5. Monica Bellucci

If you have seen this woman, then I really don’t need to explain myself. In her mid-forties, she could kick almost any ingenue’s boney little ass with the sheer force of her heavy-lidded sexuality. She could probably snap Keira Knightley in half with a glance.

4. Kristen Bell

Usually I like my women with a little more meat on them, but Bell is just so damn cute and sassy that I can make an exception. She’s a master of comic timing, a self proclaimed “nerd”, and was named one of the world’s sexiest vegetarians in 2006. Also, Veronica Mars.

3. Gillian Anderson

Any actress voted “Most Likely to Be Arrested” and “Most Bizarre Girl” in her graduating class is alright in my book. Her level of badass is compounded, however, by being the star of one of the best television shows of all time, The X-Files. That her real personality and on screen persona are obviously so different just speaks to her range and ability as an actress. Also, she’s just generally amazing looking. How could you not love this woman?

2. Eva Green

This former bond girl is shrouded in a Gallic mystery that’s made her a wildly sought after actress after only having appeared in five movies (only two of them good). Also, she knows, better than any actress today, IMHO, how to sport the red lipstick. It just so happens that People Magazine has named her the World’s Worst Dresser. Obviously, People Magazine’s level of class is not to be questioned–just look at the cover of their Best/Worst Dressed issue. Anyway, the way she dresses is one of the things I like best about her. Like Chloe Sevigny, she’s not afraid to be odd and express her oddness through fashion. I‘m all for Eva being herself, pink frilly kimono and all.

1. Rosario Dawson

She might be the perfect woman, with a killer combination of brains, bod, beauty and balls. Not only do I appreciate how perfect looking she is, more than anything she appeals to my inner geek. She’s sexy and frisky but she’s not afraid to get down and dirty in films like The Devil’s Rejects, Grindhouse and Sin City. At the same time, she can hold her own in lighter fare like Clerks II (which she was persuaded to do with the inclusion of the infamous donkey show scene).

Also, the woman has created her own comic book. How badass is that?

[Got your own lady crush you'd switch for? Let us know!]

With Halloween coming up, it’s prime-time to watch a horror movie – but where? Are any movies worth watching in theaters this weekend? What’s new on DVD? Do drive-in theaters still exist?

No worries, moviegoer – these questions and more will be answered after the jump.

In theaters:

Saw IV is the obvious choice to satisfy your lust for blood this weekend. The series, while being a tad overripe, has been consistent pulling out all the stops in the name of all that’s gruesome. Even if Saw IV‘s gimmicks get old, the gore doesn’t…well, at least this weekend. 30 Days of Night is a great choice if Saw IV is sold out; it’s a fine flick for fans of the genre, even moreso than Saw IV.

Horror movies not your thing? Do you have a date that’s not into blood n’ guts? Try Dan in Real Life – you can’t go wrong with Steve Carrell…but you can go wrong with his co-star, Dane Cook. Nonetheless it looks worth the gamble.

If you really want to give yourself a scare watch Tyler Perry’s trainwreck Why Did I Get Married? – it’s horrifying for all the wrong reasons.

At home:

Not into the movies featured this weekend? Neither am I; but there are plenty of essential movies out on DVD worthy of a weekend watch.

Two icky flicks, one compound word: Grindhouse. While it’s debatable the Grindhouse experience will be as good at your apartment as it was in theaters – both movies are separate releases on DVD; buy both for maximum effect – a heaping pile of nachos, a case of Natty Ice and a metric-ton of weed will mimic the vibe to a T.

If you’re down for a horror marathon I recommend the Nightmare on Elm Street series, with A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors being the favorite of the bunch. Avoid the new breed and dig Krueger’s classics. Other notable marathon picks include the Friday the 13th, Halloween and Hellraiser series. Want more thrills and less gore? The Seventh Sign should suffice.

At the drive-in:

No, no, no – when I say “At the drive-in” I don’t mean the seminal punk group of the late 90s; I’m talking about the outside movie venues that provide a great alternative to overpriced, cramped theaters. Pull up your car and check out the following classics:

Evil Dead – Bruce Campbell and flesh-eating demons = Cult Horror Classic

Rocky Horror Picture Show - Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon and bizarro circus freaks = Campiest Horror Musical Ever

Night of the Living Dead (original) – Low-budget zombies, buckets of blood = Crummiest Horror Ever

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes! – Scientists, killer tomatoes, panic = Fruitiest Horror Ever

Killer Klowns from Outer Space – Killer clowns, outer space = Goofiest Horror Ever

…Or you could get wasted and bother the local kids. That’s pure entertainment.

.1. Know everything about film? Your knowledge was wasted. Know nothing about film? Death Proof’s self-indulgence was irritating.

2. Dearth of MACHINE GUN LEG.

3. Gratuitous violence is especially lame when it’s not gratuitous at all.

4. You can lose with a film that is genre-classified as Action / Crime / Horror / Sci-Fi / Thriller / Comedy, but is actually only half-Action, quarter-Comedy.

5. Fake trailer “Werewolf Women of the S.S.” directed by Rob Zombie was actually the weakest of all the faux previews.

Did Grindhouse live up to the hype?

6. Did I mention… the dearth of MACHINE GUN LEG?

7. Rose McGowan was hot indeed, however Rosario had a bad haircut. And Naveen – poor Naveen – sported a headband in lieu of any facial hair. I realized just how glad I am that those Losties don’t shave.

8. Fergie did play a lesbian, but it was literally all talk, no action.

9. Killer death cars only enjoyed about 10% of screen time.

10. Planet Terror plot was, indeed, awesome. However, Death Proof plot = four chicks spouting empty Tarantino-masturbatory dialogue and only, like, 10 minutes of death-proofmobile.

Know nothing about film? Then this sex/violence double-feature will engage you enough to veil your ignorance.

2. MACHINE GUN LEG.

3. Gratuitous violence is especially awesome when spurting red corn syrup and paying homage to exploitation films.

4. You can’t lose with a film that is genre-classified as Action / Crime / Horror / Sci-Fi / Thriller / Comedy.

5. ZOMG! Fake trailer entitled “Werewolf Women of the S.S.” – directed by Rob Zombie!

6. Did I mention… MACHINE GUN LEG?

7. Rose McGowan + Rosario Dawson x Naveen Andrews = holy hotness.

8. Art imitates life when Fergie plays a lesbian.

9. Killer death cars are the new black.

10. Planet Terror plot: Biochemical weapon infects a town – turning its citizens into flesh-eating zombies – and it can only be saved by a vigilante Go-Go dancer.

There’s been a lot of buzz lately over the upcoming movie “Grindhouse.” I know it’s like, a guy movie and all, but I gotta say, it looks kind of cool. Quentin Tarantino’s “Pulp Fiction” and “Kill Bill” films were pretty good, and although I haven’t seen Robert Rodriguez’ “Sin City” or “The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D” yet, I hear they rocked the $@%. Well, that’s what I heard about “Sin City” anyway.

Plus, Rose McGowan has a gun for a leg in “Grindhouse.” And that would be sweet!

After the anticipation, PageSix just reported that the flick finally has a rating. Instead of NC-17, (there was supposed to be one scene where a guy get his head gets chopped off while his girlfriend gives him a blow job, but that was cut) now it’s just rated R. Lame-O.

Either way, it’s still very college-age appropriate, and it still looks like a good movie. Not a girls’ night out movie in which you all paint your nails and gossip about the cute actors afterwards kind of movie. But a movie in which, if a guy asks you on a date, you could say, “Let’s go check out ‘Grindhouse,’” and you’d not only enjoy it, but he’d think you were cooler than a girl with a gun for a leg.

“Grindhouse” opens April 6, 2007.

Check out the trailer: