Gots a question for Tuffy Luv?! Ask it at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Love,

I’m writing to you because I just can’t wrap my head around this. I’ve never been in a situation quite like this before.

To start out, I go to a conference center/camp in Maine every summer, which is about eleven hours from where I live in Philly. Five years ago, I met a guy named Toby there who was kind of dweeby, but a nice guy and a good buddy. Then three years ago, he started working at the camp, and I met him again. This time he was very different – he had grown several inches, put on a lot of muscle, and gained a lot of confidence. And, unfortunately, a girlfriend. Even so, there was a lot of tension between us because the attraction was clear, and we got very close, although never cheating. This continued the next year, with my emotional tie for him lasting the entire twelve months apart, despite some dating in between. This past summer, I also worked at the conference center, meaning we were both working and living at the same place for three months. He and the girlfriend had been rocky for years, and my presence ended up being a catalyst for their break up – Toby’s decision, and not mine. I was careful never to push my feelings on him while they were together. Only three days after that, we got together, and things got intense quickly. I slept over his place every night, lost my virginity to him, and had all the conversations that serious couples have about the future.

Now I’m back at school in Pennsylvania and he’s at school in New Hampshire. We decided to stay together, and for the first few days it was miserable being apart from him. But even more than that, back in spring, I met a guy named Alden, who I found adorable and sweet and funny and extremely attractive. We only hung out for maybe two weeks before school ended, but we spent most of the summer texting back in an innocent but fun way, which Toby knew about. Alden had a job he hated and spent most of it being bored and texting me, so there was a lot of interaction. Back at school this fall, almost all of my friends have graduated, so Alden and I have been spending a lot of time together. I mean, A LOT. As in, several hours a day, every day. And it’s no longer as innocent as I thought. We fell asleep hanging out on my bedroom floor, and sort of cuddled. And then we watched The Ring in his room and cuddled and held hands (because we were scared?) and when I was too scared to walk home he invited me to stay over and he would sleep on the floor (I didn’t). When we’re not together, we’re texting. We text as much as 100 times back and forth in a day.

So here’s my problem. I love Toby, and our friendship is very important to me, as well as our relationship. He’s planning on coming to visit me in October. I feel like I’m kind of “out of sight, out of mind,” because the more we’re apart, the less I think of him. Alden is becoming more and more a central figure in my life, but I have no idea if he feels the same why. At the same time, the fact that I’m even wondering that makes me nervous about my relationship. Am I being a terrible girlfriend? Do I break up with Toby now, or do I wait until after he visits? Am I being completely unfair? Should I break up with Toby now, or wait to find out if Alden feels the same way? (That feels awful though.) How do I negotiate this?

Oh my god help me,
Emotional Cheater

Dear Emotional Cheater,

Yeah, break up with Toby.

Sorry, girl, but this one’s easy. You are so not Long Distance Interested in Toby.

See, Long Distance Interested is very different than Easy Access Interested. When you’re Long Distance Interested, it means it’s easy to avoid temptation–and, in fact, there IS no temptation. The closer guys just don’t appeal as much as your Long Distance Guy. Unfortunately, in this case, your Long Distance Guy is not nearly as important to you as he would have to be to make the whole Long Distance Deal worthwhile.

Do you dig?

In other words, kid, you’re not romantically interested enough in Toby to bother with being long distance. My advice to you is explain to him that it just doesn’t seem like a workable thing right now but that you’d like to stay friends and keep the possibility of future romance open.

In the meantime, date this Alden guy! You’re obviously much more interested in him. I’m not saying you have to marry him or shoop, but you may as well get to know him since, you know, you’re with him all the time anyway. And I think it’s safe to say he’s interested in you too.

Um, yes, by the way, to answer your question, you ARE a terrible girlfriend. But you know this already. You even call yourself an emotional cheater. GIRL!!! It’s because you don’t really want to be with him. Yes, you had a good time with him this summer, and, yes, he’s your first so he seems sort of important. But you can be friends with him, you know? You don’t have to string him (and yourself!!) along pretending you love him–because if he’s “out of sight, out of mind” so quickly, I’m sorry, but you don’t. I’m sure you DO care about him, however, so do him a favor and let him down easy.

So: DO NOT cheat. That’s effed up. But DO break it off with Toby before he comes to visit. What the floop is the point in continuing on with this charade of a romance? And making him spend money on a plane/train ticket only to get dumped? You’re way more interested in this other guy, and Toby’s not around anyway. Easy ash choice.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Want even more of Tuffy’s tough love? Get it all right here.

Is he your Someday Guy?

Today I got a phone call that made my day. You know those amazing friends you have, the ones where no matter what happens or how long you go without talking, it is still amazing to hear from them and it seems like no time has passed? Well, while entertaining a friend who is in town for the weekend, I was navigating the streets of Chicago in a borrowed car, swerving through construction, SOO thrilled to see my friend that I could barely focus on the roads, and also trying to find the quickest route to Molly’s Cupcakes (you know that was a necessary first stop!).

In the middle of all this chaos, my phone blared some Lady Gaga (really need to change that ring tone, it keeps scaring me…) and I hit to ignore it, but when I saw the name on the screen, I just couldn’t. It was one of my best guy friends from high school, we’ll call him Charlie. We usually stay in really good touch, but I hadn’t talked to him in more than a month. I was so thrilled to hear from him that I ignored the Illinois laws against driving while talking on the phone to take his call.

I only talked to Charlie for a minute, just long enough for him to talk me into going home to visit him, but when I hung up with him, apologizing to Liz, she just smiled at me with this knowing smirk that only old friends can have.

“So… Who was that?”

I explained to her how Charlie and I had been co-presidents of a club together, great friends, just really similar ambitions with what we want to do with our lives, blah, blah, blah. I went on about how Charlie and I had never dated and how he had a crush on me for a year, but I was always dating someone else. But when I was explaining this to Liz, who has never met him, she just laughed and said, “Oh, you haven’t dated him yet, but someday you will.”

While I laughed at the certainty of her reaction, I was trying to place why her words sounded familiar. I realized that a re-run of Cougar Town (If you haven’t seen that hilarious show yet, ch131.com it NOW)  had talked intensively about the idea of a ‘someday person’ – that person that you have a special relationship with now and whom someday you could see yourself being with when the circumstances line up right. The show dealt with it all in typical sitcom fashion, but the more that Liz and I talked about the idea of a ‘someday guy’ (over a few cookie dough-filled cupcakes, of course), the more I came to like the idea.

After a hard week for this single girl last week, with the flashbacks to my own rough break up, it’s good to have a vague hope that while things might not be swinging my way right now, someday they will. And maybe when that day comes, it will be with someone I already know and love. Maybe now isn’t my time. Maybe I’m not ready for something serious at the moment. Maybe this is fate’s way of telling me there are more important things for me to focus on right now. Just knowing that there’s more coming my way down the road makes me feel a little more optimistic about it all. (Though that could just be the sugar talking…)

Sometimes, single at nineteen, I feel so jaded about men as a whole. But I don’t want to be so cynical. I’m young, I have great friends and life is really good for me. I know it sounds crazy, but thinking of my Someday Guy puts me at ease and gives me a chance to focus on all the good stuff instead of constantly focusing on finding my Right Now Guy.

So this week’s single girl’s toast goes out to Charlie, and all of those someday guys everywhere. May we find each other soon, when the timing is right. But until then, let’s just enjoy what we’ve got, K?

The art of picking the right formal date is so complicated; there are many things one must consider. I want someone that will for sure be fun, that I feel is worthy of being introduced to my sisters, and that, most importantly, won’t be awkward. Since I had the same boyfriend all through high school, I didn’t have as much experience with the finding the right prom date dilemma as other girls did, so I guess it’s my turn now to experience it!

OK, so it’s not like I have options. I’m a single college girl – of course I’ve got me some options.

First off, we have that sophomore boy who likes me, but I don’t really feel comfortable asking him out of the blue because we haven’t been hanging out as much recently. He’s also a super nice guy and I’m not sure he’d be able to hold his own quite yet at a sorority event.

I always have my best guy friend, who is always fun. I did take him to our fall semi-formal, and though it was super fun, but I don’t know if I want to go with him again. Everyone already thinks we’re dating, and I don’t think I should help reinforce that perception.

In addition, seeing as how I live in the boy’s wing of a freshman dorm, I have a whole floor of guys that I am friends with and could invite. But then there’s the question of who I would be most comfortable with and have the most fun with…. and potentially make out with?

All of these guys could potentially work out just fine; I could have fun with any of them. I just wish I was like the rest my friends and had a boyfriend/built-in date that I didn’t even have to think about. Then I could focus on the more important things like what I was going to wear and where we’d be pre-partying. But no; instead I need to figure out who I want to take, muster up the courage to ask them, and then spend my night making sure they’re having fun.

And the whole “making decisions” thing doesn’t come easy for me. (Well, that’s actually a huge understatement. I couldn’t choose a college by May 1 last year, so I sent in three deposits. Yeah, I definitely wouldn’t recommend that approach…) But I am running out of time to pick a date before formal, so I really need to stop sweating and start deciding. While I know this is not exactly a life or death matter, it’s a single sorority girl’s biggest dilemma of the year.

Anyone want to choose for me?

I like hanging with the guys; so what?

Growing up I was always a tomboy. I never wore anything remotely girly, played sports, and even had short hair (though that one was totally my mom’s doing). So it came as no surprise that the majority of my closest friends were of the male variety.

When college came around, I’d finally gotten out of that awkward tomboy phase and I was meeting guys who just saw me as a cute girl, not the girl who used to beat them up on the playground. I knew that if I was going to date in college it had to be with a guy who was OK with the fact that a lot of my close friends were male. I didn’t want a boyfriend who would get jealous if I went out with my best friend without him. Fortunately, I struck gold with my boyfriend, Matt. He got stuck in the friend zone a lot in high school, too, and his best friend happens to be a girl. He totally understands where I’m coming from and doesn’t get jealous when I go see movies with Luke, or go have dinner with Andrew, or go for a run with Steven.

But while he’s A-OK with me hanging out with other guys, it seems that no one else is. Especially my girl friends. Whenever I mention hanging out with other guys who are not my boyfriend, I get some really strange looks. Here’s how it usually goes down:

Me: “Have you seen (newest released movie) yet? I saw it with Dan last night and…”
Girlfriend: “Wait, you saw a movie with Dan?”
Me: “Yeah. He even picked me up on his motorcycle. It was awesome.”
Girlfriend: “You rode on a motorcycle and saw a movie with a guy who isn’t your boyfriend?“

Insert judging face here. Followed quickly by my “what is the problem?” shoulder shrug.

Seriously, what is the problem?!

I don’t understand why people have such an issue with me doing stuff with a male who isn’t my boyfriend. If he’s OK with it, why is it a problem? More specifically, why is it your problem? Contrary to what Harry told Sally, it is possible for a guy and a girl to spend time together without it being at all sexual. Especially when one of the two happens to be in a very serious and committed relationship. I will never – I repeat, never – cheat on my boyfriend. And hanging out with other guys will not change that fact.

Now, I know it’s probably a total anomaly that I have a boyfriend who just so happens to have a best friend of the opposite sex like myself. And I know that there are many girls out there who aren’t so lucky and have to navigate the whole “male friend” situation with their boyfriends (and, subsequently, their judgmental friends….). It’s not easy – people can get really sensitive and jealous when their feelings are on the line – but at the end of the day it all comes down to honesty and trust. And that’s between the couple, not their friends. If you’re honest with your partner and trust that they are being honest with you it won’t matter who he or she (or you!) is hanging out with. And if having friends of the opposite sex is a problem, it might only be a sign of larger trust issues that should be addressed.

Guys or girls, friends are friends. And regardless of our relationship status, everyone’s allowed to have them.

Got a question for La Tuff?! You bet your bootie she’s got an answer for you!! Email TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for a chance to get those things answered!

Dear Tuffy Luv,
This is such a typical question but one that pops up all the time, so here goes:

So this summer, I worked with a guy. Drooled over his good looks (along with all my other co workers) but didn’t really get to know him all that well until the very last week, where we met up for coffee. We talked nonstop for 3 hours and I found myself having a better time than expected! I go to a school in another city, so we’ve been texting occasionally for about…4 months now. We see each other every time I come home, pretty much once a month and always have lots to catch up on. I, to be totally honest, don’t know how I feel about him. On one hand, we have good chemistry and he’s smart, funny and I love spending time with him. On the other, he’s 5 years older (enough to feel a little bit of an age gap), not so much into the concept of love and relationships, and just seems to be in another league than me. He always picks me up from home when we hang out, and has paid for dinner but we haven’t ventured onto the topic of dating at all.

I’m a huge wuss so I almost always never make the first move, but I feel like maybe I should this time. The fear of rejection or me not actually being into him makes our current friendship seem more valuable, but I kind of feel like I owe it to myself to explore every feeling fully. It’ll be another month before I see him again, and I don’t want to slip into the friend zone without deciding that’s what I want. Am I kidding myself if I think that maybe he’s not making a move because he wants to wait until I’m back for the summer? What do you think?

Love,
Mixed Feelings

Dear Mixed Feelings,

I don’t think his friendship is actually worth enough that you should risk missing out on dating him. I mean, you’ve only been talking to him for about 4 months–how important is his friendship, really? I so rarely say this, but, in this case, I think it’s more important to find out if you guys work as a couple than to try to remain bff4ever.

So I say, go for it!! You can do it, girl! You seem like a really cool, gutsy person. I don’t think you’re gonna have a problem.

Here are my only concerns:

(1) I admit that when you said he’s five years older, Aunt Tuffy got a little nervous. You don’t say how old you are, but I’m gonna guess about 19 or 20. That puts him in his mid-20s, which is a REALLY different place in life. You guys might not be looking for the same thing. BUT! I think that’s something you can discuss later, after you’ve decided that you click (if you do, in fact, click).

And, more importantly,

(2) You said he’s “not so much into the concept of love and relationships.” THAT may be a problem. What does that mean? It sounds like something he may have told you. That could mean that he (a) wants to play the field and is warning you not to expect anything serious, or (b) he’s trying to preemptively let you down easy. Tuffy hates to be a downer, but these are real possibilities.

Still, I really do think you should go for it. I think the fact that you guys have so much to talk about is a good sign–isn’t that what relationships are fundamentally about? I’d just hate to see you not pursue this if it might be a really good thing.

Good luck, girl!! Shoot ol’ Tuffy an email and let her know how it goes!

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

College brings a whole lot of new experiences, new lessons and new people. But it seems that no matter what school you go to, there are same characters on every campus. The overachiever, the frat house groupie and the Sensitive All-American.

The Sensitive All-American looks like he walked out of a photo shoot and landed on your campus. He is calm, cool and collected. He has a pristine reputation. Of course, rumors are dropped here and there, but they never stick. He is confident without being arrogant or cocky. He talks about his feelings. He has girls who are friends. Just friends. No benefits or complications.

He is a combination of the sensitive guy, the team player and the heart-throb.

He wears Abercrombie or American Eagle, but is more trendy than preppy. You can catch him in the dining hall sporting your school’s athletic gear. Whether he is eating by himself (yes, he is just that cool) or with the team, this guy always looks approachable. He is known around campus by everyone, including the freshmen. He transitions seamlessly from one person to the next, no matter if it’s a teammate, a professor, or the campus Bible Chucker. Even if he met you once three months ago, he will give you the nod or say “hey” as he passes by you on the way to practice/the library/the gym.

He is sociable; he goes to parties and hangs out at the bars on weekends. He is not a “safe” guy or your typical boring nice guy, but he doesn’t reek of danger. He’s the “lean back relax and enjoy the ride because it’s a good one” kinda guy.

He has a high GPA (think 4.0), does community service, and is captain of a preppy sport team (think Lacrosse or Soccer). He is devoted to his sport but would still make the time to be a great boyfriend.

The Sensitive All-American is crushed on by one or more members of all cliques, including his male companions. When he puts his arm around you it makes you swoon, but unlike most guys who use that as a sign of interest, to him it’s just a gesture. He’s just being a nice guy. Most likely, his heart was broken before and he is cautious with relationships. Too cautious. Some may say he is afraid.

And that only makes him cuter.

But whether you are the lucky girl to end up with him or not, he’s a great guy to have around campus…even if only to look at. Thank god for the Sensitive All-American.

You might be able to laugh off some of these poor decisions, but in other cases, you might reap the consequences, especially if your fling affects the people around you. Here are some awkward hook up scenarios that you may just wish to avoid in the future.

1. Your Best Friend’s Brother.

Usually, you give your best friend all of the deets regarding your trysts, and she listens, and laughs, and offers advice when necessary. No can do when you’ve crossed the line into sibling snogging. Your best friend doesn’t want to picture her brother in any type of sexual situation. If the hook up turns into something more, congratulations, but you’re still not going to be able to share certain details, because the guy won’t want you gossiping to his sister, and your friend won’t want to hear it. Dating the brother might also strain your friendship, depending on whether your friend resents your decision.

If things go sour with the brother and you remain friends with your BFF, you’re bound to run into him in the future. Another thing to keep in mind is that if things go sour, your friend will probably side with her bro, because blood is thicker than the those vodka tonics you guys share at the bar.

2. One of Your Brother’s Friends

Just like your BFF’s brother is off-limits, your brother’s friends are also risky business. Your brother certainly doesn’t want to imagine you hooking up any more than you do, and he certainly doesn’t want to hear any “locker room” talk among the boys once the rest of his crew finds out about your promiscuous ways.

3. A Co-Worker

Getting it on with someone from the office is up for debate. I have plenty of friends who have hooked up with, or are currently dating someone at work and have figured out a way to balance work and pleasure. Still, tread lightly. A one night stand with a co-worker can easily go awry, and you don’t want to zone out in a meeting because you’re recalling the multiple orgasms from last weekend. Also, if the rumor mill churns out a he-said/she-said account of the fling, you’re going to have to face your colleagues around the water cooler and wonder if they still think of you as a professional. If feeling uncomfortable isn’t enough to turn you off from hooking up, remember that many businesses frown upon inter-office relations, and you could be jeopardizing your job.

4. The Guy You Only Hooked Up With Because the Guy You Wanted Turned You Down

You get decked out for a party with one goal: Hook up with Joe. You get a decent buzz on and walk in on Joe making out with some girl on the sofa in the middle of the party. Feeling rejected, you engage in conversation with Tom, who is more than willing to swap spit with you. The next day, you regret Tom, and Joe changes his Facebook status to “In a Relationship.” Double burn.

If you don’t know the guy, aren’t attracted to him, or don’t have feelings for him at all, you are a thousand times more likely to regret adding his notch to your belt. It will also definitely add to the morning-after “What was I thinking?” factor.

5. Your Strictly Platonic Guy Friend (Until Last Night, That Is)

Can guys and girls be close on a strictly platonic level, or are feelings bound to be stirred up by one or both parties? Not only can hooking up with your best guy friend change your relationship forever, but it can also be disappointing.

Case in point: I was super close with a guy in college, and everyone thought we liked each other (we didn’t). The rumors alone weirded out my friend, because he wasn’t sure if he should believe them. We worked through it, and when he transferred, we kept in touch. One summer, I went to visit him, and it was like nothing had changed…until we had sloppy, drunken, mismatched sex later.  I think it happened out of sheer curiosity, and we learned that our naked bodies simply don’t mesh well together.

We said our goodbyes the next day and pretended that it never happened. The end.

6. A Girl. But You’re Straight.

If you want to experiment, college is the perfect time and place. When I was in college, it was the norm to see girls making out at parties or bars, for no reason other than shock value and attention. Then Katy Perry’s runaway smash “I Kissed a Girl” came out and glamorized same sex experimentation.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with same sex relationships, and nothing wrong with experimenting. But making out with your girlfriends can lead to just as excruciating an aftermath as a one-nighter with your guy friend.

Anybody out there have any experiences that fall into any of the above categories? We’d love to hear them, along with any other types of awkward sexual situations that we should all learn to avoid.

[Photo courtesy of thenoyes.com]

People are always asking me why I haven’t dated any of these guys yet, or even made out with any of them. I had never really thought about it before and once I did I realized it is weird. I mean, how many times have you made out with a close guy friend? And how many of your friends in relationships started out as “just friends” until they got drunk, made out in a dark corner and realized they loved each other? It seems like a natural progression: if a guy and a girl like each other enough to be best friends then, in theory, they should like each other enough to be more. I am just not sure I really believe that.

There is so much more to taking a friendship to another level than mere feelings. And it is those things that have kept me a friend-to-all-men. Maybe it’s an insecurity thing (“They would have made a move if they were interested”), maybe it’s a fear of ruining a really quality friendship (“It’s hard to find guys you feel comfortable discussing vibrators with!”) or maybe it’s just really f*&king weird to think about making out with any of these guys (“EW!”). They are like brothers to me; the thought of making it anything more is actually creating nauseating waves in my stomach.

Anybody got some Ginger-Ale? My boss tells me that one day I am going to wake up and realize that I am in love with my best friend and the only reason I don’t know it yet is because I am not giving it a chance. That may hold true, like Ross and Rachel or that new movie with McDreamy, but for now that is not even close to being on the radar. And should I really have to force myself to be sexually attracted to someone? Doesn’t that break some rules? These guys are my guys. End of story.

I know Harry (as in, the one who met Sally) said it is impossible for guys and girls to be friends. I disagree. And I have about 12 examples to prove it.

After a few drinking games and too many shots of tequila it would have taken a bold letter tattoo of “the golden rule” tattooed straight on my FACE in order to obey it. Tequila makes rules exempt and makes best guy friends the perfect lay. Until the next day…

My best friend was like my brother (insert disgusted face here). He knew everything about me, the guys I dated, my bad habits, my snarky attitude and what I looked like with no make up and how red my zits could get. We would stay up late playing poker and card games, or searching for an ice cream place that was open past midnight and if they weren’t he’d stop and buy me my favorite mint chocolate chip at the grocery store. We had inside jokes and I made fun of his blonde girlfriends and he made fun of my skinny emo boyfriends. We were each other’s exact opposite of who we were typically attracted to.

The first time we slept together the sexual tension was palpable. One day we were speaking to each other doing Anchorman impressions and the next day we were — wildly attracted to each other (blame it on the inebriation). We were so attracted, in fact, that we managed to have sex with Ong Bak The Thai Warrior playing on the screen in the background.

…Nothing like kung fu to get you going.

The next morning, I remembered what happened and surprisingly didn’t want to scurry into the bathroom to check for morning breath, or hide. Waking up to my best friend was, oh sh*t, it was nice. He grumbled in his morning voice and I left for work while he slept in, he was comfortable enough to stay without me, in my apartment…because after all, he was my best friend.

A few weeks passed and it was like nothing happened, we continued doing the BFF type things we’d usually do; watching reality tv and ordering pizza…then, we slept together again. And though we were going through the best friend motions, I was going through the beginning stages of developing a major crush A major crush on someone I already knew so well, which I recognized as turning into the potential to want; a relationship.

The night I decided to tell him, I hadn’t thought it through — a losing game of Sevens decided for me. I pulled him outside and immediately started CRYING. Crying?! Why in God’s name was I crying? (I am convinced I was weeping straight liquor from overflow, and it had nothing to do with actual emotions)

“I, (sob) just (sob), like (sob) you, (sob, sniffle, sob, sob) SO MUUUUUUUCCCH (Full out wailing ensues.)“

He didn’t seem shocked. Obviously, since all night long I’d been acting like a bumbling teenage girl, batting my eyelashes and flirting.

“You’re amazing, you know how much I love you (holy hell…I’m about to receive the, ‘we’re better off friends’ line) but….I’m dating someone.”

My bawling was so intense at that point that I couldn’t define the difference between my snot and my tears. I was gushing from all facial orifices. And what did I say…?

“IS SHE BLONDE?!!! (Scream/sob)“

Of course she was.

I needed to excuse myself for a Kleenex. In the bathroom, as I attempted to wipe up mascara and well, snot, I peeked out the window only to see my best friend RUNNING, full speed, Olympic track-star running to his truck, and then peel out of the parking lot.

Oh, hell.

The next day I could barely stomach what happened, I had cried so hard mascara wasn’t just on my face it was on my damn kneecaps. I was the vision of Damsel in Distress: tortured heart, hangover, ratty hair and yesterdays make-up. This had to be undone.

I called and pleaded for him to forgive me for being such a….fool. He didn’t answer I assume out of fear. Sadly it took about eight months for us to get back to where we were; 3 months after the episode we were acquaintances, 6 months later we were “friends”, and thankfully now…we’re back to normal.

So is sleeping with the best guy friend a good idea? I wouldn’t advise it. But thankfully, our relationship was strong enough for it to be salvageable.

Have you ever slept with your best guy friend and what happened??? I know not everyone can be lucky enough to remain friends, but SOME people also manage to make their best guy friend their best boyfriend.

What happened to you?

It was B.

It took quite some time to calm Maggie down enough to even understand her screams. All I understood was, “How could he do that to me!?” I feared the worst and made mental plans for how I would kill her boyfriend for whatever horrible thing he did to make her this upset.

And then I heard what she was saying:

“HE FARTED! He farted in front of me!”

Maggie went on to explain that upon letting the gassy offender go, Steve looked at the horror written all over her face and said, “What? I thought we were at that point.”

Then she broke down into tears.

And I have to say, I can’t blame her. First of all, Maggie is a WASP to the core. WASPs wear pearls and pink Polo’s. WASPs do not enjoy listening to their mates fart. But even more, what is this “point” that Steve speaks of? Why does he suddenly think it is OK to let loose and cut el queso in front of his lady?

It could be that he looks at her like a sister/guy friend and feels comfortable. Or it could be that he really cares about her and realizes that she is going to be around for awhile so there is no point in making excuses and running out of the room every time his lunch comes back to haunt him. It might also be that he had too many eggs for breakfast, had a little gassy accident and didn’t know what else to say.

Being “that girl” – you know, the one the guys always find it ok to fart in front of – I decided to ask some of my boys about their farting standards. And I found quite a varied response.

Some guys say they will fart in front of anyone; that it is natural, and they don’t care who is around when they have an impending gas explosion.

Me: But what if it is a girl you are trying to get with?

Anonymous Boy: I might think about it but I’ll still do it. You can’t control it.

Others, however, will only do it in front of people they feel completely comfortable with: girlfriends, their “boys”, or those few “lucky” gals (like me) they hang out with. Farting, then, is an honor given only to those worthy of being in the company of such a toxic emission. Apparently, then, I should feel honored to be given the opportunity to hear/smell/experience my friends’ farts.

And there are still others who do everything in their power to hold in the gas, no matter what the consequences are: stomach aches, cheek clenching, constant running to another room.

All boys, however, agreed that they didn’t want to hear their girls fart no matter what. In fact, many tried to fight the idea that women even know how to fart in the first place. Don’t worry; I showed them that we did.