Dear Tuffy Luv,

I was in a relationship with a guy for a little over four years. Problem was, my guy has two very different sides to him… when he was sober and when he was drunk. He was great when he was sober, and we really had a fun time together. But when he drank, he would be incredibly rude and pick fights with me that always blew out of proportion because I didn’t just quietly sit and take them. While I knew that something was extremely wrong, I kept working on him because he was out of control and I felt that there was no way a person could be this insane. I know what you’re thinking, BIG red flag. For some reason, I had strong feelings for this guy and his sober side always sucked me back in. Well each year he got better and better, and I got busier than ever balancing school and work. It got to the point where I was working early hours on the weekends, and he would spend one night with me entirely sober, and the next night he could go out drinking with his friends. We had a pretty solid routine worked out so that we could avoid this problem, I just couldn’t go out when he drank.

Recently, I have graduated college and he has been in the process of buying his first house. I made it a point not to ask to move in because I am still searching for my first legitimate job and I am getting my life in order, but he included me on the house hunting which was fun. But alas, we were out with friends one night and we got in a horrific fight, to the point where I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I broke up with him, and in two weeks it fully hit me and I was an emotional mess. After doing the biggest mistake (contacting him), he seemed distant and unsure, but we gave it another shot. After a seemingly perfect week back together, he calls me out of the blue and informs me that he is unsure of his entire life right now and does not want to be in a relationship, and that I deserve better. I cut off all ties with him, deleted him from my phone and intend on never contacting him.

While I completely agree with him, it was a long four years spent together. I know that I can never fully help him if he does not help himself or recognize his problems. After pleading with him for years, he refuses to give up drinking and does not think that he has any problem. All of his guy friends know of his problem but won’t confront him about it, because he gets very angry about it which is why this was such a huge problem for us because I don’t take actions like those quietly. Now I usually share some of your same strong views about relationships, it’s just hard when you’re the one emotionally involved. I’m not as upset as before when I had broken up with him, I think not having the guilt of possibly messing up was something that was bothering me. Since he was the one to do it, I feel confident that I will back off and leave this one alone.

But my questions is, how in two weeks did I lose him after four years together? He claims to still love me, but how could he reject me after all of this time? Was I blind to the fact that maybe he didn’t care for me through all of this?

Sincerely,
Exhausted&Confused

Dear Exhausted&Confused,

You broke up with him first. And now he’s all messed up.

I mean, it’s hard to come back from being dumped after four years (which you are now realizing). True, you broke up with him for a legitimate reason (the horrible huge fights you guys have), but, unfortunately, he can’t understand that.

Which, I guess, is what you’re saying the real problem is: his drinking.

Now, here’s where lil’ ol’ Tuffy gets a lil’ ol’ fuzzy on the details. Either he’s an alcoholic who genuinely needs help, or he’s a party guy whose lifestyle doesn’t fit yours. I, as your friendly neighborhood advice columnist, have no way of knowing which one it is.

If he’s an alcoholic, then, absolutely, #1, you should not be with him, and #2, he needs to get help.

However, judging ONLY from the details of your letter (so I may be wrong!!!!!!!!!), it doesn’t sound like he IS an alcoholic. It sounds like he’s a mean drunk.

In which case, you STILL shouldn’t be with him.

But, you know, I mean, he’s buying a house. He seems to have his life together. And he’s capable of NOT drinking (you only have seen him sober for the most part as of late). So I don’t think it’s an actual PROBLEM.

And if it’s NOT a problem–well, leave the dude alone. It doesn’t sound at all like this is holding him back in his life–you’re angry at him and you’re making it about the alcohol when it seems like maybe it’s just about the two of you. So stop trying to make him out to be an alky (unless he is!!! but from this letter it doesn’t sound like it) and accept the fact that:

Your lifestyles just don’t match.

You’re now moving onto the next phase of your life. It’s time to decide who you’re gonna be as an adult. And you yourself, you don’t want to be with someone who drinks a lot, and you don’t want to be with someone you’re fighting with. And I think those are good choices.

As for HOW you “lost” him suddenly–well, I think your breaking up with him probably knocked some shoop into him. First, he realized you COULD break up with him, which was painful and perhaps a wake up call. And, second, he realized HE could break up with YOU. Maybe he too is realizing you guys were compatible as college kids but not as long-term adults.

So do what you said and don’t contact him. If it’s meant to be, you’ll find your way back to each other. But my guess is, this was all for the best.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

It’s finally happening. Hard as you tried to push it off, you’re graduating. You are taking the big steps, literally, across the stage and into adulthood. To prepare for the big day, you chug a beer spend all morning primping, getting your hair perfectly curled, ironing your new dress, fixing your shoes. Then you cover it all up with that big, overpriced black gown. The gown that could easily fit two more people.

You look at yourself in disgust, then complain to your mom. “I look like a giant square!” you whine. So she soothes you in that sweet, motherly way. Well, unless it’s my mom then it’s an “Everyone does, get over it” kind of way.

True Story: No matter how bangin’ your bod or how figure-friendly your outfit, there’s nothing flattering about a graduation gown. But when you’re standing outside as your grandparents snap 1,637 pictures of you lookin’ round and squat in that rayon muumuu, you can at least take solace in the fact that you’re not wearing this:

Really, though, regardless of what you wear or how much you sweat under that gown, congratulations on this major accomplishment. No, really. We know what you’ve been up to for the past 4 years, so congrats on making it out alive…and ready to take on the real world. Yay, you!

So…big day is almost here.

You ready for the real world?

What are your plans?

If you’re cringing at the very thought of these questions then there’s only one possible explanation: You too are a college senior. You too are caught between college and real life, trying to enjoy the time you have left at college while also trying to make plans for what comes next. You too are frustrated and upset, and unsure. But most importantly you too are badgered daily, no hourly, about all those post college plans. They want to know everything and they want to know it now. But you don’t even know the answers yourself so how can you answer their questions?

Well, lucky for you, I’ve compiled a list of answers for all those pesky questions you’re constantly being bombarded with. They may not be truthful and they may get you a few strange looks but they’ll definitely shut them up.

1. Do you have a job lined up yet?

Currently I’m mulling over a few different offers. MTV wants me on their new reality TV show. But I’m also really tempted by my acceptance to Harvard Law. Then again can Boston compare to that loft they promised me in Manhattan if I went to work for Donald Trump? Eh, maybe I’ll just finally accept Ryan Reynolds’ proposal and spend a few months honeymooning with him. What do you think I should do?

2. Whatshisname is going where? That’s all the way across the country. How are you two going to stay together?

Phone sex. Lots of it. All the same. At work. On the train. At night. In fact we have an appointment right now. We’re practicing. If you’ll excuse me.

3. Isn’t that going to be terrible, moving back in with your parents?

Yes, but in exchange for a lack of privacy I get free room and board. Free meals. Someone to help me do my laundry and a place to crash while I figure out exactly what I want to do with my life. If you can think of a better alternative please do let me know.

4. You’ve got a job? That’s great? How’d you manage that?

Slept my way to the top.

5. What are your plans?

I’ve sent in my application to live at the Playboy mansion. If that doesn’t work out I’ll just have to marry rich, which means I’ll be spending this summer googling how to be the best damn gold digging whore out there, you?

6. Can I have your futon? You don’t need it anymore, right?

Sure, you can have it. Just as long as you don’t mind me coming along with it. Because I’ve decided I’m just not ready to leave yet. I just didn’t know how to make it work if I stayed. But if you’re taking my futon that’s perfect. I’ll just crash at your place. With my futon.

7. So…are you going to miss college?

No. Not at all. Not in the least. Why would I miss the place I’ve called home for the past four years? Why would I miss the place I’ve made some of the greatest memories of my life? Why would it even matter to me at all?

8. Ready for the big day?

Am I ready for the big day? I hadn’t really thought about it? Cap and gown? Check. Graduating? Check. Ability to walk in a straight line without falling or laughing? Hmm. Maybe I should practice that. Or at least not drink that bottle of Jack before the ceremony…

9. Do you think you’ll stay in touch with your friends?

Nah. Somehow I don’t think Facebook, e-mail or Skype are going to cut it. So I’m not even going to bother trying. We’ll say goodbye at graduation and then that will be that. Cut the cord, you know?

10. You got a job that’s great? What’s your starting salary?

Millions. I mean megamillions. I work one year and I’ll never have to work again. One week and my college loans will forever be paid off. It’s great. I won’t give you an actual number though. It will blow your mind.

Of course, if none of that works, breaking down into sobs should do the trick. Trust me, works like a freaking charm. And sometimes you’ll even get pity presents!

College seniors.

It’s serious and it spread quickly. But the problem is the symptoms can at first appear so subtle that college students may not even notice they have them. Their regular behavior is simply heightened. So when going about their normal, every day lives they don’t even realize that they’re actually struggling with senioritis. That’s why they can’t write that paper or concentrate in class. That’s why everything seems impossible. If  you’re a college senior and this, or any of the signs below sound familiar to you, you may be suffering from senioritis. (And no, we don’t recommend looking up your symptoms on WebMD. Just check out our senioritis bucket list instead.)

1. Oversleeping. Your alarm goes off so you press the snooze button. And then you press again. And then again. And then you glance at the clock and realize your class starts in five minutes…and then you roll over and go back to sleep. 

2. The desire to never do anything productive anything again. The other night, instead of watching the movie I was supposed to watch for class I spent the night watching the entire first season of Brothers and Sisters on Netflix instant play. It seemed like an excellent idea at the time.

3. Asking the question but why does this matter? Before I start an assignment, before I do my reading, before I make the walk across campus to my next class it’s all I’m thinking these days. Why does it matter? It will all be over in a month or so. It won’t matter!

4. Hanging out with your friends even more often than usual. I’ve always been very good about scheduling my time. Work, classes, time for friends. I fit it all in there. But lately I’ve been putting off homework, pushing back plans, and rearranging schedules to allow for even more hang out time than usual. My excuse? We only have ___ days/months/weeks left. Might as well enjoy them

5. The sudden desire to be a joiner. You’ve never been one for those campus wide events like festivals on the oval or midnight breakfasts but now suddenly you find yourself ready and willing to participate in just about anything even the carnival you haven’t gone to since freshman year…

6. Not showing up to classes. Everyone takes mental health days, but when you’re skipping class more often than you’re going that’s when you know somethings up.

Alright, your turn. What are some other signs of senioritis? 

Balance is really a simple science: if you have a scale and you put a brick on one side and a feather on the other, the brick is hitting the floor. I learned that lesson long ago and try to apply it in my everyday life, even when I’m making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; if I don’t spread my peanut butter evenly enough on my piece of bread, and lay it on too thick on one end, I can barely get through it without gagging or being completely repulsed by its sticky and overwhelming existence.

But let’s talk about balance in my real life, yes? I mean, I could talk about peanut butter and jelly for days but in this case, the peanut butter is me and I’m just trying to spread myself evenly against the Wonderbread of life. Whoa, did I just go there? Yup, I did. I compared my life to PB&J. And I’m totally OK with that.

Lately, I’ll be honest, I’ve been finding it excruciatingly difficult to balance my personal life and spread myself evenly across everything I feel I need to do. I understand I can’t be good at everything (I learned that when I auditioned for choir….), but when it comes to balancing what’s important in my post-grad life, do I have to have to pick only one of the five things I want to excel in?

To explain better what I mean, I’ll pick five things that are most important to me: my job, my family, my friends and relationships, my ‘me’ time and taking care of myself.  Now – as a human being, I want to squeeze all of those in my daily life and pay attention to all of them.

I want to wake up, hammer the nail square into the head at my job.  And when I’m done with work, I want to call my friends and family and offer my attention equally to every single one of them.  Then after that, I want to have quiet time just for me while I paint my nails, pluck my eyebrows, work out, take my vitamins and be the healthy freak-version of myself.  Oh, and then I want to go out and dance around with my friends.  All in one day. Every day.

Doesn’t sound possible?  You’re probably right.  I agree, that previous description of my dream schedule probably isn’t possible, but it would be nice to come somewhat close.  While I want to pursue success in relationships, my job, and my personal self, it’s difficult to do so as a post-grad. Unlike my college days when I had 3 hours of class and 21 hours of nothingness, my time is limited after this whole 9-5 business. To be honest, I can barely find the time to do one thing well, never mind the other 4 or the 10,000 other things responsible adults need to take care of (laundry? Dishes? Pshaw). And it’s like some weird cycle, because knowing I can’t accomplish everything I want and need to only makes me stress out more than the original overwhelming to-do list already has.

OMG, real life is making me crazy.

I need to find a way to conquer this, before I have a complete post-grad meltdown. (Editor’s Note: Don’t worry – that’s just another post-grad milestone, honey!)

So I’ve come up with an idea, and it centers around lowering my expectations (which seems to be a theme in this life after college). Maybe I need to stop being so extreme about each element and just not expect as much from myself.  I need to be content knowing that a simple phone call to my mother could suffice for a day as opposed to struggling to get home for the weekend and giving them the attention they deserve.  I need to understand it’s impossible to grab coffee after work with all of my friends. I need to carve out a little time here and there to treat myself, instead of setting aside a ton of time and money for a full on spa day. If I tone down each quality of life I want to strive at, maybe I can find the means to spread them out evenly on my plate. And then everyone, especially me, can be happy.

Now I just need to find the time before work every morning to make my PB&J sandwich.

To be honest, I don’t remember much from reading Charles Dickens’ book Great Expectations when I was in seventh grade, but I do remember being extremely scared. Seriously, that book gave me nightmares.  Was there a cemetery in the plot? Did someone abduct somebody? Did it even have anything to do with having ‘expectations?’ Or was that just a clever title twist in a book full of freaky shiz?  (Sidenote: Wow, I didn’t learn anything in seventh grade. How did I even get to college in the first place? Whatever, I’m going somewhere with this, I swear.)

Regardless of my lack of 7th grade education, this book landed softly in my mind recently and I got to thinking about expectations. In my life, I have an expectation timeline that goes a little something like this: With any given situation, my expectations are minimal during the beginning.  Once the situation hits halfway, my expectations usually skyrocket.  Take a relationship for example.  When I start talking to a guy I’m interested in I don’t expect a lot; I have fun, play carefree, play coy.  But once he starts to impress me and things progress, my expectations hit levels people could be offended by.  Suddenly, I’m waiting on him to kiss my feet and feed me mini chocolate chips and peanut butter with a baby spoon (What? Only my fantasy?) And the same story is true for all aspects of my life.

Except, since graduating college, my personal expectations have turned backwards. That’s right – as a post-grad, I expect too much out of every beginning.  I squeeze the shiz out of the orange before I can have a taste.  It’s awful.  I used to gain expectations through experience and now I have a ton of expectations before the experience.  Result:  I’m always disappointed.

First, it was relationships. As opposed to being carefree, I immediately place a label on whatever is going on with a guy.  We start hanging out, and I stamp a “booty call” or “relationship material” label right on his chest with my mind stamp.  If he doesn’t step up to my plate and perform the way I want him to, I become distraught and frustrated that I don’t have control of the situation.  And what happens? I go on a downward spiral before I can properly figure out if it’s even worth it.

The same thing happens with jobs. I waltzed out of college and immediately decided I couldn’t settle for anything less than I (felt I) deserved, instead of understanding the idea of “stepping stones to get there.”  My high expectations for myself made me actually believe I could jump across a twenty foot cliff to get my dream job.  And let me tell you, a twenty foot leap is way more difficult without a bridge.

My post-grad great expectations on crack affected my relationships with my friends as well. Not only did I immediately trust every person I met and expect them all to be my BFFAE, but I expected all of my college friends to cater to my needs and try hard (if not harder than me) to spend time with me.  Great expectations made me a stubborn, overly selfish and greedy human…who was constantly let down and angry with someone.

My high expectations for myself and others continues to stress me out constantly.  While I believe I should never expect anything less than the best for myself and my future, I need to lower my expectations so I’m flexible, eager to learn and easier on myself.  Great expectations up front destroy my ego and prevent me from moving forward.  I completely rule out perfect opportunities for diverse relationships (friends or boyfriends) and job opportunities that can eventually aid in assisting me to the fancy job and life I’ve always wanted.

I need to be careful with expectations.  It’s a fine balance between having too many and becoming disappointed, or having too little and not respecting myself by expecting (and believing) I deserve the best.  I think the magic trick is to be careful in making personal promises.  I’m going to approach any situation with an open mind, over-deliver and remain level-headed.

Remember, I’m not saying lowering personal expectations is the answer.  It’s ironing them out so we can be realistic and not let high hopes get in the way.  As post-grads, we truly deserve what we work hard for.  But we have to work hard for them. Results, both personal and professional, take time and effort. Dream jobs and perfect boyfriends don’t just show up on our doorsteps.

You got this, girl.

Alright post-grads, future post-grads, and people who think they are post-grads but are really just thirty-years-old and clinging on to their blissful youth.  For some reason as a post-grad myself, I’ve found it easiest to write about things that depress me.  I guess I just like an excuse to indulge in brownie sundaes nightly. But the truth is, the post-grad life isn’t depressing!  In reality, it’s a beautiful time for all of us to open doors after some have been slammed in our faces.  Think about the power you obtain in that single movement!

But I digress.

When we leave college, we immediately assume we’ve lost so much. And by so much, I mean everything. I’ll be straight up honest with you: when I was in college, I was an annoying, cocky, lady-child (in the best way possible). I think it had something to do with the fact that while I was living the dream, napping intensely during the week, drinking until 3AM, getting in everywhere for free as long as I flashed someone my boobs student ID – basically living like a homeless celebrity – I felt as if nothing could get past me.

College was my own protective placenta of awesomeness; a slice of time when I could bask in everything that was working out for me (i.e. free food, a semi-careless attitude, eating whatever sat in front of me, not worrying about what anyone thought).  I know I’m completely sounding like a cocky a**hole, but college made me feel weirdly confident.  I felt like I could do anything, dream anything and, most importantly, see everything clearly.  Perhaps it was some evolved pair of college beer goggles, but I saw everything without any glitches, scratches or worries.  I knew that by the end of the semester I would have survived somehow and I could look forward to a fresh slate in January.

When I graduated, though, I lost that college invincibility factor.  I was no longer sitting on the top of the world or starring in my own personal Fantasia movie, controlling whatever I wanted with my ‘I-don’t-give-a-sh*t’ magic wand.  I was sitting in a world engulfed by people who would not adhere to me, who wouldn’t pay my loans and who didn’t give a rat’s about how entirely awesome I was at college.

I tried to get back in touch with that ‘amazingness’ factor for so long but couldn’t find it because I didn’t have college to back me up.  I didn’t have all my friends constantly telling me how fun the weekend had been. I didn’t have professors praising me for joining clubs on campus. I didn’t have parents patting my back when I made it on the Dean’s List or did well on a test.  I left college and suddenly, an amazing, satisfying life was entirely up to me. I no longer had college to define what was happening. I needed to define this new life myself.

Well, that’s scary…

…And the soul reason why I think everyone should keep a piece of that college cockiness within them (in good measure, of course) as a post-grad and hold it close to their heart.  Many people view cockiness as a negative quality, but I believe cockiness can be turned into an element of confidence that helps us get by. Especially when we’re facing the unknown head-on. We don’t need to shove cockiness in other’s faces (i.e. make YouTube videos where we talk about how amazing we are and how our bodies are fueled with Tiger Blood); we can simply remind ourselves of our personal greatness (because we’ve all got it, girls, even if it doesn’t feel like it right about now) and use it to believe in ourselves and push ourselves forward.

In college, I believed I could do anything I wanted, from acing a class to bonging 2 beers in one funnel. As a post-grad, I continually want to believe I can do anything.  I want to feel invincible.  And I don’t want to have to chug a few shots of liquid courage to get there. (Trust me – drinking just isn’t as easy when you’re out of college. Sad face.) That is when I channel my inner cocky college girl. I don’t need my friends or parents or teachers to back me up here; I got everything I need to kick ass out here and take some names (and numbers. Call me, boys!). I’m an adult, dammit. A woman. I learned everything I need to know about my profession and have the skills I need to be successful out here.

I know it now, so I’m lifting my head up and forging on.

I used to just be really good at college, but now I’ve got a whole new list of things to feel good about. Watch out, world – cocky bitch comin’ through.

Remember Freshman year when every upper-classman you knew s aid “ treasure the next four years, they go by so fast . “  Well not to sound li ke a broken record…but they kind of do.

I’m barreling through my last semester of college and this huge list of things I had planned on doing before graduating has kind of, well, not been tackled at all. Instead it’s been sitting in my documents, staring me down every time I go to write an essay.

It might seem a little too late to tackle this long list, but after a night of some Franzia and mounds of Oreos (the classy best friends on a night in) I’ve decided why wait any longer! Plus could I really get away with doing any of these after college?

Take yourself out to a fancy dinner (by yourself…no books/laptops/turn the cell phone off!): Remember that scene in Sex in the City when Carrie finally goes out to lunch by herself? She made a point of having no distractions so she could enjoy her own company. I’ve always felt so empowered by how she didn’t care what anyone thought.

Start a food fight: You stand up from the table with your fistful of spaghetti raised and just as you are about to throw it at your roommate from freshman year, you scream “FOOD FIGHT.” And the entire cafeteria breaks into the most epic battle of food flinging ever seen.

Go on a road trip: I always start planning one, but then change my mind and decide it’s too unrealistic. I would love to  live on the road and just worry about where I’m getting my next meal..not bills, three meals from now, a job. Just me and the open road. Well, and the best friends.

Take a picture every day(I’m a little late to start, and I had good intentions back in September…but maybe I’ll be able to keep up with it now): So originally I was going to start this Freshman year, then after not doing it for four years I figured I would start in September…but that didn’t work out too well. So here’s to hoping I’ll be able to stick with it this semester!

Run through the campus fountains (as soon as they are turned on): I see people every September (when it’s still hot enough) running through them. And I’ve always wanted to be them…but then I worry about walking all the way back to my dorms soaking wet…or will it ruin my shoes/shirt/pants? It’s all about throwing care to the wind.

Watch every episode of Sex and the City without stopping: I started watching Sex in the City a few seasons too late. So now I’m in the awkward stage where I’ve watched some episodes from some seasons. So I’d like to watch the full show from season 1 to whatever the last season was.

Play man-hunt in the library: Yes please! Think of all the good hiding spots! Plus after close all of those people who live in the library and hate “trouble makers” will be gone! So the real fun can begin.

Learn how to make one dinner meal: Breakfast and lunch I have covered …Special K and a sandwich. But dinner…I feel like maybe I should have something that isn’t cereal/toast/or a piece of chocolate I found at the bottom of my purse.

Go home with a freshman: I know what you are thinking…freshman guys are gross. Well college guys are kind of gross in general. Plus, wouldn’t it be nice to go back and visit your Freshman dorm?

Have a rooftop party on one of the dorms  (maybe without alcohol…safety reasons people!): You’ve seen them in all of the romantic comedies; the ones you watch with a bowl of Ben and Jerry’s. They always have the outdoor lights perfectly placed — and the cute guy from down the hall who sweeps you off into the quiet corner and tells you how much he loves you. Is there a more perfect way to end your four years of writing essays and doing keg stands? I don’t think so.

Learn how to make a fancy cocktail…and make it: I’m mainly a beer girl, or margarita in a bucket (best invention ever?) girl, but that is only because I’ve never taken the time to learn how to make a Lemon Drop or A Bitter Canadian. So why not learn how to make at least one before entering the real world…where you should know what’s in a drink and/or at least how to order it.

Win the mega millions: One way to make sure all debts are taken care of and I would have enough money to move out.

Have a drink with your cute professor: You know your young Sociology professor who is the only guy that can pull of a sweater vest (except for Ryan Reynolds…he can pull off anything). Why not try? I mean, you do see him at the bar every so often. Throw some back, and talk about the study and classification of human societies.

Participate in Karaoke: No surprise here, but I’m usually the one in the corner mocking the herds of people who drunkenly sing along to “Don’t Stop Believing” (I still don’t understand why that seems to be the Massachusetts anthem!) But I would love to have the guts and get up there (with my girls in tow) and belt something out.

Graduate: And say goodbye to all my friends, and find a job, and start all of that other post-graduation horror. Maybe I could just stay another semester?

College is a time to experiment and really find yourself.  And sometimes making a bucket list of all the things that make you uncomfortable is the best way to find out what you’re really made of. So let’s do it. What’s on your Senioritis Bucket List?

In high school I was a boyfriend kind of girl. I was never single for long, but instead jumped from guy to guy. I went through every relationship possible. I was in love, I was out of love, I was in lust, I was in good relationships and in not so good relationships. I dated guys that treated me like I was everything, and guys that treated me like I was nothing.

Regardless, I was never really single. So when I came to college, I wanted things to be different. I didn’t want to be tied down in a relationship or be known as some guy’s girlfriend. Instead, I wanted to be independent and on my own (and I also wanted to have a lot of fun). And in the four years that I’ve been at college, I’ve been able to be and do all of those things.

Unlike a lot of people, I have never seriously dated anyone or had a boyfriend in college.

Some may find this confusing, weird, or depressing. To me, I just find it amazing. There are so many pros to going through college sans boyfriend. Mostly, I’ve had the best time getting to know myself. I’ve figured out who I am, without any relation to some guy. When I was high school, I often determined my worth by if I was in a relationship or not. But in college I’ve grown and developed without being a girlfriend. I’ve lived up to my expectations and no one else’s.

Okay, so maybe if I had a boyfriend I would have had a steadier stream of consistent sex during college, but that hasn’t stopped me from getting my kicks. I’ve been able to meet lots of guys and have great guy friends, a feat that doesn’t always happen when you have a boyfriend over your shoulder.

And obviously there have been nights when I’ve been lonely and really just wanted someone to spoon and watch a romantic comedy with, but overall I’ve been incredibly happy.

I haven’t felt any less loved. Instead, being single has allowed me to make the most amazing friends in the world and create deep, solid friendships that may not have been possible if I was preoccupied with a BF. I’ve never had to split my time between boyfriend and friends, which many of you know is a huge deal when you’re in a relationship.

I truly feel lucky to have been boyfriend-free over these past four years. And now, unlike many couples weeks before graduation, I’m not making my after school plans based on someone else. I will move to the city I want because I want to, not because I need to be close to my college sweetheart. I don’t have to compromise anything and I’m thankful for that.

College is almost over and I’ve been single (and lovin’ it). And although I may be graduating single, I am certainly not graduating alone. And now, as I get closer to graduation day and the next phase of my life, I think I’m finally ready to be a girlfriend again…but not until I’ve settled down in my next city of choice of course.

OK, sorry….. Stop crying…… I didn’t mean to bring up such a sore subject….. I’m sorry….. Please. Please don’t cry.

It’s not so bad out here in the real world. Sure there are a few things you can’t do anymore, but being a grown up is fun! Waking up without a hangover is fun! Making money is fun! And you’ve had a good run, right? You’ve done a lot, seen a lot, learned a lot. A whole lot. Just think about how far you’ve come since your parentals dropped you and your Yaffa Blocks off in that 8X10 closet. You were a baby.

Whether you’re a graduating senior or a rising sophomore, you’ve been through a lot in college and learned many valuable lessons. And with the year coming to an end, I thought it would be fun to take a trip down memory lane. A little reflection time, if you will. So this week I asked all the CollegeCandy writers to share the biggest lessons they’ve learned in college.

What has college taught you?

Leah – Ryerson University: The more time you have to waste, the more time you’ll spend procrastinating. Being busy won’t necessarily leave less time for assignments.

Sara C – Fordham: The single most important thing I’ve learned in college is to take care of yourself. I know that sounds obvious, but it’s so true. If you don’t carve out at least an hour each day for yourself, whether it means going for a run, watching TV, or doing your nails alone, it’s so easy to get overwhelmed by homework or social commitments. I’ve found having a bit of private time lets me refocus and maintain enough energy to do everything else. A close second- and third-place tips: Get an internship, and don’t sweat your GPA too much.

Jessica – Hofstra: I learned that you never need people in your life who make you feel bad about yourself. And also that nacho cheese Dorritos on a buttered roll makes the best drunk food EVER.

Jessica – Delaware: Don’t leave things till the last minute, always make time for your friends, and never, EVER, play flipcup/pong with wine

Samantha – UCSB: You don’t know someone until you live with them. Seriously.

Emmy – Loyola University Chicago: I’ve learned that boys you think are nice can still be a-holes.

Lauren – University of Michigan: Late night eating and all-you-can eat cafeterias will make you fat. Really fat.

Megan – Penn State: The biggest lesson I’ve learned is to “seize the day.” Time goes by so fast, so it’s important to soak up the awesomeness of everyday. Also, tequila will always do you dirty.

Cristina – Michigan State: If a guy dumps another girl in 2 seconds because he likes you more, chances are he’s going to do that to you for someone else.  Keep your heart, 3 stacks, keep your heart.

Hannah – Assumption College: I learned that although I might want to think that I am super girl and that I can handle everything by myself, it’s important to let others help me out once in a while. That is what all my college friends are for, and there is no reason for me to go everything alone.

Rachael – University of Miami: The biggest lessons I’ve learned at college are that you can survive anything life throws at you if you have a strong support base of friends (and you’ll meet the best people while you’re there); that personal growth will teach you how to love and respect yourself, and others will follow suit; and that college is just as much about the people and experiences as it is about the actual academics. Oh, and that I really, really hate cantaloupe.

Brithny- Duke: The mentality of the phrase “work hard, play hard” will get you far in life.

Jessica – FIT: I’ve learned that dishes don’t do themselves and that dryers really do shrink clothes.

Norah – Drake University: I’ve learned that classes are often the least important part of college. What happens outside of the classroom is what really makes you learn, grow, and experience new things.

Kelly – University of Iowa: How to drink. Hear me out: You’re at your first company cocktail party or say your boss invites you out for drinks. You’ll be glad it takes you about 7 Keystones you get you a slight buzz when the other new girl is two margaritas in and already itching to take her clothes off.

Teresa – UCSD: Friends don’t let friends go home barefoot.

Sarabeth – University of Texas: I’ve learned that, while sometimes benevolent, the registration gods are mostly out to get you.

Charlsie – Hollins University: College has taught me that just because you go to college doesn’t mean it will get you a job post-grad! Surprise! Who knew?

Noa – CU Boulder: I’ve learned that no matter our different backgrounds, we can all find some common ground and get along. Well, that and don’t chase tequila with mouthwash. It’s bad.

Caitlin – University of Alabama: I’ve learned to schedule classes with at least a 1 hour break so you have time to eat. Oh, and don’t sign up for 3 English classes in one semester ever again.

Melanie – Northeastern University: Beware drinking juice that you find in your purse during class. You could end up getting pretty tipsy before 10:30 AM.

Brittany – University of Saint Thomas: College has taught me to never mix hot chocolate with Peppermint Schnapps, to never wear shorts to class if it’s 80 degrees outside, and to always utilize my quiet time. It is sacred.

Meg – University of Delaware: I’ve learned that no matter what,  you make friends. Whether they’re good friends, bad friends or just class friends, you’ve got a ton. There’s literally someone for everyone.