Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

“So who’s the most attractive President we’ve ever had? Barack Obama, I think, right?”

“No. Teddy Roosevelt. Young Teddy Roosevelt. Teddy Roosevelt’s giant stone face on Mount Rushmore.”

“Yeah, the party was cool until Olga stepped in the seven-layer dip.”

“Maybe I should try Internet dating. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life moaning at magazines.”

“Oh my God, oh my God! Pull over!”

“What? What?”

“We found Mark Hamill’s guest appearance on The Muppet Show!”

“Christ. It’s 9 a.m. and I’m too drunk to feed the cows.”

“Your elbows make me red-hot. They’re your best feature.”

“Wow. I just found George Washington’s heir.”

“So that would make him King of America, right?”

“Yup. Felix Craig from Nitro, West Virginia. He drives a Winnebago and watches ‘Days of Our Lives’.”

“Oh, f***! The windows are fogged up! Tiny people are fogging up the windows of my car with their intercourse.”

“How’s the new boyfriend?”

“Lovely. I braid his scarves while he talks about burgers.”

“I’m wearing two pairs of underwear today. It’s the secret flower of my womanhood.”

“Oh, she’s cute.”

“Dude, you just think crutches are hot.”