Without a doubt, one of the best ways to improve the quality of your sex life is engaging in foreplay. A lot of sex advice articles focus on the fact that many women need foreplay in order to orgasm, which I think is kind of a restrictive and pressure-fueled way to approach it.

Foreplay doesn’t necessarily have to be a means to an end – what it aims to do is get you and your partner in a sexually charged mood, which in and of itself is incredibly enjoyable. There are so many ways to integrate foreplay into your sexy times. Some of my favorites include:

Sexting.
I know there are tons of horror stories of sexting gone terribly awry – private texts/photos being spread around without your consent, accidentally sexting your parents/exes/bosses, the fact that 12-year-olds engage in it…sexting has cultivated a grotesque reputation, to say the least. But as long as you have a trustworthy partner (and you double-check the recipient box on your phone), sexting is an awesome way to create intimacy and arousal, especially if you plan on getting it on later in the day. Talk about things you can’t wait to do with/to your partner, describe fantasies, even send nudies if you are so inclined (without your face, always).

Making out.
Sometimes it seems like once you’re sexually active, the only thing on the menu is sex. But there is something to be said about some old-school kissing/groping, including putting up the same boundaries you used to (like no crotch contact…at least temporarily). It mentally takes you back to those days when hooking up filled you with butterflies and anticipation of where it lead, which is undeniably hot. Read More »

I’ve only gotten in two fights with my roommate since the day we were blindly assigned to one another the summer before our freshman year. The first was about Dr. Green on ER and how he died. I’m not proud to say, it ended with me throwing a remote before storming out of the room and slamming the door. Also, she was right.

The second, and more recent, was about faking an orgasm. The conversation started with a debate and subsequent Google search about whether or not a guy can fake it (he can, which we’ll get to), and turned in to her scolding me as I tried to list of the many reasons why I think faking it is totally acceptable in certain situations.

“You’re ruining it for the next girl!” she screamed as she paced the room. (Seriously, she was taking it so personally, you’d have thunk she got my tainted sloppy seconds or something.)

And I know that; it’s not like I hadn’t heard that argument before. I’ve also heard “he wants to please you, so tell him how,” and “every girl is different so you have to show him what you like.” Hell, my human sexuality teacher even chimed in once with, “you gotta speak up when you want something…especially when that something is an orgasm.” Yeah, that’s awkward in a 9 a.m. lecture.

The point is, I get it. You shouldn’t fake it. It’s bad to fake it. It’s rude to fake it.
But the truth is, there’s an exception to every rule. And in the case of fakin’ a big O, there are three. Read More »

In a utopian world, we’d never have to ask for anything, ever. The cosmos would see to it that all our needs were met without us having to put in any effort into it. Alas, in the real world, it doesn’t work that way. If you want something, be it a raise at work or an extension on an assignment, you have to assert yourself. But that becomes especially harrowing when sex is involved.

There are those rare circumstances where you and your partner connect on every level and every romp in the sack is transcendent and magical and effortless. But for most of us, we usually end up with a partner who intuitively understands only some of our needs. The only way to get the most mindblowing sex you can imagine? Talk that ish out.

I know, sometimes talking about sex with the person you’re having it with is downright terrifying. You don’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings, or maybe you tell yourself you’re okay with having sex that’s only 70 percent awesome. Eventually, however, you could start to get resentful of the fact that you only orgasm 30 percent of the time (when you know that you’re capable of orgasming 98 percent of the time), or you’re going to develop a complex about your boobs (because, OMG, WHY WON’T MY BOO TOUCH/LICK/SUCK them? ARE THEY NOT GOOD ENOUGH?). Or you’ve suddenly realized you really want to try spanking, but you assume your partner isn’t into it because they’ve never brought it up.

But really? All of those problems, and a lot of other sexually related ones, can be solved by just talking about it in a mature, respectful way. Read More »

Dear Dude,

I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month, roughly.  He takes me out on actual dates, always wants to hang out, and is fun to talk to. Basically, I’m pretty sure that he’s into me.  The problem is that the few times that we’ve had sex, he hasn’t finished.  We’ll go at it for over an hour and although I’ve enjoyed myself, he won’t orgasm at all!  He always initiates sex and says he enjoys spending time with me, but if he’s sexually attracted to me, then why can’t he finish?  Could it be that I’m really bad in bed?  That he isn’t sexually attracted to me?  It’s an awkward subject to bring up and I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I don’t know how to handle it.

Sincerely,
-Can’t Get Him Off

It’s easy enough to say that if you’re not sure if you’re having good sex, you’re not having it — but I’m not convinced that’s necessarily true. I have this theory that sex is a lot like your elementary school chemistry class (stay with me….): You have to put the right ingredients together in order to make that volcano explode, but as time goes on and you keep dumping in the baking soda, that explosion gets less and less fantastical.

The thing with sex is that you can’t always tell when it’s just a rut or when you’re sexually incompatible. I mean, at first glance they both look similar — lack of sex, frustration, etc. — but there are a few differences. So before you make any rash decisions, ask yourself:  is the sex just getting boring (but fixable!) or are you and your partner sexually incompatible?

You might be incompatible if…

It’s never been great.
Pain and a lack of chemistry are a couple of good indicators that it’s more than just boring. It’s nearly impossible to enjoy sex if it’s painful (unless you’re into that), and sometimes an off-kilter penis-to-vagina ratio can cause more than a little discomfort. If you never went through a “honeymoon period” where the sex was incredible but eventually died off — or if that period was disappointingly short (I’m talking a week), then perhaps incompatibility is the issue, not a lack of excitement.

Read More »

[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

Sex is like ice cream – it’s sweet, it’s sticky and it’s always better with hot fudge and whipped cream. Oh wait, that’s not where I was going with this. Let’s start again..

Sex is like ice cream – everyone’s got a favorite flavor. While some like Cookies ‘n Cream, others like Rum Raisin. And while some people like sex the good old fashioned way, others like to shake things up. Some like background music, others like a little dirty talkin‘. Some girls like a guy who is soft and sensual, while other girls crave hot, tie-me-up-and-take-control passion.

But no matter what we like, whether it’s lying there and enjoying the show or hopping on top for some Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, there are some things guys can do that just don’t fly between the sheets. Or on the desk. Or in the bathroom stall. Or….you get the point: Read More »

I think it’s safe to assume that after a few years of sexual activity, most people have a few “oh god” stories of bedroom disasters. These are the ones that make it into the “it doesn’t count” category. You know, when something happens that, you know, just shouldn’t have happened.

When you throw two naked and probably a little awkward (or drunk) young adults into a bed together, hilarity and embarrassing moments are sure to ensue. We’ve all experienced it, hell, we may have even been the perpetrators of some unappealing bedroom behavior.

So here it is, a list of the most frequently committed bedroom faux pas to be avoided by everyone. We all know accidents can happen, but let’s do our best to avoid them, shall we? Read More »

Making resolutions I probably can’t keep, and deciding, quite pointedly, that 2011 will be the best year yet are on my to-do list for the month of January. While I’ll most likely be bringing in my New Year’s Eve with a few drinks and a giant multi-apartment party, I will also be cognizant of the fact that a new year is a great time for new beginnings.

I write a lot about the things we can do to improve our sex lives, but what better time to make the conscious decision to improve our sexy encounters than the start of a brand-spankin’-new year? So here is, ladies, gents and everyone in between: my thoroughly thought-out list of sexy resolutions for 2011 – just a little something to kick start your awesome, sex-positive, and sexually fulfilled new year!

Quit faking it. If for some reason you’re still faking your orgasms, now is the time to knock it off, and start aiming for the real thing. Faking it accomplishes nothing (your pleasure > your partner’s ego), and I think all of my readers deserve some full-blown 100% orgasms. If you need some help getting there, check out the next couple of resolutions I’ve got for y’all….

Invest in a good sex toy. Whether you’re doin’ it alone or with a partner, there’s something to be said for investing in a good sexy aide. While they’re a little pricier than some other toys, I’ve heard nothing but good things about the We Vibe and pretty much all of the glass products from Love Style. And hey, if you’re into being green, you can even buy environmentally friendly sex toys now! Environmentally friendly and orgasm inducing – does it get any better? Read More »

Studying for finals and hitting the final apathy-laden stretch of my second last-semester-ever has caused me to spend more time than I should in front of the TV with my computer on my lap. Not only have I been enjoying lots of bad made-for-TV movies (Holiday in Handcuffs, anyone?), but I’ve also been obsessively watching Friends re-runs, as it just so happens to be one of my favorite shows ever.

After a suggestion from our lovely editor to do an article about erogenous zones, I just so happened to stumble upon the episode where Monica makes the diagram for Chandler and proceeds to mimic their effect on the female body. You know, the one with the “SEVEN! SEVEN! SEVEN!”

There are so many sensitive parts of the human body that people may neglect while they’re getting sexy. It’s just to easy to go for the big three – lips, nipples, genitals – and skip out on all the rest. So here it is, a comprehensive list of places you can fondle, lick, kiss, tickle, or scratch (in a sexy way) to help get your partner heated up.

Let’s start from the top:

Ears: For some, the ears are very sensitive and it can be a big turn-on to have a little bit of extra attention paid to them. Not to mention, when nibbling on one’s ear, you’re in the perfect position to whisper sweet nothings.

Neck: The sides of the neck and collar bones can be very sexual. There’s a reason this is where hickeys (often) end up. Pro tip: kiss the back of your partner’s neck while you’re spooning. It’s cute, but just sensual enough to be a little sexy.

Read More »

Last weekend, my best friend and I ventured into the city to attend the Everything To Do With Sex Show, a sex-centric expo that plays host to toy manufacturers, gear makers, and a whole lot of information. We had been planning to attend the expo for weeks, so walking into the giant room that was filled with people just like me – open, honest, and unashamed of sex — was pretty thrilling.

After walking around and exploring the booths for a good hour or two, we settled into the seminar room and hung out for almost six hours, listening to facilitators talk to the crowd about different areas of sex and sexuality. We also wandered through the dungeon a few times, and yours truly even submitted to being flogged by a lovely lady who asked if I wanted a “back massage” — it was splendid.

We ended up spending nearly nine hours there, and at the end of the day walked away with a whole wealth of sexy knowledge. Here’s a few things I learned from my day at the expo:

During a seminar on “turning toys into tools” (for the bedroom), the guy presenting talked a lot about what he liked to call the “double tap.” Basically, the concept was that whatever you’re doing to your partner, make sure you’re doing something else as well. For example, use your tongue and your hands, or have sex and kiss their neck. Apparently this is a good way for those ladies who have problems climaxing to finally get there. Read More »