As humans, we have inner demons that can only be quieted by indulging in our uncontrollable desires. Take the concept of the Seven Deadly Sins. Depending on your beliefs or interpretations, you may agree that we have a natural inclination towards these temptations. For example, I totally lust after my boyfriend’s six pack, I greedily horde my money, I’m a glutton for any sort of frozen yogurt, and I envy Megan Fox’s…everything.

Being the crafty marketing team they are, America’s consumer industries are exploiting our desires to indulge in these Seven Deadly Sins (and are getting filthy rich because of it!). Hey, maybe if we all sinned a bit more, we could nix this recession like Cain did Abel! Ready to be a bad girl? Hit up these industries to silence your inner, money spending demon:

Lust – While the recession has taken away many things, at least it’s bringing sexy back! Erotic industries, such as sex toy company Babeland, have seen a 25% increase in sales. Makes sense: The less hours you’re given at your job, the more quality time you have to spend with your brand new Mini Pink Leopard Vibe! The best part? Babeland is always having sales to keep you “cumming” back for more. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

Gluttony- Did your latest paycheck leave your pockets feeling empty? At least you can still fill your tummy with greasy, affordable goodness! Americans appreciate the cheap convenience of fast food, so we keep hitting those drive-thrus and saving our money. It’s a trade-off, because we sacrifice good health for a good deal, but no one wants to shell out big money for the organic aisle at Walmart. And thanks to that logic, Ronald McDonald’s painted-on, red smirk is widening by the fiscal year.

Greed- Hit up Vegas recently? Despite declining tourism in Vegas, I’ve noticed that the casinos in my area of Northern California (including Reno and Lake Tahoe) are still emptying pockets like nobody’s business. Our insatiable, greed-driven thirst for money and power is continually fed by these casino industries. They are doing so well, in fact, that my town’s closest casino has drummed up enough income to begin construction on a swanky resort hotel. Because nothing says a good time like driving ten minutes from your home to check into a hotel and throw your money away at the craps table.

Sloth- Psh, if I were the embodiment of a sin, Sloth would be my name and Lazy would be my game. After finally deciding to get some Dish Network up in the apartment I share with the boyfriend, I chose to shell out the extra deuce for DVR. You don’t get any lazier than “I’m too tired to even flip through channels. Where’s that Little Couple episode I recorded last night?” You girls all gotta admit you would/do pay extra for the convenience of being lazy via your boob tube.

Wrath- Personally, I don’t get down with the emotion of anger. You can say I’m a lover, not a fighter. But tell that to the Hooters that has men spilling out of their doors and windows just to watch the UFC fight and chow down on some chicken waaangs. Granted, it doesn’t hurt that there are some hot mamas providing this service. But by these guys living vicariously through cauliflower-eared, sweaty men beating the hell out of each other, they are perpetuating the sin of Wrath. And Dana White is sinfully wealthy because of it!

Envy- The Green-Eyed monster can be found in almost any industry. Particularly those in which sales rely on the fact that girls are constantly in competition with each other. We buy magazines just to drool over the bodies we are jealous of, the ads for shoes we could never afford, the articles about overachievers that make us feel unsuccessful in comparison…and we just end up more envious than we did to begin with.

Pride- Taking pride in your appearance is vital to social acceptance and self-confidence. But you gotta admit that with plastic surgery, celebrity emulation, buckets of makeup and clocking hours in the mirror, we take vain to the next level. With our persistant focus on our outer appearance, industry big-wigs like Dr. Rey and M.A.C. Cosmetics are riding high on our hard earned dollars.

So, yeah, you may be feeling guilty for giving into your sinful consumer ways. But consider your participation in our economy a good deed. Don’t let your buyer’s remorse or shopping guilt get you down, my Angelic American. Because sometimes, it just feels good to be bad.

Mondays are always bad, especially after a weekend of heavy drinking (as if there are any others), but today is even worse. It’s bad. Very bad. Very, very bad.

Citigroup just announced that it will be buying Wachovia bank to save it from collapsing. Just like AIG. And WaMu. And every other FREAKING BANK IN THIS COUNTRY.

Seriously, are there any banks even left anymore?

I know that everyone is telling us not to freak out, that this is just a dip and that we will come back from it, but I am about ready to pull my money from the bank and invest it somewhere safe.

Like in denim. Or shoes. Or lots of new winter coats. Those greedy bastards on Wall Street won’t be able to take it from me there!

(In the second installment of our Expert Series Understanding The Economic Situation, we continue with the Q and A with a VP of an Investment Banking Firm. He knows his stuff and he’s gonna break it down for us in ways we can finally understand. Pay attention; he offers great advice for us college ladies for saving, spending, and not getting depressed. In case you missed the first part, read it HERE]

Do these recent economic waves mean college students and recent grads should stay away from investing in the stock market right now?

No – they should DEF participate and now is the time to do it. Recent and current grads should look to NON-financial stocks. Everything is down right now and there are so many bargains. Look to other tech and retail stocks. Buy stock and just let it sit. Don’t start trading regularly like I did when I was in college. I didn’t really make anything off of it, and if I had held onto the Google stock that I bought at $15, I would NOT be answering this email right now – I would be on a beach drinking fruity drinks with umbrellas.

How does one actually start to make smart investments?

Smart investments are ones that are based off of information, not emotion. An emotional investment is, “OMG, everyone is selling off finance stocks – I should sell mine too!” An informed one is made by reading 10K reports, poking around the internet for info, maybe even emailing or calling an investor relations representative of a company (they HAVE to talk to you and actually like doing so). Then you say, “Oh, Lehman is f*cked but JP Morgan is still in a strong position.”

How can today’s college students and recent grads start saving money?

I know it sounds stupid, but if a college student started saving SOMETHING on a monthly basis – the results would be amazing. Compound that over a yearly basis, and by the time you are ready to get a house (in 10 years or so) you will be in a much better financial position. SAVE. Keep 2 credit cards, 1 you do not touch. Keep it in the bottom of your underwear drawer. The second one should be paid off at the end of every month. You can even work with the CC company and set a self-imposed limit. They want your business, so they will do whatever you want. The card in your underwear drawer is an emergency card – and should stay hidden until the most dire need, NOT a trip to Vegas.

Do you think it’s right that big CEO’s got those “golden parachutes” when these companies went down?

Ah, the Golden Parachute. I want one of those. Yes, they are worth it. You have these CEOs with big names, and lots of pressure. When these guys/gals first join a big company, it is because they have developed a good reputation as being smart business people. Companies want them to bring that reputation to their company, because the stock price would go up even at the announcement of new executive. It is the same theory behind paying athletes the high salaries. It is not just the on the field value, but off the field as well.

CEOs become the face, name and brand of the company – and if the company goes down (whether it is the CEOs fault or not) people will always associate that company with that person. Their possible job future is gone. It is also important to keep them from having to worry about their job security. Think of it this way, if you are worried about something, does it affect the way you make decisions? Sure it does. If Jane CEO is worried about keeping her job, she will make conservative decisions with very little risk. Very little risk=very little return. That is not how businesses grow, especially big global ones.

When the board of directors say, “Hey Jane, you are smart and saavy. If anything happens and you get fired, $10M is yours. Go out, get on the cover of Forbes, talk to the WSJ, make HUGE deals for us so that the stock price will go up.” If she does well, she is a genius. If she guesses wrong on even 1 small aspect, everything could crumble. Golden Parachutes are part of the reason why we have experienced some of the growth we have.

Honestly, should we be freaking out?

Your PARENTS should be freaking out, not you. This is cyclical. When you are your parents age, you won’t be seeing stuff like this – it will be different, but not like this. If you have $1M in financial stocks – then I would say go out, buy a hat, and hold the f*ck on to it. But you don’t – so stay cool. Be a little Fonzie.

“This writer’s strike is getting annoying,” I heard someone say on the corner of 2nd avenue yesterday. “What the hell is their problem? And why does it have to be my problem?”

Because of what I do and where I go to school, I’m in a position to hear about the Writer’s Strike all the time. But I can understand the frustration of those who don’t know all the details—from far away, it can look like a bunch of people walking around and complaining.

But it’s more than that.

UnitedHollywood, a new blog that’s blossomed in the wake of the strike, explains exactly why hundreds of television and film writers are marching, and does it in a funny, entertaining way. A few of TV’s bigger shows have made YouTube videos for the site, and after watching of few of them, two things become blindingly clear: 1) without these people, TV is gonna blow, and 2) big businesses are greedy.

Basically, writers want a small share of Internet profits. As of right now, when you download a show from the Internet or iTunes, or buy a DVD of season 1 of your favorite series, the people who wrote those shows get no compensation whatsoever, even though big conglomerates like Fox and NBC make millions with Internet advertising and DVD sales. The strike is about giving people who create our favorite shows and characters a tiny piece of what network CEOs are making on a daily basis.

Until the Writer’s Guild and Network Execs come up with an agreement, our favorite shows are going on hiatus. That means, once the holiday season ends, we’ll be watching re-runs and reality TV. That’s right. 24 hours of Deal or No Deal and The Bachelor—or more likely, knock-offs of those shows that are even worse than the originals.

I mean, we’re screwed.

But there are some things you can do to help. Going here and grabbing the names, phone numbers, and addresses of Network Execs is the first step.

The second step is calling these people and telling them that their network is on your shit list until they start treating their writers fairly. Use different voices, try a few accents, do whatever you can to annoy the piss out of rich assholes who apparently have forgotten how to share.

Create Facebook groups, post your own YouTube videos (screaming “leave the writers alone!” while black mascara drips down your face is always an option), and try not to download movies or shows from iTunes.

Right now, the strike might not seem like such a big deal, but in a month or so, when all you want to do is take a break from papers and studying, and there’s nothing to help you relax except the 5th re-run of Dancing with the Stars, things will suck.

…Especially for me. TV is the only thing that helps me survive the Holidays.

Apparently, Linds spent so much money in such a short time that she can no longer afford her own place and is currently “lodging at a friend’s mansion”.

How can someone go through millions in only a few years? By pushing common sense away and replacing it with massive amounts of greed and idiocy.

According to The Sun, some of Lindsay’s pre-third rehab stint activities included “blowing a million dollars on just one hotel bill, thousands on cocaine and booze, $137,000 in rehab costs and thousands on legal fees after numerous drink-driving convictions.”

Back when she was famous for something other than ridiculous behavior, Lohan was the queen of the Chateau Marmont hotel, “spending $450,000 on a $1,200 a night suite, as well as another $500,000 having chauffeurs on 24-hour standby.”

She also loved her champagne, spending “$550 a pop” on “endless” bottles of Cristal.

Now, I’m all for having a good time, but if Miss Hasn’t-Made-A-Good-Movie-Since-2004 truly is broke, she completely deserves it.

It takes a total moron to blow through that kind of money that fast, and anyone who doesn’t have the foresight to invest or save on a fortune never should have had it in the first place.

Unless she really wants to go the M.C Hammer route, Blohan should consider crying her eyes out on Oprah. Either that, or start looking on Craigslist for a part time job.

I’m totally for love conquering all and knowing no bounds and all that fluffy good stuff, but honestly, does anyone really believe this story??

An 82-year-old Argentinean woman married a 24-year-old man last week, making those of us who aren’t naive idiots shake our heads. Apparently, the two had been “engaged for several years” and found love after the guy’s mother died and left him with his elderly caretaker/new wife at the age of 15.

When reporters asked the woman if the marriage would be more “than just spiritual” (he should have just straight up asked if they were going to bone) she replied that it would be, making most of the media laugh on the outside and most definitely retch on the inside.

Call me a cynic, but marrying someone 58 years your elder is usually a sign of one of two things: A) you’re blind and deaf and also stupid, or B) that older significant other has boatloads of cash.

Judging by the fur coat the old lady is sporting in every picture, I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with her young husband’s vision.