There’s been a growing trend in the vag-o-sphere. And it’s all about making your lady parts look pretty and shiny and….bedazzled?! Yes. Bedazzled. Because it’s no longer about the sexy lingerie and the sexy banter. It’s all about dressing up your vagina like every sexual encounter is a debutante ball for your most fun body part. Unsure about what we’re talking about?

Check out our guide to making your vagina sparkle (possibly, literally):

So you’re a beginner Vag-terior Decorator? First, you need to remove all your hair. Now you have a few options, let’s discuss:

Waxing: Popular, yet painful. But it sure beats shaving.

Brazilian: Bye bye hair. Like all your hair. A few screams, a few Advils, and you’re hair free for 3-6 weeks.

Laser: Because hot wax wasn’t enough torture for you. The upside? It’s permanent. The downside? Someone is shooting a laser at your vagina.

Now that you’re hairless, it’s time to get fancy:

Vajazzling: The sounds-like-an-SNL-skit procedure was made popular by Jennifer Love Hewitt in 2010. It’s basically bedazzling your down there. Once you’re freshly bare, the crystals are applied to your lady bits. Oh and don’t worry, there is a do-it-at-home kit that comes stocked with different patterns and colors.

Hair grown back? No fear!

Dye it! You now have the option of matching your curtains to the rug! Any rug in your house that is! Yep, you can go for a more natural strawberry blonde or a more wild electric blue.

All these vagina treatments get your Hooha stressing out? Well then it’s time to hit the spa!

Vagina Steam Bath: This treatment involves squatting over a boiling pot of a mugworth tea blended with wormwood and some other herbs sprinkled in. Apparently, this is supposed to reduce stress, fight infections, clear hemorrhoids, regulate menstrual cycles and air infertility.

Vajacial: No you didn’t read the wrong, I’m talking a facial on your vajayjay. Don’t worry, it isn’t like a trip to the gyno. It’s more of a facial. They rid you of any acne (I pity anyone who has the problem), take out ingrown hairs, exfoliate, cleanse, and make you smoother than smooth.

Okay, your destressed, always ready to impress Vag has been getting tons of action….and now it’s feeling a little loose. Don’t worry! There’s a treatment for that!

Vaginal Rejuvenation:  There is a surgery that goes into your vagina and fixes/tightens all of the muscles. You can also get your hymen redone (in case losing your virginity wasn’t awkward enough the first time). But if you aren’t into surgery,  then you can still strengthen your va jay with a new kind of “heath” spa called Phit (pelvic health integrated techniques). Yep, that’s a thing.

Okay, okay, your vagina is in the best shape of your life…but you’re still not getting to the big O.

Well it’s time for a G-Shot. The G-shot, clever name, was created to amplify the G-spot sensations. It involves a shot of collagen in your G-spot, while you lay there under local anesthetics. The shot takes 8 seconds, and all in all is a quick procedure. The effects last for 3 months.

So, now that we’ve given you a guide to redecorating your vagina, we want to hear from you! Have you ever done of these things? Are you okay with girls vajazzling for guys? Or maybe you think hair removal is sexist….tell us in the comments!

Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating slightly. There are some guys out there that will put some effort into making sure their woman is satisfied. I think it’s more that they like to hear that they’ve made you happy then actually making you happy, but I’m a little bitter right now towards men. Forgive me.

If you’re just desperate to enhance your sexual experience, you can now spend $1,800 every four months for the G-Shot, an injection meant to expand your G-Spot. The collagen that women have been injecting into their lips for years to create a more pillowy, Angelina Jolie look can now be used to blow up that special place. It expands the money spot into the size of a quarter, and though results may vary, it just might possibly better your booty time.

Now, I have a couple of qualms with this. One—have these women never heard of the clitoris? Has it not been scientifically proven that the woman’s clit is the equivalent to the man’s dick? Is it that hard to have your man, or yourself reach on down there and rub a little? Or what about just a really great, extended foreplay session?

Sex is a give and take, lovely little game. We’re stimulated one way, them in another way. Why not just work out with your partner what works best for both of you? Talking about it is a great way of opening up communication lines, and you both may learn something about the opposite sex. Exploring and figuring it out in a hot, hands on manner is even more fun. If you have a guy that just won’t work that hard—sounds like it’s time to kick him to the curb.

Next—the list of side effects for this ridiculously over-priced thing is enormous. Everything from yeast infections, to pain during sex, and damage to nearby organs. What? One of the other side effects is a constant feeling of stimulation which… I guess that’s a problem during, like, church. But honestly—you can seriously mess things up down there by doing this. It just doesn’t seem worth it.

I guess if you’re desperate for some sexual satisfaction and have two grand to throw around this is an option. But I really feel as though you might need to sit down and think about why you have such a hard time climaxing. Work out the self-esteem issues and get wild in bed before you try this. Or buy a rabbit.