Question for La Tuff? Send it to TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have found myself in a tough situation. My best friend of three years recently sent me a Facebook message out of the blue telling me that she no longer wishes to be friends or in contact with me. Her reasoning was that being friends with me causes her “too much stress” and she has been thinking about it “for the last two months.” The two examples she gave of me causing her stress were when I got annoyed at her at a party (when she was being rude to the host) and when I got angry at her for, at the last second, choosing to go to a job over helping me move (she had only told me that if I wanted her help, I would have to pay her $200, a statement which I found childish).

Tuffy, these were two small fights that we had already discussed and (I thought) had resolved. I had thought everything was fine up until a week ago, when she stopped contacting me. My mother had even treated us to see a musical in the city the Sunday before! Until now, she had always discussed when she was getting irritated at me; she’s a very frank and open person who has never hesitated to tell me when I’ve said or done something stupid, so I have been completely blown out of the water at this sudden change.

I’ve been very confused and hurt, and it’s been sending me into a depression. I had a lot of problems with depression, anxiety, and suicidal tendencies when I was younger, and basically had no real friendships until around the time I met her, all of which she has known for years. She told me that I should no longer contact her, and even told our other friends not to tell me about a party she was having (one she had already invited me to, before she stopped contacting me). We had plans to travel abroad over winter vacation and she was going to come to my family’s Thanksgiving (for the 3rd year in a row). Why continue making plans with me if she had been thinking of dropping me as a friend? Why pretend everything was perfectly fine, then drop a bomb on me like this? I’ve never been in such a confusing and hurtful situation like this before, and have no idea where to begin to handle it if she refuses to even speak to me.

-Confused, Hurt, and Betrayed Read More »

You know the drill. Qs to TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com etc. etc. etc.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
So freshman year is coming to close, but with a terrible ending. My best friend here has decided to go chase after the guy I had a history with/crush on at the beginning of the year. I’ve moved on from liking him ever since he clearly rejected me in February and have been able to settle on friendly terms with him even though he really left me in the dirt.

To simply put it, I was humiliated, deeply hurt, angry, and incredibly bitter. I still am if I think about what he did and how he treated me. He strung me along and played with my emotions and knew what he was doing, and then completely rejected me. My friend, this ex-crush, and I have been able to work together and slowly build back a kind of friendship up until now.

Last weekend the so-called best friend and the ex-crush/fling hooked up. I am not incredibly angry by the fact that she did that, but it’s more of a thing where I lost complete trust in her. I had come to her as a friend when I was emotionally distraught and felt bitter and rejected, and I wanted to rant to her about my hatred for this guy, but I found out later that she told the boy everything I said. And then she had also told me she would never go and hook up with him because I had and it would be sloppy seconds. Still, she did this and I asked why she did only to find out that she has liked him also ever since the beginning of the year. Read More »

Question for Tuffski?! Email her at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and perhaps get an answerino.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
My best friend got engaged on Valentine’s Day. I want to be excited for her big moment, but I can’t help but feel like she’s making a gigantic mistake. She’s only known him since November (he was a mutual friend of the guy she was sleeping with at the time) and has a long history of rushing into relationships with really sketchy guys. Every relationship she gets into, she seems to fall head-over-heels for the guy and turns a blind eye to all of his problems until after he breaks up with her, at which point she realizes what a jerk he was for cheating/abusing her/lying/etc.

Her fiance has never abused or cheated on her, but a couple of months ago they had a pregnancy scare and he threatened to kill himself. I don’t think either of them are mature enough to get married, and if they do, I think it will end in divorce. They plan to get married in Summer 2013 after she gets her bachelor’s degree, so there’s time for her to realize it won’t work on her own, but I don’t think she will. Should I raise the issue with her? I love her and just want her to be happy, but she’s so ecstatic about the engagement and the guy that I’m afraid speaking up could end our friendship.

–Friendo Read More »

Ah, the new relationship. A time to learn everything about one another, to cuddle (a lot), to hold hands whenever you can, to have lots and lots of sex…

And, apparently, to ditch your friends.

You know, those people who have been there for you for years through every messy sitch you get yourself into. The people who you used to spend every day with and told everything to. The people you once lived with, but now only visit when you need to grab something out of your closet.

Yeah. Those people.

Did I miss something here? Was there some sort of memo that says it’s okay to ignore your friends when you’re in a relationship so you can only focus on your new guy? Is it possible it went to my SPAM folder? Because I didn’t get that and now I’m wondering why my BFF just traded me in for a BF.

Let me just say one thing: I have nothing against relationships, especially the honeymoon stage – everyone knows that’s the best part. And I can completely understand pushing your friends aside a little bit to be with your boy a little more in the beginning. It’s normal, and happens with almost anyone. But what is not normal is girl who completely ditches her best friends the entire time she is in a relationship and then comes crawling back, usually with no apology, the second it’s over. Read More »

Okay, so, like, email your questions to TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and, like, maybe get them answered or whatever. And, like. You know.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Okay Tuffy here’s the sitch – I have this really close group of friends back home and it’s made up of girls and guys. My best friend and this guy in the group used to date like 2 years ago. He broke it off with her and they were never boyfriend and girlfriend. We’re all really good friends now but I know for a fact that she’s harbored some under-the-surface feelings of him for over a year. The bigger problem is I seem to have developed feelings for him as well. I know for a fact he isn’t interested in my friend (and I’d be willing to bet a lot that he’s not interested in me either).

I can’t talk about this with any of my friends because they know the guy and the girl and I really don’t need this coming out. I want to be able to persue something with this guy without hurting my friend who means more to me than anyone else in the world, but I also know she has no claim over a guy she dated two years ago for less than a month. Oh and the guy and the girl? Yeah they also live together since they go to the same school. Advice?

Love,
Doomed Read More »

Presenting: the epitome of "I don't like your boyfriend...er...husband."

There is a stop on the Chicago Red Line train with a mosaic of passengers’ thoughts, photographs and stories expressed on individual tiles arranged on a cement wall. While browsing the collage the other day, the following remembrance struck me: “I’ll never forget this stop. This is where my best friend told me she didn’t like my boyfriend and we have never been the same since.”

I had two reactions to this: one, you’re an idiot for opening your mouth; and two, you’re an idiot for letting it ruin your friendship. Upon further review, however, this situation is a little trickier, and a little stickier, than I originally thought.

We have all been in this situation: one of your friends is dating a total jackass. Standard procedure is to discuss his McDouchery with the rest of the group, nickname him something awesome like “fart stick” or “lady balls,” then wait a couple months until he’s out of the picture, and she too can laugh about his pompous political discourse.

But what about the girlfriend who has is still dating that jerk? When is it appropriate – and wise – to tell your friend that her boyfriend sucks?

Here a few crucial factors to consider before opening your mouth.

Read More »

Whenever I meet a good friend’s boyfriend, I try really hard to like the guy and get to know him. I mean if he makes her so happy, I have to give him a fair shot, right? But some of the guys my friends have chosen were, well, complete a**holes and no matter how hard I tried I grew to seriously dislike these dudes.

And kinda sorta wanna punch them.

So what’s a girl to do when her friend is dating a douche? From my experiences, I’ve found a few ways to handle this situation.

Talk to your friend. If you think your friend’s boyfriend is treating her badly, then speak up! Calmly explain why you think her boyfriend isn’t treating her well and state a specific example. This way, if your friend asks why you think her guy is treating her badly you’ll have a legit reason and won’t look like you’re just randomly dissing on him.

My best friend’s first boyfriend would constantly lie to her about other girls and where he had been. I talked to my friend about this and told her I didn’t think he was treating her well. I reminded her of specific events where she had caught him in a lie and other times when he had just been plain rude.

Pro: You’ll finally be able to talk openly with your friend about her guy and let her know how you really feel.

Con: If taken the wrong way, you two could end up in a fight because she might think you’re attacking her guy to make them break up. Read More »