grad student : CollegeCandy

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I met my friend freshman year when she was still dating her boyfriend from high school. We became friends and I watched their relationship fall apart dramatically over the course of the year he became overprotective and jealous and she flouted his concerns. She dated one of our guy friends (which also didn’t end well) and I think she hooked up with her ex again last summer. Fall of sophomore year came around and she lost her best girl friend over a fight about a guy. She ended up hooking up with that guy regularly until that ended as well. They’re still friends and the girl at least speaks to her now. I was her support through all of these guy problems and more, including one bad experience where a TA sent her a rude e-mail that made her extremely stressed and upset about an important professor’s opinion of her. (That becomes important.)

That about covers her dude drama and lays the foundation for the problem. I went abroad for spring semester and she started doing research. She works with a bunch of grad students and one ended up being the rude TA, who is 24. Because the issue was sorted out after the e-mail was sent, he acted more nicely towards her…and then really nicely. He walked her back to her dorm after meetings and they talked a lot. They became friends, and his feelings for her grew. Then he sent her a 5 page e-mail about how much he liked her and how she reminds him of his ex-fiancé. If I hadn’t been abroad when this happened, she would have gotten a very clear version of how creepy I think that is. However, my friend apparently did not find that creepy and continued to pursue the relationship. When I got back I learned all of this and a few weeks later was also greeted by the news that they were secretly dating (no one knows but me because our other friends knew about both e-mail fiascos…her parents are also in the dark, probably because of the age difference). She also confided in me that they had had sex for the first time two days before, two weeks after they began secretly dating, and it was her first time.

Though she’s a very smart girl, I’m concerned about her judgment because it hasn’t been great in the past. She said they’ve spoken about the ex-fiancé and that she is ex- because he found her cheating on him about 6 months before their wedding. I think she and this guy are in very different places in their lives and I’m afraid she’s going to get hurt (or pregnant, ’cause she’s not on birth control due to bad migraines). Am I overly concerned? I haven’t mentioned anything to her yet except for my initial reaction to his confession e-mail, so she doesn’t know how I feel. I’ve been excited for her and listened/given her friendly advice about sex with him and losing her virginity. Now what?
Possibly Too-Worried Friend

OR ?

Everyone knows that women mature faster than men. That said, as you wade your way through the college dating scene, you might find yourself growing tired of the undergrads on your floor, and that Sociology grad assistant might start looking mighty fine. Undergrads, grad students…on campus, the possibilities are endless! Here are some of the pros and cons of hooking up with guys gearing up for a Bachelors, and dudes who are striving for a Masters or PhD.

The Maturity Level

Grad students might be attractive if the undergrad who’s crushing on you still hasn’t quite grasped the concept of doing his own laundry. Grad students have been there, done that. At twenty-three and older, they’ve grown up a lot. They probably won’t be engaging in syrup-chugging contests when they have a research project on the horizon.

Still, what about yourself? If you’re trying to make the most of your own undergraduate career, your grad student beau might not be as excited as you are the first time your new fake ID works at the bar and you chug 50-cent Natty Ices for four hours straight.

Point: Grad Student. Read More »

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