Our elementary school days were filled with lazy after-school sessions of TV surfing; all those wholesome family shows chock full of life lessons, physical comedy and a happy ending. We were addicted to the Full House family and all the hilarious mishaps of Tim the Tool Man Taylor. We couldn’t wait to see who Joey Potter chose each week on Dawson’s Creek and, though we’d never admit it, we even tuned in to see what crazy villain the Power Rangers took down every Saturday.

We were innocent little children soaking up the entertainment.

But we’re not so innocent anymore. Now we’re hormone raging college girls and, looking back, our favorite childhood shows were overflowing with serious male hotness. Hotness that we’d like to go back in time and get naughty with… if we had a DeLorean.

If I had these sort of inappropriate thoughts back in the day, my mother never would have let me watch Family Matters alone in my room.

Ryder Strong on Boy Meets World

He is the quintessential bad boy. Rocky childhood, from the “other side of the tracks,” rebelling all through school. How can we resist? We love his unpredictable antics and how he cleaned up his act and made his way to college. We’d throw a couple spitballs at Feeney to land a spot right under him in after school detention.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas on Home Improvement

That raspy voice, the almost too-perfect-to-be-true dreamboat face of his, the long rugged (almost mullet-y) blonde hair, and that freakin’ smile that melts us into a puddle in front of the TV set. If I knew then what I know now, I’d totally have shacked up with this one in his scary basement bedroom.

Stephan (Steve Urkels smokin’ alter ego on Family Matters)

We’re not going to lie – when Urkel stepped into that machine and came out Stephan we might have wet ourselves a little. It was pee pee back then, but I can’t say the same thing for now.

Steve on Full House

He was so dopey, we were embarrassed for him. But as long as he keeps his mouth shut, I’m all for that voluminous, wavy hair and strong chin. When we watch the big break up scene now (yeah, we watch the reruns every day), we are screaming for him to rebound right into our wide-open legs arms.

Pacey from Dawson’s Creek

No matter how hard he tried, things never seemed to go his way; we feel for Pacey and would like to console him by gifting him our bodies. The caring, sensitive guy, masked under a tough, sarcastic exterior gets us every time. Joey’s a wet noodle, Pacey; your perfect woman is right over here.

Tommy Oliver, aka The Green Ranger

He looked damn good in that green spandex and he would kick ass for his woman anytime. Those broad shoulders, the slicked back pony tail…I’d like to do a little Mighty Morphing with him. Go Go Power Rangers!

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Full House reunion!!

Dear PMS:

Why?
Just why?

Who do you think you are? I mean really. You come around once a month like that annoying friend you don’t really want to hear from, yet every month, without fail, she asks you for plans and you feel sort of obligated. So you give in, but then coffee turns into an all day shopping ordeal and by the end you want to tear your hair out because now not only did you learn that you can’t stand the person you are with, but  – bonus lesson! – you learned that eating cookies DOES in fact equal having to buy a size up in your jeans.

Well that’s how I feel with you. Only instead of a day, it’s 5 and the only person I can’t stand to be around is myself. (The part of the too-tight jeans rings true thanks to you making me feel the urge to eat a bag of something salty, which of course leads me to want something sweet, which then of course leads me to want a tuna sandwich. I know! I don’t get it either!)

You make me weepy. I cry at Disney commercials (true story) and when the cheesy music comes on as the lesson is learned at the end of Full House. Strike that – you make me actually want to watch Full House.

You make my boobs hurt so much that I have to wear two sports bras to workout…and one to sleep. I can’t even put a shirt on without wincing in pain; forget sleeping on my stomach. Or, I don’t know, letting a boy anywhere near them.

You make my skin revert back to its 13 year old ways. Do you remember what its like to be 13, PMS? Do you? I don’t think you do, because if you did then you would vividly remember the time that cute boy Josh Schwartz asked me why Mount Everest decide to relocate to my face because, in his opinion, Mt. Everest was doing just fine where it was and that I should be in an advertisement for Clearasil. That would be reason enough to never ever give me a pimple again. But noooo – even in my young adult life, every month you feel the need to sprout a pimple right in the center of my face. And not just any pimple – you prefer the special giant kind that starts from underneath and is more painful than any period cramp in the history of cramps.  (Don’t even get me started on those.)

You make me moody – probabaly because I look like sh*t and my pants don’t button – but either way I’m a total bitch to the rest of the world. And the worst part is: I realize I’m doing it. Inside my head I say, “Jill stop being such a moody bitch,” but then word vomit – the bitch version – takes over and everything mean and insensitive and downright bitchy just comes out.

I mean, I get it – they (my mother) say you are really a gift because not only do I know for sure that I’m not popping one out in 9 months, but you are also preparing me for childbirth. That the cramps are really a blessing because they are preparing me for contractions. That I should embrace mother nature and say “No means NO” to Advil and instead say “Hollerrrr!” to an amazing experience that will one day be a baby’s head coming out of my Vagina.

But I. don’t. care. I saw Knocked Up and I am already in therapy for it, so give me a freaking break. Much like the annoying drunk, the needy girl and the chick who always ditches her friends for her boyfriend, you are one friend I can definitely do without.

That is all.

No love,
Jill

They are always exciting and romantic and make me weak in the knees. Well, the ones with people I like, at least. I’m not counting those drunken makeout sessions with some creeper who attacks you out of nowhere while you’re enjoying a night out with the girls.

The first kiss is a pivotal moment in any relationship. After waiting forever (be it weeks, days, minutes…), wondering if he/she wants to kiss you as much as you want to kiss him/her, your lips finally meet and it’s all fireworks and passionate background music.

….Or slobbering sounds and teeth knocking into eachother.

Yeah, we may all want that romantic first kiss scene that we’ve seen in all our favorite movies (Slumdog Millionaire) and TV shows (Full House…with the “ooooo”s coming from the fake live audience), but there are a lot of really bad kissers out there. And somehow we keep finding them.

The question is: is a bad kiss enough to turn you off completely? Does a little (ok, a lot of) drool cancel out the great conversation, cute eyes and fact that he actually brought you flowers? Or is that something that can be worked on?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve got the winter blues. Between my frozen fingers, my wet toes and the gray skies, I am not sure how much longer I am going to last. I want some sun, dammit! Not that it is coming any time soon; winter has only just begun. We have at least 3 more months of Uggs, gloves and snotcicles dripping down our faces.

How are we supposed to make it through? The CollegeCandy writers give us their best beat-the-winter-blues advice:

Sarah – East Carolina University: I bake cookies. And everything else that is loaded with sugar, or chocolate, or other deliciousness.

Kathryn S.: Booze, booze, booze, and watching holiday movies. While drunk.

Sara C – Fordham: Nothing beats a Seinfeld DVD marathon and a cup of hot chocolate with friends. Oh, and a good book! Any suggestions?

Megan – Brown University: I put on my fluffy robe and slippers and snuggle in bed to watch Full House reruns. Add a plate of cookies and it’s the perfect hibernation.

Lauren – University of Michigan: Alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

Kari – FSU: I am immune to winter blues! Cheesy music, superfluous food and cookies, soft sweaters, awesome hair days and just enough time at home for me to reap the benefits of free laundry and free food without getting sick of parental supervision. No way Jose – sign me up for December year round!

Erica – Kent State: I like to crank up the heat in my house (not for too long, but long enough to where it’s a little toasty) and wear shorts/summer attire and drink margaritas. I also LOVE to listen to some of my favorite summer jams – think Grateful Dead, Jimmy Buffett, anything you would normally hear at summer music festivals.

Carly – Grinnell: Hot chocolate, reading books while wrapped in a blanket, and warming my hands above the toaster.

Noa – CU Boulder: I go tanning. I know it’s bad for me, but that 10 minutes of (artificial) sun make me feel so much better.

Sam – Johnson and Wales: Watching bad TV. And sex cures everything, too.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: For me it’s just Starbucks Caramel Apple Spice. For me and the bf however, it’s spending LOTS of time in bed.

Liza – Grove City College: Holiday Cheer! I get into all the decorations and music – so uplifting. It doesn’t work after the holidays, though, so January and February can be rather bitter.

Lyndsey – University of Michigan: One word: saunas. Let me tell you, the Finns know what’s up.

Suzanne – Tulane: How can you be down this time of year? It’s HOLIDAY SEASON! (I really love it. I’m pathetic.)

Leah – Ryerson University: Watching movies with my roommate while drinking cappuccinos and eating Timbits (Doughnut holes for the American folk.)

Diana – NYU: I don’t fight it–I give in to my winter blues and embrace them in all their sweatpants-wearing, lazy glory.

Alex – Lakehead University: I don’t get the winter blues! I’m from Canada – I love my 10 months of winter!

1. The Full House Remake

You weren’t a child of the ’90s unless you watched “Full House” (and if you didn’t, you seriously missed out on some major TGIF action). You knew the Tanner family. You still catch reruns when you stumble upon them flipping through the channels. You pause, you catch a Kimmy Gibbler cameo and laugh, and you remember how things were. And that’s how it should be. Now that John “Uncle Jesse” Stamos is proposing a Full House remake show, all our classic memories may be tainted. Seeing the aged DJ and Steph and the rest of the gang is just going to make me feel like an old fart. And the next thing you know, people are going to start making covers of good ’90s songs, and I’m going to start thinking to myself, “the original ‘Quit Playin Games With My Heart’ was so much better,” and then I will have turned into my mother, and this can’t happen during my 20s.

2. The Obama Citizenship Scandal

I don’t quite follow why this is happening (for all practical purposes, the presidential transition is already underway, and the last thing this country needs is more divisive action), but someone is suing Barack Obama, disputing his US citizenship and thus his claim to the presidency. For the record, Obama was born on August 4, 1961 in Hawaii, which became a member of the Union in 1959. Now what’s the problem? (And let’s not forget that former-rival John McCain was born in Panama on US-zoned territory).

3. Being Born In December

My 21st birthday was this week. That’s right- no more of those nasty “underage” check marks on my hands when I go to concerts, no more ugly red print on my driver’s license and, oh yeah, I can go where I want, whenever I want! Ballin’! Except, there was no proper way for me to celebrate this momentous occasion because (uuugh) I just so happened to have entered the world during the worst week on the calendar: the last week of classes. My time management skills aside, I still have a buttload of reading to do, and all of my friends are handcuffed to their laptops writing end-of-semester papers. So even if I was truly free-as-a-bird, my list of drinking buddies was nil. I guess the only sobering (ha!) wisdom I accrued with this coming of age was that your rights don’t come without responsibilities. Hmph.

4. Ungrateful Bosses

This didn’t happen to me, but I am equally as pissed about it: my roommate, who is a senior applying to graduate school at the moment, recently asked her boss for a recommendation letter. She has worked for years at the same campus job, which is relevant to her career interests and graduate studies. But her boss refused to write her a letter, simply because she wasn’t available to work during a particularly busy time of year. First of all, she is a student, and she took a campus job with the mutual understanding between herself and her employer that her studies came first. Second of all, she has worked there all throughout her undergraduate career, and shouldn’t her loyalty count for something? And third of all, why is it so difficult for this man, who has known my roommate for three years, to write her a one-page recommendation? For Pete’s sake, she just wants to go to grad school, and she’s been doing b*tch work for years to get there. Help a sista out.

5. Snow

I love it, really I do, just not when I am trying to walk home from the bar in my cutest pair of flats.

Has anything similar to the above happened to you/pissed you off? What’s eating you this week? Seriously ladies, let it out – mama’s here for you!

100% natural cheek and lip stain…if someone licks your face it’ll taste yummy!

For your entertainment pleasure: a breakdown of why Sean Avery is a D-bag.

Make your eyes sparkle this winter!

Eco-friendly jewelry…a green girl’s best friend!

Need a study break? 20 hotties in less than a minutes…just a quick fix.

Does Gossip Girl’s Jenny get her own show!?

Seriously, Heidi? Get over yourself!

There ARE such things as stupid questions…

Great gifts for your co-workers under $25! They don’t pay you enough anyway…

When sex ed fails…

“Holy sh*t, this is better than sex.”

And I totally meant it. That treat was pure heaven: creamy, sweet, indulgant…and I didn’t have to have awkward conversation with it after.

There aren’t many things I think that highly of, but I would give up sex for that dessert any day. (Or every day if it was fat free.) Like me, the rest of the CollegeCandy writers love getting frisky, but this week they weighed in on the very special things in life that are truly better than sex.

Olua: A good book. Call me a nerd if you want, but I’d usually rather be reading on an uneventful night than doin’ the dirty.

S.E. – Fordham: Gooey butter cake is way better then sex. It melts in your mouth, tastes like heaven, and is sweeter then any orgasm.

Kathryn S.: The thrill of the chase, because you can imagine “the perfect moment,” you don’t have to worry about “the morning after,” and because Chuck Bass instigated it on Gossip Girl.

Erica – Kent State: I don’t know why, but I am absolutely in love with pizza. I can’t tell you how many nights I have decided to skip going home with a hot guy in favor of returning to mi casa because I knew my roommates were going to order something from Pizza Hut.

Kari – FSU: My Sunday night routine: gooey pizza, fresh garlic rolls, a bottle of wine, True Blood, Entourage and a healthy dose of ice cream to get me through Little Britain so I can watch the Life & Times of Tim. Bring it on, Monday.

John – UConn: Fruit smoothies are perhaps the only thing better than sex, and mostly due to their convenience. A fruit smoothie can be enjoyed in class, while driving, while studying, and additionally a fruit smoothie never bruises your fragile ego, unless you make it REALLY poorly.

Noa – UC Boulder: Full House marathons (and not just because of Uncle Jesse).

Lauren – University of Michigan: Oreo milkshakes from Potbellys. Does sex come with mini Oreo’s on top? I don’t think so!

Suzanne – Tulane: Fitting into my skinny jeans

Heather – Penn State: Really great Italian gelato in the U.S. – it’s harder to get and it’s more consistently pleasing.

Elise – UCLA: PUMPKIN BROWNIES. Or a huge fatty slice of cheesecake with LOTS of graham cracker crust.

Carly – Grinnell: Dark chocolate, bread pudding, crème brûlée… I trust I don’t need to explain why.

Elizabeth – UA Huntsville: Cuddling up together to watch a movie or Ghost Hunters. It’s so relaxing and sweet and there aren’t any pressures at all (except to be quiet when they’re playing EVPs).

Sarabeth – University of Texas: Cheesecake. It’s amazing. ‘Nuff said.

Kelly – UMass: Nothing. and anyone who says something else is not having good enough sex.

What about you? What do you think is better than sex?

My roommate and I have an understanding: I leave the apartment when she watches the Eagles game and she leaves the apartment when I watch Grey’s Anatomy. We both find the others’ television viewing choice ridiculous and pointless. On the rare occasion I make the mistake of sticking around during a football game I am subjected to her ear-piercing screams that are so loud and so full of energy that people must mistake her cheers for domestic abuse. When they are winning she shouts; when they are losing she screams. Either way, it’s a lose-lose situation for me.

However, she apparently isn’t the only one that enjoys the sport and over the years I’ve had to endure several games. By several, I mean two. I’ve learned a few things along the way:

1. The only slightly appealing thing about watching the games is the food. Things that I would never consider ordering in a restaurant are suddenly A-Ok when they are sitting on a table in front of you. It’s not until I go home and remove crusty nacho cheese from my hair, Dorito crumbs from my shirt, and a chicken wing bone stuck in between my teeth that I feel truly disgusted with myself.

2. Life isn’t a romantic comedy and men don’t find it endearing or cute when you ask them how the players make a touchdown. No one finds my naivety about the game charming and I’ve stopped asking about the difference between the quarterback and the quarter pounder.

3. The Super Bowl commercials are never worth watching the game. Ever. I can’t understand why people say they watch the game just for the commercials. Are some of the commercials clever? Yes. Are some of the commercials chuckle-worthy? On occasion. Are the commercials equivalent to an episode of The Office? No. Is it ever worth it to sit through an hours-long football game just to say to say that the new Snickers commercial that aired around hour ten was so funny that you smiled? No.

4. People expect you to know everything about your school team. I can’t count the number of times that relatives and neighbors and neighbors’ relatives have come up to me and asked me how the Syracuse team was doing this year. I would be more likely to tell you the average annual income for a Dutch family of four than I would be able to tell you how many games Syracuse has won during any particular season.

As I write this my roommates are comparing the schedules for their respective football teams and posting godforsaken game-day magnets on the fridge. It’s too bad that I’ll have to accidentally throw it out and replace it with my hand-crafted schedule that outlines every rerun of Full House on TV.

But at TV dad? Well, that’s a whole ‘nother story.

Everyone at one point has been watching a show and had a rare, but undeniable attraction to a TV Dad. An “I wish I could reach into the TV, knock his wife out and take him right there on the kitchen table” sorta moment. Or a, “If that man didn’t have spit up on his shoulder I would totally do him,” situation.

I know I’m not alone….

There are just some delicious TV dads. The kind of dads that make dad crushes OK (or not quite as gross and sick and wrong).

So, instead of privately fantasizing about all the Hot Dads I’d like to screw, I’ve compiled a list for your reading and viewing pleasure.

Frank Lambert on Step-by-Step (played by Patrick Duffy). As one of the only men my mother and I agree on, this TV dad is totally scrumptious; he can balance his kids, his wife’s kids and handle the housework…all in skin tight jeans.

Ricky Ricardo on I Love Lucy (played by Desi Arnaz). Even in black & white, this dad can balance Lucy’s crazy antics and manage the Copacabana. Plus, he can sing. Nuff said.

Uncle Jesse on Full House (played by John Stamos). Yes, even with the mullet. As everyone’s favorite rebel, when Uncle Jesse became a daddy to twins on Full House, he got even hotter. Who can ride a Harley, rock out in his basement and change a diaper? This guy can. Sign me up.

Tom Scavo on Desperate Housewives (played by Doug Savant). No man is hotter on this show than Mr. Scavo, who has a litter of children running around. He’s got a hot body and a smile to kill. I would definitely ride my bike around his neighborhood (if you know what I’m sayinnnn’).

Elliot Stabler on Law & Order: SVU (played by Christopher Meloni). I love a man in uniform. He gets the bad guys and tries to be the best dad for his girls. Not to mention, his abs and tattoos are a serious killer for me.

Sam Bennet on Private Practice (played by Taye Diggs). I love him in How Stella Got Her Groove Back, and now, playing a hot, alternative medicine doctor dad on TV only adds to this man’s serious hotness.

Seeley Booth on Bones (played by David Boreanez). If you liked him on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, you’ll like this more mature, still seriously dreamy, David Boreanez. A hot dad on TV and a fantastic husband in real life. Sooooo delicious.

Michael Vaughn on Alias (played by Michael Vartan). I love his character on Alias; fighting crime and being a good daddy in the mix. Plus, he’s not too shabby to look at either. Tell me you didn’t love him in Never Been Kissed…I sure did. Although, now he’s a little daddy-er, a little older and a whole lot sexier.

John Winchester on Supernatural (played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan). His dimples, his hot sons, his hot body, his dimples, his raspy sexy voice, oh and, did I mention his dimples? He watched his wife die on the show, raised his own sons to be supernatural ass kickin’ dudes and he’s an ex-marine. HELLO?!?!! Where are these men in real life??? (Yes, I realize supernatural ass kickin’ dudes are about as real as Heidi Montag’s lips.)

Luke Danes on Gilmore Girls (played by Scott Patterson). Initially not a father, but just a loving friend of Lorelai and Rory, Luke’s world gets turned upside down when April comes into the picture and proves he’s her dad. He always does the right thing (adorable) and I sure wouldn’t mind coming into the local diner and getting my eggs and toast from him every morning (hot).

Who are your favorite TV dads???