Yes, it’s a little nauseating, but come on; everyone’s looking for a little love come holiday time.

But what makes a good love? A rugged jaw, some tight abs and some sparkling baby blues wouldn’t hurt, but when you get down to it, those are only an added bonus. The shiny gold bangle to your already perfect LBD. The truth is, there are way more important things every guy’s gotta have if he wants the honor of calling us his GF. And no, Pauly D, having a 25-minute daily hair regimen is not one of them.

So here are the 5 things we’re looking for when it comes to finding a boyf.

Makeout Skills:
Let’s be honest – no matter how much you love someone, no boyfriend can reach perfect status if there isn’t any chemistry, and chemistry simply can’t exist if the guy is sucking your nose off. Or licking your gums. Or drooling on your chin. A good boyfriend must have kissing mastered. And that means a variety, people. Sometimes we’re totally into a slow, romantic kiss, while other times we want to go at it like were in junior high and our parents could walk in any minute.

A Job
Of course the shallow reasons hold true; we can’t help it, we’re girls. When we decide to date just one guy, we want to know he can take us out to dinner and a movie every once in a while. We’re not asking for diamond rings, but a gift on Christmas and birthdays is pretty much necessary (call it superficial, but when Christmas rolls around again and all you get is another card, you won’t be happy). But beyond the material things, holding a job is usually a good sign of character. Chances are he’s up before noon, has a good work ethic and has a future beyond his mom’s couch.

A Sense of Humor
The physical attraction is only going to keep us interested for so long. Especially when he starts opting for cheeseburgers instead of trips to the gym and that 6-pack begins to soften up a bit. So there obviously has to be things about his personality that have us coming back for more. And while being compassionate or hardworking or loads of fun is important, more often than not it’s the guy with the good sense of humor that hooks us. We want someone who will make us laugh so hard we pee once in awhile. That’s normal, right?

An Equal Desire for Fun and Romance
There are some nights where we just want to get into our sweats and cuddle on the couch watching movies all night. But the next night we’re ready to slip into some heels and go out dancing. A good boyfriend also has this desire (to party…not slip into a pair of heels). We don’t want a boyfriend who wants to sit home all the time, but someone who is out every night of the week is no good either. It’s all about balance (and/or a mutual respect for all things Gaga).

Love for My Dog
Sorry, but before he came along my pooch was the one snuggling up next to me at night, sharing my dinner and watching TV curled up with on the couch. If you don’t love my dog as much as I do, it’s just not going to work out. Plus, a guy who doesn’t love animals is missing a piece of his heart… if he even has one.

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It is so easy for us single ladies to look at people in relationships and be a little jealous, or miss the stability and security that sometimes comes from being in a relationship. It is so easy to get trapped in the pattern of being in a relationship simply for the comfort that comes from having a boyfriend, any boyfriend. I know this from both personal experience and from watching so many of my friends get trapped in relationships where they are not satisfied but can’t bear to leave the security of their boyfriend behind.

Change is difficult, change is scary, and hell, I understand that better than anyone (I don’t even like changing the brand of mascara I use, let alone my relationship status!). But sometimes, as hard as it can seem at first, change is necessary.

Take my little sister, for example. I’ve been watching her fight with her boy almost constantly for the past two months. She has really come to like the safety blanket feeling that comes with being secure in having a boyfriend, which is understandable, especially in high school where so many social events are just easier if you are in a relationship. (She was horrified at the idea of going to prom with someone else because then her group would be all messed up…). Being the older sister that I am, I can see how amazing my baby sis is. She is the star soccer player of her school, has one of the top GPAs, is gorgeous, hilarious, and super easy to get along with (not that I’m biased). But she doesn’t see it. If she did, she’d realize what she’s sacrificing to be with this guy who makes her cry and she’d find someone else who would treat her the way she deserves to be treated.

Reflecting on all of this has reminded me how happy I am being single, and why it is alright to keep just as high of standards for my boys as I do everything else in my life. I don’t hold onto friends who piss me off, I don’t buy clothes that don’t fit and I don’t use makeup that makes me break out. Why, then, would I ever settle for guy who doesn’t make me feel as fantastic as I know I am?

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time.  So bring it on, ladies.]

Hi Dude,

So I met this guy at a party one night and we exchanged numbers. A few days later he texted me and asked me if I wanted to meet him for some drinks. I met him at the bar and we had a great time. We had so much to talk about, there was never an awkward silence and we ended up staying pretty late. I was going to take the bus home (I go to school in Chicago and the bar was far from my place), but he refused to let me and offered to drive me home, which was in the complete opposite direction of his home. I got really awkward when we pulled up so I sorta just said my goodbye and jumped out of the car. I didn’t want him to think that meant I wasn’t interested so I texted him the next day to thank him and tell him how good of a time I had.

And then…. Nothing.

WTF? It’s fine if he’s not interested (even though that makes no sense based on how well things went) but why would he drive me all the way home if he wasn’t into me? Is it because I didn’t kiss him goodnight?

– First Date Freak

Dear First Date Freak,

Ladies and gentlemen, step right up, no need to shove, for you will all see a spectacle sought the world over – the last of his kind. Bring the kiddies and don’t worry about your wallets. The Dudemaster proudly presents: The last decent human being on Earth! He gives women a ride home, not to get ridden, but because it’s the right thing to do. This man is me.

Gotcha!

YOU DON’T LET HER RIDE THE BUS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! I have given several rides home to women I wasn’t the least bit attracted to (not that I’m implying he wasn’t even a little interested). I did it because my momma raised me right. There’s no good excuse to let a gal make an Odyssey through a suburban or urban jungle after an evening of drinking. What if she’s mugged? Assaulted? Abducted by a secret rogue government agency that worships a circular symbol of commitment? He didn’t give you a ride because he was fishing for some lovin’, he did it because he wanted to make sure you were safe.

Is he interested? Maybe, maybe not. Don’t read too much into the ride. The ride is not necessarily an indicator of interest as much as a sign that he’s not a complete scumbag. Ladies, if a guy has a car and doesn’t make the offer to drive you home at the end of the date then erase his existence from your memories. Now, onto the crucial question: is he or is he not interested?

Based on what you told me, the outlook is muddled. You had a great night of conversation. That’s a good start. However, he didn’t get in touch the next day. Well, that could or could not be a bad sign. See, some men are idiots and think the 2 day call rule after a date is a real rule. So they wait a couple days (as opposed to sending a text the next day or calling her toward the middle of the week when he has an idea of what his weekend looks like). He might also have been really swamped running around the entire day and wanted to get in touch when he had some time to actually talk. Maybe he wanted to get his schedule straightened out before scheduling another date. Maybe he’s not interested and has no intention of keeping in touch. Some time has to pass before a definitive answer one way or the other can be determined.

Just relax. You’ve done all you can. Now you have to wait and see what happens. In the meantime appreciate the fact that the man of manners isn’t completely extinct. You had a nice time. You got home safe. You saved money on bus fare. All in all, sounds like you came out ahead.

Don’t drink and drive,

Safety Dude

Here’s what he had to say:

There are a couple of things going on in my life that I consider pretty surreal.  I’m nearing the end of my college career and going into the real world soon. I’m getting to the point in my life where I’m making fun of the trends of younger people, which makes me feel like the old man yelling at kids to get off my yard. All these freaking celebrities are dying! All of this stuff seems unreal; the fact that I’m getting married to the girl of my dreams is the polar opposite.

Sarabeth and I started out with a weird relationship. You might know the details if you’ve followed her from the beginning of her writing for CollegeCandy (which I also think is pretty surreal, BTW; random anonymous people arguing over what she says on them there internets is just weird). Basically, we were just friends first and as I spent more time with her, I came to the realization that I was (and still am!) truly happy when I was with her.

I know we have our moments where things aren’t at their smoothest. Just like anybody, we get annoyed with each other. Our pet peeves get messed with. Disagreements are had. But after the arguing and the fighting, I always know Sarabeth will be there to make it better. I can go to her unconditionally and know she will love me. And it I know she will open her arms and offer her care. It is what keeps me going and I couldn’t imagine it any other way.

I always thought that finding true love would take a long time; I certainly didn’t see myself getting engaged while I was still in college. But then again, there were other things about college I didn’t expect. Who knew I would be learning Japanese? Or getting a degree in Radio-TV-Film while producing a weekly show of local bands on an FCC licensed television station? But these things happened. It might sound like it’s all matter of fact, but it really just is. This is how things happened. I fell in love and it just happened before I reached my quarter-life crisis.

My relationship with Sarabeth seemed to progress as it should (minus the casual nasty-doing). She was my friend. Then she was my girlfriend. Now she’s my fiancee. Soon, she will be my wife. It all feels so natural and right, even if most of the college guys across the country don’t take this path.

I am a guy. In a (very) serious relationship. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Alright, so every week, I volunteer at this after school program for inner city kids. And every week, I work with this grad student who gives me hope for men. Let’s call him Nick. I have the biggest crush on him. I want him even more than I want the spring line at J. Crew, which is saying something.

I’ve been working with Nick all year, and have had a stupid, schoolgirl crush on him since day one. He is so attractive (tall, a little stubble on his cheeks, a smile that takes over his whole face) that any girl would fall in love with him at first glance. But there are plenty of hot guys out there, and many of them also happen to be giant jerks. It’s Nick’s personality that sets him apart and makes me optimistic about my dating future.

Nick is really intelligent, super witty and has a great soul. The guy works with kids, for God’s sake, and he’s so good with them, too. Just last week he spent a half hour making a super hero mask for a second grader determined to develop an alter ego. I watched, my heart melting.

It might sound silly, but as I was playing an intense game of tag (more of a workout even than that Zumba class at the gym) with Nick and ten screaming children, I had a renewed faith in men. Not because Nick was chasing me (a dating scenario most college girls don’t get to enjoy often enough), but because I saw with my own two eyes a guy who actually was the complete package.

It doesn’t matter if my relationship with Nick never develops beyond playing and reading with kids once a week; for now, I am alright just knowing that there are good guys out there.  I have hope that I will eventually find one of my own, even if I have to deal with all those jerks before I get there.

But if Nick does want to play a few (sexy) games with me, I wouldn’t be opposed to that either….



Yes, it’s a little nauseating, but come on; everyone’s looking for a little love come holiday time.

But what makes a good love? A rugged jaw, some tight abs and some sparkling baby blues wouldn’t hurt, but when you get down to it, those are only an added bonus. The shiny gold bangle to your already perfect LBD. The truth is, there are way more important things every guy’s gotta have if he wants the honor of calling us his GF. And no, Pauly D, having a 25-minute daily hair regimen is not one of them.

So here are the 5 things we’re looking for when it comes to finding a boyf.

Makeout Skills:
Let’s be honest – no matter how much you love someone, no boyfriend can reach perfect status if there isn’t any chemistry, and chemistry simply can’t exist if the guy is sucking your nose off. Or licking your gums. Or drooling on your chin. A good boyfriend must have kissing mastered. And that means a variety, people. Sometimes we’re totally into a slow, romantic kiss, while other times we want to go at it like were in junior high and our parents could walk in any minute.

A Job
Of course the shallow reasons hold true; we can’t help it, we’re girls. When we decide to date just one guy, we want to know he can take us out to dinner and a movie every once in a while. We’re not asking for diamond rings, but a gift on Christmas and birthdays is pretty much necessary (call it superficial, but when Christmas rolls around again and all you get is another card, you won’t be happy). But beyond the material things, holding a job is usually a good sign of character. Chances are he’s up before noon, has a good work ethic and has a future beyond his mom’s couch.

A Sense of Humor
The physical attraction is only going to keep us interested for so long. Especially when he starts opting for cheeseburgers instead of trips to the gym and that 6-pack begins to soften up a bit. So there obviously has to be things about his personality that have us coming back for more. And while being compassionate or hardworking or loads of fun is important, more often than not it’s the guy with the good sense of humor that hooks us. We want someone who will make us laugh so hard we pee once in awhile. That’s normal, right?

An Equal Desire for Fun and Romance
There are some nights where we just want to get into our sweats and cuddle on the couch watching movies all night. But the next night we’re ready to slip into some heels and go out dancing. A good boyfriend also has this desire (to party…not slip into a pair of heels). We don’t want a boyfriend who wants to sit home all the time, but someone who is out every night of the week is no good either. It’s all about balance (and/or a mutual respect for all things Gaga).

Love for My Dog
Sorry, but before he came along my pooch was the one snuggling up next to me at night, sharing my dinner and watching TV curled up with on the couch. If you don’t love my dog as much as I do, it’s just not going to work out. Plus, a guy who doesn’t love animals is missing a piece of his heart… if he even has one.

What else do you guys think a good boyfriend must have?

Fact: Women don’t understand men.
Fact: For the past 6 months, I’ve attempted to get some answers from some men to help all the ladies out there truly understand what the eff those turds are thinking.
Fact: After seeing a guy for two months and being “dumped” via email (where he called me the wrong name), I’m still horribly confused.

While our resident guy gave some pretty sound advice, there are so many tricky situations we women find ourselves in with men on a daily basis. Situations that can’t be summed up in some general question about dating or life or fake boobs.

So, I went on a quest to find a man who can be our voice of reason when we need him most. Like when our crush isn’t returning our calls, or, I don’t know, a guy says he loves us but wants to take the relationship back a few notches. WTF?

Tons of guys expressed interest in advising the ladies of CollegeCandy (why can’t this many dudes express interest in me!?), but I needed the perfect guy: a dude with an understanding of both men and women, a douchey past and a good-guy present. And I found him! (Unfortch, he’s taken, ladies.) He’ll be answering your questions weekly, so if you’ve got something you’re dying to figure out – and your girlfriends don’t know what they’re talking about – send ‘em over to askthedude@collegecandy.com. Our dude will give it to you straight, no matter how much it hurts.

But first, let me introduce you.
CollegeCandy readers, meet our Dude.

What is one thing that all girls need to know about men?
The Dude: That men are only as complicated as women make them. Although I’d like to say that I’m a deep and thoughtful guy, it pretty much goes without saying that I think about one thing all the time…nothing. If I am at work, carrying out a task, eating a burger, or having sex…that is exactly what I’m thinking about. There is no deeper meaning, there is no analysis of my day, and there is no perfectly meditated intent behind my actions. Frankly, we’re just that simple.

What is the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for a lady?
The Dude: I wish I could say that a long list of tender, considerate moments are running through my (ever understanding) mind, but unfortunately, I was either too broke, too drunk, or too into the latest football game to ever truly sweep a chick of her feet. However, I have found that the most romantic thing a guy can do is to pay attention to the little things that really matter to a woman. For example, although past girlfriends have loved big gestures involving diamonds and various trips to Jared, my lady prefers an ice cold latte, trashy tabloid magazine, and two dudes named Ben & Jerry.

What’s the douchiest thing you’ve ever done to a woman?
The Dude: Here is where my long list comes into play. After much thought (and an extensive selection process), I’ve narrowed it down to the following douchy incident. A few years back, I put a ton of time (and dinner at pretentious restaurants) into a girl I was into, but moved to Europe shortly after things started getting serious. Although I was abroad for a year, I kept things burning with the (faithful and loyal) girlfriend stateside, while actually taking in more than just the local culture (if you know what I mean.) Even worse, I broke up with her within 5 minutes of returning home.

What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned about women?
The Dude: Alright, time for me to redeem myself from my supremely douchy past. Here is what I know about women: no matter how deep under the surface it may be…all women love to be loved. They want someone to adore and care for them (without playing games or going behind their back). They love talking about love, they love analyzing love with their friends, they love reading books and watching (occasionally tolerable) movies about love, they love pretending they don’t need love, they love hating love… You get my point? It’s one of the most endearing and amazing things about women, and why men are so mesmerized by them.

Why do you want to do this column?
The Dude: To put it bluntly (and would I ever put it any other way?), I am unbelievably sick of women taking, toting and living by advice about men…that was written by women. Whether it’s women’s magazines, your friends or (though you try to deny) your frequent calls to your mother, advice about men is rarely about men, it’s about what women think about men. And to be honest, men just don’t think that much.

See? Isn’t he perfect? He knows us and he knows us well. Now send him some questions, dammit!

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5 signs he’s not a good guy.

Seriously. There are a lot of us who actually ENJOY meeting – and dating – this special breed of douche.

Okay. I might be EXTREMELY overgeneralizing here, but I have seen a wide range of chicks fall for guys who treat them like absolute sh*t. I’ve seen girls who stick with their sub-par lovers for years and can’t give you a straight answer as to why they put up with it.

I probably fall into this category as well; nice guys like me all the time, yet I constantly shy away from them in favor of their more dramatic/mysterious/douchebag-y counterparts.

This might be like flossing a dead horse – or watching a Tina Fey as Sarah Palin SNL skit (again, not that I’m complaining!), but seriously, why the hell do nice guys finish last? And whose fault is it, really?

A few of my theories :

1. Girl mistakes cockiness for confidence. Because we live in an individualistic society that stresses the importance of CONFIDENCE and SELF-ESTEEM and GOING FOR THE GOLD (no matter how you get there), it is totally possible to perceive straight-up cockiness as a public display of confidence. However, in the case of the A**hole, the guy isn’t just confident – he’s practically narcissistic. He basically feels NOTHING for any other human beside himself. So, by the time the Nice Girl realizes said dude will never care about anything other than his hair, his car and sticking his you-know-what into every willing hoo-ha in town, she’s already said the “L-word” and picked out future children’s names.

2. Girl thinks she can change the bad boy. Women are natural nurturers. We like to take care of stuff, like our best friends and our nails and our MAC makeup collection. We play therapist to most everyone in our lives. It makes us feel good to make other people feel good. So, when Nice Girl meets a guy who has some issues – like being unable to emotionally connect with other people, and/or maintain a solid relationship, or has cheated on past girlfriends – Nice Girl always thinks that SHE is obviously the one who can change the A**hole’s deviant ways. Realistically, she knows this isn’t true. But we all want to believe that we are that special girl.

Eventually though, Nice Girl learns that A**hole will never change, but she sticks around because she’s still in love with the concept of who A**hole COULD be, if he only stopped hanging out with that crowd/gave up drinking/got a new job…none of which will ever happen. Girl digs A**hole because she genuinely believes that underneath all the B.S. there is a knight in shining armor just BEGGING to be set free and show up on her doorstep with a bottle of red wine and a copy of “Baby Mama.” There’s not.

3. Girl lacks confidence. Of course, we can’t blame EVERYTHING on the A**hole. According to The Perks of Being a Wallflower, “we accept the love we think we deserve.” I don’t think I could have said it better. Sometimes, we find ourselves attached to the A**hole because we don’t believe that we can find anyone else, or perhaps we don’t even know anything better exists. It does.

4. Chivalry kinda sorta scares Girl. Although Girl doesn’t want to admit it, being treated well sometimes feels kind of awkward. When we go out with a Nice Guy, we know he’s going to do all the “typical” gentleman-ly stuff, like open our car doors and hold our hand while walking down the street. Sometimes, this is just plain weird and makes us feel kinda funny. Nice Guy virtually loses all unique points when he acts like this because Nice Guys all. act. the. same. way. They wait too long to make a move, they call too often and they are just too damn nice.

5. Girl likes the chase. Seriously, who doesn’t? Sometimes Nice Guys are just too easy. We like it when guys don’t give in to us right away. It’s exciting and it gives us something to daydream about when we’re bored in English Lit. Lame? Yes. Understandable? Definitely.

6. Finally, sometimes A**holes just really know how to play the game. They can thoroughly convince us that they are indeed a Nice Guy when the complete opposite is true. When our friends start to point out several signs of their douchebaggery, we have a “talk” with A**hole and he convinces us that our friends are batsh*t crazy and watch too much Sex & the City and that we have nothing to worry about. The A**hole will do anything he can to prevent Nice Girl from seeing his true colors….and he’s damn good at it, too.

That’s all I got. What do you lovely CC readers think – why do girls like assholes?

[Photo from kit haselden's flickr]