I got a job!!!

All my tears, temper tantrums, panic attacks, stress-induced friend fights, and violent rages towards my parents turned out to be totally worth it. I’m on my way to getting a full time job. And by that I mean that I’m now working three freelance blogging jobs and making enough money to support myself for at least one to three months depending on how long I can sustain myself on a water and table scraps diet.

One blog is about the postgrad realty market, one is geared towards men’s humor, and the last is all about liberating and embracing a woman’s sexuality. So by the time I get done with a week of writing all three, I’ll be the only certified realtor that can make hilarious fart jokes while imparting the seriousness of bra burning. If that’s not a pick-up line in a bar, then cat’s got my tongue (I’m aiming to write for a blog entirely composed of idioms if anyone’s got a lead). Read More »

My third (and, god willing, final) internship ended last week. Even though I left without a job offer or a hint at a job offer, I did manage to fit some quality ballpoint pens, a stack of Post-its,  and a pack of printer paper in my purse on the way out. So not only do I have tons of jobless free time on my hand, I also have the basic arts and crafts supplies needed to make 513 paper airplanes with personalized post-it notes attached.

Life is good.

A downside to the end of my internship is no longer having an answer when people ask what I do. Intern sounds downright glamorous compared to unemployed. Hence why I choose to exaggerate the truth and choose my words more wisely. Writing this blog equals freelance journalist, making my lunch equals part time catering, and spamming my brother’s Facebook page equals social media marketing. Read More »

"I miss Welcome Week." Sigh.

Lately it seems like Facebook is on a mission (aided by the company that sells prozac) to make me feel suicidal every time I sign on. For weeks all the status updates and albums were “lovin’ summer” and “will it ever stop raining this summer?” I could easily relate to those as I was also experiencing summer and the torrential rain showers of ‘09.

However, now I sign on and I have to see this:

Jessie can’t wait for classes to start up!
Shar regrets that first night back jungle juice!
Alissa accidentally packed her keys into the trunk but it won’t stop her from getting to school!

And all these statues and declarations of school spirit are forcing me to realize that I’m officially not going back to school…although my diploma has yet to come, so that’s actually still questionable. For the first time in my entire life (I started school mere months after birth) I’m not buying fresh new school supplies and I’m not sitting in classes trying to read the professor’s mind and decide if she is really going to give pop reading quizzes. I don’t even know what to do with my hands if they’re not flipping through syllabi. Read More »

Well, its that time of year again. Time to say goodbye to friends, your tan, and most importantly, those flip flops, as summer is coming to a close.  Not sure where it went? Either are we. But it’s time to get back into the college groove nonetheless. And well, that’s exactly what this week prepared us (and got us totally excited) for.

- Nothing starts the school year off with a bang like Welcome Week. Take full advantage of this holiday because life doesn’t get much better.

- You won’t wanna be walkin around campus without at least one of these freakin’ cool gadgets

- Yes, you’re going to be so excited to see everyone again, but the repetitive reunions will get old after about 5 minutes into the first frat party.  Spare the “Ohmygods” and “Lets get lunch!”  because lets face it, you probably either don’t even want to…or you won’t remember the next day after 10 cups of jungle juice.

- Wanna get that cute guy to notice you in English class? Do some cheap back-to-school shopping here, but that doesn’t mean to load up on these. Funky is cool, but looking like someone poured ink all over you is not. And whatever you do, keep these to yourself!

- It’s a new year, so that means a new dorm, maybe new roommates and new hall-mates. But you’ll still manage to find your favorite dorm BFFsno matter where you are living.

- Enjoy the drunken late-night pizzas, and the countless warm beers, but be careful because you don’t wanna end up on MTV because of it.

- Be careful when rushing into relationships so quickly. But if you do get a first semester boyfriend, make sure to get some of these to keep him hangin’ around.

- However you decide to live your college life, you better make it one fun-filled exciting time, because it truly is the best four years of your life. And after that, its all downhilll from there. Well, hopefully not, but seriously who wants to be a boring grown up?

"Dude, we totally should have done the 10 year plan."

God, am I lucky to still be in college.  And no, I’m not just talking about the amazing carefree, party animal, parent-less lifestyle of mine (life literally does not. get. better).  I’m talking about the luxury of not having to deal with the real world in a currently not-so-great world.

As if graduating and moving on to becoming an adult and a real person (ew) isn’t bad enough, struggling to get a job doesn’t make it all any more appealing.  Nothing sucks more than going for an interview and then waiting to hear back…only to realize there is a great chance you won’t. Ever. At all. Just imagine how the class of 2009 feels, as fewer than a fifth of the graduating seniors have job offers. A fifth!!  The frustration and aggravation is awful, and people are being forced to completely alter their original life plans.

As a result, graduates are looking for alternatives to work, such as volunteering and participating in public service programs (applications for the Peace Corps were up by 16 percent this spring over last year!) and even going abroad to find other options. Others are expecting to attend graduate or professional school.

Even the lucky ones who do actually get offers aren’t so lucky.  Jobs for new college grads are paying less than in previous years. Read More »

Where's the keg? Where's the dancing? Where are the drunk people making out?!

There’s nothing like an exclusive party in Manhattan to make you feel cool. Likewise there’s nothing like a six story walk up to make you feel out-of-breath as well as out-of-shape.

This past weekend I was invited to a friend’s brother’s uncle’s neighbor’s housewarming party at a West Village penthouse. I went not only because I liked casually slipping it into conversation that I was going to a roof party, but also because I’m constantly trying to figure out the secret to going from a post-grad intern to a real employee who can afford to pay rent on an apartment. It’s a mind boggling mystery to me but I’m determined to solve it.

However, mingling with all these employed-and-insured people made me realize that I shouldn’t be so worried about finding a job. These people were only twenty-five and yet they had more complaints than my grandparents after they forget to take their diuretics. They’re overtired, they’re overworked, and they’re over having fun. Read More »

"I'm 22, dammit!"

I look very young for my age. If scientists took a lunch break from developing anti-aging creams and instead studied my delayed aging process they could figure out how to make everyone look eleven years younger (I had to one-up the TLC show).

When I tell people I just graduated from school they automatically assume middle school and tell me that I’ll  grow out of my awkward teen years soon. And when they find out that I’m actually 22 they reassure me that once I’m older I’ll appreciate looking younger. Like, great, when I’m 78 I’ll look 75. I’ll really impress all the men then; they’ll be wetting their Depends just to get with a young broad like me.

Throughout this whole summer I’ve tried to casually walk into bars only to be stopped by massive bouncers looking for an ID. They stare at them for hours trying to figure out how I got such a good fake and if I had to sneak out of my house to be there. They always reluctantly hand it back to me as if it ruined their night that I’m actually of age. By the time the bouncers are done scanning my ID for all possible forgeries, my friends are six pitchers deep and I’m shamed into actually feeling like I used a fake.

It’s like some sick joke that I’m technically too old to go back to college yet I don’t look old enough to be out without parental supervision. Read More »

The hardest part of graduating from college for me personally was learning how to manage my money. I was always able to be frugal with my own savings account in college, because my parents were still footing the bill for most of my expenses. That meant that all the big and important stuff was being taken care of and I was only responsible to cover the things that I liked. Like bags. And shoes. And shots of vodka.

But when my dean handed me my diploma, my parents took away the checkbook and I was on my own. For everything.

I didn’t know much about saving, but I knew that I wanted to spend as little as possible on the big stuff so I could have more money for the things I wanted. Like shoes. And bags. And shots of vodka.

But I learned the hard way (by purchasing a broken TV from Craigslist) that while being frugal is a great idea (especially now when saving is even more important) there are a few things that are worth splurging on as you embark on your new life as an adult.  It may be hard to part with the big bucks, but I promise you these 5 items are worth every. last. penny. Read More »

I’ve learned a lot about myself in these months since I’ve graduated. Most importantly I’ve learned that I have severe and occasionally life-threatening problem with jealously. I like my friends, some more than others, and I want them to do well. However I don’t want them to do well until I’m doing well. That’s fair, right?

It takes enormous amounts of effort for me to congratulate a friend upon hearing they got a job. Literally, I have to type one letter at a time while I suffer from a self-induced panic attack. I practically have to have Xanax on hand 24/7 in case I get one of those excited voice mails (I no longer answer the phone, too risky having to fake enthusiasm) telling me that someone got offered a job. Read More »

I’ve been asking a lot of questions lately. Mostly to myself, but I have a quirky tendency to mumble aloud so sometimes I get answers from people assuming that I was trying to have a conversation with them. But I appreciate their responses; I’ll take anything I can get these days, with the exception of Yahoo answers. The longer I go without finding a job, the more I question every decision I’ve made since kindergarten….including that one-piece stir-up jumpsuit my mother insisted I wear.

What if I had gone to another college? What if I had majored in psychology? What if I’m one of those people who don’t know they’re pregnant until they go into labor at nine months and discover their baby has 13 fingers and tentacles because their mother took a shot every time she asked herself what if?

What if I had taken a different internship last summer, seduced the boss, and then been able to blackmail him into getting me a job. What if the love of my life lives in the past and we spend the rest of our lives communicating only through a mailbox at a lake house (do they have to play that movie every single weekend??). What if I end up getting hired at my dream job and realize that I hate it? Read More »