It’s the start of a new school year and to honor that, we at CollegeCandy are bringing back a fan-favorite series, “We’ve All Been There.”  (We tried to get another national holiday/long weekend for you guys but it’s way harder than we thought so this will have to do.) Every week, Lauren – University of Michigan will comment on the common experiences all college women share – like the first day of classes or trying to figure out if that boy is crushin’ too. Read, relate, cringe and enjoy.

The boy you love just broke your heart, so your girlfriends decide that drinking is in order. Because nothing numbs the pain quite like a few shots of SoCo. Together with your roommates, you pick out a super hot outfit (consisting of some combination of low cut top/push up bra), take a few pre-gaming shots and head out the door to either “show him what he’s missing,” or “forget about that jerk.”

The night is perfect: you dance, you drink (a lot), and you even find a cute boy to flirt with in the corner.

Then, obvi, the relentless craving for breadsticks and marinara takes over and you and the girls head home for the Late Night Special from your favorite pizza place.

You make your way to your room to change before the food arrives and are suddenly reminded of just how depressed you are. Why doesn’t he love me? you ask yourself. What is wrong with me? Maybe if I just send him an email and tell him how I feel he will change his mind and want to be with me.

You sit down at your desk.

You turn on John Hiatt’s, “Have a Little Faith in Me,” or the “love songs” channel on Pandora.

You open your email, hoping deep down inside that he has already sent you one, that he realizes he made a big mistake, that he too is sitting at home crying to the soothing sounds of The Fray. That he still loves you.

He hasn’t.
Your heart sinks.

As the mascara stained tears streak your face and form a puddle on your desk, you start writing your own:

hi. i got drinks and i lovre you. i dont know why you hate meeeee. i lobve yoiu. i want to eat breadsticlks but im too sad czu i love you.

At this point the pizza has arrived and your roommates storm into your room, pizza box in hand, to find you weeping silently over your laptop as you type away. Snot is dripping from your nose and you wipe it with your bare arm just before it hits your upper lip. You don’t care. You just keep typing and crying and really connecting with the sad lyrics blaring out of your laptop speakers.

If you are lucky, your roommates get to you before you hit the send button. If you are not quite as lucky (or a really fast typer), it is only a matter of time until the email is opened and any shred of post break-up dignity is lost. But until then, there is pizza. And breadsticks. And unyielding drunken hope that he’s thinking the same things you just wrote, he was just too distraught to put them in an email yet.

A hope which inevitably dies the minute you wake up in the morning and realize what you’ve done.

Yeah, you’re not alone; we’ve all been there before. Many times.
Just be grateful at least you didn’t wake up with a full slice of pizza smashed between your keys and your screen.

Anyway, these lists (lately) have been pretty mild and have settled down since my hipster-hating era. Let’s chalk that one up to me getting laid more frequently these days. Hurray! (Although, hipsters, I still am NOT impressed.)

This is not one of those lists. This week I have been pretty ticked off about, I don’t know, everything? I’d like to blame my new birth control but who knows? It could just be the weather or the fact that I fell on my face in front of about thirty people the other night when I attempted to drunkenly pounce someone and now my knee really, really hurts and I’m cranky about it and the only way I can make myself feel better is to dress up celebrities on Stardoll.com (Yes, I am aware that I’m 21 and, no, I do not care).

It does not matter. Here are the top ten things that annoy me, without fail.

10. Empty boxes left in the pantry or snack drawer at work
What the eff? When I want a granola bar and I see a box in the cupboard, I expect there to be a granola bar INSIDE the box. How hard is it to throw away an empty box after eating the last delicious S’Mores Luna bar? Seriously.

9. Ironing
Okay, can anyone else relate to this? I just feel like I’m pushing wrinkles to different spots. Extra annoying if I’m not even ironing my own clothes because for some reason I’m the designated laundry bitch in my relationship. I feel like Paris Hilton trying to be domestic – no skills.

8. Crowds
I live in the best place for that, New York City! The capital of crowds. I love when my grocery store is the size of most public bathrooms and everyone is playing bumper cars with their shopping carts. Also, a special thank you to the lady who stood in front of the dairy section for a good 10 minutes trying to decide between butter or margarine and caused a traffic jam in the entire refrigeration section because her demon child decided to take control of her cart. Thank you for making my Fairway shopping experience even more unpleasant than usual.

7. Pants
If I had it my way, I would wear a dress every day. But I can’t because of this stupid…

6. Freezing Cold Weather
It’s this time of year that I really start to envy old people. They all get to fly down to Florida and they get that cute name of “snowbirds” while I’m stuck wearing two hundred layers and six scarves and freezing my ass off. However, even this week, Florida has gotten stuck with this crappy cold weather too. (Haha! Take that, old people!) I don’t know who to point a finger at here: Global Warming or myself for ever deciding to live above the Mason Dixon line.

5. When People Don’t Respond to Texts
Okay, I understand you’re busy. But if I just need to know if I left something at your apartment, is it that hard to answer YES/NO?! Seriously. Just answer! I know you’re only occupied by eating Doritos and playing Madden.

4. No Manners
I admit, I am not always the most censored human being (shocker, right?) but I’ve been inundated with people with zero tact lately. Also an unfortunate function of New York City, it seems like everyone is born with a case of “I have a problem with everyone” itis. Seriously, would it kill you to smile? I would head back to the Midwest to see some kinder personalities, but then, of course, I have to deal with a whole crapload of #6.

3. People Who Are Good at Everything
And look really pretty at all times. And they’re really nice and involved in every activity and they saved the dolphins and they’ve been to every country in the world and they have the perfect life and the perfect job and the perfect family and they don’t even brag about it, they’re just amazing and why CAN’T I BE THEM?

2. When Gmail/Facebook Crashes
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

1. Ugg Boots
and Northfaces, slow walkers, undercooked meat, overcooked meat, orange pad thai, cold coffee, runny noses, rain, snow, humidity, the flu, swine flu, Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin, Michael Lohan, Survivor, spilling, falling, hangovers, nausea from the pill, pantyhose, public transportation, cabs, getting almost killed by delivery guys on bikes, reruns, the phrase “Just sayin’!”, Sweetheart Sammi from Jersey Shore, traveling, Green Bay losing, and no more holiday cups at Starbucks.

This list could go on but now I’m really angry and need to eat a spoonful of peanut butter to calm myself down.

If your internship is anything like mine, not every hour in your 9-5 day is filled with important tasks and urgent errands. Although I certainly have things to keep me occupied, a less than full schedule can make the time spent in your little cubicle feel awfully long and completely brutal. After almost three weeks on the job, I’ve come up with a list of things to get yourself through a day’s work – that is, when you’re not totally consumed with real work (and if you are, you probably have no reason or time to read this).

Get Moving
Not a smoker? That doesn’t mean you need to stay inside all day! I’ve never been a fan of the cancer sticks myself, but I allow myself a few minutes of outside time each day to prevent cabin fever and stiff bones. To avoid looking silly as you stand next to the puff-puff crew, walk to a street stand and buy some chewing gum or do some quick window-shopping.

Get Smart
Are you one of those people who can’t help but having a totally confused look on your face when someone brings up Obama’s new healthcare plan? Have you been hiding under a current-events rock? If you have free time, you should spend it getting up-to-date on the news that’s affecting your life on a daily basis. This can be done easily by visiting nytimes.com or hitting up your favorite cultural blogs, like the Huffington Post. I’ve gotten addicted to the Times’s food writer Mark Bitten (I know, not too educational, but hey – at least it’s not Facebook), who constantly updates his site with recipes and food news. If we can’t eat all day, we can at least think about eating all day!

Get G-chatting
Everyone knows that Facebook has a bad reputation. If your boss walks by and sees you looking at drunken pictures of debauchery, or worse, Facebook chatting with all your friends, it could be all downhill from there. I’ve solved this problem by utilizing G-chat, Gmail’s instant messaging tool, to carry on conversations when I’m really too bored for words. When someone walks by, you can minimize the chat and it looks like you’re simply checking your personal e-mail account. That’s allowed, right? Problem solved.

Get Social
If you’re living in New York City this summer, you should be taking advantage of all the restaurants, clothing stores, outdoor bars, and concert series’ that the deliciously Big Apple has to offer. Visit the Michael Galpert tumblog and get access to the Vanity Fair Summer 2009 guide (press the play button and don’t forget to click full screen!) –it’s chock full of suggestions that will get your city summer off to an unbelievable start. I’m loving the rooftop bar suggestions, and I’ve already gotten my tickets to MGMT’s July 1st concert in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park.

And when it really seems like the clock might never budge again, try to get some shuteye. I may or may not have logged a little naptime in my secluded cubicle. No one’s looking, why not??

I too had just accepted a new job – right here at CollegeCandy – so I wrote back to let him know that I was also getting a new email address. And that my old bosses were pompous a**holes who didn’t know how to treat an intelligent (and hilarious!) woman with respect.

The next morning I learned that I had responded to all 156 people on that email list, many of whom were friends with my bosses (I’m Jewish…the community is small). I hid in my apartment with my cell phone off for four days, deathly afraid of my mistake coming back to haunt me.

Now, only a year later, the Google Gods have gone and created a new gift that could have saved me that horrible night. Rumor has it (though I have not seen it yet) that Gmail will now have an “Undo Send” feature. Yes, just like AOL did back in the day (but only if you were sending to other AOL-ers), you can now fix those one-unfixable email errors.

Send a naughty email to Aunt Ethel instead of Eric? Undo!
Send a mean email about Susan to Susan? UNDO!
Send a drunken email to the boy you like only to not remember in the morning? Well, first you have to remember, but then: UNDO!!

God, where was this last year…or that time I emailed someone to buy pot only to realize I had sent it to my TA? Talk about an awkward review session. Good thing it was my poetry T.A. – he ended up finding me a new hookup.

The world is ending. Google has failed us. People are freaking out.

It’s been confirmed: Nicole Richie is with child!

How many calories are in those Fat Tuesday donuts?

Depression Chic: that really is a trend for spring.

Paris says she is not dating Lauren Conrad’s sloppy seconds.

Protect your face from the winter weather.

Arrested Development movie: It’s a go! I think. Maybe? Who knows?

Meet Mr. Harvard Freshman. Get him while he’s young, ladies!

Octomom and Octo-grandma duke it out on national TV.

Get natural with your beauty.

Bored? How about a new game?

Fun license plates.

Miss a day of class without killing your grades.

Dating a guy with a “turtleneck.”

The trailer for The Hills Season 5 is here. I. can’t. wait.

Catch Jay Leno at 10 pm…every weeknight.

Gmail: now with to-do lists!

Homegirl lights her cheating husband’s junk on fire.

Clay Aiken kissed a boy, and he liked it.

Brrrr, it’s cold out there! Stay beautiful in the winter with these tips.

Want equal rights? Call in “gay” to work tomorrow.

Bah humbug about Hanukkah? We feel you.

Take criticism gracefully.

Everyone loves LiLo’s leggings.

Whoops! An NFL wardrobe malfunction.

Warner Bros. is going to be sued by Batman.

Calling all men! Hurry, we need your sperm!

McCain hip and cool on The Tonight Show.

Paula Abdul now has no more fans.

Fashion trends are always improving. Winter ’08 is no different.

Does Lindsay Lohan really like Obama? Or is that just a front?

Clutches are to die for. The new Bond Girl has risked her life for sexiness.

Warner Bros. is going to be sued by Batman.

Cosmo has the scoop on noteworthy sex trends.

Gmail is rocking my world, again.

Obama in the name of love.

[It doesn’t matter what school you go to, what state it is in, how big it is, whether it is public or private, all girls or coed…there are experiences that all college students share. No matter how crazy you think your personal situation is, it is not just you.

So, let’s bring it all out in the open. Right here. Because you are not alone - we’ve all been there before.]

The Drunk Email:

The boy you love just broke your heart, so your girlfriends decide that drinking is in order. Because nothing numbs the pain quite like a few shots of SoCo. Together with your roommates, you pick out a super hot outfit (consisting of some combination of low cut top/push up bra), take a few pre-gaming shots and head out the door to either “show him what he’s missing,” or “forget about that prick.”

The night is perfect: you dance, you drink (a lot), and you even find a cute boy to flirt with in the corner.

Then, obvi, the relentless craving for breadsticks and marinara takes over and you and the girls head home for the Late Night Special from your favorite pizza place.

You make your way to your room to change before the food arrives and are suddenly reminded of just how depressed you are. Why doesn’t he love me? you ask yourself. What is wrong with me? Maybe if I just send him an email and tell him how I feel he will change his mind and want to be with me.

You sit down at your desk.

You turn on John Hiatt’s, “Have a Little Faith in Me,” or one of the emo O.C. Soundtracks.

You open your email, hoping deep down inside that he has already sent you one. He hasn’t. You begin to write your own:

i dont know why you hate meeeee. i lobve yoiu. i want to eat breadsticlks but im too sad czu i love you.

At this point the pizza has arrived and your roommates storm into your room, pizza box in hand, to find you weeping silently over your laptop as you type away. Snot is dripping from your nose and you wipe it with your bare arm. You keep typing and crying and really connecting with the sad lyrics blaring out of your iPod speakers.

If you are lucky, your roommates get to you before you hit the send button. If you are not lucky, it is only a few hours until the email is opened and your dignity is lost. And pizza sauce gets all over your keyboard. And more SoCo shots are in order.

We’ve all been there, honey. Thank God Google is working to prevent this in the future.

Come back next week for more moments of misery that we can all share. Like all those times you promised and swore to God that you would never. drink. again.

Email just isn’t private anymore. Everyone knows that. Big Brother is always watching — especially if you work at a giant company where CEOs have enough money to have you killed, stuffed into a bag, and “disappeared” forever.

Which is why it’s hilarious to read about people using their work email to send private messages. How naive can you be? Don’t tell your honey about all the bad things you want to do to him that involve chocolate syrup. Don’t send a bitchy diatribe to your best friend about how your boss has constant armpit stains. DON’T DO IT.

Unless you want to end up like these people.

[photo from www.amazonmortgagecentre.com]

Last night, my friend and I were GChatting while doing our homework, and she told me about a new feature that Google is adding to Gmail.  Somehow, those folks out in Silicon Valley figured out a way to curb inebriated emailing. The new feature, called Mail Goggles, is an application that can be enabled in your Gmail settings which asks you to perform a few math equations before sending out a message. The equations are simple multiplication, addition, and subtraction problems (never fear, no calculus here) that are just meant to verify if you’re of sound judgment.

When you activate the application, you can set the time of day it will be enabled; for instance, if you know you’re likely to send messages you may later regret after nights out with the girls, you can program Mail Goggles to activate between 1 and 5 am the Friday morning after Thirsty Thursdays.

Is that genius or what?