I was Twatching the other day and saw something rather alarming. [Editor's Note: Twatching? New word alert! Love.] This guy was saying how he expects his wife to cook, clean and take care of his children despite the fact that she’ll be college educated. He wants to be the sole breadwinner of their household – “it’s the only way things work,” he Tweeted. I’m sure that he wants the whole bit – a piping hot dinner at 6 p.m sharp, a strand of pearls affixed to wifey’s neck complete with a frilly Anthropologie apron. Even though it may be his fantasy, I think that it’s bullcrap.com.

The nuclear family structure from yesteryear is no secret. Everyone had his or her place, and dad was at the top. But come on, it’s 2012! The roles have changed. There are countless powerful women running companies across the globe, heading national magazines while running households more efficiently than an army. Who run the world?!

Maybe – just maybe – some guys are just intimidated. Maybe they want to feel that they’re bigger, smarter, faster and any other empowering adjective you can think of. Read More »

Viewers of TLC’s Toddlers and Tiaras threw little tantrums last week when self-proclaimed “Diva,” Brock Ritter, stole the pageant stage and walked away with several first place crowns. Adding to his already established collection of trophies, the seven-year-old boy blew the tutus off of his competitors by excelling in both dance and gymnastics. Brock’s mom, Tori, beamed with pride and has encouraged her son the entire way. “He is not your typical kid,” Tori tells E! News, “He likes his glitz, he likes his sparkle, he’d like to do Broadway.” Read More »

Alright, we’ve been through this familiar phase one too many times. There’s that cute guy in your English class, you make eye contact, exchange a few words, and then you call every single one of your friends to fill them in with excruciating detail. Then, a few weeks go by, nothing happens, and this routine soon becomes much too unexciting for you.

So…what happens next?

Is it okay to wait for English cutie to make a move, or should you be that bold girl who walks up to him and shatters his expectations? And if you do make that “forbidden” first move, does that mean you’ll be making moves for the rest of the relationship? That you’ll be in charge? That he can just sit back and enjoy the ride?

That’s what some people think, but I am not one of them.

I’m a big believer in going for what I want, because if not now, then when? If that were me, I wouldn’t hesitate in asking English cutie out to lunch because I’ve really got nothing to lose.

The problem is, many people fear “breaking the rules” of typical relationships or taking charge changes each partner’s roles in said relationships, too. Many people also fear that a woman who makes the first move is then in control of the relationship as a whole and no longer needs to be courted or romanced.

I simply do not agree. Despite the fact that I may ask out English cutie, when we do go out, I will still expect him to open the door for me, treat me like a queen, and, most importantly, to make the next move if he likes me back.

No, I am not a stuck up girl who expects every guy to bow down to me. That’s ridiculous. What I mean is that I am confident with myself and I know what I deserve from guys. Simply because I decide to change up the game does not mean that I have decided to lower the level of respect I both expect and deserve. Why? Because having a guy open the door for you does not mean you can’t open it yourself, it means that he thinks you’re amazing enough to go out of his way and do it for you.

Sure, saying that guys need to maintain their respective role in the relationship can conflict with gender stereotypes. I understand that. But does the modern woman becoming more confident and self-assured mean losing the respect that was once there? Are all the go-getter type of women suddenly seen as less respected, intimidating, and less than worthy of a little romance?

The answer to these questions will never be clear cut, but one thing is for sure: regardless of what changes our dating world is going through, it is important to realize that no woman should ever lower her standards just to keep herself in the game. It’s not the things that guys buy you that represent the respect in a relationship, but simply their behavior and mannerisms around you. I’m not saying dump him if he refuses to pay for your dinner or doesn’t bring flowers on the first date, but just follow your gut. Does he make you feel special or are you always initiating the moves?

For example, I once dated a guy where I made the first move in getting his contact information. Yet, after the relationship progressed, I noticed that he always forgot our month anniversaries, only called every so often, and consistently put his friends before me. This was definitely a red flag of disrespect! I was constantly questioning my happiness with him because I was more content hanging out with my friends than going out on a date with him. Not willing to be the relationship ring leader (or the only one who was even really there), I ended things with him. I went into the relationship because it was something I had initiated and wanted, but I left the moment I felt unappreciated.

So ladies, do your thing that makes you unique and exceptional from the rest. Be fearless in making your moves, flirting your way to his heart, and following your gut. But stop for a moment and make sure you’re getting as much back as you’re putting in. It’s fine to take charge (in fact, it’s exhilarating to go for what you want!), but you deserve a whole lot in return.

And to all those guys who can’t take a hint, get this: I may not be shy to ask you to hang out, but that doesn’t mean you should stop trying to court me like the gentleman you are. Bring on the flowers, dinner dates, cute texts, and late night phone calls…if not, I’ll find someone else to put the moves on.

[We'd like to take this opportunity to welcome our favorite love, sex and relationship blogger - Lena Chen - to the CollegeCandy team. Lena is smart, funny, and her perspective on all things relationship is incredibly thought provoking. We're so pumped to have her here, so be sure to let us know in the comments what sorts of things you'd like Lena to discuss!]

Marriage isn’t a right; it’s a privilege. Depending on the time, place, and partner, getting married could be harder than getting into Harvard, if not downright impossible. As recently as fifty years ago, miscegenation laws would have forbid me from marrying my boyfriend (or any man not my race) in certain areas of the United States. Before that, the legal and social benefits to getting married were denied to minorities, immigrants, and the poor for centuries. Marriage is, for lack of a better analogy, membership into the biggest country club in the world.

For me, getting married would be a personal endorsement of some of the worst societal norms in existence.

The supposed “right” to marry has never been much of a right at all, and our understanding of marriage as a basic liberty is unique to contemporary times. Thanks to my predisposition for heterosexuality, it’s a liberty I could easily exercise, but I’d much rather march in a rally than down an aisle, because I find it difficult to take part in a practice that is denied to others (plenty of them my friends). Even with the best of intentions, I can’t imagine that my own wedding will serve any purpose but to reinforce existing norms, such as the idea that a relationship is only valuable if recognized by a third-party institution. Read More »

After reading an article in The New York Times regarding the inequality of gender roles in the work place, I got to thinking. After having some corporate (and not so corporate…hellloo retail?!) jobs, I can see where Ms. Seligson (the author of the NYT article) comes from when she airs her frustration about the fact that women have progressed so much in the college and educational world, but when we get to the workforce, it seems like we take a few steps backwards.

From my personal experience, here’s how it goes: men are respected off the bat, women (especially young, attractive ones), need to earn it after due course at a company. Men also aren’t afraid to go after what they want; the article states that when men want a raise, they simply ask for it, but with women, we lack the courage and words to get what we want. Why is this?

I have had both male and female bosses and I will say this: women are threatened by other women. Many women, rather than lending a hand to a female colleague, go behind her back and undermine not only her authority, but her professional aptitude and capability. I had a female boss who once told me I only get dressed up for work because I feel like I need to prove something to everyone. Puh-lease woman. I dress nice because I dress nice — in and out of work (Fast forward to me quitting on the spot and telling said boss how unprofessional she was…talk about wanting to knock me down instead of help me rise!  Surprise, surprise, the woman is no longer with that company).

Girl against girl is the nature of the game and, while I feel like I am one of those individuals who is set apart from the social norm, I’m sure I fall victim to some of these behaviors.  But my biggest question is: WHY?! Read More »

I have some mannish tendencies. I am terrible about telling other people my plans, I like to work through problems myself, and I lack that innate thoughtfulness that seems to come so naturally to other women. While I rarely think through any of my decisions (fault of a stubborn impulsiveness inherited from my father), I still have the capacity to be painfully rational.

Apparently, these qualities (among a litany of others including belching, farting, and a healthy sense of competition) put me squarely in the men’s camp of the battle between the sexes.

The funny thing is that I see myself as extremely feminine.

When did women have to start walking the fine line between being prissy and being completely butch? Men shouldn’t be the only ones to have to soul-search and try on high heels.

Come on ladies, it’s time to get in touch with your masculine side. Read More »

As common knowledge goes, single guys are wired to want to have sex with as many people as possible, while single women tend to withhold or avoid sex so people don’t think they’re big whores.

But according to a recent study done at the University of Florida, feelings trump societal gender expectations in monogamous relationships. When a guy and gal are committed and comfortable, society’s chains dissolve and love conquers (and allows for plentiful, egalitarian, guiltless sex). The study also discovered that men are more likely to find sex “physically and personably pleasurable.”

Surprise, surprise! Now tell me something I don’t know.

I give this study credit, though, for dispelling enduring and archaic gender roles. On the surface, we need these roles to categorize ourselves; you know, to decide who’s gonna cook and who’s gonna fix the car. Let’s face it, I don’t want to fix the car. Ever. It’s dirty. I’d much rather make a pie.

Therefore, gender roles, while restrictive, spring from truth. But they don’t need to extend past the chore chart. In the monogamous bedroom, everyone is equal. Until you hit that five – year mark and stop having sex altogether.