So on most weekends when all of you are out clubbing or hitting up the bar while hitting on hot guys, I’m curled up on my couch in my pajamas, watching the Olympics or reading a really dorky book and eating a cookie (or three).

It doesn’t bother me. In fact, I LOVE it.

Perhaps you’re intrigued by my reclusive lifestyle. Maybe you even want to take your own Introventure on an upcoming Saturday night, but you’re just not sure how to even begin. Well, you’re in luck! Look no further than this handy-dandy…

Introvert’s Guide to a Saturday Night in:

6 p.m. Put on pajamas. Why not? You’re not going out, and it just feels great to wear those soft, comfortable clothes.

6:15 p.m. Feel a little hungry. Decide to make one-serving eggplant parmesan.

6:30 p.m. Realize you are missing a key ingredient (the eggplant). Run to the store.

6:50 p.m. Ah, that’s better.

8 p.m. Oh, God. This is delicious. Who needs bad rap music and hot guys?

8:15 p.m. Do the dishes. Or don’t. It’s your night! You’re in control!

8:30 p.m. Decide to watch the Olympics.

8:45 p.m. Bob Costas is showing highlights of Michael Phelps for the millionth time, but it’s still not enough for you. You could watch those rippling abs for days…

9 p.m. Wipe drool off the couch.

9:15 p.m. Get bored with the Olympics. Pop in a DVD of The X-Files. The new movie reminded you of the great chemistry between Mulder and Scully and how you wish you were Scully during all the scenes when she kisses Mulder.

10 p.m. Wonder if the truth is really out there. If so, where?

10:05 p.m. Pick up David Sedaris’s new book, When You Are Engulfed in Flames. Read about how he bought a $400 cashmere sweater with intentional ripping and distressing in it. Wonder if that is ever excusable. Think about your own most expensive item of clothing and how it is a) worth so much less than $400 and b) sitting in your closet unworn while you are lying around in pajamas.

10:30 p.m. Start to get tired. Ponder that all the parties around town are just starting to heat up and that you are obviously a grandmother for wanting to go to sleep before midnight.

10:35 p.m. Time to eat some chocolate.

10:45 p.m. Think about brushing your teeth. Obviously, you have to do it, but could anyone really blame you for wanting to keep that chocolate taste in your mouth? How bad would it be to refrain from brushing your teeth for just one night, really? Totally permissible.

11 p.m. Suddenly a glaring light arrives from nowhere. Oh. It’s just the overhead light, and you’ve fallen asleep. Go to turn it off and get in bed.

1 a.m. Best friend drunk dials you, jarring you out of a dream that involved both Michael Phelps and Mulder at the same time. You curse her out and put away the phone. How can other people actually have social lives, anyway?!

[Photo courtesy of flickr.com.]

5. Monica Bellucci

If you have seen this woman, then I really don’t need to explain myself. In her mid-forties, she could kick almost any ingenue’s boney little ass with the sheer force of her heavy-lidded sexuality. She could probably snap Keira Knightley in half with a glance.

4. Kristen Bell

Usually I like my women with a little more meat on them, but Bell is just so damn cute and sassy that I can make an exception. She’s a master of comic timing, a self proclaimed “nerd”, and was named one of the world’s sexiest vegetarians in 2006. Also, Veronica Mars.

3. Gillian Anderson

Any actress voted “Most Likely to Be Arrested” and “Most Bizarre Girl” in her graduating class is alright in my book. Her level of badass is compounded, however, by being the star of one of the best television shows of all time, The X-Files. That her real personality and on screen persona are obviously so different just speaks to her range and ability as an actress. Also, she’s just generally amazing looking. How could you not love this woman?

2. Eva Green

This former bond girl is shrouded in a Gallic mystery that’s made her a wildly sought after actress after only having appeared in five movies (only two of them good). Also, she knows, better than any actress today, IMHO, how to sport the red lipstick. It just so happens that People Magazine has named her the World’s Worst Dresser. Obviously, People Magazine’s level of class is not to be questioned–just look at the cover of their Best/Worst Dressed issue. Anyway, the way she dresses is one of the things I like best about her. Like Chloe Sevigny, she’s not afraid to be odd and express her oddness through fashion. I‘m all for Eva being herself, pink frilly kimono and all.

1. Rosario Dawson

She might be the perfect woman, with a killer combination of brains, bod, beauty and balls. Not only do I appreciate how perfect looking she is, more than anything she appeals to my inner geek. She’s sexy and frisky but she’s not afraid to get down and dirty in films like The Devil’s Rejects, Grindhouse and Sin City. At the same time, she can hold her own in lighter fare like Clerks II (which she was persuaded to do with the inclusion of the infamous donkey show scene).

Also, the woman has created her own comic book. How badass is that?

[Got your own lady crush you'd switch for? Let us know!]