Though we’ve certainly celebrated our fair share of cupcake recipes here on Intro to Cooking, I hope the foodies out there can forgive me for serving up another cupcake creation. Hell, you should, because these babies combine the two most important culinary elements of college in one mind-blowing, gut-busting dessert:

BEER. CUPCAKES.

Did I know you could make cupcakes from beer? Would I have without-a-doubt gained the Freshman 500 had I known about this back then? I mean, is the freakin’ pope Catholic?

To be fair, the baking process will dilute the alcohol, so you won’t be able to get drunk off of these babies, but there are many health benefits to beer so these are basically like eating a vegetable.

Please consult the following recipe by Big City Little Kitchen, who recommends adding more Guinness to the icing for an extra kick, for the ultimate collegiate culinary bliss.

Ingredients

1 cup Guinness
1 stick, plus 1 tb, unsalted butter
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa
2 cups dark brown sugar
3/4 cup sour cream
2 eggs
1 tbs vanilla extract
2 cups flour
2 1/2 tsp baking soda
8 oz cream cheese
1 1/4 cups confectioners’ sugar
1/3 cup milk

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350.

2. Combine the Guinness and the butter, chopped into 1-inch chunks, in a large sauce pan, and heat to melt the butter. Remove from heat, and whisk in the cocoa and sugar.

3. In a bowl, whisk the sour cream, eggs and vanilla, then add to the beer mixture. Then mix in the flour and baking soda.

4. Place cupcake liners into a cupcake tray and pour mixture into molds. Bake for 25 minutes, or until inserted cake tester comes out clean. Let stand 10 minutes, remove from tray, and let cool.

5. Using a mixer, whip cream cheese until smooth, sift in sugar, and beat. Add milk, and beat until smooth. Spread glaze over cooled cupcakes.

6. Indulge. Then indulge in another one. With a nice, cold Guinness. Then maybe share the rest.

From all of us at CollegeCandy, have a lovely/rockin’ St. Patty’s Day! Just don’t forget the rules.

St. Pat’s is the holiday that has never been sugar-coated with false meaning or wholly commercialized by Hallmark (sure greeting cards exist, but who really gives them?).  So make sure you embrace your inner Irish and do it up right on March 17.

1.  The Booze.

To throw a full-on Irish bash, you have to have an appropriate alcohol selection.  Well, what do you know? GoIreland.com happens to have a handy list of the most popular libations of the Emerald Isle, in case you’ve never heard of Jameson or Guinness.

Make sure you bar is stocked with whiskey, irish cream, and the beer they call “a meal in a can,” but don’t neglect some other favorites.  Other popular beers include Murphy’s Stout, Kilkenny, and Smithwick’s.  Cider is also a favorite.  If you’re a perfectionist, you might try to get your hands on some Meade or Poitín.

But perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself.  We are college students after all – mix up some Green Appletinis and make a few trays of lime Jell-O shots, and you won’t hear any complaints.  Really want some green magic to happen? Try to get your hands on the ultimate green liquor, absinthe, and let the green fairy fly.

2.  The Music.

Dropkick Murphy’s are always a good choice.  U2, the Cranberries, Flogging Molly, or Thin Lizzy will also get people into the Irish spirit.  Once the Jameson lowers your guests’ inhibitions, you may want to throw on some Irish Step tunes and see who clears enough space to perform what they call a “Riverdance” routine.

Oh, but don’t neglect the ever-popular Irish drinking songs.  CelticMP3s.com offers a variety of websites and downloads to browse, but you can also order The Holy Grail of Irish Drinking Songs from Amazon.  Or, ya know, just search for “Finnegan’s Wake” on iTunes.

3.  The Food

Corned beef and cabbage or baked potatoes! On second thought… maybe take the Americanized St. Pat’s route here and put out chips with guacamole and green cupcakes or something.

4.  The Games

Make up silly drunken limericks.  Place everyone’s name in a hat, and pass it around.  Make everyone try to make a limerick out of the name of the person whose name they chose.  It might be hard for names like Elizabeth, but anyone who’s seen a particular Seinfeld ep will be oh-so-glad they invited Dolores to the party.

If you can’t get everyone to focus long enough to be creative and rhyme stuff, play Irish Quarters. Basically, you spin a quarter and then chug beer until the quarter stops.  There are no winners in this game. And we all lose the next morning.

For all the heavyweights in the room, take the Irish Roulette challenge. Everyone lines up a shot and rolls a dice.  The lowest number drinks.  In the event of a “tie,” it’s a social. Be careful with this one, friends.

5.  The Decorations

Um, are you kidding me? Green everywhere.  Shamrocks too, and maybe a pot of gold if you really want to go all out.

Be creative this St. Patrick’s Day.  Think of all the festive ways you can celebrate, because after this holiday, what do we have? Easter? That’s the last holiday to succumb to serving as an excuse for collegiate binge-drinking.  Besides, it’s the only day of the year you can use the pick-up lines, “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” (whether you really are, of course is a different story), “Show me your shamrocks!” or, “Hey, are you a leprechaun? Because you make me want to get lucky.” Okay, no, maybe not.

But seriously folks, do stay safe on this holiday, as with every other.

The Irish have a saying: An Irish man is never drunk, as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass and fall off the face of the earth.

I don’t care if you just flew in from Dublin.  Your tolerance is NOT that high.

So this year, I’m making a New Year’s resolution to complete my entire list of New Year’s resolutions. And this means that I’ll either have to drastically improve my self-control, dedication and work ethic – not on the list – or I’ll have to drastically lower my expectations. Resolution #0 is to avoid anything that sounds like work, so here goes: the list of resolutions I know I can pull off.

Resolution #1: Stand around inside a gym regularly

I can’t understand why people think this one’s so hard – going to the gym, I’ve discovered, is easy; as long as I don’t hit a deer on the way, I can get there about nine out of ten attempts. And I’ve developed plenty of useful exercises to fill out an hour-long cardio workout: pressing buttons on the treadmill, switching my iPod playlist, going to the water fountain and estimating how many of me would fit in that guy’s biceps. I’ve planned a pretty good mat routine, too, but I don’t think I’ll be able to handle either the push-up or the modified (“girl”) push-up. Instead, I’ve developed the “modified girl push-up,” which is where I watch girls do push-ups.

Resolution #2: Spend less money on bad beer

I spent a lot of money on Keystone Light and Pabst Blue Ribbon last year. I could probably get around this by soldering my mouth shut or mailing my bank account to a Venezuelan drug cartel, but those are terribly inelegant solutions, I think. It’d be much more poetic to fulfill my resolution by spending more money on good beer. This one’s easy to keep, too, because once my account is dry, it’s impossible to buy any more Natural Light. It’ll just be me, my moral high ground, and several thousand cans of Guinness.

Resolution #3: Spend more time in Starbucks

Last year, I began to evolve into a Starbucksian. My eyesight is perfect, so I had mixed feelings when I discovered a tiny pair of thick-rimmed glasses actually growing on the bridge of my nose. But, you know, I think I’m going to roll with it, because I don’t mind the natural hair gel I’ve developed, and I appreciate how my stubble now stays at that “poetic bohemian” length.This means I need to devote more hours to my favorite coffee shop. I know, it’ll be tough, especially after I buy all that beer. But if drink enough Caramel Macchiatos, I think I’ll be able to grow a permanent zip-up turtleneck fleece; my skin’s already getting fuzzy. I’ve already got the Starbucks Gold Card; maybe I should see if I can upgrade to the Starbucks Platinum I.V. Convenience itself!

Resolution #4: Care less

The whole presidential election thing, man, that was a lot of caring. I cared about so many things. My heart grew three sizes and shone like a star. But as stars grow larger, they die, and so will my heart if I don’t give it a rest. I’m going to be strict about this: I’ll set up a Caring List, and plot my caring reductions over the course of the year. I’ll start by caring about big things, like “do I need a haircut yet” and “what’s for dinner tonight?” Hopefully, by March, I’ll be down to “can I sleep comfortably without moving the pizza boxes” and “do these count as pants.” By the end of the semester, I plan on caring solely about whether or not I am currently on fire.

Resolution #5: Make more awesome New Year’s Resolutions

Hey, these were pretty easy! 2009′s turning up roses already. I think I should brainstorm for next year, while I’m at it. How about having sex, playing video games and skipping class? Wasting time on the Internet? Taking fewer showers? The possibilities are endless – help me out, folks!

All the same, when I’ve consumed large amounts of alcohol, I’m going to go across the street and get chicken tenders from Whataburger. It’s just something that is inevitably going to happen, like Christmas every year, like my period every month (knock on wood), like my g*ddamn alarm clock going off every morning.

Because there is no single more satisfying aspect of the drinking experience than eating a lukewarm chicken tender at 2:30 in the morning. The nuanced interplay between the textures of chicken and breading somehow melds perfectly with the taste of Guinness that still lingers in my mouth.

That isn’t to say, of course, that other cravings don’t arise in my drunken state. Here are some other drunk food favs:

Potato Chips - Usually Sour Cream and Onion, which causes a serious breath issue in the morning (Onion + Alcohol=another reason to vomit). At the time, though, (like so many other things) it really seems like a great idea. Potato chips are usually pretty filling, you usually already have some at your house so you don’t have to drive around to find an open store to buy them (unless you live in a legitimate city and can simply walk outside for food) and they are fairly portable. By this I mean, you can’t very well bring your Chalupa into bed with you as you pass out. Or at least you really shouldn’t. I’ve passed out with my hand in a bag of chips before. Some would call that a cry for help, I would have called it being prepared.

Fast Food – I know this category seems pretty broad, but think about the times that you’ve been drunk and someone is driving you home. You pick up your head to look out the window, or get some fresh air, or relieve yourself of the alcohol you’ve consumed and pretty much the first fast food restaurant you see makes you want food from that restaurant intensely. When I see that Wendy’s sign, absolutely nothing in the world – no other restaurant, no person, nothing – will satisfy me but a number 9. That’s all I want and I will not be able to go to sleep/pass out until I get it.

Pizza – Cold, or fresh. The way the cheese and breading settles in your stomach sort of makes you think that it’s soaking up the alcohol and all the grease sort of makes you sleepy. Pizza is great for the night of casual drinking with friends, where you somehow all end up drunk without realizing it. When you do realize it, of course, you get hungry. What are you going to do but call up any of the 50 pizza places on or around campus?

All that being said, it’s important to note that eating whilst drunk, while greatly satisfying at the time, is a bad idea because you shouldn’t be eating at all that late at night, especially such fatty foods, and, according to Go Ask Alice, eating while drunk and sick can actually make you feel sicker. A good rule of thumb is to eat before you go out so you can fill up and absorb alcohol better when you do drink. And, on a personal note, know that Guinness and cheese dip should never, ever mix.

What is your favorite drunk food? Have any tips on forgoing drunken snacking?

Oh? Is that just me?? No, it isn’t. I’m on a mission for two things: green beer and a leprechaun.

I’ve already found the pot of gold, and I’m spending last year’s treasure on this year’s beer, so I’ll leave some wealth for you all…::hint hint::…it has something to do with a rainbow (a slightly watery, chunky rainbow)…

Though green beer is delicious, in every way, it is not so delicious if there’s nothing to soak it up and then ends as green bile regurgitated on your friends shoes, if you know what I mean.

And who doesn’t enjoy an excuse to eat potatoes, or hearty stew?

Being that I am someone who has been vomited on, I would like to make sure that doesn’t happen to ANYONE, EVER. AGAIN. Please kids, eat a substantial meal before drinking green beer and green eggs and ham all day, I’d really appreciate it.

I will even assist you with some ridiculously good recipes. Deal???

You eat, my babies. No vomiting. Don’t drink and drive. And if you aren’t wearing green, I will pinch the sh*t out of you. Capiche?!

HAVE A PARTY! FEED YOUR FRIENDS!!

-Irish soda bread

-Shepards Pie. (Hello. Amazing)

-Beef and Guinness Stew

-Green eggs and ham

-Apple oatmeal crisp with Irish Whiskey cream

-Pistachio ice cream (cause, who cares if the Irish actually eat it, it’s green and delicious.)

And, in closing….enjoy a nice big bowl of: Lucky Charms!