I wear push-up bras and high heels. I go gaga for lip gloss and lipstick, nail polish, and heavy eye-make up . And I’m not even going to lie, I’m a sucker for pouty boys that call me ma’am. But besides my affinity for sundresses, pearls, and men in ties, I’m a feminist. In fact, I’ve always considered myself to be one. But despite my own declaration in the fight for gender equality, this doesn’t seem possible to people.

“How can you be a feminist?” I’m asked all the time. “Do you even know what that means?”

While feminism can mean different things to different people, I’ve often felt like I didn’t fit the mold — like I wasn’t the ideal. Like I couldn’t claim it. And then it hit me: Feminism can be whatever you need it to be. And sometimes, what you need it to be will change from time to time.

This powerful realization hit me as an 18-year-old young woman sitting in on my first Women’s Studies class at a small, private, all-women university. This moment of feminist clarity has always stuck with me, and now as a 23-year-old post-grad, I am constantly revisiting feminism and its applicability in my ever changing life. Although feminism, even in 2011, often still sounds like a dirty word with a negative connotation, I’m constantly surprised at the way feminism finds itself in my day to day life — it really does come in all shapes, sizes, issues, prospects, and in all kinds of different people. And despite being so diverse and so varying from time to time, I’m still relieved that I can make feminism something all my own.

I like to think that I’ve been a feminist from the beginning. When I was seven years old, wearing overalls and pigtails, I remember raising my hand over and over again in class to answer the questions being asked by my teacher. I’d sit up as straight as possible and inch my hand higher and higher into the sky. I had something to say. I wanted to be heard. But instead, the boys in my class would always be the first called on. I would often come home and cry. “My teacher doesn’t like the girls, she doesn’t listen to us like she does the boys.” At the time, I didn’t have the words for it, but I knew it wasn’t fair. Instead of sitting back and taking it, though, I went with my parents to the annual parent-teacher conference and asked my teacher, “Why do you only call on the boys?” She didn’t have an answer, but from that point on she never overlooked my eager hand. This made me realize that sometimes speaking up can make a world of difference, and I like to think of this as my first moment of personal activism.

In high school, I refused to participate in the abstinence only sex-education program. I may have been sixteen, but I couldn’t sit there without throwing up my hand. “What about condoms? What about STDS? What about things that will actually prevent pregnancy and keep us safe?” I was silenced and shushed, but it lit the fire in me — a fire that came alive the minute I stepped foot onto my college campus. In college, I was always changing as a feminist — always.

There was the year I spent reading nothing but feminist literature; everything from Helen Cixous to Katha Pollit, Gloria Steinem to Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards, and Bell Hooks to Ingrid Musico. There was the summer I spent interning for two of my favorite feminist authors in New York City. There was the year I ran the speakers’ bureau chair on campus and hosted the transgendered performance artist Kate Bornstein and the quick-witted blogger and author Jessica Valenti. There was the year I rejected all Women’s Studies classes — after I was told that I didn’t look feminist enough — and just spent time focusing on defining my gender and social beliefs through my own lens, even if that means sparkly pink nail polish and writing letters to my congressman by myself.

There were so many feminist discoveries throughout the last few years. Like the time I posed nude as Miss January 2009 for a feminist charity calendar. And there was the time I sold carrot cake cupcakes for a Wage Gap bake sale that charged men $1 and women only 72 cents. There were times when I was tired of talking about feminism and women’s issues, but at a women’s college it was inevitable. And then there were times when I couldn’t get enough and I didn’t understand why there wasn’t room for discussion about this in a quantitative reasoning class. Sometimes I would feel like a super feminist, and other times, not so much. Some days, feminism would be on my mind. And of course, some days, it won’t even cross my thoughts.

And while this fickle romance of always trying to work towards what I believe in isn’t perfect, it’s my journey. It’s ever-changing, but it’s exactly what I need it to be — when I need it to be. Feminism fascinates me in the way it’s solid but fleeting in my life. For example, my beliefs on abortion, breaking the glass ceiling, sexual assault, women’s education, contraceptives and abstinence-only education haven’t changed throughout the years, but how I apply feminism into my day-to-day life, whether it’s a job or in a romantic relationship, is constantly changing and evolving.

I’m not a perfect feminist (is anyone, really?), and I’m never claiming to be, but this is how it works for me. Some days, I’m ready with an iron-fist to protest and shout…in my heels and lipstick. And some days, I’m quiet and passive and just want to think about what Bell Hooks truly meant in Communion. But I personally want this feminist juxtaposition; the constant reminder that feminism is here, it’s mine, and it’s something I can always make my own just clicks for me, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

[Check out the Feminist Portrait Blog Carnival to read other women's inspiring stories of their feminist "click" moments.]

Is gender equality in college that important?

According to NPR, colleges are favoring male applicants ahead of female candidates, in order to keep schools from becoming overwhelmingly female. Other than being a seemingly blatant violation of Title IX, I can’t quite figure out if this is good or bad.

So I took a look at both sides:

Gender balance on a college campus is not a bad thing. It’s been a long standing argument for Affirmative Action that diversity enhances the learning experience, and it’s true. Guys see things differently than us ladies and hearing their perspective can really change the way we think. As a graduate of an all-girls high school, I can honestly say that having males in the college classroom was a welcomed change and a truly eye-opening experience. And even what happens outside of the classroom – including dating – is an important part of college life and growing up.

And let’s not pretend we don’t see the obvious perk here. With colleges accepting more male students there will be less competition on the hunt for a boyfriend. You may be just as romantically-challenged, but at least there are less girls around to point that out. Can’t hate that.

But on the other hand, what is the problem with having a majority of female students on the college campus? It’s not our fault that we woman are more intelligent than guys. And you don’t see many people trying to fix the wage gap that exists between us! Acceptance should be based on merit, not on gender. Favoring male candidates is a numbers game that seems unnecessary.  Besides, some say marriage only works if the woman is smarter than her husband. For the sake of the relationship, shouldn’t we just leave those boys at home?

What do you think? Should colleges discriminate against women in order to maintain the gender balance? Or should colleges let things run it’s natural course, which obviously ends with women taking over the world?

Although we gals have pushed, yelled and fought for our rights for decades, it’s an unfortunate fact that men dominate a number of professions in the U.S. (and often make more money than women doing the same things). Can we imagine a world where estrogen ruled, women weren’t subjected to workplace prejudices, and men were delegated to diaper duty (okay, we don’t have to go this far, but still…)??

Let’s take a look at some professions dominated by men and see how women could handle them…

Job: Floor Trader
Description: Member of a stock or commodities exchange who trades for their company amongst a sea of hysterical competitors.
Why women should dominate this profession: Many women I know admit to making a habit of picking fights with their boyfriends. There’s something about our argument style (sometimes fierce, sometimes whiny, sometimes teary, always clever, and oftentimes a mix of the four) that, when combined with batted eyelashes, ensures that we’re going to walk out of the room knowing that the score is Girl: 1, Boy: 0.

Thus, as we are accustomed to knowing how to get what we want, there would be no better place to control than the floor of a stock market. As innate multi-taskers (applying your mascara and sealing a deal on your cell phone all while navigating city traffic on your way to work? No problem!), we’d use our shrill voices and cat-like agility to make sure that the financial world kept running slowly. As Matthew Syed suggests in this article, men caused the credit crunch…

Job: Fashion photographer
Description: Capturing celebrities bathed in gowns of satin or rocking skinny minis for fashion magazines; snapping as models work the runway.
Why women should dominate this profession: As women, we understand what our fellow females find flattering. Have years of girlfriend shots (you know, “girls posing in front of the mirror in the bathroom,” “girls standing in a line to show off their outfits before they go out,” “girls taking selfies in the bar,” etc, etc) taught us nothing about using a camera? Unlike males who photograph female models, we actually wear skirts and bikinis and blouses and are familiar with the female body and the way the arms move, the hair bounces, and the hips swing. It’s a shame that women are so underrepresented in this category.

Job: Film/ Book Reviewer
Description: Capturing the essence of a movie or book in a short blurb or longer article; writing for a publication like the New York Times or an online movie review website.
Why women should dominate this profession: Why shouldn’t we? We watch movies and read books, don’t we? How many women do you know that get together with their friends for weekly or monthly “book clubs” or book discussion groups? (I know a lot.) A study led by the Fund for Women Artists shows that in 2003, only 28% of the New York Times Book Reviews – the most trusted source for reviews in the world – were written by women. Only 30% of movie reviews for national magazines were women. And on the subject of movies – of the people that contributed to the highest grossing films worldwide in 2007, only 13% were women. (Adding insult to injury? The same study shows that movies featuring female protagonists gross less at the box office, as well.)

Ladies, it’s time to start asserting ourselves. We are good at so many things and shouldn’t let male-dominated fields scare us off. Whether you want to be a fireman, a private detective, or a stadium designer (can someone PLEASE change the positions of the cup-holders so that we don’t keep kicking them over?!), the sky should be the limit. Get out there and show those dudes who’s boss.

Marriage isn’t a right; it’s a privilege. Depending on the time, place, and partner, getting married could be harder than getting into Harvard, if not downright impossible. As recently as fifty years ago, miscegenation laws would have forbid me from marrying my boyfriend (or any man not my race) in certain areas of the United States. Before that, the legal and social benefits to getting married were denied to minorities, immigrants, and the poor for centuries. Marriage is, for lack of a better analogy, membership into the biggest country club in the world.

For me, getting married would be a personal endorsement of some of the worst societal norms in existence.

The supposed “right” to marry has never been much of a right at all, and our understanding of marriage as a basic liberty is unique to contemporary times. Thanks to my predisposition for heterosexuality, it’s a liberty I could easily exercise, but I’d much rather march in a rally than down an aisle, because I find it difficult to take part in a practice that is denied to others (plenty of them my friends). Even with the best of intentions, I can’t imagine that my own wedding will serve any purpose but to reinforce existing norms, such as the idea that a relationship is only valuable if recognized by a third-party institution.

It’s ironic, then, that I consider marriage equality an extremely important political issue, and the only one to which I’ve devoted significant time and money. Why should a feminist support the inclusion of queer people in what is historically a sexist institution? Besides the “separate but equal” disaster that civil unions would create, I think same-sex marriage might just be the only way to save marriage as an institution.

Critics of marriage equality often claim that it will lead to the demise of traditional marriage, while supporters insist that nothing will change by allowing queer people to marry. Though I share little else in common with them, I agree with the former group. It’s disingenuous, or at the very least, naive, to suggest that legalizing same-sex marriage won’t threaten traditional marriage. It absolutely will, and I hope it does. Traditional marriage is an institution that has historically treated women as property and men as property owners. It has fueled our culture’s obsession with virginity and female purity, while justifying the rape of child brides and the battering of women who dare to not serve their husbands. A half-century’s worth of gender equality under Western law neither creates equality in practice nor does it negate thousands of years of subjugation.

Recognizing same-sex relationships may very well be the only thing that can keep marriage a relevant social institution. Same-sex marriage subverts the gender roles that have dominated marriage — and by extension, society — for the great majority of human history. Every gay marriage is a statement against antiquated roles and practices we’ve come to take for granted. (Who, for example, walks down the aisle in a gay wedding ceremony?) Marriage is far more appealing a notion when I think of queer couples getting hitched without white dresses and gendered proposals. Accepting gay marriage also means rejecting one of the most enduring aspects of traditional marriage: its exclusivity. No longer would marriage be a privilege of the appropriately heterosexual.

I’m not holding my breath, but if this long-suffering institution changes, then perhaps my opinion of it will too. Because frankly, I wish I could get married. I wish I could don a white wedding gown without having to think about its sexually repressive implications as much as I wish I lived in a society without prerequisites for legal recognition of romantic relationships. Unfortunately, that isn’t this society, at least not yet. Perhaps we’ll never get there in my lifetime, but if that’s the case, then to paraphrase Groucho Marx, I wouldn’t want to join a club that would have me as a member anyway.

It’s ridiculous – if we do the same work, we should get paid the same. Am I right!? [Crowd cheers.]

But I’m here to say that we not only deserve equal pay, but should actually be making more money than men. Here are 5 very real reasons why:

1. Women are biologically superior to men. We have a longer life expectancy, more grey matter in our brains (it’s useful stuff, trust me) and can have multiple orgasms. We aren’t as susceptible to many inherited diseases (like hemophilia and colorblindness) because we have two X chromosomes rather than just one.

2. We work twice as much. Most women and men work eight-hour days. But when women get home, they have to cook, clean, and take care of the kids. This extra work is known by feminists as the “second shift” and we deserve to be compensated for it.

3. Women are more qualified than man. Women get better grades and take more advanced placement classes in high school. Nearly sixty-percent of undergraduate college students are women, and women earn more bachelor and graduate degrees then men.

4. We should be compensated for all the years we were screwed. Women have made significantly less than men since we joined the work force. I’m not going to do the math but that adds up to a LOT of money, and we deserve to be paid more now to make up for it.

5. Women shop more than men. Women buy things for themselves, their lover, and their friends. Women do the majority of the grocery and household goods shopping. We decorate out homes, plan the family parties, and (increasingly) pick out the family car. Since we spend the most money, we should be making the most money.

It’s time women made what they were worth, and that’s a hell of a lot more than 80 cents to every male dollar. [Crowd goes wild.]

For the last ten years of her life, Ledbetter has fought for equal pay rights in the work place for women. After experiencing pay-based discrimination because of her sex (and learning about it through anonymous letters in her work mailbox), Ledbetter filed a complaint of gender discrimination with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). Making a long story short (however, you should read the whole story over at CNN), President Obama stepped in and signed the Lilly Ledbetter Equal Pay Restoration Act this past week making the fight for women’s rights and equality better upheld through the law.

While I feel gratitude for Ledbetter’s ongoing battle with the Supreme Court and Congress to pass this act that will give women the rights they warrant and money that is rightfully theirs, I know that work is still left to be done.

It may seem hard to believe, but to this day, full-time working women get paid “on average, only 77 cents for each dollar full-time working men get paid,” according to the Wage Project. This happens in every occupation across the nation, and while it impacts women in different ways, the reality of it is that hardworking women with outstanding college degrees lose money in their pockets simply because of their sex.

Think about it. Imagine working at the same place, doing the same job as a man (who has the same degree and amount of experience as you), putting in the same hours, only to find out he is, in fact, making more money than you on an annual basis. How is that fair? It’s not, at all.

But it is reality.

Amazing women across the nation have been fighting for women’s rights for equal pay for decades now. In 1963, the Equal Pay Act (EPA) was signed by John F. Kennedy in hopes to help stop the divide within the work place. While it drew attention to issues involving work discrimination because of sex, it did not necessarily revolutionize the issue over night. Nearly 50 years ago, when the EPA was signed, women were only making 55 cents to the male dollar. In the last four and a half decades, only 22 more cents have gone into making up for those earnings.

As a young woman about to enter the workplace after college, I am outraged to know that I won’t make what my fellow male peers will. However, while it is scary to know that such discrimination still exists, I do feel some relief knowing that laws are out there to protect us, and a President looking out for us, too.

So, we learned the other day that women are having more sex than men. I was surprised by that fact (because men are so obsessed with getting some…all the time), but embraced the cultural shift. Women have needs and they are finally feeling comfortable enough to go out and fulfill them.

But the sex doesn’t seem to be enough! This morning I learned that women are not only are sleeping around a bit more, but they are also taking care of business on their own a lot more, too! A recent survey revealed that 9 out of 10 women masturbate.

Women claim that self-pleasuring (a nice way of saying “masturbating”) gives them confidence when they are with a man, and that it is a natural extension of how liberated we have become in all other facets of our lives.

And it feels really good, obvi.

All of these new findings finally prove that women are sexual beings who never had the opportunity to explore before. Now we do. And we can’t get enough.

Do you “self pleasure”?

Well, no. That’s only a little bit true. That’s actually barely true at all. I don’t want to be saddled with unfair prejudice in the workplace, social and religious spheres, and military. So let me refine that statement a bit.

I wish I could be into dudes.

Not quite the same thing, really. I’ve always been a fan of the Kinsey scale when it comes to human sexuality, since “gay” and “straight” are so painfully restrictive. So let’s just say I wish I could ding my rating up a few points or two.

I’m perfectly happy with women, of course. Ladies, you guys are great, and I mean that. It’s not like I’m not getting enough variety in my sexy diet or anything. And honestly, friendship-wise, I tend to be one of those wimpy boys that has more female than male friends and always gets called “a really nice guy”. So what’s up, man?

Why the thirst for testosterone?

It’s a matter of principle. See, I’ve always believed that gender expression is mostly socialized. Girls get dolls, boys get dump trucks, that sort of thing. Switch them around and little girls would grow up to be seven feet tall with full Thoreau neck beards – no kidding, man. And from a very young age, us dudes have basically been told: “Hey! Check it out! Boobs!“

And so, being the modern enlightened male who totally doesn’t buy any of that biological determinism crap, I suspect that the only reason heterosexuality is such a widespread phenomenon is sheer weight of tradition. Sure, without heterosexual couples the human race would eventually vanish, but you know who has a population problem right now? The planet Earth. Being gay is a pretty decent way to avoid unwanted kids.

So sexuality, like gender, is totally flexible. And if I can get you in a corner, I’ll talk your ear off about it.

But I don’t feel comfortable talking the talk if I can’t walk the walk (alternately, a rather more vulgar phrase that sorta rhymes with “walk”). When straight men get terribly excited over the whole “sexuality is a social construction” thing, it often feels like a flimsy cover for “we want more girls to make out at parties”. Or it’s a nice way to sound erudite and sensitive while still being a pig in practice (“It wasn’t ‘cheating’! Monogamous relationships are a socially defined tool of the patriarchy!”). Without living the sexually-liberated, performative-gender dream, I feel like I’m just some egghead poseur. Like I’m a hack.

So what it’s come down to is this: I feel guilty for being straight. I’m trying, man. I’ve tried gay porn. I’ve tried getting my close male friends in hot tubs and drinking heavily. But I just can’t help it: I have yet to want the penis. Clearly I’m a slimy jerk who’s willing to make up all kinds of pop sociology to get in a girl’s pants, as well as contributing to the global population problem. Is this the new frontier for liberal guilt? Yet another majority to hate yourself for being part of?

Maybe I just need to meet another sensitive, confused, wanna-be guy like me. And maybe he needs to be Harrison Ford. We’ll see how it goes.

Remember when Girls Gone Wild used to shame party girls across the country who had one too many body shots on Spring Break and had the bad luck to land in front of a camera? Since when has slutty behavior turned into a profitable asset and a celebrity vehicle? Mini Me’s lover is collecting big after a sex tape “somehow” leaked, and now Eliot Spitzer’s ex-whore is getting a REALITY TV SHOW. I can’t believe that we Americans will actually tune in to the lives of nutjobs like the Lohans, the Kardashians, and now, some hooker who happened to win the jackpot.

When Tila Tequila burst on the scene, she had a great gimmick: the first bisexual reality dating show. But after the Bobby Banhart breakup-scandal, and oh-so-predictable opposite-gender-choosing finale in season 2, there’s not much buzz left in Tequilaville. Bring in the hooker! If you thought Tila’s patented, “How will your parents react when they find out I’m bisexual?” act starts to get old, imagine the “How will your parents react when they find out I’m the whore that ruined Eliot Spitzer’s career?” segment.

Yes, Handprint Entertainment, the fine folks who bring the lives of Pamela Anderson and Nicole Ritchie to the small screen, are in talks with MTV to give Ashley Dupre a shot at love. Monica Lewinski must be green with envy. Sure, she got a book deal, but she could have found “true love” in front of millions of strangers, and the producers would probably have thrown in a mansion as well!

If the dating show falls through, I’d like to pitch some backup ideas to Dupre’s new producers:

1. Dupre’s Deal or No Deal- Combination dating-slash-game show: Dupre’s bachelors be able to buy some sex after their “one-on-one” dates. But what about after elimination?

2. Hooker and the Geek- 10 prostitutes and 10 geeks are paired up to learn from each other. The geeks teach the girls financial skills and politics (so they can find themselves their own Spitzer prototype), and, well, you can guess how the ladies reciprocate.

3. What Not to Wear: Escort Edition- I think the name says it all.

4. Real World: The Brothel- This is the true story of seven pimps and prostitutes picked to live in a house…

5. Are You Smarter than a Harlot?- Jeff Foxworthy would host this one for free!

6. The Slutty-real Life- Okay, so my Surreal Life pun needs work. But they can invite back reality skanks Trishelle Cannatella and Adrianne Curry, and let the STD’s begin!

Shows that probably won’t end up in TV Guide: Made: I Want to Have Sex for Money; So You Think You Can Screw; Celebrity F*** Club.

If programming catapults Ashley Dupre to the top of the celebutante ladder, why stop there? Throw in a record deal! If Brooke Hogan and Heidi Montag can cut an album, it might be a charttopping success! They can also add a movie deal, creating a modernized version of Pretty Woman… but in the end, instead of Richard Gere showing up with a limo, a money-hungry producer shows up with a TV contract.

Seriously, though, where are we going to go when this novelty wears off? How dirty is reality television going to get before draw the line? How many talentless nymphomaniacs are going to get rich while we struggle to pay off our student loans? I, personally, am sick of seeing these women re-objectify the gender every week and make a bad name for sexually liberated women who don’t need the cameras rolling 24/7. I prefer my walks of shame to go unrecorded, thank you very much.

…Or maybe it’s the gender distinction of romance and love.

It’s been my understanding that the majority of guys do not watch rom-coms without mentally noting what things someone would obviously do if they loved you; that they in fact can listen to a John Legend song without awaiting a diamond ring; that they can even watch that sappy Hershey’s Kiss commercial (the one where the guy special orders all those Kisses with the little tags that say ‘I miss you’ for his lady) and never register that might be something you would actually do for the one you Love. Talk about a revelation.

Talk about a productive night’s sleep. I just woke up with this brain child.

It may not be the ‘solution’ to all this, but it is kind of brilliant in figuring this whole thing out; maybe I am not so unreasonable as a hopeless romantic, but rather just sh*t-out-of-luck as far as finding a guy who is on the same page to provide me with all the things I am waiting for, all the time.

Is there really that Richard Gere circa Pretty Woman type of guy out there who is willing to drive his personal limo to my apartment and yell at the top of his lungs, over the romantic opera music (an opera which he took me to see) with roses in hand, that he loves me forever and can’t live without me? Is there really that kind of guy for any girl? Or rather should it be the everyday things that declare that same kind of love?

It’s been four romance-free days, and while I have noticed that the overt displays are, well, non-existent, I am noticing that romance is still out there. For example, today I saw a couple standing on the street corner, and the guy leaned over and kissed her on the forehead just for the shear purpose of showing her some affection. Damn, that was sweet I thought. It didn’t require wrapping paper or a speech for the entire world to hear, but it was personal and affectionate. It was great.

Perhaps it goes to show that while the Richard Gere type may be one out of every man, the runner-ups are out there, if even for a fleeting moment.