There’s an app for that.

For what? Well, just about everything these days. From finding the perfect shirt to getting directions to that restaurant you’ve only ever been to once to planning your wedding. There’s an app for it.

And most of the time, I think that’s a good thing. I pride myself on welcoming new technology, embracing these changes and seeing them as good technological advancements, rather than unnecessary complications. But today I just might have to make an exception. Because after spending some time in the app store I’ve made some discoveries that have led me to question not only my love of technology, but my love of humanity.

Have you seen what’s out there? It’s okay if you haven’t. Because I’ve brought it here for you. Partly to inform you, but also so you can commiserate with me. These are the apps our guys are downloading? No wonder they screw up so often!

1. Breastimate. An app that can tell you the bra size of every women in the room. You can either upload a picture, if you’re really curious about an old flame, or take a photo right there on the spot. Just point and click and there you have it. A “breastimated” bra size.

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First and foremost, this has been the most anticipated show of the year for me. Needless to say, episode one of the Jersey Shore did not disappoint. From the first ten minutes (which we already saw) to the last, it was chock-full of immobile hair, grainy over-contrasted filter shots, super fruity blended drinks and fist pumps galore. What a delight to see all our friends from Season 1 of the Jersey Shore, clearly more grown up and matured from their long summer vacation.

We open on Long Island (Or was it Staten Island? Or maybe upstate? It’s all the same thing, right?), because god forbid anyone from the show “Jersey Shore” is actually from New Jersey, suffering in the Snowpocalypse, unable to creep or beat the beat. Luckily, MTV’s Escalade service provided the cast (at least the 4 more popular members…) with cars to road trip down to sunny South Beach to escape the chilly Seaside Heights. JWowww and Snooki have a fabulous time, ripping on the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island’s pancake ass, eating fried pickles and forcing poor innocent “sister f*cking” southerners to epileptically fist pump. This part of the show was when I began referring to myself as Snooki and my roommate as JWowww, since we have an inseparable friendship like those two …and I wouldn’t put it past my roommate to fistpump some Angelina-esque girls in the face when we go out. Read More »