Poor Lindsay. With all the cheating scandals behind us, we celebrity-obsessed gossip hunters had nothing to do this week but focus our attention on Lilo’s first week of “sobriety.” Which, if you aren’t living under a rock, we all know didn’t go so well. But it did go better than Lady Gaga’s trip to the Mets game. And life in general for those Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Oh, celebs. Let’s review this week’s biggest and baddest gossip stories.

Muy Importante

1. Beep Beep goes Lindsay Lohan’s SCRAM bracelet! It went off less than a week after it was strapped on. Color me shocked. Actually, color me the opposite of shocked…what is that, gray? Apparently, Lilo’s claiming that she did not drink and alcohol was “spilled” on her SCRAM bracelet. Because everyone is going to believe cracked out Lindsay over a highly scientific piece of equipment. And let’s be real: how on earth could vodka soak through a sequin pantsuit?

2. Globe Magazine publishes Gary Coleman’s final days. Why someone would have the audacity to do this I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure his gold-digging ex-wife, Shannon Price, needed the moolah. R.I.P Gary. Read More »

Reality TV stars are diseased.

How to get rid of a terrible fake tan.

Gary Coleman’s ex is one messed up woman.

Whoa, David Beckham has gotten better with age.

Cute outfits for summer dates.

Turns out gay couples are better at relationships than the rest of us.

Last week it seemed like society would finally be free of one of its hottest messes. Turns out, not so much. Unlike we all thought and hoped,  Lindsay Lohan won’t be going to jail…yet. But this week we learn she might not be quite as down and out as we once thought. At least compared to the other crazies in HWood. And you know I’m loving it. There’s something nice about seeing celebrities that are crazier than you; it makes your dreams of having your own reality show seem like a reachable goal.

What’s Happening:

1. Lindsay Lohan finally made it to court! In fact, the judge postponed her vacation because she knew her replacement would go easy on Ms. Lindsanity. Anywho, Lilo has to wear a SCRAM anklet (so in right now), submit to random drug testing, attend an alcohol education course once a week, and even has to call her probation officer every night! She’s still allowed to take her prescription meds (Adderall and Ambien), but the random drug tests will determine if she’s using those properly (doubtful). I know this seems bad, but I think jail would straighten her up. It worked for Paris. Sorta…

2. Simon Monjack (Brittany Murphy’s husband) passed away this week due to heart troubles. He must have really had a broken heart. His family claims he needed a bypass surgery, but he wanted to wait. Brittany’s family is still insisting that he was crazy and something shady was going on in their house. There were a lot of prescription medications found in his home, but no one is sure what the cause of his death actually was. It’s been ruled as natural causes and Simon will be buried next to Brittany. Read More »

Is it just me or does she look like a tranny?

Oh no, what’s wrong with Gary Coleman?

One Olympian will do anything to win the gold.

What do the stars have in store for Brooke and Charlie Sheen?

Who’s Ryan Gosling’s new lady?

I think I love drunk Mariah.