Is being friends with your ex even possible? I mean, you’ve seen each other naked many, many times. You’ve opened up to each other about some weird stuff. And you once didn’t know how you could live without him. I’m still pretty much trying to figure out the real answer to that question, but I’d like to think that, yeah, sometimes you can be friends with your ex.

But let me be clear: being friends with your ex is usually really hard and can only be done in certain circumstances. I’ve watched couples try the friend thing, only to end up in this weird hooking up relationship that made both people miserable. Or one of them couldn’t handle it and the jealousy and hurt feelings destroyed any kind of friendship they could ever have. But I’ve also watched couples who totally rock at being friends after they break up – and I’ve even done it myself. So here are some tips on how you can be friends with your ex. Because, let’s face it, they were a big part of your life for a reason – it isn’t always necessary to completely push them away. Read More »

Qvestion?! Ansver: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I find myself between a rock and a hard place. My ex-boyfriend and I have turned friends with benefits. Me and my ex had dated for a year and a half, about half of the time we were at college in different towns. We started dating right after I came out of a long-term relationship that ended badly. In hindsight it was too soon for me to date again, but I was just glad to be moving on. We had a rocky month or two in our relationship with some dishonesty after we had been dating for four months. I had hooked up with one of my guy friends on my spring break trip after a long night of partying. I called my ex the next day and tried to explain to him what happened. I had never felt so guilty and ashamed about something. He was extremely hurt but we had a very strong connection and worked through it. We had an awesome summer together before we went off to college which made it extremely hard to cope with the fact I would only see him twice a month. I felt awesome when we were together and fell pretty hard for him.

During the fall semester, the same issue of trust and cheating arose again. Though I would think we talked things out, he could never quite let the topic go. Right after second semester started, things fell apart. My ex was struggling with some personal issues as well as his academics, the ongoing and recurring issue of dishonesty, and the distance took its toll. We broke up at the end of January of this year. But neither of us could let things go completely. We still talked and we saw each other once. It was so hard because despite all of the issues we had, we were so in love. And I know it doesn’t really make sense because if we were in love we shouldn’t have had our problems. But that was the frustrating part. We knew we shouldn’t have been dating at that point when we broke up but I still loved him.

Read More »

Kvetchion? Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half. He broke up with me because I was too “emotionally unsound”, but in reality I found out he cheated on me. He denied it, and for whatever reason I wanted to believe he was actually a good person and it was just a rumor. Though I still became kind of upset. And that is the reason there was any emotional craziness coming from me. By that point, I knew for a while that we should break up, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. We hung out every once in a while (and slept together a few times…’cause I was an idiot). Anyways, that’s not the point.

Eight months later, I was hanging out with one of my friends, and the topic of my ex boyfriend came up. This friend of mine told me the truth (he found out because he was cheating on his girlfriend with one of the best friend’s of the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with). At this point I became FURIOUS. I have never been so angry at the world before. My feelings were, “I can’t believe there are people in the world that do things that will obviously cause other people so much pain.” Cheating was honestly the last thing I ever thought I would have to deal with (boy was I wrong). So I told him that I never wanted to see him again.

A month ago, I finally realized that in order to no longer be so angry I have to forgive him (which sucks, but as soon as I realized that I felt so much better). And then he randomly facebook messaged me. I replied, because I didn’t want to be rude. And we hung out, to talk, because I had a list of questions that I wanted answered (such as: Why did you cheat on me? Why with her? Did you ever actually love me? Etc.). But he STILL denied it. And that pissed me off again. Read More »

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have been in a long distance (400 miles) relationship for almost 3 years, as you can imagine, everthing started off all pretty and perfect but a lot has changed over these years.

My boyfriend is the ‘Mummy’s boy’ type – the type that will start an argument if he doesn’t get his own way. It all started in Fall 2009 – things hadn’t been great between us, he broke up with me when I was on an important placement, then a week later started a relationship with a girl from his school (I had always suspected he was starting to like her.)

I tried to cut him out of my life – delete number, email, Facebook, blah blah blah. But he kept contacting me saying that he still loved me and regretted breaking up with me. In November 2009 we got back together, and everything was blissful again… or so I thought. He had told me that he regretted breaking up with me/didn’t know why he done it and that it was a rebound. The girl he broke up with me for told me that my boyfriend was sneaky and a liar (at first I didn’t believe it, but now I am starting to wonder whether she was right.) Read More »

Question?! Answer: Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I never thought I’d be writing you, but I’ve been reading your advice for quite some time and I think you might be the only person I trust to give this kind of advice. To sum up my situation, I have a best friend who I’ve had since my first semester of freshman year. This best friend of mine, P, has a girlfriend that he has been with for over two years. She doesn’t go to our school and I’ve only met her once.

To give you all the details, P and I are very close and before we were really friends, he cheated on his girlfriend with me, he later found out that she has cheated on him too. You should also know that I now have a serious boyfriend that I’ve been with for almost a year, so this is not a jealousy issue. P and I are always together and people have begun to associate us with one another.
Read More »

Kvetchtion?! Answer: Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Question?! Answer: Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Note To The Kids: I get several emails a week asking me to respond personally on email. I won’t do it. Stop asking.

Now back to your regularly scheduled column.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Qvestion? Ansver: Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’ve never wanted a relationship. I mean, I’m 19 years old, why should I? Now, dating, that’s where it’s at. But I keep finding myself in sticky situations. I’ll be seeing a guy and he’ll bring up the “exclusive” conversation when, wait a second, weren’t we diggin’ this whole casual thing two dates ago? What changed?

I guess my problem is that I’m always the bad guy. I don’t intend to hurt anyone and I make sure I’m communicating that I don’t want a boyfriend right now. I don’t want to mess with their heads and I don’t want them to be unhappy. Maybe I’m toxic. But growing up, my brother was a real player and I refused to be some clingy girl who relied on the opposite sex only to be lied to, cheated on or disrespected, like many of his girlfriends.

Tell me I have a good head on my shoulders, that I have absolutely no obligation to be in a relationship and that I’m “doin’ good, kid.” Or… tell me I’m a bitch, and I should start looking for a house on a hill capable of housing many cats. You know, set me straight.

Thanks,
Casual-Cathy

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Question?! TOO BAD. No, only kidding. Mostly. Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’m suffering from heartbreak. My boyfriend is leaving me. Sort of. But only after I left him. Sort of…

Here is my situation: I have the much coveted/dreaded position of broke but oh so sexy older musician’s girlfriend. (He’s 26, I’m 20). My man is a drummer, and a very talented one at that. Before I met him, he toured with a band for a few months around Europe. When I started dating him a year and a half ago, he was (and still is) in a local garage band with a couple friends, playing local shows recording a demo, and not really going anywhere besides that. In other words, he was always broke from spending money on music (which is totally fine), always in and out of jobs and musical prospects, and most importantly, always available to spend time with me!

Fast forward into a year of our relationship and I got into an amazing absolutely time/life-sucking nursing program 7 hours away from where I was living. With my boyfriend’s 100% support, I moved, and since then we’ve been in a very successful long distance relationship for the past 6 months. But it hasn’t been without its difficulties. When I first moved, I was all by myself in a completely new city without my man or any of my girl friends and I couldn’t stop bawling everyday for the first week. (Which was bizarre for me because I am definitely not a crier!) By now I’ve gotten used to not seeing him, but man.. that first week was so bad. And I still get really depressed about only seeing him for 48 hours at a time once a month.

The thing is, we are both extremely supportive of each other when opportunities pop up. I went to Germany to visit my mom (who was military deployed) instead of spending Christmas/New Years with my man, and he didn’t once make me feel bad. We make trips to see each other about every 3 weeks, which is more difficult for me since I have more time constraints, and he never complains. And at the start of this year, he auditioned (and is now playing) for another band where he would get paid to tour with them a couple months at a time, and he told me the times that he wasn’t touring, he wanted to move in with me! Which I was totally ecstatic about, since it would be a good trial run of living together all the
time. But then….of course… another freaking opportunity popped up with another freaking (even more famous/successful) band, except this time, he would be touring (and leaving me!) for an entire year, country hopping, playing awesome festivals, getting paid, partying every night, making memories, meeting people, and most importantly, not being with me on a Saturday night loving me, making me dinner, taking me out, etc etc.

I’m so excited for him, I want him to go, I would go if anything ever popped up like this for me. In fact, I may even get to see him for a month during the summer. But I don’t want to be sitting alone in my apartment with my cats for months at a time crying my eyes out wondering what Brazillian or European girls are making googly eyes at him. And since I’m still fairly newish to the area I moved to for school, I don’t have any really close girl friends to call up on the weekends asking if they want to eat pints of Ben and Jerry’s with me.

I love him so so much, and although this email doesn’t sound like it, I actually am an independent, strong woman, but I still have my needs. It sucks only having real intimacy once a month, and to go from my man potentially moving in part time to leaving for an entire year spelunking across the world scares me. Our lives are pulling in opposite directions more and more and I’m beginning to feel left behind, as I’m sure he felt when I first moved away.. I need help coping, maybe I need a therapist, ugh. I need my man in my life.

Sincerely,
Musician’s Girlfriend Read More »

Ask Tuffy Luv. If you dare. TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com

Dear Tuffy Luv,
It’s my freshman year of college and I started spending a lot of time with this boy on my floor. By a lot I mean we stay up until 3 a.m almost every night talking and he comes over to my room unannounced just to hangout, he texts me on weekends after I’ve gone out to hangout, and he flirts with me on the regular. Needless to say, I like him. The only issue is he has a girlfriend. They have been dating for 2+ years and she is still in high school, a junior to be exact.

One weekend (with a little too much alcohol in my system) I told him how I felt, and he replied by telling me he liked me but was still in love with his girlfriend and he could not break up with her. Two nights later while he was intoxicated, he loudly announced to the room how attractive I was, and that he would like to spend the night in my room. We talked about both nights and he said he would rather us just be friends and forget any of our conversations about liking each other ever happened. I am not sure what to make of this. Things cooled down for a few weeks but he is starting to spend a lot of time with me again. It’s hard to think about when his girlfriend comes to visit or he goes home for the weekend.

I think I am the better fit for him right now – he is in college and needs a more mature girlfriend – but I can’t tell him that without harming our friendship so I try to be supportive. But it sucks. Should I just move on or tell him how I feel (again)?

Please help,
I Do it Better Than Her Read More »