What do you mean it’s too late to drop a class? I forgot I was even enrolled!

If that’s part of the conversation you’re having with the registrar this far into the semester, you might be in trouble. But never fear. It’s not over until the fat lady sings…or the TA enters the grades. If you’ve over-slacked it this semester, there still might be a way to save your grade.

1. Talk to Your Teacher.

This is by far the most important rule of grade-saving. Talk to your professor. Apologize profusely. Throw yourself at his or her feet and explain why you suck at whatever subject they teach. As a former TA, I can attest that I was far more willing to help kids who actually came to office hours to ask for help than the ones who fell off the face of the earth, only to reappear during finals (or, in one case, after I’d left for the semester) and expect another chance.

2. Ask About Revisions, Re-Takes, and Extra Credit.

Many writing classes offer revision options, and, depending on the class and the prof, you might be able to finagle a test re-take. More and more frequently, classes are offering chances to drop your lowest grade. Pour through your syllabus, and see if you are elligible for any of these options. While you’re at it, it my be a good idea to revisit the attendance policy and see if any points are being shaved off due to the fact that you haven’t been to class since September. Then, follow step 1 and throw yourself at your professor’s feet, offering to do any amount of work just to scrape by with even a D-.

3. Cry N’ Lie.

This is the enhanced version of Talking to Your Teacher. Let the waterworks begin. Tell them any sob story about how this semester was so difficult. You had family problems, you haven’t adjusted, blah, blah, blah. Even if they are a total hardass, your teacher might relent enough to give you a low-but-not-failing grade, provided you come through for exams. If that doesn’t seem to work, turn on the tears at the registrars, or, better yet, Mental Health services. If you can give enough reason to have suffered a trauma during the semester, you might be able to drop at the last minute, or get a bye for exams and re-take them the next semester. This is very hard to accomplish, however, and, if you have any morals, should really only be used if you really DID have some crazy sh*t happen this semester.

4. Study Your Freaking Face Off.

If your prof isn’t susceptible to excuses and extra credit opportunities, you’ve got no other option but to master a semester’s worth of lessons in a couple of days. You better hope your grade on that final is enough to pull you out of the sea of failure. It might not work, but if all else has failed, this is your one last chance to escape and leave that class behind you forever.

For more tips and tricks for college classes, join CollegeCandy’s Facebook group!

[Photo courtesy of unstained.files.wordpress.com]

It’s not that I don’t want to see what my wonderful leader is up to, it’s more like I don’t think I need to see it through Facebook. I would love to visit her at her nursing home and hear all about her there.

And even though everyone is allowed to have a Facebook nowadays doesn’t mean they should have them. I’m allowed to buy Depends, but it doesn’t mean that I am going to start wearing them. I work very hard at participating in age appropriate things and I wish everyone else would follow my lead.

No matter who the over-aged friender is, I’ve learned they all share three traits in common.

1. Over-usage of applications

Immediately after accepting their friend request (and putting them on the most limited profile possible) they start throwing vampires, sending goblins, and flinging hug requests. I’m forced to spend more time blocking applications than stalking people’s wall-to-walls. And it seems that for every application I block, five more spring up in its place. Yesterday I blocked the hug-me application request and today I woke up with 14 new requests from the hugger application, huggiest application, huggable application, and hug thrower application. I don’t even know what hug-throwing could possibly mean but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal in at least 34 states.

2. Unnecessary Friend Details

Literally seconds after I’m friended by the undesirables they send the most specific friend details. “I babysat you in 1989 and I changed your diaper 3 times!” Or, “I was the 2nd grade chorus teacher that made you lipsync during the annual Holiday concert.” I used to think they were sending these uber-detailed friend requests to be funny; now I just assume that they send them to remind themselves on a daily basis who I am. I guess the details are the Ginko Biloba pills of Facebook. Either way I never accept them. I like to hope it makes their day a little more eventful since they have to remember who I am every single time they log on.

3. Baby Albums

If you are old enough to be putting albums of your children on Facebook, you don’t belong on Facebook. End of story. Shouldn’t these parents be doing something with their kids instead of posting their daily baths on Facebook (yep, I’ve seen a baby-bath time album…and now I feel like I should be on To Catch a Predator). Not only do they have baby albums, but they sometimes make their actual profile picture a photo of their kid. Every time that happens I freak out because there is always that split second when I’m like, when did I friend a baby?

I miss the days when Facebook was only for the young, fun and college educated. What happened to that? Get off Facebook, oldies!b

The student-teacher relationship gets completely morphed once college hits. Lecturers can be more laid back– the “hip” teachers wear jeans to class and drop curse words to express their points. In many cases, students and teachers can work closely, whether it be during office hours or on a collaborative research project. But, when it comes to student-teacher relationships, how close is too close?

Most of the “hot” teachers in college are probably shrouded in urban legends revolving around steamy love affairs in class. The profs who really connect with the students and relate to us on our level are targets for schoolgirl crushes. And once in a while, a professor comes along who takes full advantage of that. There are obvious taboos regarding student-teacher interaction in high school, thanks to some of the pedophilic educators who have made headlines over the past ten years, but in college, there are many shades of gray.

First of all, college students are of legal age to give consent. And the age gap is much smaller, especially when you throw TA’s into the picture, some of whom may still even be undergrads themselves. Still, can a romance between a professor and a student really blossom in college? Here are some factors to consider:

1. Who Makes the First Move?

It’s awkward enough following up with the cutie whose number you scored at Saturday’s Graffiti Party. If you are crushing on your professor or TA, you cross more than just the ‘friendship’ line by making a move. If he really was just giving you extra attention because you really needed extra help, then you’re going to get derailed by a freight train of anxiety after he turns you down…plus, you’ll still have to look him in the face for the rest of the semester.

The prof making the first move can be just as awkward: is he some kind of perv who hits on all the undergrads? Is he trying to use his status as your superior to his advantage? Keep in mind that a teacher hitting on a student is pretty much sexual harassment, so if Dr. Dreamboat actually makes a pass, he’s risking more than just mortification: he’s risking his job.

2. Are you on the same level?

Professors have way more life experience than we do. To be a university professor, they have to hold PhD’s and be published regularly. Not to mention have more than a few years on you. They’ve gone through the college party circuit; you haven’t. Can you really be on the same page about your torrid love affair?

You see him as older, mature, and booksmart sexy. But are you sure he doesn’t just see you as a naive, innocent schoolgirl?

3. If the Relationship is Outed, There WILL be Consequences.

Simply put: his career will be jeopardized and your academic integrity will be questioned. Who’s to say you earned those A’s, when you’ve been getting extra credit in the bedroom?

4. There May be Tension in the Classroom.

You hit on your prof and he turns you down – awkward.

You have a one night stand, and come Monday morning, you have to sit and listen to him lecture about how Eliot’s The Wasteland is a marvel of modern British Lit – awkward and boring.

You have to take notes, but all you can think about is scratching your nails down his back as he thrusted away last weekend – a little hot, but you need to focus on the notes!

You thought he actually liked you; he sees it as a one-night stand to be locked away with the other skeletons in his closet – a bruise to your ego, AND he still gets to grade your exams.

5. There are Plenty of Fish in the University Sea.

There’s a lot of wrenches that can be thrown into your education if you’ve hooked up with your professor or TA. You can’t go on public dates with your professor, or bring him to Lambda Chi’s keg party, or even cuddle with him in your dorm. So why risk all of the above by trying to be that girl? I admit, it’s a little different when you’re talking about a TA as opposed to a faculty professor, especially if the age gap isn’t too wide. But if you really feel like there’s a connection, why not wait until the semester is over, and see if anything blossoms?

In “normal” relationships, we often take things slow, so what’s the big hurry to jump in bed with a teacher? Just to play out a fantasy in real life?

I’ve had some pretty cool teachers in my life, but never pursued anything past intellectual conversation. Why? Because I liked that those professors appreciated my intellect and the hard work I put into their class. When it was time to grab some stellar reference letters, I knew I had never jeopardized my reputation with these professors, which was a plus. On the other hand, I’ve been a TA, and taught students only a couple of years my junior. Some of my students were cool as hell, and we sometimes let office hours discussions segue into semi-personal conversations (e.g. favorite music, politics, or other PG topics). Still, I never thought of them as anything more than my students, and if I continued to correspond with them after class ended, it always remained strictly platonic.

The student-professor love affair has been romanticized in books, TV shows, movies, and via word-of-mouth. Still, some things are better left to the imagination. I recommend sticking to your peers, rather than pursuing your profs.

Sauntering into the huge lecture room with confidence, I grabbed myself a blue book and 15-page questionnaire and found a seat. I had only spent a few hours studying the night before, but it was fine, because I was taking the class Pass/Fail, and had already secured enough good grades to keep me in the Pass range, no matter how I did on the final. Plus, it was Ancient Greek. Who does well on the final exam (which reviewed the entire year) in Ancient Greek? The coolness factor of learning a dead language wore off after the first couple of weeks, and by this exam, I was happy if I never say another Gamma or Delta in my life.

I proceeded to fail the final for three hours, and when finally satisfied with my poor memory and congregation skills, I passed the test in and walked out of the door. Who cares? I thought, practically skipping back to my dorm. No more Greek for the rest of my life!

The numbers came back, and I did indeed fail. Miserably. But as soon as I looked at my final grade, my nonchalance immediately disappeared. The Registrar didn’t have me down as P/F in Ancient Greek, they had me with a letter grade! A very horrible letter grade.

I was pissed, I was embarrassed, and most importantly, my workaholic status had been blemished. But what could I do? I had been an idiot. Twice. Once for never checking if the Registrar had my records in order, and twice for sitting in the back of the library and laughing with a friend instead of reviewing “Kronos and His Family”.

Little did I know, I could have sued.

This week, a 27-year-old guy filed a compliant against Columbia University for an F he received on a final exam. The nursing student claims he told professors he needed to miss the test to care for a sick relative, but when he came back, found that he had failed (in absentia, I’m guessing), and was cut from his program.

Nicholas Perrino claims the school ignored his appeals in the matter, and is now suing to get the F erased from his record, reinstated into his program, and have part of his tuition reimbursed.

If things really happened the way they did, I can understand the guy’s case. Real life should always come before school. But if he’s just BSing because he doesn’t want an F, he should cry me a river.

Nobody likes bad grades, dude. Even when they’re in Ancient Greek.