So that time of year is creeping up on us. The time when we must throw some clothes into duffel, fill the rest of the bag with dirty laundry, kiss our roommate and our bottle of vodka goodbye, and head home for fall break.

Yes, there are many up-sides to this little trip: we get a break from all the homework, we get to eat something other then cafeteria mystery meat for a change, and we get to curl up with Scruffy on the couch for a couple of days.

But with the comfort of being home comes a few downers as well. And I’m not talking about being woken up at 9am on a Saturday or having to empty the dishwasher. It’s those little comments from mom and dad that really get under your skin. And no matter how hard you try to be nice, you just can’t help but snap, say something mean and beeline to the car/airport (clean clothes and leftovers in hand, obvi) as soon as humanly possible.

Here are a few of the worst offenders:

“Honey, your pants look a little tight”
Yes mom, I realize that drinking 5 days out of the week and eating delivery pizza has done a number on my waistline. Am I happy about it? No. Do I know it is there? Yes. Is it helping that you pinch the muffin top and poke the underarm flab? Absolutely not!

“Have you found a nice boy yet?”
If by “nice” you mean “a tall pre-med student who considers hanging out in the library fun,” then no, dad, I have not found your ideal son-in-law quite yet. But I have hooked up with a couple of the guys on the football team who can barely form coherent sentences but have 8-pack stomachs you can bounce a quarter off of, if that counts for anything. Read More »

"Ok, so I'll do all the work and you'll take all the credit. Sound good?"

Your midterm is assigned and not only is it a group project, but you can’t even choose who you’ll work with. Your T.A. reads off your group of four then gives you the last half of the class to discuss your ideas. You pull your desks together in a mini circle and start the introductions.

It only takes you five minutes to realize that this group is not going to work.  Between the kid who’s only showed up to class twice and the girl who speaks maybe three words of English, it’s going to be a disaster.

With only two weeks to complete both a four-page paper and a 5-minute presentation, you need to get to work quickly. The group spends ten minutes coming up with a topic and the next twenty trying to find a time to meet that works for all of you. Unsuccessfully. One kid holds an on-campus job at the library, one girl is heading out of town for the weekend and you all have 3 other midterms that you need to somehow complete.

The rest of the class starts packing up and – seeing a giant D in your near future – you decide to take charge.

“Ok, we’re going to break up the work. We’ll each take a portion of the paper and we’ll put it together at the end. Then we’ll use class time next week to write up our presentation. Good?”

The group agrees – most likely because they don’t want to spend another second in this classroom. You get everyone’s email address, divvy up the sections of the essay and go on your way. Read More »

Why waste four years of an awesome social scene biting your fingernails over academic probation?  In between juggling friends, lecture notes, beer, exams, and boys, watch out for these GPA pitfalls:

1) The Internet: Essential to keeping up with friends from home (and that kid you haven’t seen since  pre-kindergarden), essential to keeping up with world news (gawker.com, anyone?), and very, very excellent at wasting your time (during class, during your chem final cramming session, at four am in the morning when you just have to broadcast your insomnia on Twitter…).  Leave your laptop in your dorm room when you attend lectures if you want to save your grades. If you must bring it to take notes, turn off the wireless.  And if you really don’t trust yourself, install a self-control application to help set a daily time limit on time-wasting websites.

2) Ass-crack of dawn classes. Try as you might to schedule classes around your personal body rhythms (the preferred way to avoid this), there comes a time in every girl’s college career when she realizes that the only available section of a mandatory course meets early in the morning.  Combat the potential damage to your batting average by buying a new alarm clock, an extra cup of coffee, rewarding yourself for waking up with five minutes on your favorite blog before you dash off to class, or finding a classmate on your hallway to share in your pain….and notes, if one of you ever oversleeps.

3) Ovulation. For all intents and purposes: that time of the month when you really need to get some.  Do not go out to a bar and accept drinks from a cute stranger/stick your tongue down his throat if it’s Tuesday night you know you should be working on the key slides for your history power-point presentation.  Save your grades, buy a vibrator. You’ll also cut out the make-up application time, the cab fare, the hangover, and the heartbreak. Read More »

Now that I’m halfway done with my college career (a pretty cushy place to be, considering I have two more years before the real world), I anticipate all the bright eyed and bushy tailed freshmen about to invade the dorms and use fake-id’s at all my favorite bars. Putting myself in their shoes, I wish that someone had been there to give me advice for my college career (all I got was my Mom telling me not to hook up with any fraternity boys until Spring semester). So I dove in head first and learned a few lessons of my own.

I learned the value of my dry erase board to my social life, I learned that “attendance optional” classes are not always a good thing. I learned that I should always have an assortment of costumes readily available, and that sharing drinks with my friends meant sharing drinks with whoever they made out with (and whoever they made out with…) All of these were very important lessons, and I’d like to share some of the pearls of wisdom I gained my freshman year. Read More »

You’d think that receiving the coveted package in the mail on December 15 (for which my mom hunted down the mail truck like a lion chases a gazelle) officially kicks off high school senioritis. Yes and no; while getting into my dream school early decision helped alleviate my college process-related stress, I didn’t consider myself a victim of full-blown senioritis until Tuesday at 1:05 p.m., when the last midterm exam of my high school career ended.

And I have to say, this is one disease that I know I’m going to love.

All throughout high school, I was your typical gunner/overachiever type, pushing myself to get A’s and throwing a fit when I received anything lower. There were unfortunate times, usually around exams, when I sacrificed my social life in order to study. Looking back, I realize that my obsession with grades was unhealthy and I am not proud of it, but since I achieved my goal of getting into my number one college, I choose not to have any regrets about high school. What’s done is done; now is the time for moving forward.

In that very spirit, from here on out I plan on letting my hair down and doing all the things I never had time to do. My first order of business, of course, is sleep. I’ve also got a lengthy list of books to read, some TV shows to catch up with, a guitar to jam on, and – most importantly – some witty writing to crank out on Microsoft Word. Read More »

[It doesn’t matter what school you go to, what state it is in, how big it is, whether it is public or private, all girls or coed…there are experiences that all college students share.

No matter how crazy you think your personal situation is, it is not just you. So, let’s bring it all out in the open. Right here. Because you are not alone - we’ve all been there before.]

There are many moments in a college student’s existence that are shared by other students around the globe, but none more common than the All Nighter.

You know on the first day of class that there will be a 12-page paper due this Friday. You highlighted it, and put it in your planner. But as the weeks went by – and you sorta stopped showing up for class – you kept pushing the paper off. “I’ll start it this weekend,” you tell yourself a week before it’s due.

But the weekend comes, and with it comes an impromptu house party at your place Friday night, a long recap/hangover session on Saturday, a birthday party Saturday night and work on Sunday. No time for a paper.

You assure yourself that you will do it a little each night this week, but it takes you until Wednesday to realize that heading to the library with the girls and a bag of Baked Lays is not the best way to be productive. Read More »

I usually love the first week of the semester. Hour-long classes are reduced to ten minute group-syllabus readings and the only homework is filling out an index card with my name and a fun fact. I usually run to the bookstore and pick up five color-coded notebooks, folders, and pens and then quickly fill them all in with class names, professor’s office hours, and class meeting times.

But this semester I just can’t make myself seem to care about my classes.

I spent all my ten-minute syllabus lectures twitching to leave while glaring at the girl who thought it was okay to ask questions about the professor’s font preferences (really? is that really essential information right now?). I bought one five-subject notebook and started using an old Trapper Keeper folder that I found at home for all my handouts. I’m not even exactly sure where I even found this Trapper Keeper because the fun facts on the inside folds include a list of the presidents and ends with President Clinton 1993- ___. The only other things I have at home that are that old are an empty pog case and a Minnie-Mouse diary with one entry that reads, “Woke up, watched tv. Urkel very funny today!” Read More »

The new year not only brings Jan 1st hangovers and regret over your choice for the midnight kiss, (who may still be lying next to you as you read this…) but also a plethora of New Year’s Resolutions. However I’ve discovered through extensive research and observation that there are certain resolutions that college students make and then break every. single. year. These are the top three New Years Resolutions that are forgotten by Groundhogs day.

1. Get in Shape

Whether it’s the fact that spring break is weeks away or that people over-indulged on holiday dips and homemade cooking, everyone comes back to school with overly-optimistic gym ambitions. Ellipticals that haven’t been used in months are suddenly turned on and counting calories. Everyone tries out the stairmaster once and a few braver people venture to the other side of the gym to lift weights. It’s always easy to identify the new-years-resolution-workouts; they are the people with the too-well matched gym outfits who do an amazingly intense workout for the first five minuntes and then spend the next 35 minutes walking and talking about being really serious about getting into shape. They chug their water, wipe off their nonexistent sweat and they’re never seen in the gym after January 31st. Read More »

Exam week can be pretty intense. All you want is to pack up your shizz and go home to party for a month, but the word “cumulative” is making you want to throw up in your mouth. Can you slide by, or is exam week going to destroy the grade you earned busting your butt on every paper you wrote this semester? Everyone has their own study tips and ways to deal with stress, but here are some surefire tactics to avoid if you really want to make the grade.

1. OD’ing on Caffeine

If caffeine were illegal, I’d be a certified crack whore. So I know that overdoing the stimulants can only end poorly. There have been times where I drank so much coffee that it had an adverse affect on my body, and I passed out facedown in the books. Or I got so hyper that I alphabetized my DVD collection instead of hitting the books. Overdoing the caffeine can also keep you up for hours after you’ve shut the books, and you’ll be super groggy when the time comes to put number 2 pencil to paper (if you don’t sleep through the entire final!).

Another major caffeine no-no? Taking energy pills such as Stackers. You’ll be more concerned with the heart palpitations you’re having than the exam itself. You don’t want to pull a Jessie Spano in front of the whole lecture, hall do you? Read More »

1) English is as hard for them as Algebra is for you.

There’s nothing wrong with knowing two languages. Actually it’s pretty cool. But if your professor teaches at a University in the U.S and they are not a fluent English speaker, and they aren’t teaching the language they are fluent in, you could be in for a rough time, especially if the class is science or math. The only thing more difficult then college level mathematics is college level mathematics from Russia (with love).

2) A complete lack of syllabus.

In college, stuff matters. Papers, grades, stuff that is trivial in High School gets more weighty once you sign away a few thousand bucks a semester. A syllabus is a contract between you and the professor to minimize f*ck-ups on both ends. With a syllabus, they can’t bust a giant exam on you and be all “I said!”, and you can’t claim you misheard the due date for the term paper (damn!). If your professor doesn’t come with a syllabus on day one, ask about it. If they don’t have plans for one, you may in some troubs. Write all important dates down.

3) Where did I put my…

People who forget stuff a lot can be cute. Unless you pay them to teach and grade you. Then it’s just annoying. We admit, teachers are people and forgetting stuff is fine, occasionally, but if your teacher forgets most of the stuff they were supposed to bring during the first week, you can bet on a semesters worth of waiting for AV equipment that wasn’t requested and photocopies that didn’t get made. Your assignments are at least slightly in your control, so make 2 copies and keep one for yourself. Read More »