Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv. Email Aunt Tuffy at tuffyluvCC [at] gmail [dot] com

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m fat. I hate my body. Now what?

Fatty

Dear Girl,

That’s right. I refused to call you Fatty. Because–what the floop?! Girl, you have got to address these issues now before they eat you whole–literally. Look, sometimes people gain weight. But people also lose weight, right? Right. So here’s what you do:

Figure out what’s making you gain weight. Is it the types of foods you’re eating? The amount of food? Or are you not exercising enough?

If it’s a food issue, start reading up on what’s healthy and what’s not. If you know what is good for your body, you’ll want to give it food that makes it run better. Vegetables, whole grains, lean protein–these things can be prepared deliciously, and they’ll make you feel great.

For amount of food, think portion control. At the beginning, weigh your food. I’m not kidding. Read up on portion sizes (from nutritionists and health experts, not crazos) and weigh it until you know what the right amount looks like. Limit yourself to eating only that amount. You might feel hungry at first, but within a week or so, your body will adjust. Most of us are used to overeating–you’ll feel much better when you’re actually eating the right amount.

Exercise is good for everyone. You want cardio AND weights. Find something you like to do (dancing, running, whatever) and make a schedule that has you doing it four times a week. And then stick to it!!! And do NOT reward yourself with food–reward yourself with the knowledge that you’re taking good care of yourself and starting better habits for the future.

And in the meantime, girl, seriously lay off. I’m sure you’re absolutely beautiful just the way you are. It is not healthy to be significantly overweight, but that doesn’t mean you should feel unattractive for it!!! Lots of men like a little extra meat. Don’t slim down for that; slim down because you’ll feel better, and you’ll have fewer health problems as you age. Do it for yourself. And in the meantime, always, always love the body you’ve got. Because that’s you, baby!

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

[lead image via Monkey Business Images / Shutterstock]

Do not go to parties/meals famished. Try to eat before a big meal, even if you just have a snack. Going to a party or a big meal on an empty stomach could cause you to over-eat. Eating a little over time will also keep you from becoming impatient while food is almost done, because your blood sugar will not be too low.

Drink water. Sometimes when you think you are hungry, you might just be dehydrated. Drinking more water can help to prevent overeating and benefit weight loss because it makes your metabolism burn calories 3% faster. Many beverages contain high amounts of sugar, fats, and calories, and very little water. Since you are going to be eating lots of desserts, casseroles, and treats, cut back on those extra calories by having a glass of water.

Limit your alcohol intake. Alcohol is pretty high in calories. If you must drink, try to sip at your beer over time rather than downing it. You could also choose diet-friendly drinks such as wine (Zifandel White Wine contains 100 calories per 5-oz serving) or liquor with calorie-free mixers like diet soda.

Watch your portions. With all the different types of food at potlucks, parties, and holiday meals, there is no way you can eat a full portion of everything. Sometimes a little taste is all you need, and then get bigger portions of your favorites. Doing this ensures you got to eat your favorite holiday treats and you got to try new things. You also get a chance to know whether or not you’d like to try a dish again with just a sample of it, rather than wasting half a plate of a dish you weren’t fond of.

Eat slowly and socialize. Enjoy the company, don’t hover over the food. When I socialize during a meal, I almost forget about all the food on my plate. Enjoy your food, but try to make lasting memories rather than focusing on filling your stomach. Eating slowly also makes you feel fuller, faster, and you will actually savor the food you are eating. Try to forgo the mentality that this is your last meal, and honor your true feelings of hunger. Ask yourself if you are actually hungry, or just eating because you want to. Don’t waste calories on something you might not even want to eat.

Go for a walk. Taking a walk around the neighborhood with a family member or friend gives you time to catch up, and to walk off that piece of pumpkin cheesecake. Stay active over the holidays. I know that I would rather snuggle up on the sofa with a cup of hot cocoa watching Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer than face the bone-chilling cold outside. So I play with my dog or break out the Dance Dance Revolution game my friends and I used to play. Look for ways to stay active, rather than just eating and sleeping.

Re-gift treats. Take leftover treats such as cookies and candy to potlucks or parties. If you feel bad about doing that, take them to your suite in your dorm! Just because you were given all those sweets does not mean you have to eat all of them.

Try to implement these tips into your holiday season and you may just fit into those new jeans your mother buys you for Christmas… rather than spending the next few weeks trying to fit in time to go to the gym.

Somehow I think Chinese delivery was a contributing factor here.

This week I’ve been inspired by ThisIsWhyYou’reFat.com… or my own personal struggle with winter weight. Between the Christmas cookies, Starbucks peppermint mochas and, oh yeah, lifting my drinking ban, these have all caused me to pack on the weight over the past three months. I could not be more annoyed with the term “winter weight,” or having to rationalize that I’m not getting fat, just fluffy.

Which is why the only thing I’m asking Santa for this year is a gym membership.

Here are some of the things that might be unfavorably tipping the scales, particularly in this binge-y time of the year.

10. Brunch
My favorite unnecessary meal of the day. At which almost all items on the menu are dripping with syrup. Not good.

9. Driving
Not exactly caloric, but how many times do you hop in the driver’s seat to a destination that’s walking distance? Or for that matter, pile into a cab when you’re only heading ten blocks away. Bad for the bod and the environment.

8. Late night snacking
Those munchies add up, and if you believe the hype, eating after 8 PM is one of the worst things you can do to your body.

7. Delivery
Not even bothering to get off the couch to get greasy food into your mouth? Pad thai, Domino’s, greasy Chinese food, it doesn’t matter. Homemade food is always healthier, and the stroll around the grocery store will do your body some sort of good. Well, at least more good than keeping the door unlocked and having that poor little delivery dude drop the food at your feet.

6. Guacamole
WHAT THE EFF? Why does this delicious topping have so many calories? Considering it’s made out of a vegetable? Really disappointing.

5. Christmas candy. And cookies. And eggnog. And giant turkey dinners.
Okay, I’ll let this one slide on December 25th, but no holding onto those Christmas candies past January 1st!

4. Lack of sleep
Cramming for finals, partying hard and cramming some more does not make for a healthy sleep cycle. Turns out, losing out on the Z’s can get you packing on the lbs. “Professor, I’m sorry I slept through your 8 AM, I’m just watching my figure right now. I know you’ll understand,” might not work as an excuse, but try and crawl under the covers a few minutes earlier than usual.

3. Boyfriend or Breaking Up
It’s different for everyone and it’s a lose-lose (or I guess a gain-gain). Some people, like me, get super-comfy with their beau and start packing on the pounds when they’re in a relationship. On the flip side, being single can get you dating your fridge. Sigh.

2. Cupcakes
My favorite food and the world’s hottest dessert fixation right now. Red velvet cupcake does not make a good dinner. No, skim milk pairing doesn’t make it any better. Especially difficult when paired with #1 at the hottest new spot in the West Village, Sweet Revenge. Check it out before you have to make your New Year’s Resolution.

1. Drinking
This one is a killer considering tis the season to get wasted on Schnapp’s in order to tolerate your relatives. And then there’s an entire apple pie calling your name. Maybe it’s time to go back to sobriety. Spring break is just around the corner. Woof.

"She's gonna get fat."

As college students, we are constantly inundated with new knowledge. It can be useful, thought-provoking, or crammed into our head on a Starbucks-fueled binge several hours before an exam. However, very rarely do we question the validity of all this new knowledge (unless you take philosophy classes, then you’ll question away).

That’s where College Candy comes in. We’re not going to debate whether or not the Theory of Relativity actually exists (a disappointment, I know, but I’m a communications major and stopped taking science classes after Baby Bio fresh year). However, we are here to thoroughly investigate the most widespread college knowledge (no, not rhyming): the myth.

Alright guys, I’m gonna level with you: I’m a big fan of the brewskies. I like Sam Adams Pumpkin Ale, Sweetwater 420, the occasional stein of Newcastle, and the slightly more frequent funnel full of Bud Light. I particularly like that I can drink copious amounts of beer without the consequences that would come from drinking the same amount of vodka, water & lime. Most of all, I like that beer lends itself easily to day-drinking.

What I don’t like about beer (besides how much it makes me want to sing drinking songs) is that it makes me fat.

It’s not even the eventual, slowly-creeping-towards-your-thighs fat. It’s like an immediate, “I’m so carbonated and delicious and I’m going to make you so full you can’t suck in anymore” variety of fat. So it’s no wonder that beer contributes majorly to the Freshman 15, right? Ehh, yes and no.

The typical 12 ounce beer has around 150 calories. So obviously, each one you drink adds to your bottom line of calorie intake. The more calories you consume without burning them off, the more weight you’re gonna gain (I know, it’s all very scientific). But if you carefully measure out your Stairmaster time to counteract the beer pong tournament you plan on winning later and you’re still gaining weight, it might not be Natty Light’s fault.

A strange thing happens when I drink beer. Come the end of the party/night/gameday/Happy Hour, I feel this strange magnetic force pulling me in the direction of anywhere that serves cheese fries. I’m not the only one, right?  Ok, good.

Beer, while awesome, still has alcohol in it (actually I’m pretty sure that’s what makes it awesome). Alcohol has this sneaky, two pronged approach to weight gain. In and of itself, it’s a highly caloric waste of nutritional value. On top of that, it lowers inhibitions. So not only are you more likely to make out with that guy who dressed up as a Smurf for Halloween (my best friend is still trying to get the blue body paint off of her sheets), you’re more likely to think that a Big Mac is totally worth blowing your day of careful eating and yoga. And it might not stop at the Big Mac, because we all know McDonald’s is a gateway drug to pizza and Lucky Charms.

So, while beer will make you gain weight (without exercise and self-control), another often-overlooked aspect of weight gain is beer’s BFF, Drunk Eating. The best way to avoid gaining a beer gut that isn’t even beer? Don’t stock your fridge with unhealthy crap, keep snacks in pre-portioned containers or bags, and for the love of all that is holy do not ask the cab driver to stop at Taco Bell on the way home! Instead, eat a good dinner with complex carbs and protein on nights you know you’re goin’ out big. Good judgment before 5 rounds of flip cup might just ensure better judgment after you are dubbed queen of the first try flip.

So I’m going to put aside my jealousy and tell you the secret to packing on the pounds. If you’re looking to lose ten pounds, do the opposite. It’s as simple as that.

Case Study:

One very thin New Yorker (5’8, 105 lbs) was tired of looking like a model and vowed to bulk up. When her buddy told her that he lost 10 pounds after giving up his two-beer-a-day habit, she started drinking two beers a day.

“Unlike Ensure, beer is tolerable to me, has loads of carbs and is low in sugar,” she says. “I’ve been swigging everything from monk-made ales to fruity lambics.” She raves about the quick results. Keep her words in mind you beer pong lovers. If you notice your pants are a little tight, maybe it’s time to cut out the sauce.

According to Sharon Akabas, a nutritionist at Columbia University Medical Center, a consistent daily increase of 300-500 calories should be enough to help someone put on ten pounds in 6 months. With 12 oz of beer ranging from about 110 calories (Bud Light) to 210 calories (Anchor Porter), it’s easy to see why drinking can help you gain weight. If each game of beer pong requires about…let’s say 4 beers. That’s about 440 calories if you’re using Keystone Light.

Here are the other tips:

1. Eat Bigger Portions: At every meal, eat a third more than normal.

2. Nibble throughout the day: Keep trail mix in your bag and have 1/2 cup a day. Those of you who constantly snack while studying should watch out for this one.

3. Consume late-night snacks: Eat a peanut butter, jelly, and banana sandwich on whole-wheat bread.

4. Shake it up: Between meals, drink a 12 oz smoothie (with yogurt, bananas, strawberries and raspberries).

5. Indulge: Eat ice cream for dessert.

6. Have a drink….

There you have it. A fool-proof plan to make you 10 pounds heavier.

However, if you’re smart enough to check up on CC before heading off to the most fabulous four years of your life, there’s still hope!

Just follow these guidelines and you’ll be happy to return home next summer with your washboard abs (or, you know, minimal love handles) still in tact.

1. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. Don’t deem your shiny new meal card a free-for-all twenty-four hour all you can eat buffet. It’s NOT. Yeah you’re in the mood for pizza but ooh a burger might be nice and holy mother of Mary unlimited soft-serve? Before you know it your quick lunch between classes could feed an entire third-world country.

It’s okay. Focus. Eat what you’d eat at home. A sandwich on wheat bread. Some chicken breast and salad? Keep it healthy, the binge drinking will make up for the slice of chocolate cake you so wisely skipped.

2. Stay active you fat lard! Not only are you no longer working out five days a week for your high school cheerleading squad, but you’ll likely be lounging and snacking a lot more (I’ll get to that later, you’re not off the hook.) so it’s important to exercise! Not only do you probably have free membership to an on campus gym (take advantage of all that tuition you’re paying for mama’s sake!) but it’s a great way to meet all the cute muscley boys. Yummy!

Besides, you’re a scared confused freshman who finds yourself in a lecture hall with four-hundred other kids, none of whom you know. Staying fit is an awesome way to meet people. Set up an intramural soccer team with some of the kids on your floor or ask your cute RA if he wants to join you on a run to the campus pond (Scandalous!). What other excuse will you have to put on those spandex booty shorts?

3. Avoid midnight snacks. College on the late-night offers a plethora of ridiculously greasy food right at your fingertips, and a ton of places deliver til the wee hours on party nights. Don’t do it. Put DOWN the phone. Stock your minifridge with healthy (but still quite delectable!) snacks like chips and organic salsa or my personal favorite, mini pizzas with wheat crackers, cheese slices and pepperoni. Mmmmm.

I promise you, it’s never a good feeling to wake up hungover with a half-eaten calzone next to you in bed.

4. I’d tell you to cut down on drinking but I might as well get run over by a bus. Keep to light beer, and uh, yeah that’s all I got.

5. Beware the winter slump. Take it from someone who goes to school in a state where winter makes up the majority of both semesters, just because you’re in two sweaters a hoodie and a big furry coat doesn’t mean you’re not gaining weight underneath it all. Keep to your workout schedule and good eating habits.

Duh, don’t you know the best way to keep warm in those cold dark winter months is body heat? It’d be a shame to find yourself too insecure (or slightly horrified) to strip down and shack up with your favorite call boy.

Because trust me, he’s been working out.