Have you heard? Everyone’s favorite Guidette has got herself a new career!
According to out friends over at PopEater, Snooki will be facing off against WWE’s Michelle McCool and Layla in Wrestlemania XXVII. (Watch her wrestling warm-up here.)
Everyone knows Snooki can hold her own in a fight. Her Jersey Shore showdowns have proven that much, but this is a whole new level of smackdown for our Snooki. Can she handle it? Maybe. But that doesn’t mean she should. If I’m being honest, this is not her best idea. (And that includes the whole NYE ball drop disaster.) Snooki may be cut out for bar brawls but not for wrestlemania. But if she is really looking for a “career change”, you know away from the blossoming career she’s had as a reality TV star, I’ve got a few other options for her.
1. A race car driver. Does Snooki even have a driver’s license? I’m not sure. But if she doesn’t she can get one. If only so she can wear one of those racing outfits. In leopard print. I’d just really like to see nothing but that poof popping up over top of the steering wheel.
2. A cleaning lady. Not the most glamorous job, sure. But after that episode a few weeks ago when she tackled that toilet with liquid soap I just know that Snooki has a knack for house cleaning. The faces she makes, the sound of her screeches, and her attempts to tell the difference between Lysol and Clorox Cleanup would just be a plus.
3. A bouncer. Now that we know Snooki can handle herself in a fight, I think a bouncer would be great job for her. She’d get to work in a club, wear the same outfits, and listen to the same music. I mean, she could work at Karma. And when the night is over she could grab one of the guys she kicked out and take him home to get it in.
I'd rather have a doctor stick his thumb in my butt than have to watch this episode again.
For last night’s delightful mid-season, “let’s just show 15 minutes of party footage and a few gratuitous shots of JWoww’s body” episode, I decided to consult my most brilliant pop-culture dude friend to get some input from the male perspective on the whole matter (think Joel McHale, and that’s basically him). From Deenasaurus to Sam and Ron’s dysfunction, we cover it all.
Well, it looks like the Shnookster (thanks Ron Ron) is hearing techno jams wedding bells in her future. Yep, that’s right – a nice juicehead gentleman has proposed to the pouf-queen in Steppin’ Out Magazine. He is featured on the cover, kneeling suggestively on one knee sporting military fatigues and a guido pout. Wow, proposing on a magazine is quite the excuse to show off your pipes and chest tattoos, Mr. Jeff Miranda…can’t you start your own clothing line like JWWOW did or something?
First, he gives her a coupon to bask in a tanning bed sesh (sans tax, of course) and there, in the tanning bed – is a (typed) letter. It reads, “I promise to never bury my face into a bartenders breasts. . .or have a three way make out sesh with a cluster of grenades.” Following this, Mr. Miranda takes her to B.E.D.(the club, sillies) and buys her a pouf-sized margarita and spends hours talking with her about smushing on that stone dog (or was it a horse) outside of the Miami ice cream shop.
Prior to proposal time, they visit the gym to beast (after all, Jeff has to get perfectly juiced before flexing his muscles and officially proposing shirtless). After bench pressing Snooki herself, (in rhythm to “Get Crazy” by LMFAO) he scoops her up and carries her to that store Sammi said had cool t-shirts and buys her new $300 crystalled out stunna shades made out of diamonds and a jar of pickles.
The first ‘Jersey Shore’ book has been announced, and we’re sad to say it won’t be Snooki’s tell-all.
‘Never Fall in Love at the Jersey Shore’ will come courtesy of cast members Jenni ‘J-WOWW’ Farley and Ronnie ‘No Fancy Nickname for Me’ Ortiz-Magrow. Entertainment Weekly describes the book-to-be as “a Guido guide on how to maintain that distinctive Jersey Shore look and attitude.”
Who’s backing this thing? And who else is writing over there in Seaside Heights? Read the rest here.
In preparation for this tragic ending I am beginning to practice the coping skills I learned from my therapist to use when dealing with a break-up. Because this is a break-up. A really painful one.
You see my relationship with The Jersey Shore began like any other meaningful relationship. I saw a preview and was interested. I didn’t know exactly what it would offer me, but it seemed attractive enough for me to find out. I committed to the first episode and was anxious to see how things would go, just like any first date. By the end…I was hooked.
I am the first to admit my own psychosis…I became a stage five clinger. I stalked The Jersey Shore by watching YouTube clips, looking for trailers, anything I could. Our relationship blossomed as I became more and more intrigued with each character and I felt as if I actually lived in the house and could call the Duck Phone my own. I found myself referring to the characters and constantly contributing my input to their lives. “Did you SEE that girl The Situation brought home? Even he could do better than that!”
MTV is really getting their ass handed to them after the controversial premiere of the new reality series “Jersey Shore.” Not only has Dominos pulled out as an advertiser for the show, but MTV has also apparently received death threats from unhappy viewers.
Seriously?
Italian-Americans have their leopard panties in a twist because this show is giving their heritage a bad name. But since when do eight guidos represent an entire culture? Their hair gelling, giant poofing, fake boobing ways may be an embarrassment to themselves and their families, but has that ever stopped the rest of us from rubbernecking a train wreck such as this? I mean, isn’t that was every MTV show is about? Read More »
If you’ve ever had the pleasure of stumbling across the stereotypical d-bag AKA Guido AKA meathead AKA frat boy, you probably also had the pleasure of wondering if perhaps showering in bleach will burn the creep-residue off your skin.
Identified by his spiked hair, popped collar, big muscles, and a tan that looks like he just spent the last two months in the Caribbean, he is a guy that people really love to hate.
In fact, people love to hate this guy so much a video tribute was made to celebrate the very essences that makes this character so unique. Check out the video, and for bonus enjoyment check out the spin-off editions, odds are you probably have seen those guys, too.
• C’mon everyone! Stop having lives and start watching TV! P.S. Cavemen premieres tonight… (Reuters)
• Finally, a class where the nerds will be cool! For a semester, at least. (The Crimson White)
• Honda Civic being sold on Craigslist has over 930,000 miles on it and is in seemingly great condition. One question: does it still smell like a guido or is that just a New York thing? (autoblog.com)
• “If I would’ve let him smoke crack in my house, he would still be alive, and I blame myself.” Ummm, I feel like that logic is somewhat flawed. (KCTV5)
• Another reason to go Green: Volkswagen is planning to release all future models with a hybrid option! (GoSunSolutions.com)
Well, it looks like 
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