Hey, we’ve all been there. And by “we,” I mean guys. I almost guaran-damn-tee that at least 75% of guys, most likely during their early teen years, have fallen hard for a girl who had both feet firmly under her. It happens.

Unrequited love’s made for great music (Maroon 5, Vertical Horizon, come on, “Everything You Want” is our frickin’ anthem!),great movies and great books. It’s also made for some really, really, messy situations between said lover and the woman who loves him but isn’t “in love” with him. Once both sides have made their feelings clear, what’s next? Is it over? Is there no way to keep him in orbit without leading him on? NO! Maybe? Yes?

The answer is D: all of the above. To quote a Storm, “if I can be serious for a moment,” there are ways that you can preserve a friendship with a guy that’s fallen for you. However, one of the first things you need to do is the most counter-intuitive: LEAVE HIM THE F*CK ALONE! Read More »

Aww, friends. They’re great. So great, in fact, that there are tons of super cheesy quotes floating around about them on the internet. I have to admit though, I was laughing when I first started making this gallery, but by the end I was tearing up just a little. I guess friends really are as great as the internet says.

Check out our favorite warm and fuzzy friendship quotes. Read More »

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I hate my friends. What do I do?

Miserable in College

Dear Miserable,

Grow the floop up.

Okay, no, I mean the thing is, you didn’t give me enough information to give you a really personal answer. Which is totally why I chose your question. Because Tuffy likes it broad. Yeah, baby. Okay, look. Everyone gets annoyed by their friends. That’s super normal, so don’t get excited. I surmise from your name, Miserable in College, that you are in college. I’M SMART.

This probably means that you just need to make new friends! No big deal, right? Probably you started college and made friends right away with the most convenient people. Which is totally the right and easiest thing to do. The problem is, sometimes the most convenient people don’t end up being the people we like best. So, Miserable in College, if that’s the case, I suggest you continue to be polite to these shoops and begin to distance yourself. Join a club or make an effort to hang out with new people after class. You’ll meet new people and find friends you actually connect with. Read More »

“Whose Side Are You On?”

I’m not talking about Captain America vs. Iron Man. I’m talking about friends who’ve been in a relationship and now have reached their final destination: splitsville. Once the two of them go their separate ways, which one of them gets you in the proverbial divorce?

It’s not always as clear cut as saying, “well, I was her friend first” or “she was the one who cheated on him with the train conductor.” Sometimes break ups are more complicated than that. Every now and then, they’re reasonably amicable. Every once in a while there’s the exceptional parting where you empathize or sympathize with both sides. Whose friendship do you keep? Or…can you stay friends with both of them?

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Is being friends with your ex even possible? I mean, you’ve seen each other naked many, many times. You’ve opened up to each other about some weird stuff. And you once didn’t know how you could live without him. I’m still pretty much trying to figure out the real answer to that question, but I’d like to think that, yeah, sometimes you can be friends with your ex.

But let me be clear: being friends with your ex is usually really hard and can only be done in certain circumstances. I’ve watched couples try the friend thing, only to end up in this weird hooking up relationship that made both people miserable. Or one of them couldn’t handle it and the jealousy and hurt feelings destroyed any kind of friendship they could ever have. But I’ve also watched couples who totally rock at being friends after they break up – and I’ve even done it myself. So here are some tips on how you can be friends with your ex. Because, let’s face it, they were a big part of your life for a reason – it isn’t always necessary to completely push them away. Read More »

Hey Dude,

I’m a huge fan of CollegeCandy and this blog, so I thought I’d write in for advice.

I’m a senior in college, and met this guy my age who goes to my school over the summer. We hit it off right away, with tons to talk and laugh about. The second or third time we hung out, right near the beginning, he told me he “liked me but wasn’t looking for a relationship.” He explained that he had been through a lot with past girlfriends that kept him from wanting to date again right now and that he has a lot going on in his life right currently: he pays for school by himself and is financially really stressed and has a lot of pressure from his parents, as well.

Anyway, that was fine. I was glad that he told me upfront and was honest about it rather than stringing me along. Unfortunately, we couldn’t really stay away from each other. We kept hanging out and talking even when we left to go to our respective homes, and when we got back to school we started hooking up. Each time it got too “relationship-like” one of us would try to back up: he because he doesn’t want to date, and me because I know he’s not going to commit and I don’t want to let myself get in too deep without that. Read More »

Dude!

A few months ago, I finally built up every shred of courage in my being and told one of my closest friends of several years that, well, I didn’t just want to be his friend.  To be fair, I was pretty certain that his response wouldn’t be what I wanted it to be.  The problem was that I had reached a point where I needed him to know so that I could move on with my life. The hardest part was the thought that it would negatively impact our friendship.

Despite the expected response–kind, but painful to hear–he assured me that absolutely nothing would change.  A not-so-gradual distancing began to occur, and there I was again, stressing over this friendship that had meant so much to the both of us. We had one follow-up conversation, which turned out to be extremely helpful.  I got to say the things that I hadn’t clarified the first time around, and he got to confuse me further about how he really feels about the situation.

Welp, here I am, around six months later, wondering how I can possibly mend this friendship that he himself told me multiple times would last the rest of our lives. We’re still good friends, but there’s not near as much communication or connection as there used to be.

It’s hard for me to face the very possible reality that I will never move on as long as we’re friends. He’s made it perfectly clear that he does not want me to cut off communication or “give up on him,” as he calls it (cryptic, right?).  These days it can be upsetting to be around him even in a group setting and think about how we used to be attached at the hip at social gatherings.

Dude, is there any way for me to salvage this?  It feels like too much to bear to lose each other once and for all.  Thanks!

Sincerely,

Sad and Confused

Read More »

It’s the summer after you’ve graduated high school. You’ve finished your exams. You’ve finished the college application process. You have your diploma, you’ve taken the pictures in the cap and gown and you finally decided on a college. So now all you want to do is kick back and relax and enjoy an entire summer free of responsibility and full of hanging with your friends before you each go your separate ways to start some new adventures.

Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. I was there four short years ago. And because I’ve been there already I know what comes next. So I thought I’d give you a little advice. Because all those papers that came along with your acceptance letter, they weren’t there just to stuff the envelope. Starting college involves a lot more than checking off the box next to “I will attend.” So here are a few things to keep in mind.

1. Send in a picture for your id. Chances are you already have a form telling you how to do this. So send in the picture. And make it a good one. One you like. One you won’t regret four months later, or better yet, four years later, when you’re a senior using an id that looks nothing like you because you no longer have pink hair.

2. Activate your college e-mail address. Again you were probably sent a whole bunch of papers when you sent in your acceptance . One of them probably tells you how to activate your e-mail. Do that. So you’ll get all those e-mails different offices will no doubt be sending you. And so you can join your school’s Facebook network.

3. Get in touch with your roommate. So it’s not an awkward first meeting on move in day. So you know what you’re getting into. And so you don’t end up with two refrigerators and no microwave. Plan ladies, and plan well.

4. Check the parking policies. Find out if your campus allows freshman to bring cars on campus. And if they do, find out if you have to pay for your parking pass. And then sign up for a parking pass. If you have a car, that is.

5. Check and double check that move in date. Season four. Episode one of Gilmore Girls. Rory wrote the wrong date down. Chaos ensued.

Read More »

I think I blinked three times during the entire 147 minute showcase of Sex and the City 2.  I didn’t want to miss a single drool-worthy second of high fashion, I couldn’t stop fathoming how well Aiden had aged and I didn’t want to miss any of Carrie’s one-liner snippets of advice. And while soaking it all in, I noticed something else.

As we all know, each woman in SATC is incredibly different. You’ve got Samantha the sex-fiend, Miranda the serious one, Charlotte the traditionalist, and Carrie the un-traditionalist. They’re opposing forces, but they come together to make something wonderful and long lasting.

Without the extreme diversity of each woman, would the friendships embedded in Sex and the City be as interesting and strong? What if the show was based off of four friends like Samantha? Besides there being lots of ‘she-banging’ would it work?

Nope.

Think about your group of friends. If it’s anything like mine, you are all very different from one another. And that’s why you love them. We need diversity in our friendships because everyone brings a little somethin’ different to the table and you take a little from every single one. Knowing what every college girl needs in her life, I’ve compiled a list of the 6 friends every girl needs to keep around for the long haul:

1. The Motivated Friend
We all need a friend like this when you’ve been sprawled out on your couch watching E! Network all day.  You can spot this friend right away Freshman year of college. She’s the first of your friends involved in clubs on campus.  Sophomore year, she’s become the president of a club. Junior year, she has an awesome internship. Senior year, she’s landed a sweet job before you’ve even graduated. Sure, she’ll probably make you feel a little less than along the way, but she’ll also light a fire under your ass to succeed.

2. The Rock Solid Friend
She’s your BFF. The ‘go-to-gal’ you find to whine to, talk to, cry to, and who will love you and shove a bag of Doritos in your face when you need it most. She’s trustworthy and loyal.  She has so much dirt on your life you could plant a garden of your secrets (sorry, bad analogy).  You went to your first frat party together and shared your last. If all goes well (and she keeps those secrets to herself) she will be winking at you during her bridesmaid speech at your wedding.

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Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com. OR ELSE.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’ve always admired that you don’t hold back with your advice.  I can tell by reading your columns that you are strong, thoughtful, unafraid, and independent.  These are all things that I can be, that I consider myself to be – but sometimes, it feels like all that my independence and strength is really getting me is a lot of pain.

From friends to boyfriends to ex-boyfriends, I am a huge fan of forgiveness.  I forgive people in my life partially because I’m very religious and that is a part of my faith, but also because I’ve always been able to, and shouldn’t that be a gift that I embrace?  When I can, I forgive, even if that means that I can’t throw a satisfying fit and demand that people treat me better.  However, I don’t make the mistake of forgetting.  I acknowledge the flaws of the people I love and love them in spite of those flaws, as I would expect them to do for me.  Sometimes I wonder if this mindset makes my emotions easy to ignore.

I was just broken up with two weeks ago (we dated for only 3 months), and I have been trying very hard to work towards a friendship with him, because that’s something we both want.  However, it has been very difficult for me to move forward because he repeatedly makes me feel as though what I am going through does not matter to him.  When I told him I needed to talk with him, he shrugged me off and asked if it could wait, then, a few days later, allotted me 20 minutes to talk to him – which he didn’t show up for.  I’m disturbed by his treatment of me, and worried that I have somehow unintentionally “taught” him to treat me this way.  I was very patient while we were dating, would gently tell him when he was making me feel uncared for, and accept his apologies as long as I felt that they were truly meant.  He always genuinely cared, and even though he can occasionally be oblivious to others’ needs, he is always ready to help his friends when he is aware that they need or want support.

This is why his attitude and actions towards me at the end of the relationship and now have been so off-setting – and made even more so by the fact that he told me, when he broke up with me, that I was a “phenomenal girlfriend” because I was “always easy to deal with” (we broke up because he’s graduating).  I worry that, even though I consider my ability to forgive to be a strength, it is seen by others as a weakness.

If this was an isolated incident, I would be less concerned, but I often worry about similar things with my friends.  Sometimes I just want a friend who can support me the way that I support them.  I just want to talk to someone about the tough times I’m going through with my ex-boyfriend without them expressing confusion as to why I’m still wrapped up with being upset with him, or lean on a shoulder for more than a few minutes before they find something else to do.  I see them support each other, and wonder why they won’t do that for me.  They will run to my aid, and be on my side, but it’s always very short-lived and then I can feel them rolling their eyes and wondering why I’m being such a drama queen.  This even happened when a friend of mine from high school committed suicide last August – my roommate expected me to be better the next day, and couldn’t figure out why I was focusing on how different he looked in his coffin.  After these comments, I turned inward for support.  I cried in the shower instead of where people could see.  I don’t want to do this all the time, because it makes things even harder to deal with.

As I said earlier, I can tell that you are a woman who projects strength and confidence.  Am I somehow allowing the people that I love to walk all over me by being forgiving and self-sufficient?  How do you gain respect and care from the people that you love?

Sincerely,
Independent & Alone Read More »