You don't need a beard and a ship to discover something (sorta) new.

One fateful day back in the pre-Facebook days,  Christopher Columbus “discovered” America.  Much like you discovered that wearing a scarf around campus on a 75 degree day would not stop the hickey rumors from floating around. And we’re sure that’s not the only discovery that you’ve made since attending college. Just like Columbus discovered America and thought he was onto something pretty big, we’ve all found a few things along the way that wowed us as well. We rushed home, told our roommates, and sat there in shock when we realized that they already knew that it’s smarter to change into sweats before going to a booty call.

So here are a few more awesome discoveries that every college student needs to make:

1. Finding the secret bathroom so you can poo in private: We’ve all been victim to the poop wars in college dormitories.  You enter the community bathroom at the same time as another innocent pooper and each of you sit in the stall waiting for the other to make the first move.  It’s disgusting, but don’t begin to admit it hasn’t happened to you.  I’m guilty as charged, so finding the secret bathroom to do your business is a dream come true.  Nobody goes in there and you have hours to shadoobie in private. Glorious.

2. Finding the class where the prof puts the entire lecture online: This is one of the most wondrous discoveries. Attend class from the comfort of your bed. Just make sure to show up to the exam.

3. How to make a panini in the waffle maker: Or other fabulous cafeteria discoveries. The caf is a place to let your imagination span mountainous regions.  My freshman year, I discovered how to grill a sandwich on our waffle maker. My sophomore year I discovered how to mix the different kinds of cereals (preferably Cheerios and granola). My junior year I discovered the art of burrito making and bringing a Tupperware to the caf for leftovers.  You get the idea, now get out there and be your own Sous Chef. Read More »

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Giant cat getting molested on live TV? Yes, it is a slow news day…

[Photo courtesy of the New York Times]

The other day a friend of mine counted the amount of times I used the word douche. The number was shockingly high, something like 20 times within a half an hour. This got me thinking….I was either very irrate about something and was on a ranting rampage, OR there are many types of doucheness. So, I thought I would break it down so you too can put to use this fantastic word.

Webster’s Definition of DOUCHE:

The true definition of douche is: a jet or current of water, sometimes with a dissolved medicating or cleansing agent, applied to a body part, organ, or cavity for medicinal or hygienic purposes. or; to use a douche or douches; undergo douching. Vaginal douches may consist of water, water mixed with vinegar, or even antiseptic chemicals.

Okay. FIRST OF ALL…Does that sound painful to anyone else? Have any of you actually tried this? I’d really like to know.

My Definition of a DOUCHE:

Here’s the thing, douche has its varieties and I’ll have to break them down for you.

RICH DOUCHE:

The rich douche usually will do something like order your meal for you at dinner while saying something patronizing about what color lipstick you’re wearing and how it clashes with your dress. Rich douches usually say snide things about poor douches and visa versa. He most likely has Daddy’s money or Daddy’s company, and has dated his fair share of waify blondes wearing pearls. The rich douche would never enjoy a divey pub or roll around in the grass with a Labrador, instead he’ll have a greyhound and think pubs are for Irish invalids. Take him to The Palm or he’ll just go hungry. Read More »