Let’s sort out female stereotypes using a flowchart.

Snooki just wants you to know she’s not pregnant.

The secret to beautiful skin.

Things I didn’t need to know about Daniel Radcliffe: this.

Check out the Vanity Fair 2012 Hollywood issue. Gorgeous!

The 10 worst things you can say in bed.

So, do men really prefer big boobs?

The Free People February catalogue is amazing.

All the signs you need to know whether he loves you or not.

Everybody loves to complain about the cheap, crappy alcohol at college parties. But just think, it could be worse. At least you’re not downing a glass of donkey semen and washing it down with a glass of urine. Surprise! That’s exactly what Fear Factor contestants will be doing on the new season of the show. According to TMZ, the episode involves teams of twins who have to down a huge glass of donkey semen and then a huge glass of urine to move on to the next round.

Apparently, NBC execs found the challenge so disturbing that they considered cancelling the episode. But fear not, they gave it the go-ahead and it will be airing this Monday. You’re excited, right? I just have one question – how did they get all that donkey semen and whose job was it to do what needed to be done? That poor, poor NBC intern…

Question? Answer: TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and I love him. That is something that must be understood first and foremost.

However, over the past couple of months I keep thinking about breaking up with him. He is immature, selfish, and inconsiderate. He has never bought me anything for my birthday, Valentines Day, Christmas, Sweetest Day, or our anniversary. I buy him presents every time I’m supposed to, and when I’m out shopping and see something I know he would like, I get it. I always keep him in mind and do nice things for him but he NEVER does anything for me. I understand that he doesn’t have a lot of money, but whenever he does have extra money he won’t even buy me a flower or a card or ANYTHING! I’m always expected to pay for when we go out to eat or to the movies.

I don’t complain since I know he doesn’t have a job, neither do I but I always find a way to get him SOMETHING. I’m not the type of girl who needs to be showered with presents but it would be nice if he would do something for me when he’s able. For my birthday he worked with a friend and got a little bit of money he told me was for my birthday. He expected me to kiss his a** and be so proud of him, and I was because I thought it was sweet. But when he got paid he bought himself new movies, and even had me drive him to buy them. He told me he’d still get me something, and never did.

We always watch what he wants, granted most of the time I enjoy it because we have the same taste in movies for the most part, but it takes days, sometimes more, to get him to watch what I want, even though he usually ends up enjoying the movie anyway. He always wants to pick the music in MY car, but when I want to pick it he throws a fit and trashes whatever it is I’m listening to until I give in. When we’re out I catch him checking out other girls and when I confront him he doesn’t understand why I’m upset and thinks I’m just being jealous. I don’t mind if he looks at another girl but the fact that he goes out of his way to see if every random girl walking down the street, at the grocery store, or whereever we are is hot, not only irritates me but hurts me. He says he’s just looking, not cheating on me, so I shouldn’t be mad because “he didn’t do anything.”

I know he loves me and wouldn’t cheat on me (which is hard to find these days), and most of the time I’m so happy with him. But sometimes he just pisses me off to the point where I don’t want to be with him anymore. I don’t know what to do because I want to be with him but I also want more. I’m scared of losing him because there’s no one else and he’s the only guy I’ve been with. What if I break up with him and end up regretting it?

So I guess my question is how do you know when it’s time to say goodbye? Should I give him another chance? I’m not ready to say goodbye to him but I’m tired of being hurt and angry. What would you do?

Goodbye Girl

Dear Goodbye Girl,

Um. Now’s a good time.

What a total ashhole. This guy is so undeserving of your time I can’t even believe it.

It’s not about the money, ladies and gentlemen. It’s about the bratty behavior, and the selfishness, and the total disregard for Goodbye Girl’s feelings.

Goodbye Girl, what the floop are you thinking? I’m sorry, and I hate to be the one to break the bad news, but this guy doesn’t care about you. And that has nothing to do with you; he’s a self-absorbed prock with absolutely no idea HOW to care about someone besides himself. Why do you wanna be with someone like that, huh?

Well, one reason you give is that it’s hard to find someone who won’t cheat on you. Bootch, please!!! There are MANY, MANY men who won’t cheat on you. You wanna stay with a jerk because he hasn’t cheated on you yet and you magically know he won’t, even though he’s checking out girls left and right?! If you ask me, this guy seems like a prime candidate for Future Cheater. He’s already looking at every girl he sees, blatantly and in front of you. AND he’s giving you the old “you should be grateful I’m just looking” business, which is bullshoop. Why again are you so sure he won’t cheat?

And, um, he doesn’t have to BUY you something to give you a gift. He could, you know, MAKE you something, or TAKE you somewhere. Why are you always paying?! This is supposed to be a partnership, 50/50. It seems like you give him everything and he gives you nothing. He gets what he wants, when he wants it, and if he doesn’t, he makes your life miserable till you give in. You are slave to his every whim. VOM-O-RAMA. It’s so 1950s sitcom housewife I could puke.

I want to take this guy outside and poo on him in the street. Please break up with this idiot.

And, seriously, girl, get yourself some self respect. Why are you letting some guy treat you like you’re worthless?! Before you jump into the next relationship, you really better do some soul searching and remind yourself that you’re a person who deserves the same respect and treatment everyone else deserves. Stop kowtowing to some guy. It’s really gross.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Like a little pain? Get more Tough Love right here.

Pause.  Now recollect yourself.  No vomit noises, please.  This is science.

Apparently it was proven that humans are more attracted to those who look like themselves.  And who looks like you more than your own darn family?  One group of the study participants were subliminally shown pictures of their opposite sex parent as they rated the attractiveness of strangers’ pictures.  The other group were simply shown the strangers’ pictures without the subliminal image before.  Guess which group was more attracted to those strangers? Yup, forget the guy on the soccer team you’ve been seeing, seems pretty obvious that you should lust after your older bro instead.

Okay, go back to your dry heaving.

I’m the president of the Anti-PDA club.

You wanna express your love with your man? Fine, but keep it in the bedroom. No one needs to see you shoving your tongue down his throat (or your hand down his pants) when they’re going about their daily business.

And you know what else we don’t want to see? You shoving your hand down your own pants to adjust those boy shorts that keep creeping up your crack. Seriously, people, there are some things that should be left in the privacy of your own room/car/bathroom. Let’s make a deal, shall we? You keep the following disgusting habits to yourself and I get to keep my lunch down.

Deal?
Deal.

Loogies
Ew, ew and more ew.   As if the sound hawking up some phlegm isn’t bad enough, having to actually witness that slop drip from someone’s mouth is just plain disgusting.

Nail clipping
Sadly way too common, people think it’s okay to just clip their nails (and toenails!) in the office, the train, the bus, in class, etc.  But no, no, no. That is not, in any way, okay. Seriously, no one needs to see your clippings shoot across the room and they definitely don’t want to have to sit down on the remains. And, PS, filing those talons isn’t OK either. The sound of a file against nails? Shudder.

Using snot filled tissues to clean your snot filled nose
I get it; no matter how gross the sound of whatever is coming out of there, sometimes you just have to blow your nose. But that doesn’t mean that grabbing a dry, already-used something out of your pocket and then using it again (only to then stuff it back into your pocket) is okay!  Ok, so you’re trying to be green, but there are other people around. And we can see the leftovers. Smearing across your face. OMG, barf.

Picking…well anything.
I understand that sitting in lecture halls in college is actually painful, (well, painful is an understatement), but that does not mean that picking your face apart in order to pass the time is acceptable. Zits and scabs shouldn’t really be picked at in the first place, but if you must, do it in private. AND, keep your hands out of your ears. Picking ear wax is nothing short of nasty.  Q Tips were invented for a reason.

Adjusting down below
It could be itching, picking your wedgie, whatever.  No one really needs to see you do it.  Attempting to do it subtly is one thing, even though there is no way to play with your junk subtly, but going elbow deep to adjust that thong should be punishable by law. For real.

Public bathrooms may be gross, dirty, and definitely smelly, but they are the one place where it is acceptable (in a stall, please!) to do your nasty deeds.  Respect other people in public and keep your dirty self to your dirty self.

Swine Flu side effects: fever, chills, and Racism?

Julia roberts can cuss like a sailor!

Heart on your sleeve, emoticons on your ears.

First Lindsay, now Ali. Can we expect Dina in a Bikini next?

Bacon flavored lip gloss just sounds wrong.

I really don’t know who this “Shower Power” suction sex handle is for; grade A Dbags, totally uncoordinated idiots, or lazy, lazy morons.

Whoever it’s for — I never want to meet them.  Ever.  Even in hell.

Usually, we try to have some kind of theme to our Wednesday Night series, but when we went digging through the Casual Encounters this week, we spent so much time being supremely grossed out that it was all we could do to keep ourselves from falling on the floor and pouring printer ink into our eyes. I mean, there was some gross sh*t on the internet this week. For realz.

Below are just a bunch of people we really hope we never meet.

Guy Who May or May Not Work At Costco Wants To Help You Promote Infidelity

Hey there. Thanks for reading my ad. I’m looking for a stay at home mom, that is already in a relationship, but just wants to have a lover on the side. You know the drill, your husband goes to work, and you have to watch the kids. But when the kids are at school, or go to their friends house, you have some free time to yourself. Then you fantasize about hooking up with the FedEx driver or that young guy that helped you at Costco. Well if that’s you, lets meet up.

If you can’t keep a secret, or if you are single, please don’t reply.

I own a pretty decent size company, so discretion is a must.

He Obviously TiVo’s ‘Little People, Big World’

Handsome multi ethnic male

6ft 200lbs muscular and hung 9 inches seeks a wild and kinky open minded little person, midget, dwarf who is interested in a sexual relationship. I prefer thick and curvy bbw types.

If interested in partying some time, lets trade pix, discrete here with plenty to trade.

This Dude Has Found the Missing Food Group…Apparently

Worldclass cunningluinguist [Editor's Note: Fantastic word choice!!] will get you off. believe it.

addicted/obsessed.teachable. & I can host if you like. same day/night meets only. no pic exchanges, I DO talk, keeps my tongue limber. going down….

Phoenix Guy Uses A) Caps and B) Bossy Statements Just A Little Too Much (but come on cut him some slack he’s bored and horny!!)

I AM HOME AND REALLY BORED! I WANNA CHILL WITH SOMEONE AND WE WILL SEE WHAT HAPPENS! IM 5’5 SHORT BLK HAIR, HAZEL EYES, AVERAGE BUILD, WEIGH 130 HAVE SIX AND A HALF INCHES UNCUT AND THICK, IF YOU WANNA MEET UP SEND ME A MESSAGE AND ILL HIT U UP!

I HAVE PICS UPON REQUEST! COME ON GUYS REALLY BORED AND HORNY!

This Guy Knows That Nothing Breaks Up A Monotonous Day Better Than Porn

Looking for a place to hang out during work hours .. maybe drink a beer watch some porn .. stroke my 8 inch c*ck ….

i am 5’11 188 lbs liteskin brn eyes a sweet smile and even sweeter lips …. let’s break up the monotony ….

Flickr is a crazy little website. Pictures from all over the world, from crappy and boring “here’s me on the lawn, now here’s me laughing on the lawn” photos to beautiful, artist renderings of pristine landscapes — everything is contained, and easy to find, on this user friendly website.

Why, Flickr is so simple and easy even your grandma could do it!

And someone’s grandma certaily has.

I really can’t say how our office stumbled across this set of photos, but I can say that after searching through about 100 of them, I have never wished there was eye sanitizer more than at this exact moment. I mean…what.the.hell.IS.this?!

She calls herself a MILF (but judging by the photos she really could be a GILF), she has single-handedly killed off an entire herd of cows in order to cover her body with piece after piece of uber tight leather, her “provocative” posing looks more like she A) got clubbed in both kneecaps by the mafia, B) is getting arrested by invisible cop ghosts, or C) is just standing around staring at the wall, and she doesn’t show her entire face but certainly shows enough to be recognized (if god is merciful not by her kids).

In today’s society, anyone with a camera and the ability to upload hundreds upon hundreds of pictures can become a star, and “LeatherChrissy” certainly seems to have the panache to rocket her “mature MILF” status to computer screens everywhere.

My brain is currently malfunctioning (too many images I never wanted to view have been viewed), so I can’t quite figure out what the moral to this story is…but I guess if I had to take a guess? Don’t leave gran home with the digital camera.

[PS: someone in our office was certain LeatherChrissy was this lady...I don't think so. Because if it was, the earth would be exploding right now from incomprehensible ridiculousness]

I don’t know what it is about today, but somehow we have come across some seriously gross sh*t on the internet. Maybe we have too much time on our hands? Or maybe Tuesdays are just unlucky. Whatever the reason, we can’t keep it to ourselves. It’s just too….gross.

We know you are all out there taking a break from the summer classes/laying by the pool/that awful summer job and you need soemthing to do. So, here it is.

Click with caution. Oh, and learn from our mistakes: put down the snack foods, ladies. Somehow that Oreo Cakester just isn’t as tasty when accompanied by incest, moose knuckles and old lady hoo-hahs.

Which is worse: sex with your brother or sex with someone who looks exactly like your daughter?

Although, both may be better than an entire montage of camel toes...

Suzanne Sommers flashes her vajay on TV. So….old.

New to the competition circuit: oral sex. I’d like to know what the winner gets…

I don’t know why, but this just makes us want to vomit. Because obesity wasn’t already a big enough issue.

The best reason NOT to bring a random home with you from the bar. Seriously. SICK.