Question?! Answer: Ask Tuffy Luv.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

While perusing (and by “perusing” I mean obsessively checking and re-checking) Facebook for the fourth time yesterday, I noticed that no one had done anything since the last time I logged in (an hour before). In a fit of never ending boredom that made signing off impossible, I decided to look at pictures of me.

Of the 300ish photos of me, 250 involved drinking and 249 of those involved me making some sort of awful face. Not like “I wasn’t ready for the camera” awful; more like, “I am going to make the ugliest face I can think of” awful. The sad part is that I can distinctly remember taking most of those pictures and consciously making the faces that are now staring back at (and horrifying) me.

I even giggled as I made one of my uglier faces and poked my head into what would have been a cute picture of friends. Why did I ever think that was a good idea?

Self Reflective Beer Goggles, that’s why.

It’s like the minute the beer hits my lips, I am somehow unable to take a picture without doing something completely stupid. Whether it is an awful face, mimicking oral sex with a beer bottle or thinking of a ridiculous scenario (“Your boyfriend just asked you to pee on him”) before snapping a selfie, I always look horribly, terrifyingly, bad.

You know you’ve been there. Go ahead; log onto Facebook right now and take a look at drunken pictures of you and your friends. I guarantee Self-Reflective Beer Goggles make an appearance. Many appearances, in fact.

I have been a victim of beer goggles many times in my life — I even once sported them for an entire 10-day cruise — but I never realized that they affect more than the way I see men. They affect the way people (like everyone on Facebook – hi mom!) see me!

At least, unlike kicking an ugly/short/hairy stranger out of your bed in the morning, this is easy to remedy; a simple un-tagging will do it.

Do you have SR Beer Google issues? What do you think about the druken Facebook picture epidemic?

Aunt Tuffy hurt her back and now she is CRANKY. Send your QUESTIONS, if you will to her EMAIL at TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and MAYBE she’ll get BACK to you. BAAAAAACKKKK.

Okay, let’s go on with the show:

Dear Tuffy Love,

I’m a junior in high school and I’ve had this same boy problem for a long time. I’m hooking up with this kid right now and he’s a jerk. It’s probably a combination of him not having any interest in me besides hooking up and him being younger, but don’t worry, I understand. HE DOESN’T LIKE ME.

The problem is, this hasn’t stopped me from hooking up with him. For me, every time is “the last time” and I journal about it, and keep track and everything, but then I just have long dry spells and then I go get some more. Because he was my first kiss, he’s been the only guy in my life for awhile. Meanwhile, he has a whole bunch of girls hanging around him all the time. The last time we hooked up, he actually invited me to get food afterward (sadly, it was super shocking, because he usually just leaves). We argued about politics and religion and it hurt me because arguing about gay marriage while eating pizza IS something I’d love to do with a real boyfriend. Anyways, afterward he put up a bunch of Tweets about a “girl he loves” on Twitter, and I got the knot in the stomach again (the same one I got when he 1. Brought me in the city to ditch me, 2. Didn’t come to the picnic we planned when I was going to ask him to prom 3. After my first kiss, told me that he was in love with someone else). And just like every other time, I’M SICK OF IT.

When we’re hooking up it’s never “in the moment.” I have a rational head on my shoulders and I always take a few seconds to say “I can walk out right now if I want to” (which I’ve done once). Anyways, I have a big summer ahead with college applications and everything, and I don’t want this kid to be a distraction. Also, I don’t want to get in the habit of hooking up with loser boys in college. What can I say to myself, (if I ever get in this situation again) to make that decision to walk out the door? How can I rid my life of this child? And what can I do to make good character judgments of boys in the future so habits like THIS do not ever form again? And what should I do about him right now? (Block on FB? Never speak again? Delete twitter?)

Love,
I’m Better Than That

Dear I’m Better Than That,

Girl, you BETTER be better than that, ’cause THAT sucks!!!

You are absolutely right. He’s not into you, and he’s a jerkface. He is doing things that are not nice and, in Tuffy’s painkiller-drenched head, some grand prank is in order. BUT!! Do NOT pull a prank on this loserhead. He’s just not worth it. Not. Even. Flooping. Worth it.

Instead, here is my advice to you:

First off, try to meet some other guys!! Why is this moronbutt your go-to?! He sounds so lame, and he treats you like poo on a stick. Why don’t you go out with some friends and meet some new people? Heck, even getting set up on a blind date sounds better than spending another billionth of a second liplocked with this bloop!

Don’t delete your Twitter, but DO block HIM from your Twitter, and that goes double for Facebook. Write down his phone number and hide it somewhere in case you need it, but delete it from your phone so you’re not tempted to call. Out of sight, out of mind. Well, at least, every bit helps.

Write a list for yourself that has all the lousy, messed-up things he’s done to you on it. Keep it handy in case you start (misguidedly) missing him. Do you really want to be with a guy who is more than happy to do these things to you?! NO! NO NO NO!!!

In terms of your college apps: YES! Throw yourself into those boogers!! Make it a full-time project. Write wonderful essays and portfolios and whatever else you need, and make that your top priority. Not only will you have a much better chance of getting into your dream school, but you’ll also be priming your mind for the kind of concentration college demands. Plus, the less time to think about him, the better.

In your future Boy Endeavors, always ask yourself: (A) What do I want from this–a relationship or a hookup?, (B) What does HE want from this–a relationship or a hookup?, and (C) Do A and B match up?! Because, if not, kick ‘im to the curb.

Why you wanna be with someone who doesn’t care about you?! THERE IS NO POINT. A one-night stand is one thing–usually not fulfilling, but some people like ‘em, and, hey, it happens sometimes, fine as long as you use condoms–but going back again and again?! Girl, you must be some kinda glutton for punishment and what all.

You know what you gotta do. Don’t contact him. Don’t respond when he contacts you. FORGET HIM and move on. There are SOOOOOO many better guys right over the College Rainbow. Go for the pot of gold and dump the pot of crap.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Only 2.5 more days to the weekend. Only 2.5 more days to the weekend. That’s it. It’s almost here.

Not that it matters. It’s not like my weekends are filled with True Life marathons and mid-morning naps anymore. With the end of the school year creeping up on me, I’ve got papers and reading and tests up the wazoo. I’m so stressed and tired that I just used the term “up the wazoo.”

I’m sure we’re all aboard the sinking ship, SS Stress Ball, so let’s take our midweek break and play a little “Would You Rather.”

Would You Rather be offered your dream job tomorrow OR meet your dream guy tomorrow?

Things to Consider: getting a job in this economy, getting a dream job in this economy, snuggling on the couch with McDreamy.

Vote and tell everyone why below!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

So my problem is about a guy. He goes to college with my best friend whom I visit kinda often. Last month, I visited and he was around but we were both with our significant others so I didn’t look at him twice. But this weekend I visited my friend and he was around and neither of our significant others were there. He was going through some sh*t and we talked for a bit.

Now this is where it’s weird. He’s exactly what I always envisioned in a boyfriend. It’s hard to describe – but we’re basically kinda the same person while complementing each other. We stepped out for a smoking break and I feel like we really connected. I know this is insane – I have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend and we live in different states – but I just can’t get him out of my head. I did the typical Facebook stalking, but I don’t know what more I can even do, if I should even do anything. I told my best friend but he dismissed it as me being silly. But what if soul mates are real and he’s mine? Would I even be his? Should I start visiting my friend more often? Can I leave a comment on his Facebook? I’m torn.

- Looking for Love

Dear Looking for Love,

Giiiiiiiiiiirl. If you’re planning to pursue this, the first thing you better do is break up with that boyfriend of yours. Because, as Tuffy done said before, a cheater is a piece of poop.

But let’s back this shiz up.

You are infatuated with this guy. Dig? You feel like you guys are “basically kinda the same person while complementing each other.” But, honey, you don’t know this guy! You’ve met him twice! This is not love, girl. This is a crush, and, frankly, it’s not based on much.

Maybe, though, maybe this brings up a sort of larger issue. If you’re finding yourself so drawn to this guy that you’re considering emotionally (if not physically) cheating on your boyfriend, methinks perhaps it’s not this particular guy and more that you’re unhappy in your current relationship. You don’t seem to think twice about hurting your current boyfriend in all of this. Even if he’s not the one, he’s the one you’re with now–you should really consider his feelings.

So, Tuffy sez: Dump the boyfriend. It’s the least you can do. You obviously don’t care too much about this guy; why lead him on while you are on the lookout for your soulmate in some guy you shared a cigarette and a couple hours with?

Once you’ve dumped the boyfriend–and ONLY once you’ve dumped him–you are free to pursue something with this other guy. But, frankly, if he’s willing to flake on his girlfriend the way you’re flaking on your boyfriend, I would seriously consider if he’s someone who can be trusted (just as, from his point of view, I would wonder if you can be trusted). And if he wants to just “try things out” BEFORE breaking up with the girlfriend, well, then he’s a douchebag.

To be honest, I can’t see this working out well. But, of course, stranger things have happened, so if you really honestly think he might be your soulmate, then you have to go for it (as long as you break up with the boyfriend first). Still, you better do some real soul-searching before you take the chance of ruining your relationship AND his–are you really so spiritually attracted to him that he might be your soulmate, or are you just looking for something new and transferring all those feelings onto him? Tuffy’s guessing the latter. Until you know for sure, hands off Facebook and out of his pants.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Confidential to Missy’s Boyfriend: Get thee to a doctor. Herpes is highly contagious and you need to have yourself checked out. Planned Parenthood is a good option if you don’t have insurance. How many times do I have to say it, kids?! USE CONDOMS!!!

Got a question for La Tuff?! You bet your bootie she’s got an answer for you!! Email TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for a chance to get those things answered!

Dear Tuffy Luv,
This is such a typical question but one that pops up all the time, so here goes:

So this summer, I worked with a guy. Drooled over his good looks (along with all my other co workers) but didn’t really get to know him all that well until the very last week, where we met up for coffee. We talked nonstop for 3 hours and I found myself having a better time than expected! I go to a school in another city, so we’ve been texting occasionally for about…4 months now. We see each other every time I come home, pretty much once a month and always have lots to catch up on. I, to be totally honest, don’t know how I feel about him. On one hand, we have good chemistry and he’s smart, funny and I love spending time with him. On the other, he’s 5 years older (enough to feel a little bit of an age gap), not so much into the concept of love and relationships, and just seems to be in another league than me. He always picks me up from home when we hang out, and has paid for dinner but we haven’t ventured onto the topic of dating at all.

I’m a huge wuss so I almost always never make the first move, but I feel like maybe I should this time. The fear of rejection or me not actually being into him makes our current friendship seem more valuable, but I kind of feel like I owe it to myself to explore every feeling fully. It’ll be another month before I see him again, and I don’t want to slip into the friend zone without deciding that’s what I want. Am I kidding myself if I think that maybe he’s not making a move because he wants to wait until I’m back for the summer? What do you think?

Love,
Mixed Feelings

Dear Mixed Feelings,

I don’t think his friendship is actually worth enough that you should risk missing out on dating him. I mean, you’ve only been talking to him for about 4 months–how important is his friendship, really? I so rarely say this, but, in this case, I think it’s more important to find out if you guys work as a couple than to try to remain bff4ever.

So I say, go for it!! You can do it, girl! You seem like a really cool, gutsy person. I don’t think you’re gonna have a problem.

Here are my only concerns:

(1) I admit that when you said he’s five years older, Aunt Tuffy got a little nervous. You don’t say how old you are, but I’m gonna guess about 19 or 20. That puts him in his mid-20s, which is a REALLY different place in life. You guys might not be looking for the same thing. BUT! I think that’s something you can discuss later, after you’ve decided that you click (if you do, in fact, click).

And, more importantly,

(2) You said he’s “not so much into the concept of love and relationships.” THAT may be a problem. What does that mean? It sounds like something he may have told you. That could mean that he (a) wants to play the field and is warning you not to expect anything serious, or (b) he’s trying to preemptively let you down easy. Tuffy hates to be a downer, but these are real possibilities.

Still, I really do think you should go for it. I think the fact that you guys have so much to talk about is a good sign–isn’t that what relationships are fundamentally about? I’d just hate to see you not pursue this if it might be a really good thing.

Good luck, girl!! Shoot ol’ Tuffy an email and let her know how it goes!

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

Okay, so, like, email your questions to TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and, like, maybe get them answered or whatever. And, like. You know.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Okay Tuffy here’s the sitch – I have this really close group of friends back home and it’s made up of girls and guys. My best friend and this guy in the group used to date like 2 years ago. He broke it off with her and they were never boyfriend and girlfriend. We’re all really good friends now but I know for a fact that she’s harbored some under-the-surface feelings of him for over a year. The bigger problem is I seem to have developed feelings for him as well. I know for a fact he isn’t interested in my friend (and I’d be willing to bet a lot that he’s not interested in me either).

I can’t talk about this with any of my friends because they know the guy and the girl and I really don’t need this coming out. I want to be able to persue something with this guy without hurting my friend who means more to me than anyone else in the world, but I also know she has no claim over a guy she dated two years ago for less than a month. Oh and the guy and the girl? Yeah they also live together since they go to the same school. Advice?

Love,
Doomed

Dear Doomed,

Oh, honey. Ohhh, honey.

You know what I’m going to tell you. And you know you’re not gonna like it. So I’m just gonna come and say it, all right?

You “know she has no claim over a guy she dated two years ago for less than a month.” But you also know that, if you go for someone you know your best friend has feelings for, you will absolutely ruin the friendship and also be a big fat douchebag.

You say this girl means more to you that anyone. So, Doomed, why doom your friendship with her over anyone, no less someone you say you’d “be willing to bet” doesn’t have feelings for you either? Honey, it just does not make fiscal sense. Lose a friend and get little to nothing in return. Why?!

I see no signs of true love or anything like that in your letter. You have developed feelings for him. Okay. Well, we all get crushes. But if you don’t act on it, eventually it will go away. However, once you make a move on this guy, chances are your relationship with your friend is through. By making a move on a guy you know she has feelings for, who she lives with, for garsh sakes (and, like it or not, thereby has a greater claim to him), you become completely untrustworthy. If you care about her feelings, don’t make it seem like your relationship with her is second to any slim chance you might have with him.

My advice to you? Find someone else. Seeing if there’s a small chance things might maybe possibly work out with this guy is SO not worth losing your best friend.

XOXO,
Tuffy

Wanna be featured in Tuffy Luv’s weekly advice column?! Send your questions to TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

One of my friends is in love with me and I’m having a hard time thinking if I should give him a chance. We tried dating for a month, but I don’t know if I can do it again. The reason why I’m not with him is because he has B.O. He is a wonderful guy but I really can’t see myself being in a relationship with him.  His B.O is really bad that the last time we kiss I wanted to barf. I turned him down once because he can be so conceited and it annoys me, but also because of the B.O. I have told him about how he smells but he just didn’t say anything. I am just so confused whether I should give a chance because I know that he loves me.

Help?
Shadow

Dear Shadow,

Okay, there are much bigger problems here than his BO.

I’m worried, Shadow, that you’re willing to give a chance to a guy you find completely repulsive just because he loves you. Girl, you should NOT be with someone just because HE wants to be with you–you should be with someone because YOU want to be with HIM.

Another issue here, Shadow, is that you throw out there that he’s “conceited.” This is a much bigger problem than the guy’s smell. I mean, smell can be fixed. You can buy him deodorant, or he can suck it up and go to a doctor to see if something is actually wrong (which, by the way, he should do if it’s really that big of a problem). Smell is fixable. Personality flaws that “annoy” you already–not so much. If you notice that already, you’re gonna notice it ten times as much with each passing month. Why start something with a guy who already pisses you off?!

Bottom line: There will be other guys who love you, honey. And some of them–the right ones–will get your love back. Don’t settle for someone you don’t particularly care for. It’ll only end up hurting you both. Especially if he’s stinky.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv

Hey! You! Got a question?! Do as so many of you have done already and send Tuffy Luv a blooping email!! TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and all that. And now, on with the show.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I can’t believe my bad luck. Every time I think I meet a nice guy, and give him my number – I’m disappointed. This same situation has happened over and over, and it happened again last weekend.  We met each other at a party of a mutual friend. This is the night, as it happened: We’re introduced to one another and have a great conversation talking about my major, his plans for the summer, my year abroad, his trip to Scotland….everything. And it was so refreshing! We talked for hours, laughed together…and there was a sweet kiss at the end of the night. He gives me his number (I didn’t have a phone yet, because I just returned from a year abroad), and he says he would love to take me out to dinner sometime. He whispers into my ear “Please, don’t hesitate AT ALL to call me,” and I say “okay, I’ll call.”

He sends me a Facebook message the next day and it’s those 2 words again, “CALL ME.”  He even tells another guy friend that night that that I’m “beautiful” and he’s “really interested” in me. I waited a day or so and gave him a call, left a message….and never heard back (this was 5 days ago). Part of me wants to believe he’s busy or he’s away but I know that’s not the case and the reasonable side of me says HE LOST INTEREST, YOU IDIOT! But, I don’t understand! Why, if he had no interest, did he volunteer all of that. I didn’t go to the party looking for a boy; I’m completely happy on my own. I don’t mind being single at all, but the fact that he sparked an interest in me, be it fake or the real stuff, is the MOST frustrating thing, EVER.

Why do guys do this? Should I still call him or just forget it? It’s never one type of guy so I know it’s not the guys I’m choosing…. What am I doing wrong?

Lost in Translation

Dear LIT,

Giiiiiiiiirl.

Honey, if I knew what was wrong with men, would I be a columnist on a (delightful) website?! No. I’d be president of the floopin’ world, that’s what I would be. President. Of. The. Floopin’. World.

Since I am not, in fact, president of the floopin’ world, let’s assume–for now–that I don’t know what’s wrong with men. So let’s get on to the meet of your question, shall we?

So–why don’t you send him a message on Facebook? He already contacted you there, so I assume you’re already Facebook friends. Just respond to the message he sent and say, “Hey, I called you. Call me back.”(Presumably, by now, you have a phone number.)

If he doesn’t call you back after that–I’d say move on with your life. Why do you want to be with a guy who can’t be bothered? So not worth it. Relationships are hard enough with someone you can actually trust.

And as for the larger part of your question, which is basically why are men treating you like this–I don’t know. What kind of messages are you leaving when you call them? Maybe you’re coming off in a way that is scaring them off? Grab a guy friend or two and tell them what kind of messages you’ve been leaving. Maybe they’ll have some insight.

But, more likely, it’s just that college guys can’t be bothered. I promise, SOME of them get better as they age. In the meantime, try approaching guys at places other than parties. Sometimes when there’s alcohol involved the connection gets screwy.

Good luck, girl! I promise there IS a guy out for you somewhere–and he WILL return your calls.

Hearts & Skulls,

Tuffy Luv