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Dear Tuffy Love,

I’m writing to you because I just can’t wrap my head around this. I’ve never been in a situation quite like this before.

To start out, I go to a conference center/camp in Maine every summer, which is about eleven hours from where I live in Philly. Five years ago, I met a guy named Toby there who was kind of dweeby, but a nice guy and a good buddy. Then three years ago, he started working at the camp, and I met him again. This time he was very different – he had grown several inches, put on a lot of muscle, and gained a lot of confidence. And, unfortunately, a girlfriend. Even so, there was a lot of tension between us because the attraction was clear, and we got very close, although never cheating. This continued the next year, with my emotional tie for him lasting the entire twelve months apart, despite some dating in between. This past summer, I also worked at the conference center, meaning we were both working and living at the same place for three months. He and the girlfriend had been rocky for years, and my presence ended up being a catalyst for their break up – Toby’s decision, and not mine. I was careful never to push my feelings on him while they were together. Only three days after that, we got together, and things got intense quickly. I slept over his place every night, lost my virginity to him, and had all the conversations that serious couples have about the future.

Now I’m back at school in Pennsylvania and he’s at school in New Hampshire. We decided to stay together, and for the first few days it was miserable being apart from him. But even more than that, back in spring, I met a guy named Alden, who I found adorable and sweet and funny and extremely attractive. We only hung out for maybe two weeks before school ended, but we spent most of the summer texting back in an innocent but fun way, which Toby knew about. Alden had a job he hated and spent most of it being bored and texting me, so there was a lot of interaction. Back at school this fall, almost all of my friends have graduated, so Alden and I have been spending a lot of time together. I mean, A LOT. As in, several hours a day, every day. And it’s no longer as innocent as I thought. We fell asleep hanging out on my bedroom floor, and sort of cuddled. And then we watched The Ring in his room and cuddled and held hands (because we were scared?) and when I was too scared to walk home he invited me to stay over and he would sleep on the floor (I didn’t). When we’re not together, we’re texting. We text as much as 100 times back and forth in a day.

So here’s my problem. I love Toby, and our friendship is very important to me, as well as our relationship. He’s planning on coming to visit me in October. I feel like I’m kind of “out of sight, out of mind,” because the more we’re apart, the less I think of him. Alden is becoming more and more a central figure in my life, but I have no idea if he feels the same why. At the same time, the fact that I’m even wondering that makes me nervous about my relationship. Am I being a terrible girlfriend? Do I break up with Toby now, or do I wait until after he visits? Am I being completely unfair? Should I break up with Toby now, or wait to find out if Alden feels the same way? (That feels awful though.) How do I negotiate this?

Oh my god help me,
Emotional Cheater

Read More »

Is he your Someday Guy?

Today I got a phone call that made my day. You know those amazing friends you have, the ones where no matter what happens or how long you go without talking, it is still amazing to hear from them and it seems like no time has passed? Well, while entertaining a friend who is in town for the weekend, I was navigating the streets of Chicago in a borrowed car, swerving through construction, SOO thrilled to see my friend that I could barely focus on the roads, and also trying to find the quickest route to Molly’s Cupcakes (you know that was a necessary first stop!).

In the middle of all this chaos, my phone blared some Lady Gaga (really need to change that ring tone, it keeps scaring me…) and I hit to ignore it, but when I saw the name on the screen, I just couldn’t. It was one of my best guy friends from high school, we’ll call him Charlie. We usually stay in really good touch, but I hadn’t talked to him in more than a month. I was so thrilled to hear from him that I ignored the Illinois laws against driving while talking on the phone to take his call.

I only talked to Charlie for a minute, just long enough for him to talk me into going home to visit him, but when I hung up with him, apologizing to Liz, she just smiled at me with this knowing smirk that only old friends can have.

“So… Who was that?” Read More »

The beautiful Chicago weather has made it clear that spring has officially arrived. Along with the sunny skies and warm breezes, spring brings Easter, bike rides along the lake, and, oh yeah, my sorority’s spring formal, all to the front of my mind. So while I sat sweating in my last class before the long weekend (when it is 80 degrees outside, you would think they could turn off the heat in classrooms already, but no…) I contemplated who I should bring as a date to the biggest date party of the year.

The art of picking the right formal date is so complicated; there are many things one must consider. I want someone that will for sure be fun, that I feel is worthy of being introduced to my sisters, and that, most importantly, won’t be awkward. Since I had the same boyfriend all through high school, I didn’t have as much experience with the finding the right prom date dilemma as other girls did, so I guess it’s my turn now to experience it!

OK, so it’s not like I have options. I’m a single college girl – of course I’ve got me some options.

First off, we have that sophomore boy who likes me, but I don’t really feel comfortable asking him out of the blue because we haven’t been hanging out as much recently. He’s also a super nice guy and I’m not sure he’d be able to hold his own quite yet at a sorority event.

I always have my best guy friend, who is always fun. I did take him to our fall semi-formal, and though it was super fun, but I don’t know if I want to go with him again. Everyone already thinks we’re dating, and I don’t think I should help reinforce that perception. Read More »

I like hanging with the guys; so what?

Growing up I was always a tomboy. I never wore anything remotely girly, played sports, and even had short hair (though that one was totally my mom’s doing). So it came as no surprise that the majority of my closest friends were of the male variety.

When college came around, I’d finally gotten out of that awkward tomboy phase and I was meeting guys who just saw me as a cute girl, not the girl who used to beat them up on the playground. I knew that if I was going to date in college it had to be with a guy who was OK with the fact that a lot of my close friends were male. I didn’t want a boyfriend who would get jealous if I went out with my best friend without him. Fortunately, I struck gold with my boyfriend, Matt. He got stuck in the friend zone a lot in high school, too, and his best friend happens to be a girl. He totally understands where I’m coming from and doesn’t get jealous when I go see movies with Luke, or go have dinner with Andrew, or go for a run with Steven.

But while he’s A-OK with me hanging out with other guys, it seems that no one else is. Especially my girl friends. Whenever I mention hanging out with other guys who are not my boyfriend, I get some really strange looks. Here’s how it usually goes down: Read More »

Got a question for La Tuff?! You bet your bootie she’s got an answer for you!! Email TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for a chance to get those things answered!

Dear Tuffy Luv,
This is such a typical question but one that pops up all the time, so here goes:

So this summer, I worked with a guy. Drooled over his good looks (along with all my other co workers) but didn’t really get to know him all that well until the very last week, where we met up for coffee. We talked nonstop for 3 hours and I found myself having a better time than expected! I go to a school in another city, so we’ve been texting occasionally for about…4 months now. We see each other every time I come home, pretty much once a month and always have lots to catch up on. I, to be totally honest, don’t know how I feel about him. On one hand, we have good chemistry and he’s smart, funny and I love spending time with him. On the other, he’s 5 years older (enough to feel a little bit of an age gap), not so much into the concept of love and relationships, and just seems to be in another league than me. He always picks me up from home when we hang out, and has paid for dinner but we haven’t ventured onto the topic of dating at all.

I’m a huge wuss so I almost always never make the first move, but I feel like maybe I should this time. The fear of rejection or me not actually being into him makes our current friendship seem more valuable, but I kind of feel like I owe it to myself to explore every feeling fully. It’ll be another month before I see him again, and I don’t want to slip into the friend zone without deciding that’s what I want. Am I kidding myself if I think that maybe he’s not making a move because he wants to wait until I’m back for the summer? What do you think?

Love,
Mixed Feelings Read More »

College brings a whole lot of new experiences, new lessons and new people. But it seems that no matter what school you go to, there are same characters on every campus. The overachiever, the frat house groupie and the Sensitive All-American.

The Sensitive All-American looks like he walked out of a photo shoot and landed on your campus. He is calm, cool and collected. He has a pristine reputation. Of course, rumors are dropped here and there, but they never stick. He is confident without being arrogant or cocky. He talks about his feelings. He has girls who are friends. Just friends. No benefits or complications.

He is a combination of the sensitive guy, the team player and the heart-throb. Read More »

We all know that hooking up isn’t all rose petals and follow-up phone calls. In fact, more often than not, the morning can be excruciatingly awkward. Sometimes, that awkwardness follows you down your walk of shame, and lingers like a black cloud over your relationship history.

You might be able to laugh off some of these poor decisions, but in other cases, you might reap the consequences, especially if your fling affects the people around you. Here are some awkward hook up scenarios that you may just wish to avoid in the future.

1. Your Best Friend’s Brother.

Usually, you give your best friend all of the deets regarding your trysts, and she listens, and laughs, and offers advice when necessary. No can do when you’ve crossed the line into sibling snogging. Your best friend doesn’t want to picture her brother in any type of sexual situation. If the hook up turns into something more, congratulations, but you’re still not going to be able to share certain details, because the guy won’t want you gossiping to his sister, and your friend won’t want to hear it. Dating the brother might also strain your friendship, depending on whether your friend resents your decision. Read More »

Last night, as I sat in a bowling alley surrounded by twelve guys, I realized that I don’t have many girl friends anymore (at least ones that aren’t 3,000 miles away). Yet, even though I spend a majority of my free-time with the male species, I am still a very single lady. It is not like I don’t like my guy friends – they are good looking, funny, smart, successful, sorta perfect – but I just don’t like them like that.

People are always asking me why I haven’t dated any of these guys yet, or even made out with any of them. I had never really thought about it before and once I did I realized it is weird. I mean, how many times have you made out with a close guy friend? And how many of your friends in relationships started out as “just friends” until they got drunk, made out in a dark corner and realized they loved each other? It seems like a natural progression: if a guy and a girl like each other enough to be best friends then, in theory, they should like each other enough to be more. I am just not sure I really believe that.

There is so much more to taking a friendship to another level than mere feelings. And it is those things that have kept me a friend-to-all-men. Maybe it’s an insecurity thing (“They would have made a move if they were interested”), maybe it’s a fear of ruining a really quality friendship (“It’s hard to find guys you feel comfortable discussing vibrators with!”) or maybe it’s just really f*&king weird to think about making out with any of these guys (“EW!”). They are like brothers to me; the thought of making it anything more is actually creating nauseating waves in my stomach. Read More »

Everyone knows the ONE GOLDEN RULE when it comes to best friends that are guys: DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, SLEEP WITH THEM.

After a few drinking games and too many shots of tequila it would have taken a bold letter tattoo of “the golden rule” tattooed straight on my FACE in order to obey it. Tequila makes rules exempt and makes best guy friends the perfect lay. Until the next day…

My best friend was like my brother (insert disgusted face here). He knew everything about me, the guys I dated, my bad habits, my snarky attitude and what I looked like with no make up and how red my zits could get. We would stay up late playing poker and card games, or searching for an ice cream place that was open past midnight and if they weren’t he’d stop and buy me my favorite mint chocolate chip at the grocery store. We had inside jokes and I made fun of his blonde girlfriends and he made fun of my skinny emo boyfriends. We were each other’s exact opposite of who we were typically attracted to.

The first time we slept together the sexual tension was palpable. One day we were speaking to each other doing Anchorman impressions and the next day we were — wildly attracted to each other (blame it on the inebriation). We were so attracted, in fact, that we managed to have sex with Ong Bak The Thai Warrior playing on the screen in the background.

…Nothing like kung fu to get you going. Read More »

The other night, as I slept soundly in my bed dreaming about my new MJ aviators, my phone started to ring. It was really late so I figured it was probably another drunk dial from one of my friends. But after picking up and hearing my friend screaming, I realized that she was either a) totally wasted and annoying or b) really having a crisis.

It was B.

It took quite some time to calm Maggie down enough to even understand her screams. All I understood was, “How could he do that to me!?” I feared the worst and made mental plans for how I would kill her boyfriend for whatever horrible thing he did to make her this upset.

And then I heard what she was saying:

“HE FARTED! He farted in front of me!”

Maggie went on to explain that upon letting the gassy offender go, Steve looked at the horror written all over her face and said, “What? I thought we were at that point.” Read More »