Larry Flynt and Joe Francis are all over the current economic crisis. And they are definitely two dudes we should be listening to.

Flynt, the fat guy who founded Hustler, and Francis, the genius creep behind Girls Gone Wild are outraged at the fact that the economy has bent the porn industry over and given it to them hard. Too graphic? Sorry.

Let me, rephrase. Apparently, XXX DVD sales have dropped a whopping 22%! That’s enough to make anyone’s panties jaw drop…

Flynt says that with the economy at a low, sex is the farthest thing from people’s minds (I wonder where he’s gettin his info from, cuz we’re pretty sure it’s not the farthest thing from our mind) and “It’s time for Congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America.”

Yes, Congress. Share some of that sexual appetite we know you are all hiding, you sexy lawmakers, you.

The two men are asking for a $5 billion bailout and Mr. Francis himself is marching up to Washington to propose the bailout himself. Um, really? Seriously?

This gives whole new meaning to a stimulus package.

Ok, relax, just breathe. You’ll be back at school in…30 days.

This mantra grows increasingly ineffective the longer I am forced to live under the same roof as my mother. If you are lucky enough to have left behind your home home for your school home, then God bless you, throw a kegger in your living room (on a motha effing TUESDAY!) If you, like me, have yet to escape your personal circle of hell, I’ve compiled a small guide to maintaining your sanity as well as familial relations for the remainder of this short (but dear Allah, oh so long) stint back home. Because, let’s face it, being disowned would be counterproductive if your parents still pay the majority of your tuition/rent/medical bills and whatnot.

Scenario: You come home from a bar crawl, unhappy matriarch/patriarch up and awaiting your return, toe tapping a Morse code slew of disapproving comments.

Solution: Passive Aggression. Outwardly, bow your head and accept the berating and “Not under my roof” nonsense. Avoid eye contact, showcasing your humility and apologetic demeanor, all the while making easier your inner thought process: “Haha! You are merely projecting your jealousy onto me because you can’t go out till 3 am! At school, this is an early night! Mwahaha!” Read More »

The mustard belt will remain on U.S. soil for another year.

Amy Winehouse seems to be mastering the art of multi-tasking

Ashley Dupre attemps to “drop negativity from her life.” Quite a large task, no?

Doin’ it doggy style? You could be breaking the law.

Fad Diets: First the Cookie Diet, now a McDonalds Diet?!

Venus Williams: the favorite child

I’m sorry, did I miss something? Are these men actually attractive?

In most cases I would say the only reason that women date rich, ugly celebs is for their money, however, the women who date them have money.

When you’re a rich man from “The Lucky Sperm Club”; born into wealth, fed caviar from platinum baby spoons and vacation in The Hamptons only to return to your opulent, unnecessarily extravagant, fully-staffed mansion, you’re also a man who is getting laid (frequently) by babes.

It seems that a “dating hierarchy” comes with gobs of money. The bottom position has a minimum of 500,000 grand a year. Minimum. Looks, PERSONALITY, INTELLIGENCE, and chemistry are completely null and void. If you’re a dude who comes from wealth, even more so if you’re “famous” (or if your parents were), Status, society, inheritance, bloodlines, and Rolls Royces are what guarantees you a date. Love is measured in gold, last names, thick wallets and RSVP’s. Read More »

Joe Francis is more than just a sleazebag rich kid who cajoles drunk girls into making out and flashing their boobs.

He’s more than a crybaby who had a panic attack in jail and was tied up in his own home. He’s more than an obnoxious frat boy in a designer suit.

Joe Francis is a good guy.

At least according to Joe Francis.

Meetjoefrancis.com is the Girls Gone Wild creator’s new online endeavor to show the world that his past behavior was all a misunderstanding…something he’s been plagued by his whole life.

“I’m excited to have this opportunity to introduce myself to you personally.” Francis writes on his homepage.

“Over the years, I’ve gotten used to being misunderstood.”

“From as early as the first grade, when a teacher’s aide took offense at my efforts to get her attention by putting a tack on her chair, to more recently, when a certain Southern judge took a relentless interest in putting me behind bars, it seems that I have been in a constant struggle just to be understood as a regular guy trying to get by in life.”

Putting a tack on someone’s chair to get attention? More like putting a tack on someone’s chair to watch them sit on a tack and laugh. Read More »

The bro and I are both busy students. We don’t talk often, and when we do, it’s usually something like:

“Mom told me to call you.”

“Cool.”

“What are you doing?”

“Cooking chicken on my Foreman Grill.”

“Cool.”

Admittedly, not very interesting. But every once in a while, we get into discussions over the trusty AIM, when both of us are either too exhausted to work or too stressed out to type another academic sentence, that go above and beyond my brother’s grilling expertise. He’s a good liaison into the male mind and often has straightforward things to say…that is, when he’s not playing computer games…or eating…or watching the Cartoon Network.

Today’s discussion? Porn.

(21:42:)Me: why do dudes like Girls Gone Wild? What’s the allure?

(21:43:) The Bro: normal men don’t because normal, smart men realize pornography is free

(21:43:) Me: but how did it become so famous?

(21:43:) The Bro: …its not as famous as it projects itself

(21:43:) Me: why would someone watch a girl with most of her clothes on when he could watch a totally naked chick? Read More »

We’ve all heard about Asshole McPerv’s recent legal snafus, and apparently, he’s paying for them—with jail time.

All the money in the world couldn’t save Joe ‘Douchbag’ Francis from spending the first part of spring cooped up in a cell, and I guess the orange jumpsuit life isn’t suiting him at all.

“He can’t sleep. He hasn’t eaten properly. He’s prone to anxiety attacks” claims Francis’s laywer, “He came back to his cell from a (lawyer) visit (this past week) and was told that he wouldn’t get his Xanax pill because he’d missed the medication cart that day. He went into a full-blown anxiety attack.”

May I be the first one to start laughing hysterically? Guess Mr. ‘Girls Gone Wild’ isn’t as cool as everybody thought. Guess Mr. ‘Girls Gone Wild’ is just as prissy as the chicks he feeds alcohol to until they undress themselves for a camera. He must have been so busy making poor man’s porn that he missed the memo that clearly explains how jail is not a vacation.

I’m sure he’ll get out too early and pay his way into a quick trial, but for every day he’s behind bars, I smile a little wider. Let this be a lesson to assholes everywhere: eventually, it’s all gonna catch up to you, and when it does, ain’t nothin’ gonna save your butt from feeling the burn of Karma’s payback.

Finally, the time has come for the founder of the Girls Gone Wild video series to face the music. CNN reports that Joe Francis has been ordered “into custody after settlement negotiations soured in a lawsuit brought by seven women who were minors when Francis’ company filmed them on Panama City Beach.”

Not surprisingly, Francis is not going quietly. The lawyers for the women claim that Francis threatened them and refused to surrender to U.S. Marshals. And to go even further, he claimed that it was a case of “judge gone wild.” Cute. Very cute play on words Joe.

The question is, will anything actually happen? Or will he just use the $29 million he makes a year from girls flashing their boobs to the camera while intoxicated to get out of this easily with a settlement? My guess is that the second of the two options will happen and Francis will escape jail time. I always figured that it was inevitable for him to get in trouble due to the amount of minors that are coerced into appearing on videos, and for the number that claim they didn’t know what they were doing, blah blah blah.

Maybe this legal scuttle will put a damper on plans for the restaurant chain. Or maybe it will simply disappear quicker than the memories of drunken girls who flash their ta-tas on video.

Should Joe Francis go to jail?

Stock your dorm with water and canned goods because civilization as we know it has officially come to an end.

No, my friends, aliens have not landed nor has Y2K returned. The situation is much, much worse. Girls Gone Wild is becoming a restaurant chain.

Yes, you heard me correctly and I sh@! you not.

According to Stuff.co.nz, “A restaurant chain under the Girls Gone Wild brand name is being planned by Joe Francis, whose Mantra Films’s has built a $US100 million business videotaping and selling the DVDs featuring young women exposing their breasts.”

I mean, is this really necessary? Is there a void somewhere I don’t know about in the American Dining Experience that Hooter’s has failed to deliver? I guess only time will tell.

To celebrate this joyous occassion, we here at collegecandy.com would like to offer the following menu suggestions:

• The Double “D”-licious Burger
• Chicken McNip-lets
• The Vanilla Shake-Your-Ass
• and the ever popular Pink Taco Plate.

Click here to read the article.

The offers keep rolling in for American Idol castaway Antonella Barba. Hollywagers.com reported last week that Girls Gone Wild creator, Joe Francis has offered the Jersey Girl a cool quarter million to act as spokeswoman for the flesh-bareing franchise. $250,000 and the top stays on? Lil’ Miss. Barba, there is hope for you yet.

And for those of you who want to play along at home, Bodog.com, “the world’s largest online sports betting destination” is taking odds on whether or not Antonella will take the deal or not. How do ya like that action?

Whether she will or won’t remains to be seen. But the sure money is on Antonella. For a girl who cannot sing, she is certain to make some “CHA-Ching”!

Will Antonella take the the Girls Gone Wild gig?