Seriously, click that link and read it. Then join me as I ask, “Um, really?” The list is chock full of some pretty asinine and totally dated characteristics of a “gentleman.”

A gentleman eats the garnish on his dinner plate if he so desires? Waits until a lady at the table lifts her fork before he takes his first bite?

Yeah, I don’t think so.

I’ve decided to revamp this list of 21 ways to be a gentleman, geared toward your typical college bro. Chivalry might be dead and douche bags abound on every campus, but these 21 rules shouldn’t be too hard to follow.

1. Always offer to pay for drinks, even if you know she’ll refuse.
2. Never layer collared shirts. Even more importantly, keep those collars down.
3. Don’t blow her off for video games. Real sports games? Acceptable with a forewarning. Impromptu Madden tournament? Not so much.
4. Even if her best friend is a perfect 10 smoke show? Don’t let on that you think so. Ogle her on Facebook instead.
5. Don’t text at dinner.
6. Open doors. Pull out chairs. Let her order first. Simple manners.
7. Don’t make her walk of shame home at 4 AM, shoeless and in a ridiculous outfit. Even worse if it’s a slutty Halloween costume. Would you like to be traipsing home in the wee hours wearing nothing but a slutty school girl kilt and tank top after getting tossed out of some dude’s bunkbed? Not. Cool.
8. Let her watch “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” or whatever girly show she likes without mocking it the entire way through. Bonus points for putting it on your DVR.
9. No, she doesn’t look fat in that dress. Yes, even if she does.
10. Do not ever, EVER push her head or hand downtown.
11. Don’t be ashamed of her in front of your buddies, even if she’s sipping wine coolers instead of Bud Light when you’re all hanging out.
12. Even if you don’t care, ask her about family/friends/shopping excursion. You’ll make her smile, guaranteed.
13. Farting isn’t funny, but occasionally tolerable. Dutch ovening? Never acceptable.
14. Please warn her before you bust. Surprises in the form of gifts are nice, but not so much when they are hot sticky ones in her eye.
15. Once in a while, suggest she wears something that you like to see her in. She’ll be impressed and flattered by the compliment, provided you’re not asking her to wear lingerie out on the town.
16. Plan something. Anything. Even just a dinner and a movie. Pull some weight in the social planning, even if it’s just once in a while.
17. If she, you know, for lack of a better term, slobs on your knob (thank you 3 6 Mafia), return the favor please! Unless she’s not a fan, in which case, prove to her that she should be one.
18. Messed up? Apologies are always better with chocolate.
19. Kiss her on the cheek in public once in a while. A little PDA isn’t awful and reminds her how much you care about her. Just no sloppy make outs. That’s just gross.
20. Keep your word. Don’t say things you don’t mean. If you promise something, stick to it.
21. No socks with sandals. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

What would you like added to the list? Anything dudes can do to step it up to gentlemen status nowadays?

Melanie currently interning in NYC, taking full advantage of all margarita specials and those blonde summer boys. Stalk her on Twitter: @tinkermellie

Seriously. There are a lot of us who actually ENJOY meeting – and dating – this special breed of douche.

Okay. I might be EXTREMELY overgeneralizing here, but I have seen a wide range of chicks fall for guys who treat them like absolute sh*t. I’ve seen girls who stick with their sub-par lovers for years and can’t give you a straight answer as to why they put up with it.

I probably fall into this category as well; nice guys like me all the time, yet I constantly shy away from them in favor of their more dramatic/mysterious/douchebag-y counterparts.

This might be like flossing a dead horse – or watching a Tina Fey as Sarah Palin SNL skit (again, not that I’m complaining!), but seriously, why the hell do nice guys finish last? And whose fault is it, really?

A few of my theories :

1. Girl mistakes cockiness for confidence. Because we live in an individualistic society that stresses the importance of CONFIDENCE and SELF-ESTEEM and GOING FOR THE GOLD (no matter how you get there), it is totally possible to perceive straight-up cockiness as a public display of confidence. However, in the case of the A**hole, the guy isn’t just confident – he’s practically narcissistic. He basically feels NOTHING for any other human beside himself. So, by the time the Nice Girl realizes said dude will never care about anything other than his hair, his car and sticking his you-know-what into every willing hoo-ha in town, she’s already said the “L-word” and picked out future children’s names.

2. Girl thinks she can change the bad boy. Women are natural nurturers. We like to take care of stuff, like our best friends and our nails and our MAC makeup collection. We play therapist to most everyone in our lives. It makes us feel good to make other people feel good. So, when Nice Girl meets a guy who has some issues – like being unable to emotionally connect with other people, and/or maintain a solid relationship, or has cheated on past girlfriends – Nice Girl always thinks that SHE is obviously the one who can change the A**hole’s deviant ways. Realistically, she knows this isn’t true. But we all want to believe that we are that special girl.

Eventually though, Nice Girl learns that A**hole will never change, but she sticks around because she’s still in love with the concept of who A**hole COULD be, if he only stopped hanging out with that crowd/gave up drinking/got a new job…none of which will ever happen. Girl digs A**hole because she genuinely believes that underneath all the B.S. there is a knight in shining armor just BEGGING to be set free and show up on her doorstep with a bottle of red wine and a copy of “Baby Mama.” There’s not.

3. Girl lacks confidence. Of course, we can’t blame EVERYTHING on the A**hole. According to The Perks of Being a Wallflower, “we accept the love we think we deserve.” I don’t think I could have said it better. Sometimes, we find ourselves attached to the A**hole because we don’t believe that we can find anyone else, or perhaps we don’t even know anything better exists. It does.

4. Chivalry kinda sorta scares Girl. Although Girl doesn’t want to admit it, being treated well sometimes feels kind of awkward. When we go out with a Nice Guy, we know he’s going to do all the “typical” gentleman-ly stuff, like open our car doors and hold our hand while walking down the street. Sometimes, this is just plain weird and makes us feel kinda funny. Nice Guy virtually loses all unique points when he acts like this because Nice Guys all. act. the. same. way. They wait too long to make a move, they call too often and they are just too damn nice.

5. Girl likes the chase. Seriously, who doesn’t? Sometimes Nice Guys are just too easy. We like it when guys don’t give in to us right away. It’s exciting and it gives us something to daydream about when we’re bored in English Lit. Lame? Yes. Understandable? Definitely.

6. Finally, sometimes A**holes just really know how to play the game. They can thoroughly convince us that they are indeed a Nice Guy when the complete opposite is true. When our friends start to point out several signs of their douchebaggery, we have a “talk” with A**hole and he convinces us that our friends are batsh*t crazy and watch too much Sex & the City and that we have nothing to worry about. The A**hole will do anything he can to prevent Nice Girl from seeing his true colors….and he’s damn good at it, too.

That’s all I got. What do you lovely CC readers think – why do girls like assholes?

[Photo from kit haselden's flickr]

Chivalry is not dead. It’s alive and well—or, at least alive.Since moving to New York, I have come across varying degrees of gallantry. Some is well intentioned and friendly; while some has a faded, slightly sour quality. Some acts of chivalry are carried out with genuine kindness, and some are done because the guy can’t bare the thought of letting a woman exert any kind of power.

How do you know what level of chivalry you’re getting on a daily basis? Read on.

LEVEL 1: On this, the brightest and friendliest level, the guy is being polite and helpful because he wants to be. Opening a door for you, standing up so you can take his seat on the subway, giving you room to pass on the sidewalk, all of these things are done with a smile and a pleasant glance. This guy’s mama taught him well, and it’s no trouble at all for him to show women that he holds them in high esteem.

Although it’s rare, this level does indeed exist, and I recommend immediately inquiring if such a polite lad has a partner, and if finding him to be single, snatching him up as quick as possible.

LEVEL 2: The majority of guys circulate around this level. If you both happen to reach the door at the same time, he’ll let you go through. He’s not watching out for you on the sidewalk, but if you both happen to play the “which-way-am-I-going? game”, he’ll be the first one to shift definitively to one side. If you’re weighed down with packages on the bus, he may or may not move for you, depending on his mood.

Just expecting a guy to open doors and throw his coat down on mud for you isn’t the best way to go through life, and dudes in this level agree with that, dispensing their chivalry on a constant basis mostly for girlfriends only. Then again, catch a Level 2 on a good day and you’ll be presently surprised by their gentlemanly deeds.

LEVEL 3: These guys are chivalrous because they feel like they have to be. They’re not happy about opening doors for you, but they’ll do it, provided you move your ass through nice and fast. Begrudgingly standing when you walk by on the train, sighing heavily when they move over on the stairs, these guys want you to know that being chivalrous is a total chore—but they’re nice so they DO IT.

Don’t even try to hold the door for a Level 3. They hold it for you, damnit! Dissing their masculinity by trying to be nice is totally NOT cool. GOD. YOU WOMEN NEVER APPRECIATE ANYTHING!

LEVEL 4: Is reserved for douchebags and chauvinists. They’re just as likely to elbow you in the face as they are to help carry your groceries. Usually, their kind of chivalry is reserved for drunk girls who would have followed them home anyway…and for seducing the boss’s wife.

My only theory is that Amber, and all the other girls, for that matter, have crushes on one of the cameramen and feels weird kissing Andy in front of him. People never think about the cameramen on these shows, but you gotta hedge a bet that they get around. I mean, if I had the choice between a manicured, chivalrous Brooks Brothers-wearing guy driving around in ABC-rented Lamborghinis and the greasy, schlumpy dude behind the camera (who basically controls how thin I look on T.V.), well, the choice is clear.

That said, what kind of name is Bevin, and since when do 28-year-olds cry about a sprained ankle, let alone wear stilettos with one? Not sexy. Also, skiing? Not sexy. Tessa? Not sexy. I said it. I’m sorry.

Next week on The Bachelor: a comedy of extreme sports and forced altruism. Only the strong survive.