My best friend even has a Top 10 Melissa Tramp Outfits, and there are easily three Halloween costumes on there. (Editor’s Note: So 70% of those outfits were a normal day? Awesome.)

So, in order to keep myself off any Tramp lists this year, I decided to seek out non-slutty alternatives to my typical Halloween looks. After all, I’d much rather be recognized for my creativity than my boobs on October 31st this year.

Shocking, I know.

Marilyn Monroe

This may be a questionable choice to some, but I don’t find this trampy in the least. The pink number from Gentleman Prefer Blondes is iconic and it’s almost like a two-in one deal because you can say that you’re the fabulous Marilyn or Madonna.

Carrie

Halloween isn’t Halloween without a little fright and gore (note: not boobs and legs), and if you’ve seen the movie Carrie then you’ll know what this is allll about.

The Goddess

This version is called ‘Atlantis Queen.’ I love it not only for the pretty blue, but because it proves that to be a goddess you don’t need tons of cleavage or a super short skirt.

Gangster Moll

This version is free of garters or inappropriately short anything where you have to worry about who might be looking at your hooha when you bend over to pick up that beer pong ball off of the floor. And even better: pants and jacket = warmth! If you want to make this more ‘girly’, you can opt for the pink version of it.

Get political.

With either the right pant or skirt suit, you can easily be Sarah Palin or Hilary Clinton.

The Classic Witch

Long sleeves, long skirt and a high neck and still totally classic. If the typical witch isn’t your thang feel free to switch it up; I always loved the witch from Sleeping Beauty.

Or, if you’d prefer to steer clear of the classics, my three favorites that I’ve found so far are:

If you do decide to go with Twister, though, don’t let anyone put any hand on yellow. Or blue. Or green.

[All photos from buycostumes.com]

With the advent of summer upon us, I decided it was high time I was no longer a sex on the beach virgin. I grabbed my manfriend (chuckle chuckle, Carrie Bradshaw) and headed to the shore.

It was a perfect night for just being at the beach, let alone hooking up. Full moon, light breeze and crashing waves. Very romance novel. So boyfriend and I wandered along the beach until we found a secluded(ish) spot.

When we got there, however, I found that I could have done with some good advice before embarking on this adventure. So for all you beach bunny virgins out there contemplating some sea-side action, here is what I wish my experienced girlfriends had told me:

Bring a Flashlight: Luckily for us, the moon was enormous and lit our way pretty well. I happen to be completely blind in the smallest amount of darkness, though, and was petrified of stepping on baby sea turtles. If it’s even semi-cloudy out, a small light should help you navigate.

Don’t forget the blanket! And make it a big one. For a girl who considers a hotel without room service roughing it, I felt surprisingly one with nature. This may have had to do with the stray grains of sand making themselves uncomfortable in my back/chest/butt/eyeballs. I also got considerably less kisses on my neck (my favorite!) because boyfriend kept coming up with mouthfuls of sand.

Consider bringing some “accessories”: The al fresco factor of beach boinking is definitely a plus. I felt so free (cheesy, I know); but while all that open air and exposure to the elements felt g-r-e-a-t when we were cooling off afterwards, it made things a little difficult to get going. Luckily, boyfriend thought ahead to bring lube. This also might help if you are nervous about being caught/ arrested for lewd behavior, leading to distraction. It’s always good to bring back up!

Get creative! Boyfriend luh-huvved the “versatility” it allowed him in positioning. This was a factor I hadn’t even considered, but he said that the consistency of the sand gave him a ton of freedom in his movement, and made everything newer and more comfortable. Next time we get the chance for some S on the B, I plan on capitalizing on my old sand castle building skills. Feel free to dig, mound and pile the sand under your blanket to create new positions– it’s like mother nature’s response to the liberator.

Enjoy the, um, scenery. Now I’m not suggesting you tune out your partner to listen to the breeze, or attempt to synchronize your orgasm with crashing waves (although that would be impressively symbolic), just appreciate the added element it adds to the act. The beach is so gorgeous at night and is practically tailor made for good good lovin’. So get out there and embrace your inner nature goddess; your lucky beach mate will thank you!

If you disagree with me, all I’m going to say is…..if you could bag Ashton Kutcher would you??? RIGHT. So don’t argue with me, we all would. Demi could teach us a lesson or two, or eight.

Us twenty somethings DIDN’T “bag” Kutcher, a cougar did, since cougars have tricks we should add to the “bag” in order to…. “bag.” (Insert cheesy joke here, I couldn’t help myself.)

Obviously, we’ll never be able to compete with time, since, that’s science and time is an uncontrollable factor. However, if we are SMART, we’ll take some of the vampy COUGAR tricks in order to ooze absolute sex appeal, without having to wear “Mom jeans” (if you don’t know “Mom jeans”, look at your mothers flat, heart shaped ass and tell me how much that ISN’T cougar material.)

If we are smart, we already have a step up, since hey, we don’t have to worry about age defying wrinkle cream, menopause, gray hairs…and shit (the “and shit” was added for my immature emphasis.)

So what is a “Cougar” anyway, you ask??

A Cougar: A babe beyond 40. Sex drive on HIGH. Heels, on HIGH. Hair, on HIGH, with the assistance of Aqua Net, and BOOBS, up HIGH.

But most importantly…CONFIDENCE at a soaring dangerous level of: HIGH.

Who was the first Cougar? Well, for our generation, maybe “Stiflers mom” on American Pie. She had her eye on the prize, she trusted in her ability to follow through with her “mission” and she BELIEVED and ACTED “AS IF”, she were a goddess. Can you imagine if women our age had that approach?

Lord knows, I wouldn’t be alone tonight.

Men want to date Cougars (Dateacougar.com) because they’re tired of our RIDICULOUS insecurites. Yes, some of us have stretch marks, some of us have bellies, or big nipples, BUT damnit, do you think a Cougar gives A DAMN about that? NO. She thinks, so what? I’ve seen the world, I’ve dated numerous men, I’ve climbed mountains….I’m incredible.

If Twenty Something women could have that kind of confidence, it wouldn’t matter if we had a mad case of acne and snorted every time we laughed. Confidence can MASK all of your “imperfections” if we present ourselves with the belief that we are, perfection.

As Cougars do.

So what is the appeal you ask? Well, I don’t know….would you rather date a man who whines about his future and his boss all the time, or would you rather date a man who makes you feel like he has it, “all taken care of.” Since, obviously he’s a stud. I’d go with the latter.

Age does have the benefit of securing your belief in SELF. Cougars may not look as hot, but they wear their stories, their history, their years…..and they mold it all into this sexual energy of self assured beauty.

So yeah, would I like to be a Michelle Pheiffer-esque babe? Would I like to take tips from Diane Lane? HELLO? Of course.

The first step: Walking out of the door with a head held high, and confidence that isn’t afraid to slip my phone number across the table to a babe at the bar.

Thank YOU Cougars, for reminding us that we can be babes at any age.