Regardless of your relationship status, there will be situations and the people that stir them up, who at any point in time, will have you questioning what’s really important in life. It just so happens, though, that probability of that sort of drama infiltrating your life spikes when you’re single. There are some people who take the dating game a little too seriously, who extract meanings from things everybody else thinks are harmless, and more often than not, those people are looking for someone to blame. Luckily, the Single Girl Society has you covered with a general rule of thumb on how to deal with people who don’t always have your best interest in heart, or for that matter, don’t even really have a heart.

Lesson #47: When it comes to people: If they’re toxic, cut them out, and if they’re people you wish you could be more like, hold them tight.

There really only are two kinds of people in our lives: life ruiners — those that make you wonder how you’ll get by; and life savers — those who you wouldn’t be able to get through the hardship without.

There’s always going to be a girl, who took Mean Girls a little too seriously, who wants to take you down, simply because she’s got a fetish for vendettas. Despite what women’s magazines and our mothers have been telling us, girl-on-girl hate is not always about jealousy. Sometimes the drama stems from the fact that the Blair Waldorfs of the world get high on scheming an ultimate take-down. Take it from me, there is no reasoning when it comes to these girls. Cut them out of your life, and never look back, because even if you do reconcile your differences, you never know when she’ll strike back out of boredom.

When it comes to guys, it’s important to remember that dating is a hit or miss situation. Some guys are going to try to pick you up only to see how far they can throw you, and you’ll spend the majority of your time together feeling like you’re never enough. Chances are that guy isn’t committing to you anytime soon, so why should you commit your time to him? Leave him behind sooner rather than later, because you’ll have the opportunity to devote the energy to someone else instead, yourself.

Good friends are not hard to come by, but they are easy to lose if you’re too busy getting caught up in the drama that doesn’t include them. Give those people (and yourself) the respect they deserve, and don’t ever let them forget how much they mean to you.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 46 rules of the Single Girl Society

And its only right that we return the favor, treat them equally awesome in all areas of friendship. But even with the best of intentions, it’s easy to get sidetracked. Life is busy and staying touch is hard. And scheduling time in for her panic attacks as well as your own can get kind of tricky.

Maybe CollegeCandy can make that a little easier?
Here are five easy ways to be a good friend.

1. Make time to chat. Like I said, life is busy. And whether you and your bestie live down the hall or across the country staying in touch is never easy. But if you don’t know what’s going on in her life how will you know when to start in on rules 2-5. Skype or Facebook message. Text or e-mail. Take a coffee break or do dinner. But make time to chat. She’ll appreciate that you care enough to care about her life.

2. Listen before you speak. It’s important to give advice (see rule number 3) but before you do that you need to know what’s going on. Okay fine, so maybe you know that the guy she’s crying over is so not worth her tears. But she obviously doesn’t think so. Find out why. Don’t speak over her and don’t give your opinion before she’s given hers. Know the situation, understand where she’s coming from, and then…

3. Tell the truth. Now that you know what’s going on, it’s time to talk. Whether she wants to know what you think of the new boy toy or which top to wear to dinner, be honest. It’s a cliché for a reason. She’ll appreciate your candidness, and she’ll know she can trust you. It’s simple, and to the point. It’s something everyone can do, and something everyone should do.

4. Make her laugh. We all have those days. You know, those days that make you want to curl up in a ball under the covers and never come out. And on those days when we feel like nothing is ever going to get better again, and the easiest thing a friend can do is make you realize that isn’t true. So tell a stupid joke. Or share your own embarrassing story. Or share one of ours! Make light of the uncomfortable situation. Just make her laugh. It’s a simple and easy way to make her realize things are going to be okay.

5. Know when to break out the chocolate. Or the chocolate martinis. But that’s just semantics. The point is that sometimes a girl needs to wallow. And you need to let her know its okay to do that. Whether she broke up with her boyfriend, failed a test, or is having family problems, breakout the Ben and Jerry’s and head on over. Watch old movies or listen to cheesy music or Facebook stalk all night long. It won’t solve her problems, but it will make her forget about them for a while.

This isn’t the stuff of brain surgeons. It doesn’t require crazy amounts of money, or endless planning. It  just requires cutting a little time out of your week to be there when she needs you to be. Because really, that’s all a good friend is, don’t you think?

You know, your typical late night girl talk.

When I finally packed up my books and left the library, the conversation stuck with me. Anna, who is currently single and never really dated anyone in high school, was telling me about how she had never understood all of the things that some girls put up with to be in a relationship.  “I just don’t understand why such amazing girls settle for some losers. There is nothing scary about being single until the right person comes along.”

Now, obviously, there are lots of great guys out there that she was not referring to. And, obviously, a lot of girls out there are single and enjoying it. Yet, Anna really made me think, and I realized that when I first got out of my crazy long-term relationship, it took months before I would let people call me single. Months! I was so scared of the term, of what it implied and of actually being single. Now I realize that Anna is right – that there is nothing bad about being single and nothing missing, either.

The things that I got used to doing with a boyfriend, the things that I really missed, were the habits of having someone so involved in your everyday life. I liked the routine of having someone to vent to when I was having an awful day, of always having a partner for beer pong, of always having someone to study with or watch The Office with. And what I realized last night when Anna explained to me (in short simple words that even my exhausted caffeinated midterm-ed brain could understand) was that you don’t need a boyfriend to do all those things; you’ve got plenty of people around you who can do all that already.

And that’s something that I feel silly for not realizing earlier!

So today’s post is a little bit of a reminder to single (or even not so single) girls everywhere to take a minute to appreciate your friends, all of them. When you don’t have a boyfriend, you have opportunities to build closer relationships with other people. You can make a new friend your beer pong partner, or vent to your best girl (girls are just WAY more sympathetic anyway), or even watch The Office with your floor in the lounge.

Whatever it is, here is my little toast to friends and relationships of all kinds that help us get through the day. I know it’s cheesy, but in my brain that is delirious from midterms, I am so grateful to all of the amazing friends that keep me and other single girls around the world sane.

So this weekend, raise a glass (or two… or four…) and toast the amazing friends who are there when you need it most. I’ll definitely be raising a few to Anna who helped me remember the important things I do have in my life, as opposed to the other things that I do not.

During Orientation, people began to cling together because, in truth, all of us were friendless. So my group of friends developed depending on with whom I ate lunch one day, who also got lost trying to return to my dorm after a party, or who was sitting next to me at one of the many assemblies. I am not complaining about my friends — they are all genuinely nice people – but I wonder: if we had gone to school from pre-K to twelfth grade, would they even give me a second glace? Would I give them?

I feel like making these friends so hastily isn’t really making any true connections. Maybe this is because I’ve never moved away, and so have known all my high school friends for years. I know them inside and out, and I am really grateful for them. Now I have plenty more people programmed into my cell phone than I did in last fall. I can call over ten girls to go eat lunch, or procrastinate by watching a movie. I can say hello to at least five friends every time I walk somewhere.

But what kind of claim is that, when I don’t know anything about them other than the generic five questions I have asked and been asked for the last few weeks. 1) What’s your name? 2) What dorm do you live in? 3) What are you interested in studying? 4) Where are you from? 5) Do you want to exchange cell phone numbers?

There is no number 6: What is it about you that would make us good friends?

The problem for me is that I do not know how to put myself out there — really let people know how I act around my old friends — without being ridiculous. I don’t think I am stifling my whole personality, but I am definitely holding back my love of cheesy Disney movies and my obsessive grammar corrections.

And so I now question as to whether my new friends are doing the same.

Are they truly this nice and smart and driven and friendly all the time? Because although they’re easygoing, they seem too normal and perfect to get along with a quirky kid like me. I almost wish there were a day where everyone could just let it out there, where I could burst into singing High School Musical 2 when someone asks, “What time is it?” Back home, that was my type of normal. As were sarcastic jokes, skipping down hallways and dancing without a care of how crazy I looked.

I know I will become more comfortable in time, but for now I feel as if I am showing the simple side of Kristine to my dozens of generically nice buddies. I am looking for a little more than that. For now, I am trying to act as normal as possible. Maybe soon I will find that my type of normal fits in just fine here.

I am so proud of you for making such a positive, health conscious change in your life. Also, you look hot. However, that does not mean that I want to know the calorie/fat/transfat content of the food I am CURRENTLY EATING.

I am trying to be very supportive of you, not asking you to share an order of nachos, not pushing you to match me beer for whatever low-carb crap you are drinking. This is what good friends do. And for this I am rewarded with a play by play of your diet and exercise habits, including handy tips for me! Ahem. There are several things I would like you to understand before I continue:

1. I understand. I have been a very successful dieter in the past, and I know how your every thought becomes consumed with what you will eat in the next meal, day, week. Been there, obsessed over that.

2. A follow up to #1: I KNOW all this. I have been a dieter. A good one. A well-researched one. What do I say when you tell me the fiber content of a cereal that I already know?! I don’t need to one up you, but if I express polite interest (“oh, really? Fascinating.”) it will only encourage you and make things worse for me, the disinterested yet diplomatic friend. Please, appreciate my situation, and help me avoid it.

3. The most important number yet: I am not on a diet. I probably should be, but I’m not. When you tell me what a difference cutting out all refined sugar made in your flab level AS I eat a cupcake, it makes me FEEL BAD. And fat. I know it’s a reflex, because it’s on your mind, but think it through before you say it, okay?

The real moral to this story? This is your diet, not mine. I want you to succeed, I really do, but we used to talk about…other things, right? Boys and bands and Barack Obama. These are the things upon which our friendship was based, not your pursuit of the elusive size double zero. Your increasing hotness and my love of peanut butter M&Ms should never stand in the way of that.

Love,

Gemma

Last night, though, this same good friend also got engaged to her boyfriend of two years. Um. Congratulations?

Yeah, yeah, so they’re in love, whatever. I get it.

I was in love once. I never actually talked to the guy, but it was there. I’m still a little baffled by her annoucement of love and commitment at such a tender age as 22. Maybe it’s me, but a lot of the time, I still feel 14. I just have so much to learn about myself before I can conceive of taking the black – and – white plunge.

And before she started dating her boyfriend — oops, i mean her fiance — my friend was right there with me, braiding my hair in the photobooth with an economy bag of fun – size Snickers and a stack of trashy magazines.

Now, she has the Big Job, the Big Ring, the Big Life, and I’m wondering what to do with all these issues of Jane and feeling like I should take the training wheels of my bike.

Is it just me, or does the prospect of marriage seem insane at this point in time? My own parents and grandparents were married at this age, but today things have loosened up a bit. Maybe it’s because we’re living longer, but I feel like forty is a good age for marriage — live half of your life single, half of it married. The way things are going, I’ll probably won’t feel forty until I’m sixty.

At least there is a potentially fun wedding to look foward to — now I that I don’t have to pay my older brother to steal me drinks.