Got a question for the Tuffster? Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and get that shiz answered!!!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So I’m home from college for the summer and kind of lonely. I dated around this year at school but nothing serious like my high school boyfriend (let’s call him K). Anyway, K is home from school today and we’ve been hanging out but I know he wants to hook up and I think I do too. But I don’t want him to be my boyfriend when I go back to school. Should I hook up with him or not? I’m pretty sure I’m going to. Would that be screwed up?

Tricia

Dear Tricia,

So, like, this is a trick question because you’ve obviously already decided to hook up with him. Right? I mean, why are you gonna write to me and say you’re gonna do it then? Well, anyway, I think you should go for it, so I guess you’re in luck.

Here’re Tuffy’s thoughts: Read More »

Q: So I’ve known this guy for years and years and we’ve been friends for forever and we have “talked” before but nothing has ever really worked out. Well then months ago we start heating up again…finally hook up for the first time and things are going great. Then he moves to another city. Well now I see him every single weekend and we are great but he says he doesn’t want a relationship. I say fine no big deal I don’t want one either, but then he says he doesn’t want to mess around or kiss or anything because it makes him too attached and he doesn’t want to be a jerk and like someone more, mess around with them, etc if he doesn’t want to date them right now.

Well you would think that would be my answer right there but the plot thickens (lol). The past few weekends things have been getting more and more serious – I’ve met all of his friends in his new city, we have been hooking up, sleeping in the same bed, and pretty much acting like a couple without the title (which I’m actually fine with because if he’s not ready for the title I trust him and am not going to push him into it!). But he then proceeds to tell me one day when we’re having a “moment” that this was exactly what he didn’t want and now I feel bad for putting pressure on him.

So my question is….how do I proceed if he obviously really cares about me and I really care about him? Do I quit visiting? It’s definitely not going to work with me liking him and us being just friends and nothing else at this point, but then where does that leave the friendship?

Read More »

Sex in college can be a tricky little endeavor. Sometimes it’s awkward, other times it’s out-of-this- world-amazing, and even other times it’s down right obnoxious (like when your partner finds it necessary to ask questions which require long-winded responses while doin’ the deed).

Then, the heat of the moment passes and you wake up resembling the Bride of Frankenstein only to realize that you just boned your best friend/ex-lover/a boy from your Psych class. And things get even messier. No pun intended.

You instantly turn into psycho b*tch and a million questions run through your head in a matter of milliseconds. Everything from, I wonder if he’s REALLY regretting that last shot of Jack? to planning an elaborate escape route to his front door without spilling any beer cans or waking up any of his roommates.

But perhaps the most important question that plagues your hungover mind is something like, What the f**k is going to happen now? Especially when the person you just screwed is a friend. Or a friend of a friend. Or in three of your classes. Seriously, is it even possible to maintain a platonic relationship with someone you just saw – and who saw you – in the buff, without makeup or a push-up bra?

In my opinion, what unfolds after the sheets are, um, unfolded depends a lot on who you’re gettin’ it on with. The state of affairs BEFORE the actual event greatly determines the way shite will go down afterwards. Read More »

Some relationships are hard to define. Some relationships are hard to fit into a category. Most are just flat out HARD! Which is why I decided to stay single. I don’t really have time for all the crap that comes with a boyfriend.

But what’s a girl to do about sex?!?!

I’ve done the one night stands….not fun. For me it just leads to awkwardness and, in some cases, physical pain. But somehow in the craziness that was my freshman year, I found the wonderful relationship called the Friend with Benefits (or as a friend from home calls them, a bene-friend), who somehow became one of my best friends.

It all started when the girl across the hall decided to introduce me to one of her friends from high school. She thought we’d really hit it off, and surprisingly enough, we did! He was funny, cute, smart, and a total gentleman, which pretty much sums up my qualifications. But this was a week before we’d leave for semester break, so we didn’t really do anything. Until February.

I hadn’t heard from the boy since December and upon logging into Facebook I found unread message from him. Yay! I wrote him back. He wrote me back. We laughed. We exchanged screennames. We started talking on AIM. Then one night we had dinner. Next thing I know we’re laying in my bed naked. I’ll admit, I didn’t want to, but he really did and I still thought he was ridiculously cute, so I had sex with him.

And kept having sex with him. I couldn’t help myself! Lord knows I can’t turn down amazing sex, and believe me, that’s what it was. Read More »

I have had, on multiple occasions, the uncomfortable conversation that always ends with the words “I don’t think of you in that way.” I have sat down with many a guy friend to clarify that we’re just friends. I have explained to guys numerous times that I like to keep my friendships and my relationships separate, and that I don’t date my friends. I always mean it when I say it. I always want to stick to it. But the line between friendships and relationships always seems to blur in my confused little world. Why is “I don’t think of you in that way” so hard for me to say?

There have been several occasions this year where I have had to have this conversation. What troubles me the most is that I can’t seem to avoid it. I’m a huge flirt, especially when I’ve had too many whiskey sours, so I can understand why some guys might get the wrong idea and think I’m interested in more than just a shoulder to rest my head on when the room starts to get spinny. But even with guys I don’t get super flirty with, I still have to have the conversation. It’s always approached one of two ways:

The first is a situation in which I have heavily flirted with, or mildly hooked-up with, a guy friend and I have to explain to him that this doesn’t mean we’re meant to settle down, get married, and procreate. The second situation, and the more annoying one because it’s unavoidable is the, “How come we never hooked up?” conversation. Read More »

Last night, as I sat in a bowling alley surrounded by twelve guys, I realized that I don’t have many girl friends anymore (at least ones that aren’t 3,000 miles away). Yet, even though I spend a majority of my free-time with the male species, I am still a very single lady. It is not like I don’t like my guy friends – they are good looking, funny, smart, successful, sorta perfect – but I just don’t like them like that.

People are always asking me why I haven’t dated any of these guys yet, or even made out with any of them. I had never really thought about it before and once I did I realized it is weird. I mean, how many times have you made out with a close guy friend? And how many of your friends in relationships started out as “just friends” until they got drunk, made out in a dark corner and realized they loved each other? It seems like a natural progression: if a guy and a girl like each other enough to be best friends then, in theory, they should like each other enough to be more. I am just not sure I really believe that.

There is so much more to taking a friendship to another level than mere feelings. And it is those things that have kept me a friend-to-all-men. Maybe it’s an insecurity thing (“They would have made a move if they were interested”), maybe it’s a fear of ruining a really quality friendship (“It’s hard to find guys you feel comfortable discussing vibrators with!”) or maybe it’s just really f*&king weird to think about making out with any of these guys (“EW!”). They are like brothers to me; the thought of making it anything more is actually creating nauseating waves in my stomach. Read More »

Usually when I need some info on friends with benefits, I turn to my friends who have been there, or those brilliant people behind the screens (get it? Computer screen?! HA) at College Candy. I usually don’t turn to the New York Times.

Imagine my surprise, then, when I was surfing the Times today looking for some good opinion pieces when I found an article titled Friends with Benefits, and Stress Too.

At first I thought it was a joke. I mean, I know the Times is a liberal publication, but even they wouldn’t discuss the not-so-easy to explain situation we like to call Friends with Benefits.

Turns out, it was no joke. In fact, it was about a study conducted at Michigan State University where students were polled about their experiences with friends with benefits.

For anyone in college, the findings were nothing spectacular.

Basically, friends with benefits work for some, progress into a relationship for others and cause the rest to have a giant blow up fight because one person likes the other more and thought they had something special and meanwhile the other person is off hooking up with other people and stomping on their “friend’s” heart.

The only interesting thing to come from this, in fact, is the phone call I received from my mother this afternoon after she too was perusing the Times looking for opinion pieces and came across the article: Read More »

College is undoubtedly the era of ambiguous relationships, blurred boundaries, commitment phobia, and cheating cheating cheating.

I met this guy out one night during my freshman year and we really hit it off. Red cups in hand, making some great intoxicated conversation when he suddenly declared, “You’re definitely a breakfast girl.”

Unsure what this meant, I curiously questioned the meaning of his statement the next day over lunch with my best guy friend. He laughed as he explained that a breakfast girl is a girl you’d hook up with and actually want to grab breakfast with the next morning.

To be dubbed a breakfast girl was apparently, some sort of slutty man’s compliment.

I got to thinking, how would I know to whom I was a breakfast girl, and to whom I’d simply be that nameless ‘score’ last Friday? Clearly, this is a troubling question for college girls everywhere. How many times have you heard your girls (or even yourself) make excuses in order to justify or rationalize bad relationships. Read More »

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It really is the ideal situation for a college-aged guy. Being able to hook up with a friend on a consistent basis, without having to deal with all the annoyances that come with a relationship? Sign me up! Being permitted to hit the bars to look for a new hook-up, but knowing you can always call up your friend if all else fails? That’s solid gold!

Yes, having a friend with benefits really is an amazing luxury in college. But is a true FWB situation really feasible? Not so much.

Far too often, these types of relationships begin very innocently. You know, with a couple of shots of the Friz Vodka, and maybe a beer or two (ok, maybe not so innocently). Before you know it, you and your friend are getting hot and heavy, rolling between the sheets, and individually thinking about whether or not you want to do it again. Of course you want to do it again. You’re getting ass from a guy that you’re friends with. A guy you obviously like and feel comfortable around. Read More »