Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so take off those (faux) Burberry ear muffs and tune in.

(Girl, boy, after a class.)

Girl:  I bet you had an erection that whole lecture.
Boy: No, I didn’t.

(Two interns, talking in an office breakroom.)

Girl: I think public art is important.

Guy: And pubic art, too.

Girl: Well, that goes without saying.

(Guy, with his girlfriend, at a hairdresser.)

Girl: Oh wow! I love it!

Guy: I don’t know … I don’t look like I’m smart anymore.

(Girl, standing outside the men’s bathroom at a bar when a guy walks up.)

Girl: Hey. Hey! Don’t go in there. I know what you’re going to do in there!

(Girl, bringing a drink back to a table.)

Guy: Whad’ya get?

Girl: It’s a gimlet.

Guy: Oh. We usually freeze those. Or put them in the gravy.

(Girl and British guy, hanging out outside the dining hall.)

Guy: So … Irish Car Bombs? That’s really a thing? Like, a weapon of terrorism used to blow people up in Northern Ireland?

Girl: Yeah, I guess it’s kind of insensitive.

Guy: I mean, how would you feel if we had a drink called the Twin Towers or something?

(Extremely loud girl, at a restaurant.)

Girl: Oh, I absolutely want to f— him. Geez, and his girlfriend, I’d steal her! My vagina is absolutely interested in that. Wow!  (Turns to waitress, who just showed up) Oh, yeah, can I just get a refill on my water?

(Girl and boy, heard through a screen door at a party.)

Girl: Sorry, but …

Guy: Yeah?

Girl: That was probably the worst sex I’ve had, ever.

Guy: Yeah, I agree, that was pretty lame. I’ll make it up to you.

Girl: No, that’s okay.

(Girl, walking out of a sex lecture.)

Girl: Wow … I just got a year’s worth of Awkward Turtles in like forty minutes.

Girl, walking through campus on the phone.)

Girl: OK, well I haven’t pooped yet today so we may have to make a stop…. No I’m Prairie Doggin’ so it should be quick.

(Two girls, following a reproductive anatomy class.)

Girl 1: Now, whenever I do anything with anyone I’m going to be thinking about this.

Girl 2: Yeah, I know

Girl 1: Yeah, like right before he gets off I’m gonna be thinking, “oh, this is secreting this, this is mixing with that.”

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so take off those (faux) Burberry ear muffs and tune in.

(Girl, yelling, in a bar bathroom.)

Girl: … I’m NOT PREGNANT!

(Two guys, walking in an apartment parking lot.)

Guy 1: Dude, look at that cat. Is that cat drunk?

Guy 2: No, man, everyone knows cats don’t drink.

(Two girls, walking)

Girl 1: OK, we take this to the grave.

Girl 2: Yeah, no one can find out.

Girl 1: Kinda like the time I cried in the Lizzie McGuire movie.

Girl 2: Or when you peed on Stacie’s boots.

(Girl, guy, playing Wii in the lounge.)

Girl: Ughh! Oh my God! I need some Viagra for video games!

(Guy, girl, in the lunchroom kitchen.)

Guy: Aah! I destroy everything I touch!

Girl: Wait, are you breaking up with me?

Guy: No. Broke a plate.

(Girl, watching TV in the lounge.)

Girl: Oh. I get it. Suddenly it makes sense. Football players are all virgins.

(Two guys, waiting to get into a concert.)

Guy 1: You know what it means to f— a duck, right?

Guy 2: What? Uh, no.

Guy 1: Uh, geez. F— a duck. You know, like … that thing?

Guy 2: I dunno, dude.

Guy 1: Man. Just f— a duck.

(Professor, teaching a communications class.)

Professor: But, you’d never do that. It’d be like … a dozen people, sitting in a room in silence, watching a pair of lips on TV. It would be very European.

(Girls, talking at breakfast.)

Girl 1: I need to purge this pizza from my body.

Girl 2: Uh …

Girl 1: Yup. Exactly as gross as you think.

(Guys, outside a campus wings restaurant.)

Guy: Ughhh. I ate so much. It feels like I just got kicked in the stomach. And their shoe got stuck there.

(Girls, sitting around in the study lounge.)

Girl 1: What’s a fun game?

Girl 2: I have this game called “Loot.” It’s, like, a pirate card game.

Girl 1: Like, cuttin’ throats and swingin’ on rigging. And stabbing people’s eyes, so they bleed everywhere like a bloody duck’s butt.

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so take off those (faux) Burberry ear muffs and tune in.

(Two guys in the grocery store.)

Guy 1: What about that? Gorilla grape. What do you think?

Guy 2: No, man, like … think about it. Gorilla? Ew. I don’t want to drink that.

(Girl, on the phone in Starbucks.)

Girl: You puked in the middle of the street? How drunk were you?…. Sober? Who pukes sober?

(Guy, on the phone in the art lab.)

Guy: Listen, you don’t need to care. But I can fit inside a dinosaur.

(Two girls, walking.)

Girl 1: So how was last night?

Girl 2: It was great. Craziest sex I’ve ever had…. But I’m worried. I think he might like me.

(Professor, in an early morning class.)

Professor: Oh. Sorry.

(beat)

Professor: It’s early. I just burped for the first time.

(Girl, explaining herself.)

Girl: Oh, you see, I barfed, but it was just – this white gunk. Because I didn’t eat anything. I only ever ate Popsicles and yogurt. Because I used to weigh 150 pounds. I was 150 pounds when I was in fourth grade.

(Guy, talking on the road outside an apartment complex.)

Guy 1: God. I was so sick. Couldn’t keep anything down. I only drank iced tea for three days because it tasted just as good coming back the other way.

Guy 2: Dude, that was a rough cyst.

(Girl, on cell phone.)

Girl: It was insane. All of a sudden there was a big dance circle and the entire bar was beating the beat. Even the bartenders.

(Woman, at a deli, wearing a fur coat, fur hat and fur shawl.)

Woman: I would like seven pounds of ham. It’s cold.

(Two girls, talking in the library cafe.)

Girl 1: If I die, just keep me in the worms.

Girl 2: They’re getting hungry. They could use you.

(Cashier at a pizza delivery restaurant.)

Guy: Thanks.

Cashier: I don’t know. I’m just giving you … like, all these presents of food.

Guy: Uh-huh?

Cashier: Like I’m the witch from Hansel and Gretel or something.

Guy: Yeah.

(Two girls, waiting at a bus stop.)

Girl 1: Isn’t it supposed to make your breasts really uncomfortable?

Girl 2: It’s fine. I’ll just have the tiny human take care of it.

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so take off those (faux) Burberry ear muffs and tune in.

(Guy, walking out of a package store with three 30-packs of beer.)

Guy: Yeah, I’ve been trying really hard on this whole “New Year’s Resolution” thing. Think I’m doing okay so far.

(Girl, talking to a guy at a bar.)

Girl: Are you related to that guy on stage?

Guy: Who?

Girl: You look a lot like him.

Guy: No, I don’t.

Woman: Okay, you’re right. I’m just trying to hit on you.

(Girl, complaining in the student union lounge.)

Girl: I used to like Gaga, you know, back when I thought she was a hermaphrodite. Like, I’d watch her, and I’d be like “yeah, this is good, I like this,” but I was always on my toes. Because you never know when something might just – pop out! It was exciting.

(Two girls, talking in a nearby restaurant booth.)

Girl: It was like … I touched him, you know, in … how d’you say. His penis.

(Professor, working with a winter session math class.)

Student: I don’t get this problem. So we can get the gas halfway across the desert, but then we still have to get back. Seems impossible.

Prof: *chuckling* Ask your dad when you’re older.

(Girl and a guy, talking outside an apartment.)

Girl: Just … listen, if you hear anything that sounds like a door opening and people stealing all my stuff, try and stop them, okay?

(Guy in a Dunkin’ Donuts line, talking to a girl.)

Guy: New thing I did last night. I tried typing, you know, random nouns into Ebay. Like “stuff” and “product.” And see what happens. It was fun.

Girl: This is why you still live with your mom.

(Girl, guy, talking over coffee.)

Guy: She made me a mix CD before I left.

Girl: Uh-oh. That’s it. She wants you.

Guy: You think so?

Girl: That mix CD is like her womb enveloping your musical taste. She wants to take you and birth you as her own.

(Two girls, in a movie theater hallway.)

Girl 1: Avatar? No, it was Fatatar.

Girl 2: The best part was when they blew up Home Pizza.

(The last ‘Best of Overheard 2009‘ post wasn’t really the best things overheard in 2009. Come on! You really thought those were any good? No, these right here. These. These are the best of the best of 2009. If you think yours are better, send them in or leave them in the comments!)

(Two guys and a girl, leaving a movie theater.)

Guy: You gotta stay here, it’s dicks only.

Girl: Fine. I didn’t want to come anyway.

(Two girls, leaving an early biology class.)

Girl:  I sometimes think about how comfortable a womb would be, and then I think – hey. You don’t breathe. And that terrifies me. Even though it would be fun, you know, bouncing around.

(Student, explaining something in a study session.)

Girl: You see, to be happy, we are constantly secreting.

(Girls, watching the news in the lounge.)

Girl 1:  I bet Obama and Michelle totally did it after the stimulus vote.

Girl 2: Yeah, he was probably all, ‘stimulate this!’

(Girl and guy in a restaurant.)

Girl: I don’t want a boyfriend. Boyfriends are like avocados.

Guy: Why?

Girl: Not in season. Small, wrinkly and green.

(Two guys on a bench.)

Guy 1: You can’t just push people over because they’re poor!

Guy 2: Why not? I think that’s a great reason!

(Two guys, riding the shuttle bus.)

Guy 1: Hey, excuse me.

Guy 2: What?

Guy 1: Our butts just touched. Sorry about that.

(Girl, furious.)

Girl: The state is paying to put giant boobs on my campus!

(Guy, running up to a girl.)

Guy: Hey, yo! Yo, are you the girl I saw dancing in the parking lot yesterday?

(Two kids, eating cherries outside a convenience store.)

Kid 1: Hey, I bet I can hit that guy with a pit.

Kid 2: Do it!

Guy: *stops* Excuse me?

Kid 1: No, the other guy. You know. Invisible guy.

(Two guys, relaxing in a student lobby.)

Guy: Hulk Hogan is a country.  He’s the world’s largest importer of rice paper shirts.

(Girls, watching a performance in a public park.)

Girl 1: So, you know what’s way better than all of us having sex together?

Girl 2: Playing with our fake puppies.

Girl 1: Yup.

(Girls, introducing themselves in class.)

Girl 1: I’m Brenna.

Girl 2: Hi! I’m Margaret, but you can call me Murphy.

Girl 1: Huh. How’d you get that nickname?

Girl 2: When I was born, my dad said it was Murphy’s Law.

(Two girls, walking through the mud after a football game.)

Girl 1: I want to make a really inappropriate joke.

Girl 2: Is it a Trail of Tears joke?

Girl 1: Okay, yeah.

(Professor, heard from outside a chemistry lecture hall.)

Prof: Okay. Now, imagine you’re all molecules. Good. But I hate molecules! Uh-oh, really bad!

(Girl, serving herself food, looking quizzically at the pasta.)

Girl: Who stole the insides of these?

(Hey, readers! We sure had a good year, didn’t we? You all sat through Overheard once a week, every week, and nobody sent me any hate mail or bomb threats or horse heads! I’m impressed, readers, and as my thanks to you, I’ve collected some of my favorite Overheards from 2009. Read on! And don’t forget to share what you’ve heard lately. Leave it in the comments or send it on over!)

(Girls studying math in the library.)

Girl 1: … So you just do your FOIL and multiply out.

Girl 2: I don’t get it! I don’t know how to do math.

Girl 1: You know, first, then outer, then the inner, then last?

Girl 2: Oh! You mean making rainbows!

(Two guys in a liquor shop.)

Guy 1: What are we looking for?

Guy 2: A guy, like, four liters wide. Name is Carlo. If you punch him, he leaks wine everywhere.

(Two guys, finding seats in an auditorium.)

Guy 1: Are we just gonna use our jackets to reserve these seats?

Guy 2: I guess so. We can’t rely on Meghan to mark them with her urine.

(Woman, to her son, in a CVS.)

Mom: Look! Thanksgiving! You’re not scared of Thanksgiving, right?

Kid: Waaaah!

(Woman in a breakfast restaurant.)

Woman: Look! It’s the chronosaur! He’s a time-traveling dinosaur who fixes history’s mysteries!

(Two students in geology lab.)

Guy: Hello, Mr. T-Rex. So, you’re a dinosaur. What’s your favorite color?

Girl: … Blllluuue.

Guy: And what’s your favorite movie?

Girl: Space Jam.

(In a public bathroom)

Parent: Now wash your hands in the sink. Use soap! Now dry them.

Kid: No.

Parent: Use the drier.

Kid: No, no no no!

(Sound of drier.)

Afterward, kid:  I couldn’t even hear my screams.

(Folks in the dining hall.)

Girl: Why do you keep socks in your pocket?

Guy: My mom always yelled at me whenever my socks fell out of my pocket.

(Two guys, talking at library workstations.)

Guy: Me and my girlfriend are gonna be getting crazy this weekend. We got my mom’s van. We are gonna need to censor, like, an entire 48 hours.

(Girl, at a computer.)

Girl: Guys, what’s “galactorrhea”? Is that where you sh*t entire solar systems?

(Guys in the hallway, one with a grocery bag.)

Guy 1: They’re doing a food collection in the lobby.

Guy 2: Oh, cool. Do they take mold?

(A bunch of people sitting around a campfire.)

Girl 1: Marshmallows are kinda gross, when you think about it.

Girl 2: I think it’s a good kind of gross. Like tiny, edible fat people.

(Bookstore employees talking to each other.)

Employee 1: I had this dream… dozens of tiny cows! They were the cutest things, just running around everywhere, getting stepped on, stuck in doors. They were bite-size.

Employee 2: They were Tinybeefs!

(Guy, watching four girls move a table out of an apartment.)

Guy: Hey, uh, can I help you girls with anything?

Girl: Yeah, you can spend nine months carrying unborn humans in your belly for us.

(Two girls in a pizza restaurant.)

Girl 1: Nothing big is cute.

Girl 2: One foot toddler? Cute. One hundred foot toddler? Gross.

Girl 1: Wait, one foot toddler?

(Guy chasing a mosquito around with newspaper. Girl watching.)

Guy 1: Get back here, mosquito. You’re going to mosquito school. At mosquito school, you die.

Girl: He paid a lot of money to go to mosquito school!

(Guys turn around as another enters a party.)

Guy 1: Oh, sh*t, it’s chili schnapps guy. Don’t bring that sh*t here.

Guy 2: What are you talking about? This is peach schnapps.

Guy 1: No foolin’ me, man. That’s straight up chili .

(Girl, gesturing wildly to her friends.)

Girl: It’s Reverse Nursing! You suck babies in through your nipples!

(Girl, walking a dog in the park, meets a guy.)

Guy: Hey, I like your dog.

Girl: Thanks. He’s Arfken, dog wizard.

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so get listening.

(Guy, watching something in a sports bar.)

Guy: Okay … yeah, okay … ALL RIGHT! YES! I’m the BUTTERMAN! I’m the SEXY BUTTERMAN!

(Two girls, studying in the library.)

Girl 1: Yeah, I’ll probably start sleeping here too. Under the tables or something.

Girl 2: No, I said “sleeping with girls” in the library. That’s different.

Girl 1: Oh. Yeah, I guess it is.

(Girl, in a movie theater lobby.)

Girl: Yeah, what was up with those? The shak-ti people of the dunelands. The mol-kot people of the high cliffs. The lint people of lint-land. The butt people of my butthole.

(Guy, drops his food in the dining hall.)

Guy: Aww, bigc**k bearsf**k.

(Girl, on the phone in the library cafe.)

Girl: Wait … a cactus? Geez. Wow. Hard times. … Yeah, I guess it is cheaper than seeing a Proctologist.

(Professor, during the last lecture of the semester.)

Prof: Honestly, being a straight woman is really overrated. I’d say “eat it, straight girls,” except you can’t.

(Girl, singing softly as she unpacks her stuff in the library.)

Girl: One, two, three, I got finals and me, calc and chemistry and I’m caught in between.

(Guy, entering a dorm lounge.)

Guy: Oh my god. That interview.

Guy 2: How was it?

Guy: You know how, when you get nervous, you feel like your stomach is full of butterflies? Mine felt like it was getting ripped out through my anus.

(Two girls, next to the fruit section in the dining hall.)

Girl 1: You think we need a trash bag?

Girl 2: Yeah, I’ll get one.

Employee: Excuse me. You can’t take those.

Girl 1: We can’t?

Girl 2: Yeah we can.

Employee: No, you can’t.

Girls: (leave)

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so get to it. We’ll throw them in a future post!

Professor, pointing at an Asian girl.
Professor:  That’s how they do it in China, right?
Girl: What the hell is he talking about?

Two girls at a basketball game.
Girl 1: The coach has his own brand of wine.
Girl 2: Really? I knew he had a pasta sauce.
Girl 1: Yup, wine too. And a diaper. His face pops up on the back when it needs to be changed.

Two girls, walking through the mud after a football game.
Girl 1: I want to make a really inappropriate joke.
Girl 2: Is it a Trail of Tears joke?
Girl 1: Okay, yeah.

Girl, on a bus.
Girl: We have to stop. Otherwise I’m going to explode and spray hot urine everywhere.

Girl, on the phone.
Girl: I was trying to masturbate, and I couldn’t do it. I had to stop. I just kept thinking about his moustache.

Guy, talking to a girl.
Guy: Did you gain, like, 600 pounds?
Girl: I don’t think so.
Guy: Good, ’cause I saw some huge woman, and I wasn’t sure whether to say hi.

Girl, in a shopping center.
Girl: Hey, you, uh … you lookin’ at my dick? Why don’t I just … put this beehive on it?

Guy, on a bus.
Guy: Beards are just like women’s periods. They’re kind of annoying, but you can get rid of them whenever you want.

Guy, girls, chatting outside class.
Guy: I always get sick after finals. Like, cause they kick my ass for a week.
Girl: Wait? What? You pick your ass for a week? What?
Guy: No.

Girls talking over lunch.
Girl 1: So what would we do if we woke up as boys?
Girl 2: Probably pee standing up.
Girl 3: Have sex with a woman.
Girl 4 (walking over): I would want to jump with a boner.

Professor, talking in lecture.
I would pull my pants down, but that might get me arrested.

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so get to it. We’ll throw them in a future post!

(Girl, on the phone.)

Girl: Lil Wayne was in my dream last night! Yeah. He had a farm. No, I mostly just made fun of his voice a lot. “Hey, girl, who knew we’d have so much in common?” And I was like “Lil Wayne, I had no idea!”

(Professor, heard from outside a chemistry lecture hall.)

Prof: Okay. Now, imagine you’re all molecules. Good. But I hate molecules! Uh-oh, really bad!

(Two girls, talking at a library study table.)

Girl 1: Were they at least cute?
Girl 2: The girl was a cute Latina woman, but the guy had a scum-stache. I had to turn up my Walkman to drown out the squelching noises.

(English professor, in a small lecture.)

Prof: Government needs hospitals and other utilities to run smoothly. Something like the Starship Enterprise.
Student: ExCUSE me?
Prof: What?
Student: Have you … have you ever even seen an episode of Star Trek?

(Guy, girl, talking in the Music building.)

Guy: Did you see the tree-lighting ceremony that year?
Girl: No, was it good?
Guy: Yeah. Josh Groban got so turned on, he ate the microphone.

(Guy, at a bus stop.)

Guy: It’s November. I’m rolling. I’m all by myself. I’m rolling, and I think I’m gonna write a Christmas song.

(Two girls, coming out of an exam.)

Girl 1: Bombed it. That was terrible.
Girl 2: I think I did okay, actually.
Girl 1: And – damnit! And I forgot to water my veggies in FarmVille!

(Guys, coming out of the gym locker room.)

Guy 1: Miley Cyrus or Taylor Swift?
Guy 2: Probably Miley Cyrus. Taylor Swift looks like a cat that got hit by a makeup train.

(Guys, in the Student Union cafe.)

Guy 1: Dizzy Bat, flip cup, pong. What else.  Need some more.
Guy 2: Forty-hands?
Guy 1: Maybe.
Guy 3: Pitcher drink?
Guy 1: What’s that?
Guy 3: You drink until you pass out.

(Guy, waiting at  a Starbucks.)

Guy: Listen, if I’m gonna date a girl, I’m just saying, she’s gotta respect my ass. I got a pretty big ass. It demands a lot of respect.

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so get to it. We’ll throw them in a future post!

(Two girls in the dining hall.)

Girl 1: God, I am seriously the best wing man ever!

Girl 2: Well, who’s your wing man?

Girl 1: (Pointing to her breasts and shimmying) I’ve got two.

(Man, woman, waiting in the lobby of a hair salon.)

Man (looking in mirror): What do you think? It worked for Wolverine, you know.

Woman: No. It wouldn’t work for you.

Man: It’s … it’s working already.

(Two guys, in a dorm community kitchen.)

Guy 1: What the f—?

Guy 2:  I can’ t cook these. These are like, Russian Nesting Kielbasas or something.

(Guys talking over dinner at the dining hall.)

Guy: I wouldn’t want to kick any girl filled with toffee. She can keep it.

(Guys, girl, talking in a dorm hallway.)

Guy 1: God. So itchy. I hate Beardvember.

Guy 2: I think it’s Novembeard, right?

Guy 3: I’m used to hearing “No Shave November.”

Girl: I always just called it “30 days of pubes.”

(Girl, serving herself food, looking quizzically at the pasta.)

Girl: Who stole the insides of these?

(Two girls and a guy, in the library.)

Girl 1: I wish all the lights were tanning bulbs.

Girl 2: I know! We’d be so tan, we could just pretend it’s summer. No one would know. It would be amazing.

Guy: Yeah, or we’d all burn to a crisp after our eyeballs fall out. It would be like “‘attack of the sick overworked bacon students in the library.”

Girl 1:  Way to bring me down. Debbie friggin’ Downer. Now I want a breakfast sandwich.

Girl 2: Ooh, with bacon?

Guy: I hate you both.

(Girl, on the phone.)

Girl: It’s not that. It’s that I never believe you any more. I don’t … no! I can’t trust you! I just can’t! Listen, I can’t do this right now. Can I hang up and just text you instead?

(Girl and guy, walking past yelling girl on campus thoroughfare.)

Girl 1 (yelling): Who wants some free koofers?

Girl 2: What’s a koofer?

Guy: It’s a sensation you get down in your nethers.

(Two girls, on computers in the library.)

Girl 1: All these guys are such crap.

Girl 2: Yeah, I want to date the good guys. I want the good guys with the right moves.