Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over to us to put in next week’s post.

(Guy, two girls, at dining hall breakfast.)

Guy: You girls don’t need your buns toasted, do you?

Girl 1: Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.

Girl 2: Heh heh. No.

Guy: I was talking about the hot dog buns.

(Girl, on the phone, on a campus thoroughfare.)

Girl: I wish you didn’t have a penis!

(Beat)

Girl: Well, then I wish you would stop jerking off in the shower! Read More »

Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!

(Guys, walking through a grove on-campus.)

Guy: Nice day… birds, blue skies, not a cloud in sight. Yup. This rock looks pretty good to take a crap on.

(Older student, talking to high schooler on campus tour.)

Student: There’s actually a statistic, I think, something like 30 percent of the liquid of water parks is urine.

High schooler: Yeah, that sounds pretty reasonable. That’s about right.

Student: What the f***? No it’s not! That would be disgusting!

(Guy, preparing Mexican food.)

Guy: I love cilantro. It makes everything taste like it’s just been rinsed in a mountain waterfall. Read More »

Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!

(Girl, gesturing wildly to her friends.)

Girl: It’s Reverse Nursing! You suck babies in through your nipples!

(Guy, talking to his angry girlfriend on a park bench.)

Guy: What’s wrong with “Royal Buffet?” That’s where I went on my 21st birthday.

(Guy and a girl, talking in a bookstore.)

Guy: I checked it out, and it’s bigger than the girls’.

Girl: “Bigger than the girls” sounds like some terrible euphemism for something. Read More »

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Two guys, relaxing in a student lobby.)

Guy 1: Hulk Hogan is a country.  He’s the world’s largest importer of rice paper shirts.

Guy 2: Guess that explains everything.

(Older woman, on the phone.)

Woman: What could we buy Dad that he doesn’t already have? … How about a loving daughter?

(pause)

Woman: Oh, honey, I was kidding.

(pause)

Woman: Hey! I said I was kidding! It was a joke!

(pause)

Woman: No. Don’t hang up. I’ll apologize. I’m sorry, honey. Read More »

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(A crazy guy on campus trying to sell joke books.)

Crazy guy: Does college make you want to sh*t your pants?

Scared freshman: Um … no?

(A professor, reminiscing in-class.)

Professor: I just, you know, kinda grab nearby papers sometimes. I have many squirrel-like tendencies. That’s what my mom said.

(Girl, angry, on the phone.)

Girl: … because you’ve got the personality of a tennis ball! A tennis ball with acne! Read More »

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(At a Starbucks.)

Girl: So this is the only gin joint in town, huh?

Barista: No. This is a Starbucks.

(Two guys on move-out day, carrying cases of beer.)

Guy 1: Man, we’re gonna fill up an entire recycling bin.

RA, poking head out of room: Excuse me?

Guy 2: No, don’t worry, it’s okay. These are full of urine.

(Guy, in a bookstore cafe.)

Guy: Agh, this isn’t iced coffee. This is … nice coffee. And by that I mean not-nice coffee. Read More »

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Guy, stalking around office, exasperated.)

Guy: And nobody here knows what a cloaca is? Seriously? You guys need to get out more.

(Two girls at a dining hall table.)

Girl 1: It’s not like that. If you put anything in a crust, it’s a pie. That’s a pie.

Girl 2: What about cheesecake? Cheesecake has a crust.

Girl 1: No it doesn’t.

Girl 2: Have you ever had cheesecake? Have you even seen a cheesecake? This is a problem, like, for us. For you and me. Read More »

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

(Two guys, wearing baseball caps, jeans and ties.)

Guy 1: I love your tie, man. I can’t get knots like that. It never works for me.

Guy 2: Thanks.

Guy 1: I’m really jealous, dude. I wish I could be you. Or at least I wish we were better friends.

(Two girls at a picnic table.)

Girl 1:  That’s awkward.

Girl 2:  What?

Girl 1:  My roommate just texted me. She said she saw my butt last night. I don’t know what that means.  Read More »

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!]

“Yeah, Catholic high school was abstinence-only. They never taught us about condoms or cock rings or anything like that.”

At Starbucks:

Man: “I can’t help it! I’m impotent!” (Pointing at the drinks menu) “It’s… this Greek goddess stuff!”

“That’s how you choose who gets to keep the dog after the divorce. You can cheat, you know. Rub bacon on your hand or something like that.”

“Yeah. That’s how you choose who gets to keep the kids, too. I think the bacon thing still works.”

“No, I’m not gay. I just like tickle fights with other men.” Read More »