I’m a shy person. I’ve gotten a little better over the years, but the thought of speaking to a roomful of people or even just one new person still terrifies me. And parties…the thought of going to a party is basically like hell on earth.

So in a way, it’s natural that I don’t drink. Drinking is something that’s confined almost exclusively to social occasions, and since I avoid social occasions like the plague, I don’t have any reason to drink. I’m not interested, and I just don’t care to do something that might make me look stupid or blur my judgment. So why do so many people treat me like an alien because of that choice?

When I tell people I don’t drink, their eyes grow wide and their mouths drop wide open. “Why?” is the most common response. Call me crazy, but why not? Vegetarians don’t get interrogated nearly as often or as harshly about their choice not to eat meat. People who elect to study biology or music instead of English aren’t demanded to explain the in-depth mechanics of their choice.

To be honest, it kind of bothers me that my choice not to drink is treated as a personal attack by some people. Don’t get me wrong—most people are very cool with it, and treat me just the same as everybody else. But others seem to think that I believe I’m better than everyone because I’ve never been drunk, or that it’s their civic duty to make me try alcohol, because obviously I’m going to love it and get wasted every weekend.

Yo! I want to tell those people. Just leave me alone! I don’t judge anybody for drinking, and I think it’s a perfectly acceptable choice—it’s just not for me. Alcohol and drunk people make me uncomfortable, and it’s that simple. So please, if you meet people like me who just want to curl up with a good book instead of going out to a bar, don’t judge.

We’re not Martians—we’re just making a choice.

Needless to say, they weren’t the classiest ladies in the room. Even more needless to say, I got a nice view of each of the ladies’ underwear choices for the evening: thongs.

The girls didn’t even have to bend over or sit down for the thongs to say hello; they were just out. Silly me, I thought that the thong out of the jeans trend ended back in 2005, but apparently I was wrong.

I was also very, very drunk, so I did what I do best; I talked shit about these girls to my friends. And also may have gone up to the Thong Crew and asked them if they were trying to make a fashion statement or just look really, really slutty before being dragged out of the bar by the people I was with.

If only I had known that night about Shibue Couture; I could have actually offered some advice instead of potentially starting a bar brawl.

The people over at Shibue Couture must have had me and my judgmental thoughts in mind when they created what can only be considered the best thing to happen to ladies lingerie since Victoria shared her secret. They have come out with a strapless G-string. The panty is made of some super soft fabrics and comes with 12 liners. You just use the adhesive and stick that puppy on just above your happy place where it then heads back to stick just above your crack (sorry, there is no dainty way to put it).

[It must be noted that these panties are best used on ladies who are all (or nearly) bare down there. I'm just sayin; it may not be too comfortable for our not-so-furless friends.]

The strapless G-string is perfect for those extra low rise jeans and super short skirts. No vag/thong flashing here. Someone should really let Paris, Britney and LiLo know about these things; it would save us all the horror of seeing their privates on an almost daily basis.