In honor of election day, we got to thinking about politicians and how they have the power to change the world and make a difference. But we also got to thinking that when they’re not making speeches and creating laws, they have the power to be an amazing party guests. The kind of party guests that will have all your guests saying, “I didn’t know Hoover knew how to do the worm!” and “Whoa, Andrew Jackson, where did you even find an original Four Loko!”

So in honor of election day 2011, we put together a list of the top 5 politicans we would invite to a raging party. With no further ado, meet your new favorite party guests!

initiating the gallery...

When you think of school spirit, it’s customary to think of stadiums awash in school colors, spine-tingling chants, and deep-seated hatred for the rival school’s (obviously) inferior traditions. But in Texas, “spirit” comprises all that and more. This week, while we examine the University of Texas at Austin and Texas A&M University- College Station, we learn of traditions and campus lore as large as the Lone Star State itself.  In a world of hand signals, slang, and centuries-old cheering teams, the Texas-Texas A&M rivalry pervades all nuances of life.

1. Mascot Matchup

Texas- Bevo the Longhorn, a particularly menacing-looking brand of cattle, is the pride of UT. The school’s colors, white and burnt orange, are an homage to Bevo’s hide.  Bevo has made the rounds at several important functions, including the inauguration of President George W.  Bush. Should you ever find yourself in conversation with someone from UT, say “Hook ‘em, horns!” and flash the Longhorn hand signal.
Texas A&M- The Aggies–short for agriculture, as per the school’s name–also have a catchphrase and hand signal. It’s commonplace in College Station to sign off by saying “Gig ‘em!” and giving the thumbs-up.  Their official mascot is an American collie named Reveille, who is addressed by the student body as “Miss Reveille, ma’am,” since she is considered a Cadet General in the Aggie cadets.

Three credits to: Texas, where Bevo has the presidential seal of approval.

2. Terrific Traditions

Texas- The Hex Rally is held the week before the Texas-Texas A&M game, featuring performances by student organizations and a large candle-burning ceremony to unify the Longhorns before their most anticipated match up of the season.
Texas A&M- You’re not an Aggie unless you can sport your Aggie class ring. Awarded to seniors who have met certain degree requirements (and alumni upon graduation), the Aggie ring is the ultimate symbol of school pride and a networking device for life. Many believe the day an Aggie receives her ring is more sacred than commencement.

Three Credits to: Texas A&M, throw your (ring-adorned) hands up!

3. Lone Star Showdown Record

Texas - In the annual points-race competition between the two schools (where points are awarded for head-to-head match-ups or best Big 12 conference standing in each intercollegiate sport offered at both schools), Texas has taken home the title three times in the Showdown’s five-year history.
Texas A&M- The Aggies have won the Lone Star Showdown trophy for the past two years. However, despite an even tie last year between the schools, the title was awarded to A&M because Showdown rules dictate that in the event of a tie, the previous year’s winner retains the title.

Three credits to: Texas, for having three wins and a tie in the five-year event history.

4. Crowd-Rousing Cheers

Texas– Texas Fight, the official fight song of the Longhorns, is simple yet powerful. When the orange-and-white score, it’s time to throw up your horns and chant T-E-X-A-S TEXAS FIGHT!
Texas A&M- Instead of cheerleading, Aggies have Yell Leaders to pump up school spirit. The five-member Yell Leaders, a team since 1907, are comprised of three seniors and two juniors–traditionally all-male, because no females have yet been elected to the representative positions.

Three credits to: Texas, where the cheering is egalitarian (hey, this is a ladies’ website!).

5. Acceptance Rate Agony

Texas- 43.5% for the class of 2012
Texas A&M-  70.1% for the class of 2012.

Three credits to: Texas- the Longhorns by a long shot.

And the diploma goes to: Texas! They say everything’s bigger in the Lone Star State, and when it comes to this Southern rivalry, the Longhorns win big.

Earlier this morning, Mr. President held his final press conference as our Commander- In- Chief and I’m sure he has been reminiscing his time of service to our great country.

I wonder, though, what W.’s most memorable, thrilling moment was during his 8-year-reign of terror .

Could it be learning that our nation was under attack when the towers were hit on 9\11? No.

Maybe it was the rush of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina? Wrong.

Could it be that journalist chucking a shoe at him during a press conference? Uh uh.

Our President says that during his time in office he has never felt more anxious than he did when he…wait for it…threw the opening pitch at the 2001 World Series. At least this was his response when People Magazine asked him.

Now I know that Mr. President has be scrutinized almost from the moment he stepped into office – and I won’t lie, I’ve been one to cast a stone or two – but I always felt that the President of the mighty United States absolutely deserves some amount of respect. I mean, the man is running a country. He did the best he could in a sh*tty situation…I guess.

But, come on. Of everything our country has been through during the past 8 years – the war, the natural disasters, the economy, etc. – this man’s most memorable part was pitching a freakin ball? I’m not saying the man should have said “Starting the war was my most favorite part of being president!” but I was hoping that maybe, just maybe, his favorite part would something a little more meaningful. Then again, did he do anything meaningful?

Point to ponder.

George W. likes what he sees at the Olympics

Cuteness Alert: High-fiving dog and adorable baby

A “Trophy Ring” for “Douchebags”

Just let me drink my damn caffeine in peace

Hey, Daniel Radcliff…spare some change?

I want to see Tropic Thunder…but these people don’t

No, really, thank God they invented this. My life was really unlivable without it

Adorable remake of the Dark Knight trailer

Imagine if they were all on the rag together?

Thinking of doing the Detox Diet? Think again

The United States of Cheap Beer

[Want to be part of the liveblogging extravaganza? IM CollegeCandy27 and tell us what you think...we'll put the best comments up!]

Everyone’s been talking about Beijing’s Olympic Opening ceremony; it’s futuristic, the best we’ve ever seen, full of spectacle…blah blah blah. Not to be a dick, but how interesting can this sort of thing really be? A bunch of people marching around carrying flags, fireworks, George W…it sounds kind of like the Fourth of July, except slightly more boring, because nobody can be drunk.

Since my social calender has a big gaping hole where tonight’s plans should be, I’ve decided to sit in front of the TV (with or without my face covered in a homemade facial…I’m not telling) and liveblog through this so-called fantastic futuristic mind blowingly awesome ceremony.

Let’s see how badass China really is, shall we?

7:58pm — Matt Lauer and some guy are talking…President Bush is coming down the aisle…he looks slightly awkward.

8:00pm — holy f*ck there are a lot of drummers…in wizard garb.

8:05pm — I think my retnas just exploded from the lights.

8:08pm – [IM from Peanut37] “Wouldn’t want to be the one who effs up in that drum group”

8:13pm – Okay. I’m kinda impressed with those rising Olympic rings…

8:23pm – Dude, there is now a massive scroll in which peeps are dancing on. Plus there’s a drawing. On the massive scroll. That the dancers are doing with their bodies.

8:34pm – [IM from dimitriobsidian] “The block thing kind of looks like…those things they sell in Spencer’s. You know, the ones where you put your hand or your face or whatever body part you think would shock the public the most and it leaves an imprint? … THOSE BLOCKS ARE PEOPLE??”

8:51pm – Some guy is playing the piano, surrounded by people who are lit up and reminding me of an accidental LSD trip I took once…

9:00pm — An hour into the ceremony and I impressed but also bored. Does this make me uncultured?

9:07pm – Commercials. Wait, ER has only one more season? John Stamos is on that show now? That show is still ON?

9:12pm — [IM from pomqueen13] “On display tonight, things China has given us… including paper, fireworks, kites…. and undoubtedly some OPIUM.”

9:20pm – [IM from itisbecauseiam] “I think that china is just trying to show off how vast their population is… there’s no reason to have thousands of people in each and every performance”

9:23pm – Turkmenistan? Where the crap is that?

9:36pm — Table tennis. I forgot that that’s an Olympic sport. I need to watch. I used to have a ping pong table in my basement…the balls kept rolling into the cat litter.

9:47pm — Falling…asleep…being..lulled…by…bagpipes…

9:55pm – PRESIDENT BUSH JUST CHECKED HIS WATCH. He’s as bored as I am.

10:11pm — Okay, I’ve watched for 2 hours and 11 minutes, my computer sounds like it’s about to blow up, America hasn’t paraded through the parade of nations, I’m super hot, and watching people wave flags is not as interesting as it sounds. Thanks to everyone who sent in hilarious IMs…glad I’m not the only one in on a Friday night. Let me know when table tennis is on. NIGHT!

“Never? You’ve really never been to church? What about Christmas? Easter? Seriously?”

Nope, never means never. At the age of 18, I had never sat in a pew and attended a church service. We weren’t high Holy Day Jews, or Easter-only Catholics, or even Unitarians in it for the social aspect (as my Dad was raised, until he was given the option to stop going around age 12). American demographics being what they are, my exposure to religion was haphazard, but fairly broad. I had friends of many religions, though I was too young to really understand what that meant, beyond a weekly time commitment. More importantly, I knew no one for whom it was a problem that I didn’t believe, just as I didn’t care if they did.

Even with this lack of Christianity, Christmas was (and is) a big deal in my home. A tree with an angel and packages and cookies and friends and family, the whole nine yards, the family tradition. Looking back, it’s odd that we had tiny creche figures that we got to remove one at a time from our daily advent calendar, complete with baby Jesus, but it was part of the package. We believed in the story, but that was as far as it went. I knew that Jesus was a good guy, a leader of men, but…he can’t be the son of God if you don’t believe in God. So, when I moved from the liberal stronghold of Seattle to another, New York, there were certain genres of America that remained largely theoretical for me. When George W. Bush was elected President, I was genuinely baffled. Literally no one I knew had voted for him, yet he still won. Conservatives were out there…but where, exactly?

Finally, when I was 20, I found them. My long-time college boyfriend came from a Southern Baptist family in Tennessee. I didn’t know this until we’d been dating for a while; he didn’t go to church, and his religious upbringing was mentioned only in passing. So, imagine my surprise when I went to visit him over New Years, and the first thing I saw was an absolutely enormous tapestry on the wall, embroidered with a psalm. Beneath it, a bookcase overflowed with the following titles:

The Case for Christ

Falling in Love With Jesus

The Bible

Share Jesus Without Fear

The Bible, again

Champions for God by Jerry Falwell.

Uh oh.

It really should have come as no surprise when, on my last night in town, his father snuck this into an previously innocuous conversation: “So, Gemma, [boyfriend] tells us that you don’t believe in God.”

F***ck.

And the interview began. Sitting on the floor, pinching the ever-loving hell out of my boyfriends thigh under the coffee table, I hoped for some intercession, but none came. The questions about my beliefs, or lack thereof, kept coming, and awkward though I was, I tried to answer honestly. I felt like I was holding my own until we got to “Why do you think people are good to other people?”…and I stopped. This had to be a trick question, right? I sorted through the language, looking for the real target, but in the end I settled on something unspeakably halting like, “Well…I guess people have figured out that if they are kind to others, others will likely be kind them, and it creates the most happiness for the most people.”

“Oh, and God has nothing to do with it? Well, clearly I believe something different.”

And with that, the conversation was ended. At first I was just f*cking confused, but when that wore off, I was livid. Absolutely raging. I had gone to church with his family. I had bowed my head while grace was said before every meal. I hadn’t sworn once. I had respected his household and his beliefs, and here he was, implying that there was something wrong with me, that I was a lesser human being, incapable of true kindness, because I didn’t believe as he did.

Excuuuuuse me? I am kind to my friends and family. I volunteer at animal shelters, and I give pregnant women my seat on the subway. I send thank you notes, remember birthdays, and I call my grandmother. I’m not Mother Teresa, but I am a pretty good person. My beliefs are informed. They are my own, and they are a matter of personal pride.There is no void in my life, but to this man, that didn’t matter. I had been judged, and been found lacking.

After the interrogation, my boyfriend and I fought about it constantly. I couldn’t understand how someone so logical could be a part of something so rigid, and he couldn’t understand how I just…couldn’t understand it. I tried, I did. We give up believing in Santa before we leave elementary school. How could I learn belief in an unknowable God as an adult?

So, how has this affected my adult life? I still exist in a fairly liberal bubble. My community is made up of artists – writers and musicians – and there is little variety in the Bush-hating members of (as my Mom calls it) The Church of the Brunch. But, I make an effort to keep myself out of the closed-minded Liberal category – those who fancy themselves free-thinking and left-wing, yet automatically write off anyone even slightly to the right of center as ignorant.

That being said, I have learned that I am not going to change. I admit that when perusing online dating profiles, the ‘religion’ question is important to me. I think faith itself may be the important element, and the form it takes less so. However, if you’ve got it and I don’t, that’s all well and good, but it is one of the few differences in my life I have found to be truly irreconcilable.

[photo courtesy of www.sweden.se]

5. This is actually a perfectly lovely picture of Jenna, I add it only to remark on how much Barbara Bush (daughter) looks like Alanis Morissette.

4. As her father’s daughter, I would have expected that she could hold her alcohol better.

3. To all of you naysayers out there, this picture is proof of how much Jenna has changed in the last eight years. Now she can remain standing whilst drinking. I sure hope that’s the lucky groom.

2. Is she yawning or screaming? It’s the difference between an important political function and a Three Doors Down concert, both of which have an equal affect on our nation

1. The economy is in the sh*tter, the war in Iraq is years from being over and will cost the nation upwards of $3 trillion dollars. Rock on, Jenna. Rock on.

In all seriousness, I wish The Hagers a very happy and harmonious marriage. But… I just can’t help but think of all the men and women fighting and dying overseas who will never get a chance to have such a lovely wedding and it sort of makes me lose my sense of humor.