hot and bothered about it. After all, there’s nothing wrong with a little friendly interaction. Why not smile at someone and get a smile in return? But the friendly feeling that comes with an interaction sours a little if I think that I’m getting this treatment just because I’m a girl. It’s just one of those pesky, small things that makes me feel like a little less than an individual.

So while there’s nothing wrong with friendliness, I feel like I should assert myself a little more in interactions with strangers. If somebody tries to do something for me again, the next time I should step up and say, “Thanks, but no thanks — I can handle it myself.” After all, I am a woman.

Chivalry is not dead. It’s alive and well—or, at least alive.Since moving to New York, I have come across varying degrees of gallantry. Some is well intentioned and friendly; while some has a faded, slightly sour quality. Some acts of chivalry are carried out with genuine kindness, and some are done because the guy can’t bare the thought of letting a woman exert any kind of power.

How do you know what level of chivalry you’re getting on a daily basis? Read on.

LEVEL 1: On this, the brightest and friendliest level, the guy is being polite and helpful because he wants to be. Opening a door for you, standing up so you can take his seat on the subway, giving you room to pass on the sidewalk, all of these things are done with a smile and a pleasant glance. This guy’s mama taught him well, and it’s no trouble at all for him to show women that he holds them in high esteem.

Although it’s rare, this level does indeed exist, and I recommend immediately inquiring if such a polite lad has a partner, and if finding him to be single, snatching him up as quick as possible.

LEVEL 2: The majority of guys circulate around this level. If you both happen to reach the door at the same time, he’ll let you go through. He’s not watching out for you on the sidewalk, but if you both happen to play the “which-way-am-I-going? game”, he’ll be the first one to shift definitively to one side. If you’re weighed down with packages on the bus, he may or may not move for you, depending on his mood.

Just expecting a guy to open doors and throw his coat down on mud for you isn’t the best way to go through life, and dudes in this level agree with that, dispensing their chivalry on a constant basis mostly for girlfriends only. Then again, catch a Level 2 on a good day and you’ll be presently surprised by their gentlemanly deeds.

LEVEL 3: These guys are chivalrous because they feel like they have to be. They’re not happy about opening doors for you, but they’ll do it, provided you move your ass through nice and fast. Begrudgingly standing when you walk by on the train, sighing heavily when they move over on the stairs, these guys want you to know that being chivalrous is a total chore—but they’re nice so they DO IT.

Don’t even try to hold the door for a Level 3. They hold it for you, damnit! Dissing their masculinity by trying to be nice is totally NOT cool. GOD. YOU WOMEN NEVER APPRECIATE ANYTHING!

LEVEL 4: Is reserved for douchebags and chauvinists. They’re just as likely to elbow you in the face as they are to help carry your groceries. Usually, their kind of chivalry is reserved for drunk girls who would have followed them home anyway…and for seducing the boss’s wife.

Everybody thinks they totally understand slutty people. When we hear about a guy or a girl who has a knack for falling into other people’s beds, we all immediately become psychologists.

They don’t like themselves. They’re looking for acceptance, a father figure, someone to mother them. They’re afraid of love, of commitment, of being appreciated—I mean, I could go on for hours.

But what if a lot of our promiscuous peers were just…friendly?

A new study by “Patrick and Charlotte Markey of Villanova and Rutgers universities, respectively,” sheds some interesting light on personality traits verses licentious actions. It seems that people who get around are either “cold” (as in distant, bitchy, and emotionless) or “warm” (as in friendly, nice, open), with “very few people falling in between”.

While it certainly isn’t news that people who sleep around can often be characterized as “cold”, the idea that other promiscuous beings are just really friendly is something completely new.

“Some people might sleep with multiple partners not because they are selfish,” explains one of the researchers, “but because they view sexual activity as an extremely warm activity and want to share it with others.”

I prefer showing my friendliness through a hug or handshake, but if getting naked and having sex is how you do it, then more power to you, my friend.

…Just make sure you’ve got a bag full of condoms before heading out to that social function.

Seeing someone you made out or slept with a few days after the fact can be weird, uncomfortable, and even painful. It can also be awkward with a capital A.

If the experience was extremely unmemorable (or horrible…because that sometimes usually happens), we may even resort to running and hiding behind trees whenever we spy a recent bedfellow (not that I ever did that. I preferred to hide behind bushes. More coverage.).

On small college campuses, avoiding people can become difficult, and many of us probably wish at the very least that we could relate to our hook-ups the way we did before everything went down.

Well, we can!

A few years ago, after hooking-up with and subsequently getting seriously pissed off at a guy when I realized he had a girlfriend, I thought our friendship was over. But I still had to see him every day. So what was I going to do?

Be angry at him and laugh to myself with evil glee every time he asked a stupid question in class? For a little while, sure.

But after a few months went by and I didn’t feel like being mad anymore (because honestly, being angry takes work) I realized that as soon as I started acting normal around him, our relationship went back to how it was before; he was kind of dumb yet lovable, we hung out at parties, and then went our separate ways.

Now, if someone hurts you big time, it may not be advisable to be friendly with them again, but if there’s nothing between you and a hook-up besides some awkward air, acting like your relationship is back to normal can often make it so.

Showing your hook-up that you don’t feel strange (even if you do), will signal that they can feel comfortable too, allowing each of you to chalk what happened up to a random night and one too many trips to the keg.

…and if they refuse to make things easier? Just scream “you weren’t that good anyway!” at the top of your lungs in a crowded room.

After that, the chances of you two meeting again is pretty slim.

But I think it’s the smartest thing you can do.

Make no mistake about it, even if you go to a small liberal arts college where kids walk around without shoes and you know the name of everyone in your class, you’re still one of hundreds. One of the hundreds of students your professor has.

Just another face, another paper, to be graded quickly before Must See TV comes on at 9:00.

But what if you want to do extra well in the class?

What if you’re like me, and really anal about your reputation, and simply can’t deal with the fact that someone might think you’re not trying? What if you’re taking that required math course, and honestly can’t remember those 5th grade times tables?

You get to know your professor.

*Be Engaged: Sitting front and center, looking awake, keeping your body language open and available helps your professor see that you’re actually taking in what they’re saying. After staring into a sea of glazed-over eyes, finding yours open and watching will set that professor’s heart aflutter.

*Answer Questions: Nobody likes know-it-alls and morons who love the sound of their own voice, but raising your hand once a class will keep you on your professor’s radar. Just make sure you have something worthwhile to say, because believe it or not, professors hate idiots just as much as you do.

*Use Office Hours: Whenever I was working on a paper, even if I was pretty clear on the assignment, I’d always drop by my professor’s office during their scheduled hours. Not only can you get any question you have answered by the source, but if you’re half-interesting, you’ll routinely find yourself talking about non school related things. Ask them about their lives. Don’t be freaky about it, but treating a professor like a person never hurt anyone.

*Talk Outside of Class: If you see your professor around campus, say hi. If you see them shopping for vegetables, say hi. Let them know how friendly you are. How nice. Even the fairest grader has a heart.

*Let Them See You Try: Most importantly, make sure your professor knows how hard you work. Bring in multiple drafts to their office hours. Ask questions. Send emails. Don’t be a stalker, but remember that your professor is there to help you. That’s their job.

Professors are human—even if some of them don’t seem that way. The more of a repartee you have with them, the more careful they’ll be in grading your papers and tests. While being friendly has never earned anyone an A when they really deserved a D (I mean, unless someone’s sleeping with someone), getting to know a teacher on a personal level makes them want to see you succeed.

And when they want you to succeed, everybody wins.