You goin’ out tonight? Gonna hit the town and celebrate that final final? You gonna get so drunk that the only thing on your mind at the end of the night is gooey, cheesy and totally bad for you?

Me too!

But before you a make poor decision that involves you and the delivery places you clearly have on speed dial, read on. There are some snacks out there that are just not worth eating, no matter how many Vodka Red Bulls you’ve downed in honor of the end of History 240. Things you will regret more in the morning than last weekend’s romp with the History 240 T.A. Assuming all that fat and grease doesn’t prevent you from making it to the morning…

Domino’s Bread Bowl Pasta.

Not sure why you would want to eat this, as it both looks and sounds nauseating. But in case your taste buds aren’t satisfied with noodles alone and they long for a massive tub of soggy bread to soak up all the caloric goodness, just remember… NOT TO LISTEN TO THEM! No really– stay far, far away from this god-awful, heart-attack inducing concoction. I mean, who really needs to eat the bowl!? The giant serving of cheesy, creamy, fatty pasta isn’t enought?

It’s just gross. End of story.

Pizza Hut’s P’zone Pizza.

Described as: “Over a pound of toppings and cheese baked into a folded pizza crust!” I’m pretty sure that translates to: “Over a pound of extra fat stuffed into a pair of skinny jeans!”

Taco-Bell’s Nachos BellGrande.

Any food item with the word “grande” in it should most likely (as in, most definitely) be avoided. Unless it’s from Starbucks. You may think it’s not so bad – it’s  prepared with reduced fat sour cream! – but don’t be fooled. Low fat toppings or not,with 760 calories and 1300 mg of sodium (60% of your daily value of salt packed into one snack….er….fourthmeal!) this is a baaaad late night choice.

KFC Chicken and Biscuit Bowl.

(I think I just puked). Imagine of the four unhealthiest food items: fried chicken, mashed potatoes, cheese, and biscuits. Now pile them on top of one another, smother the stuff in gravy, and whad’ya get? Something you should probably never eat.

Pizza Hut’s Stuffed Crust Pizzas.

If pizza itself isn’t a bad enough choice for curing (or provoking) the munchies, try pizza with extra cheese literally “stuffed” into the crust. The pie is apparently packed with melted cheese in the crust “so that the last bite is as good as the first.” Yea…so the last bite is as good, and fatty, as the first one. Two (of those very small Pizza Hut) slices have 800 calories. And if that wasn’t harmful enough, just imagine those grease burns you’ll get when that sh*t drips down your arms. Probably not the best choice during bikini season. Or ever.

No matter how crazy you think your personal situation is, it is not just you. So, let’s bring it all out in the open. Right here. Because you are not alone - we’ve all been there before.]

Oh what a night.

From the pre-party to the bar to waking up next to that that kid from your Psych lecture, it was a good one. A great one. A night that is meant to be shared. A night that is meant to be remembered. A night that requires your roommates’ pictures to help in the remembering.

But, man do you feel like hell this morning. You wake up, throw on some sweats (and throw the boy out), and head down to the kitchen for a much-needed bottle of Gatorade. It’s early – you never can sleep in after a long night of drinking – so you tip toe through the house.

When you stumble down the steps, though, you hear some commotion in the kitchen. You round the stairs and smack into 5 of your roommates, coffee and toast in hand, waiting for you on the couch. Apparently they can’t sleep in either.

One of the girls hands you a mug of coffee. Oh sweet bliss.

Everyone is still wearing their makeup from the night before, which only complements the giant black circles under their eyes. As you sit down and start sipping on your coffee, your 6th roommate walks into the house, still wearing her tube top and trouser jeans from the night before. Her heels are in her hand. Her neck is covered in hickeys.

You notice a pile of cameras on the table. Next to them, empty shot glasses and dried up lime wedges. The thought of tequila shots sends shivers down your spine as you flash back to the night before.

“So….” One of your roommate’s looks to you for your story. And so it begins.

You regale your roommates with tales of your late night adventures: how you started talking to the boy, the line you used to get him to come home with you (“I got some new sheets…”), and how good (or bad) his skills were in the bedroom. You give them every little detail – the kind of stuff you can only share with these girls – in between much needed gulps of coffee.

Then it’s your roommate’s turn to share her stories. And then the next.

You all pass the cameras around, filling in the gaps and holes of the evening. You laugh at the 1,276 selfies you took, the videos that you thought were pictures and the gross guys that tried hitting on everyone at the bar. You compare late-night eating horror stories (“So that’s where all my cream cheese went??”), and make fun of the late-comer who is still wearing her bar outfit.

“I mean, really, who the hell still gives hickeys?!”

Before you know it, it is 3pm, you are all still sitting around in your PJs, and you know way more about some random dude’s kissing abilities than you ever thought you should. You order in some Jimmy Johns or pizza or greasy Chinese and spend the rest of the day chilling on the couch until it’s time to get up, get ready and do it all again.

Yeah, we’ve all been there. The morning-after recap is the best.

1. A TAPESTRY

I know it sounds silly, but when my boyfriend and I needed privacy in my bunk, that little tapestry I’d brought was such a life saver. We just hung it up over some yarn and had our own little curtain for the bed. And then we made out in between talks of our future — that never happened — in privacy.

2. BROWNIE MIX

Smoking weed at college, should you be so illegally inclined, is a little harder than it should be. Sure, sure, it’s easy enough outside of the dorms. But when you’re in the dorms, it can be a pain in the butt. From dismantling fire alarms to trying to carefully smoke out the window while lighting incense, it’s hardly worth it. In fact, one of my besties got arrested for it her freshman year!

Instead, just learn to bake. If you need your weed fix, throw it in a brownie mix and surprise your hallmates with something awesome…and you’ll totally get away with it, too.

3. FLIP-FLOPS

I have (unfortunately) experienced Athlete’s Foot before…and it blows! Make sure you have some good water-resistant flip-flops for the showers and always wear them when you’re showering! Believe me, nothing is worth Athlete’s Foot.

4. HEADPHONES

Whether your roomie won’t quit blasting her Michael Jackson at 8am like my first roomie did (and nothing against the king of pop or anything, but it just sucks to hear Billie Jean every freakin’ morning…) or your roomie won’t quit it with the obnoxious sex right next to you, headphones will come in handy. You’ll learn how to fall asleep cuddled up next to your ipod like it’s your job (even though I kinda doubt you’ll ever get paid for it).

5. GREASY FOOD

I don’t care what anyone says — greasy food is the ultimate cure for a hangover. You get hangovers in college and there isn’t anything better in the morning after one of those nights out than a Bacon/Egg/Cheese Croissant. Period.

Take it or leave it, but these 5 items were life savers for me.

For some reason, no matter how healthy I eat through out the day, everything is out the window once I’m drunk. I congratulate myself for being soooo healthy most of the time and yet I tell myself (and my friends with me) this whenever I’m wasted:

“I’m HUNGRY! I want PIZZA! Or…wings! Oh wait…a BACON CHEESEBURGER!”

This is certainly an innocent enough habit to pick up if you don’t drink regularly. However, as my college years went on, my nights of partying have become more frequent. And while I haven’t gained any weight, I’m lucky I didn’t!

Battling the urge to binge while drunk takes more self discipline than you likely can tap into while under the influence. BUT, it can be done.

Here’s how:

1. First of all, make sure you regulate your intake of water throughout the night. The more water you drink, the less drunk you’ll get. The less drunk you get, the fewer bad choices you make. Also, if you can dilute your alcohol with water, there won’t be a liquor war going down in your belly that can only be combatted with greasy food.

2. Make a pact with your girlfriends. Tell them you already feel like sh*t when you wake up from a long night of drinking and with the realization that you devoured a tub of lard doesn’t carry you any more smoothly down the hallway of morning after regrets. Promise each other that next time, you’ll help each other stop the madness.

3. Don’t keep the crap around. Sure, you’ll stumble into a fast food place while you’re drink here and there. However, if you make sure your own place is clear of the crap, that will cut down on all of the drunk feasting that takes place during those nights when you can’t find anything open or you’re drinking at home.

So buckle down and smudge out those munchies from hell! (and save your figure while you’re at it!)