I'm ready for ya, boys.

If you want be having sex, or be having more sex (and, come on, who doesn’t!?) the best thing you can do is make sure you’re prepared. Getting yourself ready for sex will put you in a mental mindset compatible with getting some. And feeling sexy will send out the come hither vibes that will make it happen.

Even if you’re having a dry spell, you never know when the opportunity to break it will arise, and you don’t want to be held back by granny panties or hairy legs.

Keep Up Your Grooming. Keep your down-there area groomed enough so that you’d comfortable with someone seeing it, should the situation arise. Nothing will kill the mood (or your self esteem) faster than an unkempt forest.

Keep Up Your Birth Control Routine. Don’t slack on taking your pill just because you haven’t been getting any or you’ll be sorry when you actually do! Not only will it mess with your cycle (spontaneous bleeding = bad), but it won’t be as affective and the last thing you want from a night of nooky is a night-of-nooky-bun-in-the-oven.

Be Tested Regularly. If you’re not having sex, you don’t need to be tested every three months, but make sure you’ve been tested since your last period of sexual activity. Health comes first! Read More »

While shopping at the mall with friends last weekend, my breakfast of Kashi Go Lean Crunch! came back to haunt me. And by “me,” I mean “everyone within a 10 foot radius.” Yeah, it’s true – I had a horrible case of the farts. So bad that I couldn’t even stand myself. I tried to hold it in – really, really hard – but they just kept coming and it was impossible for me to walk around a giant mall with my ass cheeks clenched together.

So I did what any normal woman would do: I walked away from my friends and left some smelly bombs in store corners and mall walkways. Poor shoppers didn’t know what was coming.

The entire ordeal was mortifying (especially when the guy bringing my shoes walked through an exceptionally offensive gas cloud and got a very sour look on his face) and could have been completely avoided had someone informed me about these special panties. Now, I am not one for granny panties (especially of the Hefty variety), but a pair of panties that could mask my gas?

Where do I sign up?

I’m not sure how they work, but as long as they don’t create a virtual dutch oven in my pants thus releasing the foul odor of a day’s worth of farts and knocking me out the moment I take them off, I don’t really care.  The mere thought of enjoying a fiberous breakfast and then flatulating all day without anyone knowing (I’m a master of the SBD) is enough to lure me in.

I adore vintage stuff. Nothing makes me squeal quite like walking into a vintage boutique and running my hands along the delicate lace dresses and feather trimmed hats. The fact that all vintage shops have such adorably cleaver names just endear them to me more (Hello, Again Boutique? Another Man’s Treasure? *squeal!).

Sigh. Too bad they’re all too damn expensive to shop from. Ever since vintage became fashionable, the prices have skyrocketed. Eighty bucks for a blouse? That’s like, eighty times what it sold for in the seventies! When it comes down to it, I’m not willing to pay that much for a brand new shirt, let alone an old, used one. And don’t get me started on Goodwill – trust me, you don’t want to set foot into the one by me. Not only do they lack anything remotely cute, but the place is pretty gross, smells funny and houses some sketchy people. Ever get hit on by creepy homeless men while digging through a barrel of old nighties? No? Well you can take my word for it – it’s not fun.

Anyway, back to my point. In an act of sheer desperation born from an utter lack of cash, I went rifling through the only other place I knew that could possibly cater to my vintage needs: my 78 year old grandmother’s closet. Oh yeah, I went there… and to my surprise, I actually snagged some great finds! Read More »

Society has been telling us for years that the sexiest thing to sport under just about anything is a thong. But what do guys really think? What do they really want to see when they shimmy that girl out of her newest pair of skinnies? Or, do they even really care? I mean…they got our pants off. Isn’t that enough?

He Said:

Guys don’t really know much about women’s underwear past “This type gives me a boner, that type doesn’t.” When you’re in high school (or from Long Island), thongs are the best thing this side of Steak and a Blow Job Day–mainly because the tops of thongs usually pop up above girls’ pants, drawing our eyes and attention directly to the butt part of the body, flooding our imaginations with arrest-worthy thoughts.

Still, some (adult) dudes will tell you they like the thong best–on certain girls. But nowadays, it’s all about the boy-shorts. These fantastic bottoms create a magical under-ass area that does wonders for a man’s mood–if you’re depressed, just ask your girl to throw on a pair, you’ll see what I mean. They look good on girls of all shapes and sizes, are nice to touch when we’re fooling around, and are perfect attire for the WiiFit. Ladies, if you only have one type of underwear (which you don’t), make it boy-shorts–we’ll never complain. Read More »

Christian Bale was merely defending his wife? Awwwww!

Wanna work in politics? Just have an affair!

Sick of Facebook yet? Yeah, me either. But it just got even better.

Viagra may work for women?

Apparently, some dudes agreed that women in skinny jeans could not be raped because removing them would require consent? Yeah…took awhile, but that’s been reversed.

The Jo-Bros are probably pissing off a lot of Dallas homeowners right now….

Porta-Potty art! (Doesn’t make the smell go away, though.)

Earth-friendly junk mail? Hot granny panties? Declining gas prices? Impossible!

An old favorite to get you through the day. Weeeeeeeeeee!