It’s finals week. You’re living on coffee and chocolate. Your days are spent in the library. Your nights are spent in the library. You’re wracking your brain trying to remember historical facts no one knows about and chemical equations you will never use. You’re stressed and crazed and far from in the mood to write. But write you will have to do.

Because in exchange for not having to take a final for that literature class you have to write a paper. And not just any paper, but a good paper. A really good paper. Because this paper is worth a large chunk of your final grade. The problem is though, you’ve never really gotten a grip on that whole paper writing thing. Sure, you know the basics, but do you know the specifics? Do you know how to avoid the mistakes that will keep that A just out of reach?

Well, I do.

After four years as an English major, one year as a literature tutor, and two semesters worth of thesis writing, I think I’ve cracked the code. And I’m going to share my secrets with you. Below are the most common grammatical and paper writing mistakes, the things you always miss, the things you need to know, the rules standing between you and that elusive A. So bookmark this page and consult it when writing those final papers. You’ll thank me later.

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After watching this video around 14 times over the course of the week, three things have crossed my mind.

1. Uh – yes! – I hate that cardboard sh*t on the DVDs, too.
2. So that’s the one person in the U.S. who purchased Sorority Row?
3. What sorts of things do I hate enough to rant about in a YouTube vid?

And then I started my personal list of the things I hate. I hate when people that are under the age of 40 call me sweetie. I hate the way Old Navy clothes NEVER seem to fit me right. I hate Perez Hilton. I hate when I carve out a spot in an aerobics class at the gym and some bitch comes in late and stands right. in. front of me. I hate that, no matter how hard I try, I can’t sound nearly as fierce or fabulous as Kingsley (I think that’s this fabulous guy’s name?) when I list off all the things I hate.

And now it’s time for the CollegeCandy writers to open up and let it all out. So, what gets their blood boiling?

Carly – Grinnell: 1. The sound it makes when people itch their legs with long fingernails when they are wearing jeans. 2. Fake friendliness. 3. The fact that the guy I have a crush on keeps inviting me to do things one-on-one with him but NEVER accepts when I ask him to do the same stuff. WTF?!

Lauren – University of Michigan: I hate when people want to have full-blown convos via text. And then when I try to call them (because it will take less time), they don’t answer. HELLO, I KNOW YOU ARE THERE.

Meg – University of Delaware: improper grammar. I cannot stand people who cannot speak their first language properly. It makes you sound uneducated.

Emmy – Loyola University Chicago: I hate that kid in my honors class who will not shut up, even when the professor cuts him off… And awkward encounters with exes. And when there is no Peach Mangosteen Snapple left in the campus store for me! Read More »

This week’s Wall of Shame is dedicated to all those status-updaters that have yet to learn the basic rules of English grammar. Sure, grammar isn’t as important on Facebook as for your midterm paper, but your “friends” would appreciate it if you could at least spell the names of states correctly. You’re giving us all headaches.

Girl Who’s Too Busy Updating Facebook to Enjoy Her Vacation In flordia with my amazing boyfriend who got me a beautiful diamond necklace for xmas

Girl Who Skipped 3rd Grade Grammar Class ,,liquor makess my blooood run hott;;; strippp downn babbyyy ♥ ;; show mee wutchaa got,

Emo Elana paintin my nails blue to match my mood… i hate lyf but rly who doesnt?? Read More »

Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over to us to put in next week’s post.

(Two guys, in an English class.)

Guy 1: Dude, why are you dressed up?

Guy 2: We’re reading “The Crucible.” It’s about a town that gets rid of all its witches. That’s why I have the hat.

(Guy, singing at a party.)

Guy: Ooh, I get Boggle with help from my friends. Mm, gonna Boggle with help from my friends. Do you neee-eeed any Boggle? I want some Boggle to love.

(English professor, thinking out loud.)

Prof: See, I wouldn’t count myself as a human being until, oh, about 15 or 16. And even that was problematic. Read More »

Happy National Grammar Day, everyone!

Hope you stopped by the card store on the way back from class because today we are celebrating proper punctuation, spelling and, of course, the ever important verb-noun agreement. I don’t know about you, but nothing grates on my nerves more than bad grammar. My eyes bug out, my brow furrows and I forget what I was reading as all the words seem to melt into that one misplaced apostrophe.

Maybe I’m a nerd but I just can’t get passed it. For this reason, I think we need to celebrate National Grammar Day the right way.

Being that the local bars don’t seem to be offering any specials for this momentous occasion (what, can’t a girl get a shot for outstanding English?), I thought we could celebrate by learning a few things. Yeah, we’re all in college, but judging from my recent IMs, emails and texts, it looks like our higher education left a few things out.

So open the Tostitos, check out these 5 common grammatical errors, and let the party begin!

Texting: we all do it. A lot.

It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s especially useful when making a phone call isn’t an option (like at work or in class where you technically shouldn’t be using your phone…or when you want to flirt with a guy without being too committal.).  It’s convenience is part of the reason  it’s become so popular over the last several years.

However, not everyone (Read: crotchety old people) thinks it’s so great – many critics claim that texting is contributing to the deterioration of the English language. Critics worry that the common practice of using abbreviations and shorthand in text messages will cause people begin to speaking in shorthand, too. They also claim that students are turning in papers riddled with text-message slang.

WTF are they talking about? I don’t know where they get that idea from. OK, so maybe I have been known to throw a “BRB,” “LOL,” or “OMG,” into conversation, but whatev. I can still read and write! Read More »

I’ve written about my various issues with Facebook before, but the improper use of the Facebook status now tops my list of things that drive me crazy.I don’t believe in Facebook statuses (stati?). I find 93% of them unnecessary and the other 7% contradictory. What am I supposed to think when someone’s Facebook status says they’re doing work ALL night, their away message says they’re wasted, and their Gmail status says they love the new Beyonce song? Where do I even try to start a conversation? Should I meet them in the library at 4 a.m with a tray of shots and the lyrics to “If I Were a Boy”?

But that’s not even my biggest concern with the Facebook Status. My issue is the “IS.” Over a year ago Facebook removed the obligatory “IS” from the status. But every day (Ok, 3 times a day) I sign on and people are not only still using the “IS,” but they are using it incorrectly: Read More »

You, dear reader, are no doubt a person of many and varied opinions. But, like many of us, you may find that life doesn’t offer you enough opportunities to share those opinions with strangers. We have the solution! Did you know that you can inflict your views on an audience of thousands, simply by commenting on the internet?

Yes, it’s true. By commenting on any given blog post, you can preserve your thoughts for history, whilst simultaneously impressing your peers. Yet it’s not as easy as one might think. In order to really stand out on the internet, you must follow these simple rules.

1: Use emoticons. If you don’t include a smiley face, how will people know that you’re smiling? After all, it’s not as if you can use words to convey emotion.

2: You are a person of passionate conviction – conviction which you must convey to your audience. We’ve already established that language is useless. SO JUST TYPE IN ALL CAPS. Read More »

I was sick of dating “bad boys” and dudes from the not-so-smart category. I wanted to date an intellectual, a nice guy.

Instead, I got Mr. Deceptive.

Mr. Deceptive was definitely smart, but he wasn’t as nice as he made himself out to be. He was a Nice Guy Poser.

I think the first time I realized this was when I saw him interacting with a florist he used pretty regularly. (Yes, he sent flowers to people often enough to be a regular at a florist! And no, that doesn’t make him the dream boyfriend you’d think it would.)

During this particular visit, Mr. Deceptive wanted to arrange to send flowers to a colleague’s wife’s funeral.

“How much do you want to spend? ” the florist asked as he started to show Mr. Deceptive the flowers he recommended.

“Oh, about $50 or $60,” Mr. Deceptive answered.

Even I, who admittedly knows nothing about funeral flower arrangements, thought that seemed a bit low. Turned out I was right. The florist hesitated and looked at Mr. Deceptive quite hard. “May I suggest you send a live plant to the person’s house, instead?” he asked carefully. Read More »