Derrick* and I used to have great sex. We were both passionate, experimental, and great in bed (hey, confidence is a turn-on, right?). But lately we have been in a rut, and I blame it on lube.

But, you say, artificial lubricant is great for drunk sex, or extremely long sex, or sex with someone extremely well endowed, because it keeps you from drying out and damaging your goodies. Yes, lube is great in these situations. My problem with lube is that, for us, it has become a replacement for foreplay.

And that is not okay.

The first time it happened I was hanging out at Derrick’s after a long day at work and very tired. He wanted sex, but I was feeling lazy and just wanted to play Sudoku on my phone. “Please,” he begged, “just let me put it in; I’ll get lube, you don’t have to do anything, you can even keep playing Sudoku.” This offer was too tempting to pass up; imagine telling my girls later that I played Sudoku while having sex! I didn’t expect good sex, but figured it would be worth it just for the funny story. He put lube on and went at it. I ended up putting down the phone half-way through and getting a little into it, but it still wasn’t very good. Read More »

[I am writing this post anonymously for two reasons:

1. Because I don't want my friends to know how often I watch Oprah (daily) and how much I love her and
2. Because I'm not sure I need the whole world (read: future employers) knowing a lot about my life between the sheets.]

Last week Oprah had an episode discussing sex, sexual attraction and the things women want when it comes to doin’ the dirty. The episode as a whole was fascinating – did you know there is an equation for figuring out how hot someone is?? – but one point that really stuck out to me was the discussion of sexual desire.

A group of women sat down to talk about all things sex and one of them mentioned her love of being dominated by a man. She told the story of her hottest hookup, which involved a man at the bar pushing her into the bathroom and kissing her passionately against the wall. Now, to most people that sounds like a “grab the pepper spray” kind of moment, but to me it sounded hot. I mean, come on, that’s passion. That’s heat.

That’s really effing sexy.

She went on to say that the reason it was so memorable was not because of what he did, but the fact that he wanted to do it at all. It was the fact that she was wanted that badly that made the whole thing such a turn on. Read More »

When I was a freshman I was fortunate to meet my best friends in the world right there in my hall. We were all randomly placed there, but it took no time to realize that fate had put us there together. The 8 of us hit it off immediately and began spending every moment together.

As we went through our 4 years of college and all of the experiences that come with it, we turned to one another for advice, feedback and any information the others might have to shed light on our situation. And yes, to this day, that includes the juicy details of our late-night (or midafternoon!) exploits.

As soon as a guy would leave the room, my best friends and I would gather to dish it all out. Every. last. bit. From the quality of the hookup to the size of his….friend….. we’d let it all out. I knew everything (and I mean everything) that went on between my friends and their boys between the sheets. More than those boys would ever want to know about.

But after a particularly juicy recap recently I started to wonder if guys do the same thing. Do guys sit around and give a play by play (or blow by blow….) of their late night trysts? I know they like to add the notches to their bedposts, but do they share the deets like my friends do? I asked a guy. Here’s the skinny: Read More »

[This post is courtesy of our gal pal, Marie Claire.]

Sometimes good sex feels like a really tough recipe to me. Now, I love cooking; any good cook knows he/she is only as good as the ingredients they use. This is why I love the process of buying vegetables and other ingredients. I even love peeling and cutting. It’s all part of the process to make a great dish.

And, like a recipe, I think sex is only as good as its ingredients: the people involved, and then the deeper ingredients like connection and chemistry. Here are some ingredients that can help make great sex:

Safe, but threatening

Couples need to feel safe around each other, but sex is fun when it has a bad edge to it. If you can make one another feel “comfortably threatened” it can lead to a steamy experience.

Spontaneity

Spontaneity is a common thread for success in all areas of romance, and sex is no different. Sex, just like anything else, can become routine and mundane. How often do we just grab each other and go at it?

Attraction

I’m not one of those lucky guys that has sex with girls who aren’t attracted to me. Some of my friends admit that they’ve had sex with people they were not attracted to. How do these guys pull this off? I need to learn this secret. Nevertheless, none of my friends are ever thrilled about it, so the sex wasn’t that great. Read More »

According to a recent study of 1,580 Australian men (ugh, the best kind), drinking alcohol might actually help a guy out in the sack.

I know! I’m shocked too.

I don’t know about you ladies, but from my experience, getting it on with a drunk guy has always been devoid of satisfaction. Either the  guy is done and snoring after 3.5 seconds, or he’s still going (and going and going) without much success long after I’ve lost interest. And then there was that time he puked…

But science is science and this study shows that 30% of men who drank had fewer problems during sex. Even those obnoxious belligerent drunks had less problems with E.D.

Have I been hooking up with the wrong guys, or what!?

I guess it all makes sense, though; I know alcohol always makes me feel a little more adventurous in bed. God knows I wouldn’t end up in a handstand during sex if I were sober. Hell, I wouldn’t even have sex with the lights on if alcohol weren’t involved.

I guess offering guys just one more beer before heading home for a romp session is the best way to guarantee some pleasure. In fact, maybe I should keep a little beer stocked in the mini fridge next to my bed. You can never be too prepared.

I had a long conversation over the weekend with a recent graduate, who after a recent breakup has decided to fully immerse herself in the dating world. At the moment, she’s dating three different guys whose ages range from 22 to 28, and in her opinion, their bedroom abilities directly correlate to how old they are. This has led her to believe that generally speaking, older equals better, which is a myth that I’ve long tried to dispel.

Girls have always been fascinated by the older guy. It’s as if you feel that because you are supposed to (and generally do) mature both emotionally and physically faster than guys, it entitles you to act superior to guys your age and seek out the more mature older guys.

And this is not a movement solely reserved for college grads. Freshman girls love the juniors and seniors. And some of my older colleagues on this site have discussed being in pursuit of law students and others enrolling in graduate programs. Hell, even most of my high school friends were often obsessed with the guys a couple grades above us. Read More »

After talking to my friend about his latest foray into the dating world – and his love for early morning sex – I started thinking.

Not that it takes much to get me thinking about sex. Since I am not having any. And everywhere I look it seems that people are having it. All. The. Time.

I remember the first time I ever had an early morning romp. I climbed into bed with my then boyfriend, set the alarm for class the following morning, and fell asleep. I was awoken the following morning not by my alarm clock, but by a very delicious nibbling on my ear. Followed by an even more delicious round of sex that may have acted as the alarm clock for the rest of my (8) roommates.

Then I ate 2 bowls of cereal, a few waffles and grabbed a bag of pretzels on my way to class. And it all tasted so good. In fact, everything was so much better that morning: the birds were singing, the sun was shining, and I was in a great mood. Even with 3 straight hours of lecture and a night of paper writing at the library ahead of me.

Other people noticed the difference, too: Read More »

The woman has spoken. In response to the “40 Things Men do Wrong in the Bedroom” I found last week, an incredibly insightful and hilarious female blogger has posted a response.

Before reading it I thought to myself, “Um, I do nothing wrong in the bedroom…I am a freak in the sheets.” Turns out even I – a self proclaimed Sex Goddess (who has had very few complaints) – have a few bedroom shortcomings.

I will be honest: it is hard to read a list like this and realize that many of the items on the list (mainly, #9) apply to you. I mean, I have been performing number nines for years and never had complaints. I have, embarrassingly enough, had a few suitors do the old head grab. I got offended. Instead I should have gotten a little more crafty with my moves. And incorporated my hands a little more. And practiced some kama sutra or something… Read More »