I am a chronic list-maker, whether I have to make a difficult decision or not.  Lists help me organize my thoughts and remember important facts and details that I need for later.  However, there are some things that I would rather forget and that’s what this week’s showdown concerns.

Everyone loves a diva.  Well, not really.  They just think that everyone loves them, despite having no real talent or anything to offer to society.  When you say “diva,” two women jump to mind – Mariah Carey and Jenifer Lopez.  The glitz, the glamor, the bad acting and the attitude (ohhh the attitude) define who they are.   Where would we be without these ladies?  Probably in a much less annoying world, but let’s make a list just to be sure…

Career
Mariah Carey is a machine, pumping out annoying hit after annoying hit.  Yes, I hate her music.  No, I can’t stop myself from trying to sing along with her in my car.  However, I categorically refuse to watch Glitter or any of her other attempts at “acting.”  Most of the rest of the world seems to refuse as well.

Jennifer Lopez used to be a good actress (Selena! I was so down with watching that movie every day in fifth grade…in between Titanic showings, of course).  Then something terrible happened and she started making movies like Angel Eyes and Monster-In-Law.  Her music isn’t great either. Read More »

I don’t know about you, but after what seemed to be the most grueling. winter. ever. I am excited and eager to dust off my spring wardrobe… and add some new pieces to it. As is always the case with the new season, we have some new trends (along with a few piggy-back trends of season’s past) to spice up our wardrobes.

Here are some of Spring 2009’s hottest trends: Read More »

So this week, rather than choosing a specific celebrity whose style I admire, I decided to give an ode to awards season by picking out some of the best red carpet looks of the season and explaining why these starlets succeeded in looking amazing.

You may not have any red carpet events coming up (What? You weren’t invited to the Oscars?), but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn a thing or two from these fashion experts. Read More »

The other day, I was tricked into going to Costco with my Mom. I just really wanted an excuse to wear my SWEET new rain galoshes, so I agreed to go on what I knew would be a torturously long errand. I soon found myself wandering the massive aisles, bored out of my mind, considering buying 600 plastic forks, just so I could use one to poke out my eyes. Maybe then I could go home?

I figured this was a bad idea, so I meandered over to health and beauty, where I knew I could find something to occupy myself with. And then I saw it– a Smashbox Picture Perfect Kit with eyeshadow quad, mini lip gloss trio (with pink leather mirrored case!), mascara, and face highlighter– for $19.99!! The kit came with detailed instructions on how to apply the makeup, much like other cosmetics brands that are now taking the guesswork out of makeup application . I snatched it, threw it inconspicuously into Mom’s cart and tore it open as soon as we were in the car.

Opening up the new makeup kit felt exactly the same way it did that very first time. My Grandma (against my mother’s desperate pleas not to) bought me a GIANT pink and purple kit full of awful pink lipsticks, hooker-blue eye shadow, fake mascara, fucshia blush and glitter, glitter, sweet glitter when I was three. It was then that I fell in love with makeup. I put on all of my face decorations, just like mommy did, every day before I left my house. I sometimes had loaded my face so full of makeup that it couldn’t take anymore, and, consequently, I applied some to my helpless baby brother.

Which brings me to my point. Read More »

It’s morning in the house of pink and blue and the eight remaining contestants are instructed to meet at the Cherry Pit to wrestle. So it’s jell-o wrestling time and they have to split into two teams of four. Bo can’t wrestle. Can Glitter move without a pole?

The guest ref is a beast. Poor Kristy is wrestling Lisa. Sucks for you and your fine ass, Kristy. George camera-insults Jay for his Jersey b1tch attitude. Scotty is the worst for being unable to beat midget Corey Haim.

Glitter shockingly beats Brittany and I’m saddened that George never got a chance to fight.

Winners get a date in a room that was decorated to look like a candy shop, and Tila’s dressed like kiddie porn. Read More »

Let’s just cut to it – sixteen people are left in that bed.

Their challenge for the day is a biathlon and with that, I am over the whole Tila’s bi thing and it’s only episode three. Tila looks bored as she announces that it’s boys versus girls. What do pearl necklaces and blue balls have to do with biathlons? Oh.

This challenge makes me wonder why I never had a slip n slide when I was a kid. “I cruised through it until I got to the blue balls; then it all fell apart for me…that was my downfall, the blue balls.” Isn’t that how it always happens, Ryan?

Do they all share a wet suit? Chad is last and he too struggles with blue balls. Why do they call Jersey Lisa/Toni from Paradise Hotel lookalike Rizzo? I like her. I might like-her like her. Oh, and she wins it for the girls. Aw, Chad, I heart you even though you lost.

The girls win a date. Which consists of the girls – going to school. They are dressed in terrible school girl uniforms and Tila’s going to teach them – what? How to make a Myspace page? Read More »

Ask me if I think New Kids On The Block can make a comeback, and I’ll tell you it’s about as likely as those 90’s snap bracelets (which were banned in my elementary school because kids whipped each other bloody with them) showing up in a display case at Barneys.

But of course, like most things in life, my assumption would be wrong.

PEOPLE is reporting that rumors of a New Kid reunion are growing, and the once defunct NKOTB webpage is back up.

“The New Kids are coming back” a “well-placed source,” told the magazine. “New Kids On The Block are indeed getting back together.”

As cool as I thought the band was when I was 10, I can’t say I’ll be as enthusiastic about their sound 14 years later. I mean, when I was 10, I also enjoyed showering myself in glitter and wearing giant t-shirts with the Coca Cola polar bear on them.

Besides, the oldest member of NKOTB is pushing 40. 40. Is a 40-year-old man really going to sing the songs of prepubescent lust and angst, and expect the world to listen?

Laugh is more like it. Laugh and throw snap bracelets.

Days as a Freshman: 71

Mood: Wanting to be blank

“Grace? Are you listening? I’ve been screaming your name for like 5 minutes.”

Stacey’s reflection stared at me from the mirror, her eyes heavy with pink glitter. Her whole body was heavy with pink glitter, actually. If I didn’t know any better, I would think my roommate was dressing up as one of those marshmallow birds that take over drugstores in the Spring. Peeps. That’s what they were called, and that’s exactly what Stacey looked like.

“Sorry, I was reading.” Pulling my scarf tighter around my neck, I leaned back in my chair and gave Stacey my full attention. She’d never shut up if I didn’t. “What are you supposed to be again?”

“I’m Jem. Isn’t it obvious? This hair is great, huh?” Straightening a short fuchsia wig on her head, Stacey looked back into her own eyes.

“Oh. Jem. 80’s cartoon. I get it.” I closed my history book and rubbed my face. The words had been jumbling together for the last 30 minutes. I couldn’t concentrate.

“Aren’t you coming out tonight?” Stacey popped her pink gum and applied more pink blush. “You can’t spend Halloween inside, Grace.”

“Rebecca and I might walk around for a little while later.”

“Rebecca?” Stacey’s expression went sour. “How can you stand to hang out with that girl? She’s so weird.”

“I don’t think she’s weird.” Read More »

Days as a Freshman: 40

Mood: Been better

“What’s up?”

Laughing, Sasha let Naima lead him over to Crystal and I. The speakers were booming, people were shouting, and my head was swimming. Everyone around me was drunk. Everyone around me was having a fantastic time at the first dance of the year.

But I was stone cold sober. And panicking. And inches away from the boy I was in love with.

“Grace seriously has something to tell you.” Naima laughed, looking at me and winking the most obvious wink anyone has ever seen in their life. “She would have called you over here herself but she’s too shy!”

Wiping a patch of sweaty hair from his forehead, Sasha looked at me and smiled. The way his eyes landed lazily on my face made it pretty obvious that he was in the same condition as my friends. “What’s up, Grace? You’re shy?”

“No! Naima is just grabbing anyone she can!” I yelled over the rumbling bass and did my best to mimic the sloshing movements of everyone else around me. Just because I wasn’t drunk didn’t mean I couldn’t pretend.

“She is?” Sasha tried to turn to find her, but Naima and Crystal were back next to the wall a few feet away, covertly sharing Crystal’s flak. “That’s pretty weird, huh?” Read More »