I’d like to start this final GG recap by saying that I am lucky to be alive. Last night’s episode was total dramz from start to finish and not only was my heart racing, but at one point (involving a certain Humphrey and a super special Bass) I accidentally inhaled part of a cookie and had to pause the TV while I choked on it. My life flashed before my eyes and I promised God I’d never eat a sleeve of Chips Ahoy while watching TV again. When that chunky chocolate cookie chunk finally passed, I kept my promise. (The crunching was making it hard to hear the show, anyway.)

WHAT. A. FINALE.

Holy hell, the hits just kept on coming. First we discover Dan and Serena did a little lip-locking, then Jenny sells out her own bro in some evil plot to get Nate to love her perhaps we should send her a copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You”?), then Blair finds Jenny in Brooklyn and does probably the meanest thing she’s ever done.

“Nate loves Serena, Dan loves Vanessa, Chuck loves me, but you, no one loves you.” (Or something like that. I was too busy guffawing to really write the quote down.) Read More »

Anyone else hoping that it wouldn’t be Lily opening the door when Serena arrived in Florida last night? I mean, everyone but Rufus knew she was there – couldn’t Pops van der Woodsen just open up so we could finally get to see what sort of magical creature he is? He’s gotta be something fantastic, right? Some sort of Brad Pitt/Jake Gyllenhaal hybrid with just a hint of John Krasinski and a pinch of Joel McHale’s humor. Why else would these two women risk everything they’ve got (for Lily, a husband who knows his way around a waffle iron; for Serena, CHACE FREAKING CRAWFORD a boy who looks damn good in a pair of Topsiders) for this guy?

I just want to meet him already. Then I want to reach into the TV and smack him for somehow creating the two most self-centered, annoying women in New York. (And that’s saying a lot, considering The Real Housewives exist…) I am finding it harder and harder to like Serena this season (especially when she does that weird thing with her hair like she did for Dorota and Vanya’s wedding), and it is clear she’s inherited her worst qualities from her hard-to-please mother. Honestly, if Serena didn’t wear that ridiculously awesome necklace to the wedding last night, I’d have written her off completely.

Those van der Woodsen women need a big can of whoop ass, and I hope they open it soon.

But let’s stop talking about them for a moment and get to the real Cartier-wearing white elephant in the room: Blair and Chuck. I was dragged into their lives by my heartstrings the moment the show began and my heart hurt until the very end. (Although that could have something to do with the McDonald’s breakfast I had….) I’ve never had a guy trade me for a hotel (I think?), but I have woken up after a break up and had that moment when I realized that it wasn’t just a nightmare and that the pain was very real. And it is the worst. I immediately hurt for Blair (but don’t think I didn’t notice how perfect her hair looks when she’s moping….), but I also couldn’t help but hurt for Chuck. Read More »

I’d like to take this opportunity to give a big “welcome back!” to Gossip Girl’s former glory. Maybe it’s because last night’s episode was going up against the NCAA National Championship game, but those writers pulled out all the stops and it was good. No, it was really effing good. It had more ups and downs than the game and it even brought me to tears at one point. (Though, full disclosure, the ending of the game did too.)

Can we please just talk about Chuck and Blair? OMG it was intense. I swear when Blair confronted him when she got back from the hotel, I didn’t breathe for a full minute. I mean, I knew there would be scandal surrounding this potential tryst with creepy Uncle Jack, this is Gossip Girl after all, but I never in my wildest imaginations thought Chuck would be the one pulling all the strings. And maybe that’s why Chuck did it; he was sick of people not expecting something like that from him. Read More »

Whoever said Thanksgiving was a time for family harmony obviously never met the Van Der Woodsen family. I mean, my god, how insanely brilliant was that Thanksgiving feast! It was like the best 7 minutes of Gossip Girl ever. From Vanessa yelling at her uber annoying mom, to Jenny and Erik (“I think your sweet potatoes are bland.” BURN!), to all that extramarital affair business down at the other end of the table, I was jumping off my futon! And to have Jason Derulo playing in the background as it all went down?

I almost died.

And the episode just kept getting better and better.  The only sore spot was that awful puppy-dog look Dan kept giving Vanessa.  Mr. Humphrey, a quick word of advice: do not get involved with that one again. Not only will you risk that awesome friendship, but you will have girls around the country shielding their eyes and yelling “Stop!” whenever you and Vanessa kiss onscreen. Read More »

It seems to me that the more times goes on, the juicier Gossip Girl gets. It’s like chewing gum…only backwards. Which reminds me – have you tried those new Trident Layers? OMG I bought a pack last night at Target and that stuff is so good!

Ok, not the point.

Last night’s episode of Gossip Girl was good. Really good. Not only is there a pretty handsome new man lurking (and dealing drugs) on the Upper East Side, but Chuck Bass continued his streak as the good boy by protecting J-Humph from this bad boy’s ways. And if you didn’t totally swoon when Chuck told him off (something along the lines of, “I’m Chuck Bass and even Europeans know what that means”), you obviously have something seriously wrong with your libido.

But let’s get to the real good stuff. The stuff that can only come from an awkward threesome in Brooklyn. A love triangle that can only form once everybody has seen one another’s goodies/O faces. The kind of situation that Dan Humphrey would no doubt find himself in. Read More »

Remember when Jenny Humphrey was just a cool, normal chick from Brooklyn? You know, before she dropped out of school to become a punk rock fashion designer and well before she became the biggest bitch on the UES?

She’s come a long way since those days. And even though she’s sporting over-sized t-shirts and men’s ties instead of bedazzled headbands, Jenny Humphrey is quickly surpassing Blair Waldorf as the meanest Queen in school. Yeah, we all thought she could live in both worlds – sweet Jenny at home and big, scary Jenny on the steps – but she proved us all wrong. First she demands almonds without the skin and then she dumps a perfectly good yogurt on her brother?

WTF, Jenny? There are starving children in Africa! You get twelve shopping bags from Bergdorf’s and suddenly you have no respect for the people who care about you most?  Seriously, girl, get a clue. And a hairbrush. Those extensions are lookin’ a little, well, nappy. Read More »

I have a confession to make:

I LOVE HILARY DUFF! Ever since the days of Lizzie McGuire I’ve been a fan. And when I say “fan” I mean “I cried at the Lizzie McGuire movie when she finally kissed Gordo.” Sigh. I also love her music, her style and her sister (but only in Napolean Dynamite). Anyways, it was obviously another week in Gossip Girl heaven for me when she finally showed up at NYU to buy Dan some gross street coffee. (I once heard there is lots of rat poop in those carts…but I digress.)

Duff stars as Olivia Burke, a young movie star trying to live a normal college life. Of course, the first person she meets is Dan Humphrey.  While it may have been slightly predictable, giving Dan another dramatic blonde girl to go after, I couldn’t help but smile as I watched the two of them have coffee. They were so cute, so happy. She’s Dan but with boobs and a great wardrobe…and a successful career as a movie star with a bitchy publicist….

If only we all didn’t know that Georgina is waiting in the wings to mess it up, Single White Female style.

Speaking of Satan Georgina, while she’s gone being all shady in Boston, Blair uses the alone time to wallow in self-pity, pining away for her days as Queen Bee. And I have to say – this was hard to watch. That’s our Blair - the strongest, most confident girl we all know – and she’s acting a fool. She reminded me of those kids from my high school who still wear their letterman jackets now, 3 years later. She looked pathetic heading back to Constance now that she’s a college girl. Read More »

Yesterday was the best day ever.

First, my Communications teacher decided to show Gossip Girl in our class and then the CW broadcast a fabulous new episode and finally developed the “Rufus Humphrey’s kid is hiding out in New York” plot line.  Oh, and I got to see Dan Humphrey do a Walk of Shame.

Yay, life.

Ok, so yeah, I was jumping up and down when Scott was finally ready to admit who he was. And then the moment actually happened – or didn’t. Turns out that Scott kid is more Humphrey than I thought – he didn’t have the balls to come out and tell the Humphrey-clan his true identity. The only one who knows right now is Vanessa, and, let’s be real, that girl can’t keep her mouth shut for an entire subway ride to Brooklyn. (Disclaimer: I really don’t like Vanessa and will take every excuse to bash her.)  As soon as she learns the smallest of details, she has to go spilling it to everyone and poor Scott’s life is going to be turned up-side-down.

Does that mean that hottie will be back for more episodes? We can only hope. Read More »

Thank you, television Gods.

For a week there, I thought that my beloved Gossip Girl was destined to go the way of The O.C., becoming a drama where the only superior things were wardrobe choices. But after watching episode two of the season, it seems that the drama and romance we cannot live without is here to stay and growing better by the week.

And the guys are looking so. much. hotter. College did those boys gooood.

Well, for some. For Chuck Bass it was that businessman/entrepreneurial drive that turned up his sexy factor. That boy looks good when he’s holding meetings with rich old guys to get his restaurant/sex club off the ground. Too bad dear old stepsister Serena seems to thwart him at every turn. Poor Chuck finally has a vision and a plan to do something great in the future and Serena goes and ruins it for him.

If she didn’t have such an amazing wardrobe (that orange romper? I die) I’d totally hate her. She’s become the annoying little sister and has a knack for messing everything up. I’m pretty sure the same will be said (in 4 episodes, max) of her new relationship with super hottie, Carter Basin. Read More »