Dear Dude,

I want a boyfriend. I have been single for the last four years, and although there have been opportunities for love to kindle, things just never seem to work out. I think a part of it is my fault. I am very conscious about my weight (I am full-figured). I think I am a very intelligent, funny and generous person, and I have a great circle of friends. But I don’t know how to show a guy that I have all these qualities because, frankly, most guys seem more interested in the way women look. Dude, how can I make a guy see past my weight to the person that I am inside, when looks play such a huge role in a guy’s opinion of a girl?

Sincerely,
Single and Not Loving It

P.S. I want to add that I am not ugly, just a little overweight.

Dear Single and Not Loving It,

First things first…thank you.  Thank you for bringing this up.  This is such an important issue that isn’t discussed enough!  I have ranted and raved about this for a decade now and I hope that someone will start to listen.  So here we go!

Real men want real women!  That’s the bottom line.  Since when did “so thin I may shatter every bone in my body if I fall and I look like a cancer patient” become sexy?  Has anyone else noticed how closely these women resemble pre-pubescent teenage girls?  I have!  And what does that say about the people who think that’s attractive?

And on top of looking totally ridiculous with your hips and ribs showing through your clothes, being that hungry all the time turns a nice girl into a complete bitch!  I know when I skip a meal I get pretty irritated; I would likely go postal if I tried to survive on 500 to 1000 calories a day. And that may be high for some of these chicks!

Let me give you some examples and/ or inspirations:

Christina Hendricks = SEXY
Diane Kruger = Gross
Beyonce = WOWZZA
Kate Bosworth = Gross
Sara Ramirez = SCHWING
Olsen Twins = Gross
J-Lo = GIGGITY GIGGITY
Zoe Saldana = Gross

Get the picture?

These women could all stand to have a cheesburger and cut a few workouts from the routine.  And if a guy tells you he is truly attracted to women who look like this, then consider keeping any young teenage girls you know far away from him.  Think about this logically for a second.  Women are designed to carry a certain percentage of body fat.  A womans body is designed for reproduction.  A body with very little fat (or one who is skinny fat, ie. no fat or muscle to speak of) goes against Nature’s intentions for that body. Why do you think people who look like that have to resort to multiple daily workouts and eating disorders to look that way?

So to step down from my soapbox and get to my point, try to be more like the four girls above who got very positive feedback.  Stay healthy, but don’t overdo it. And take pride in your curvy body and yourself. What you don’t realize is that right now guys are focusing on your weight because that’s what you’re focusing on. If you stop thinking about your size and think only about how funny and smart and beautiful you are, guys will see all of those things too. There is nothing sexier to a man than a girl with confidence – regardless of her size – so get out there and show guys all your wonderful qualities.

– The Dude (who takes meat on the bones over skin and bones any day of the week!)

[Got a question for Mr. Dude? (And, no, that doesn’t include asking him out; boyfriend is taken!) Ask it: askthedude@collegecandy.com. He won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

So Adriana Lima and her VS 2008 Fantasy bra are pretty damn spectacular, but what’s a normal girl to do when in need of a little lift’n’seperation (minus 1500 carats’ worth of MAJOR chafing)?

There’s no need to shell out that 5 mill, girlfriend (because you were totally considering it and all); some of the best bras within your reach will do just as great of a job supporting your own gems, and you won’t need to take out an insurance policy on them.

Strapless:

Felina’s Bra of the Year Strapless.

This super smooth bra has silicone strips on the sides, so no more slippage. Gone are the days of surreptitiously wiggling your shoulders to try to get your wilting undergarment back up to where it belongs. The convertible straps work with halter, racer-back, criss cross and one shoulder tops. The back closes with three degrees of varying tightness and is three hook-and-eyes tall, which is great for more support on bigger cup sizes. Best of all, the cups plunge all the way down to kiss in the middle, so your safe no matter how low your neckline will go.

Under sweater/ T-Shirts

OnGossamer’s Every Day Pretty Contour Bra.

Not only is it so pretty you won’t want to put your sweater on in the first place, it’s perfectly smooth underneath it. Lightly lined cups just enhance your natural shape, without pushing you out or up. The fuller cup shape prevents any spillage, so you avoid embarrassing double-boob no matter what your size.

Sexy Sexy Sexy

Frederick’s of Hollywood’s Chic Satin Bra

You can’t beat Frederick’s when it comes to over the top sexy lingerie. This baby has all a girlie-girl lingerie fetishista’s heart could desire: bows, lace, ruffles and the perfect pop of playful color.

Simone Perele’s Marquises Bra

For a more classically sultry look, this black lace number is the pinnacle of classic glamour. Black lace demi-cups scream femme fatale and the floral detail is feminine and sexy.

Every day comfort

Victoria’s Secret’s BioLift

Not only does it come in every color imaginable, the BioFit is by far the most comfortable bra I own. The material is super smooth, and the bra lives up to its promise of feeling custom made. Each cup size has a different level of padding that will enhance your shape (not make you look ridiculous or squeezed into your shirt). They’re super comfortable and perfect to wear every. single. day.

For Larger Cup Sizes

Chantelle’s Rive gauche Push-Up Bra

So there’s all this hoopla about how sexy huge boobs are. First of all, I have huge boobs and the first word that comes to mind when describing them is notsexy (it actually is a blend of a few choice expletives). Second of all, when a gal wants to show off said sexy boobs to her man, the women at typical lingerie stores are perplexed as to why they should carry any 36-D sized bras in any style other than geriatric. Enter Chantelle’s Rive Gauche Push-Up. It’s full coverage (!) so even the well-endowed can have a pretty, pretty push-up bra. With fuller cups and a higher cut, it won’t look like your boobs are eating your bra, and the gorgeous lace detail is anything but Grandma.

Victoria’s Secret’s BeautySecrets Bust Firming Bra

Leave it to Victoria’s Secret to engineer a bra that can alter the consistency of your body part. While you might worry about looking like an Olly girl (as if you didn’t draw enough suspicion of plastic surgery without rock hard ta ta’s), trust me this bra is a god send. While normal bras are perfectly fine for jiggle control on sizes A-C, if you’re a D or up, a simple walk down the stairs can make any male passerby’s day. Not if VS has anything to say about it though; the Beauty Secret has twinned straps for added support in addition to full cups so that your cups won’t runneth over. The best part? It promises that after 4 weeks of daily wear, your rack will be tighter, firmer and higher even when you’re not wearing it.

If you Have a Smaller Chest

Victoria’s Secret ‘s Very Sexy Miracle Bra.

No matter what your cup size, this bra will give you maximum cleavage. It’s padded with Victoria’s Secret Level five padding –the highest they make. Add this to the capacity to make the detachable straps a halter, and the Infinity Edge that won’t show lines in the tightest tops, and you won’t pay for a drink all night.

Jezebel’s CoCo Demi Bra

Take advantage of your girlish figure to go all out on pretty pink lingerie. The delicate shape is perfect for displaying what yo mama gave you (however generous she was). Cute bows and adorable heart charms complete the coquettish charm and the demi cups give a fuller appearance. Any boy who gets to check this out will be counting his blessings while he’s checking yours out.