1. We are the fattest country in the world.

2. We are the largest oil consumer in the world.

(Honorable mention: we produced Paris Hilton.)

But what if we could solve both of those problems (sorry, there is no solving the Paris issue) at once?

Enter Dr. Alan Bittner, a plastic surgeon in Los Angeles. He used the fat he was sucking out of those vapid LA women and turned it into fuel for his SUV. Yes, you read that right: he drove to work with someone’s thighs.

Apparently, this isn’t anything new: “Fat–whether animal or vegetable–contains triglycerides that can be extracted and turned into diesel.” Even companies like Tyson are looking at using the animal fat – currently an annoying biproduct of production – to fuel their delivery trucks

This news not only means that we can stop “funding terrorism” by depending on the Middle East for oil, but that the U.S. could become the largest exporter of oil in the world! No need for offshore drilling; think of all those overweight Americans that we could drill! Think of all the money we could make!

If this isn’t an answer to all of our problems (obesity, dependency on the Middle East, the recession), I don’t know what is. Seriously, you can start right here. I have enough fat on my butt to get myself home for the holidays.

All that being said, life must go on, right?

So, how do we tighten the belt without living like a hermit? Here are some tips:

Budget: Set your spending limits on a weekly basis. And stick. to. it. Review your receipts at night to make sure you are staying on track, and be honest about what you are spending. This will keep your bank account in the green.

Save on Gas: Carpool with your friends or co-workers. If you need to do some errands, combine them all into one day, and make a route that will hit each stop, in one circle…versus going back and forth in all different directions.

If you live in a city, eliminate your cab usage. I know it is so much easier to hail a cab on those late, drunken evenings, but if you take some public transportation you’ll spend $2.00 versus $15. Or, trying hoofing it; you will burn those drinks away and have some extra wiggle room for a late night snack.

Make your own coffee: Think about it – while we all love those Starbucks Vanilla Lattes, at $4 a pop, that’s $20 a week (for your Mon – Fri coffee kick), $80 a month, and roughly $1,000 a year. I know it may not seem like a lot, but it adds up. Bonus: when you make it yourself, you know you will get it exactly how you want it.

Bring your lunch: Go grocery shopping (which will save you money on a day to day basis) and stock up on lunchmeats, salad fixins’ and yummy snacks. You never realize how quickly those $7 lunches add up and how easy it is to save by brown baggin’ it.

Stop shopping: I am at fault for this myself, especially at the start of a new season and new trends, but instead of spending money on things you can’t really afford, reinvent your old clothes by changing up the accessories or gettin’ a little Project Runway on your wardrobe. Or, try swapping with some of your friends. If you really can’t hold back – shop thrift. The clothes are cheap, cute and vintage; all majorly hot trends this season.

Stop the giving: I’m not saying to stop being a good person, but for the upcoming holidays, decide to do something nice with friends and family, instead of spending money on clothes, electronics and other wants. After all, gifting isn’t what the holidays are really about; spending QT with people is.

Make a Spending Limit: Even though I’m telling you to budget, I’m not telling you to give up all of life’s luxuries: i.e., nights out with your friends. However, what I will say is to leave your credit cards at home (yes ladies, no more drunken “drinks on me!” $50 charges the next morning). Protect yourself and your moolah by bringing a cash limit (be it $20, $40, or whatever you can spend) and bring ONLY that. If you run out of money, simply find someone else to but you some drinks.

Save: Even if it’s $10 a paycheck, open a basic savings plan and throw in extra cash (even spare change) whenever you can. Save it for a rainy day or whatever else you need…like Christmas shopping…

(Photo courtesy of squidoo.com)

If Americans really cared about the war in the Middle East, global warming and our enormous foreign trade deficit, than now is the time to stop buying new automobiles until they produce an alternative car to fossil fuel. This is a matter of simple economics (one of the few classes I dominated).

This simple action would put a huge dent in the three issues mentioned above. Americans currently use over 15 million barrels a day of crude oil, over 9 million is gasoline. Blame whatever Texan you like, but the reality is that this money will largely go to countries who hate us. If we all stood together and refused to purchase any new cars unless they ran on non-fossil fuel engines, we could make a real difference.

The phrase “bigger is better” does not just apply in the bedroom, it applies to American culture. Bigger homes, bigger meals, and bigger cars….so is the world really ready to downsize, travel less or make the effort to use alternative fuel? There are a lot of alternative fuel options, some vehicles use electric, others can run on water, hydrogen and even types of grass, but how accessible are these methods to the American public? How many people do you actually know who drive a car that runs on an alternative fuel method?

Hybrids are gaining more attention but for a vehicle whose concept began in 1908, they are still not being bought at the rate that would drastically reduce the need for conventional fuels. At least hybrids are reasonably priced, as opposed to buying a car that runs on hydrogen. To buy a car that runs on hydrogen, it would cost $149,000 for a sports car, $99,995 for a pickup and $60,000 alone just to convert a Hummer, which already cost you a minimum of $80,000, to run on hydrogen. So you pay all this money, and still have to find one of the few hydrogen filling stations in the United States to keep it running. Seems like more trouble than it is worth, and more money than the average working class American could ever afford. This is the main reason why tuning out all of the new car commercials is so important. Less than a year ago, there was huge push for Hybrids, so people stopped buying regular mid-sized cars. In a matter of 3 months, the market was flooded with every brand and variety of Hybrid car. THAT is Economics. We buy only what we want. Alt fuel cars.

If the world is so concerned about the environment and fuel running out why aren’t there reasonably priced alternatives and why isn’t the information on these alternatives being communicated to the public. It is not that we are necessarily “addicted to oil,” but for most American’s it is our only option. Americans want things to be as easy as possible. Stopping at a gas station to fill up is very simple and it is what Americans know, but if we only gave them the option of using an environment friendly fuel alternative then they would adjust and go on with their lives because alternative fuels would become there only choice of getting from A to Z.

I am not one of those bullshit hippies asking you to burn your car and ride your bike to work. Just hold off on getting a new one. Join a large group of us who are insisting that this cycle needs to stop now. We’ve created an E-petition to be sent to Congress, to let them know that is it time to stop taking care of huge corporations and time to start taking care of all AMERICANS! Why not make an alternative fuel option more available, affordable and phase out the use of conventional fuel?